


Night Sky Changing Overhead

by fictoryismine



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: 90s!, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Mutual Pining, Other, PTSD, Post canon, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, awkward gay flirting, bisexuality existing, expanded powers, gender being a spectrum, like the slowest burn, magic & fake science, non binary haruka, picking up the pieces
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:37:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 105,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8770261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictoryismine/pseuds/fictoryismine
Summary: One day they will usher in the benevolent reign of Neo-Queen Serenity over Crystal Tokyo but for now the sailor senshi are just trying to graduate high school, while trying to cope with the fall out of a war that no one else knows about.**My laptop is fixed, thank you for being patient**





	1. Prologue: Senshi For Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is primarily focused on Reinako.  
> Not all of the tags happen this early on, they will be explored in later chapters.  
> I intend to make this my opus, dozens of chapters long.  
> Much of it is already written and waiting to be edited.

Rei had a lot to think about. She usually didn’t concern herself with what other people did. She wanted to believe she was open-minded, considering that she probably had years of catholic school guilt to unlearn. She really believed it wasn’t who you loved but how you loved. None of this really affected her though, because she was straight. Still, she didn’t understand why people would stand in the way of another person’s happiness.

Rei was under a lot of pressure to make good choices. She was reminded of this every time she left her home. She was representing Hikawa shrine, T*A Academy and her father’s good name. Things had been going pretty well for her. She was popular at school. She got good grades. She was on the archery team, she had been invited to join the junior politicians, which was really just some mock U.N. club and had even been asked to write for yearbook.

The other students understood how busy she was. They loved having her around and really fussed over her whenever she made those brief appearances, but she never thought of them as friends and loosely considered them acquaintances. She was still lonely.

She lived at the temple with her grandfather because her father abandoned her when her mother passed away. She had once overheard Grandpa tell someone that ‘The senator finds his daughter’s face was so hauntingly like her mother’s that he couldn’t bear to look at her, every day was just a reminder of what he had lost.’

Rei had watched her mother slip away in that hospital bed and her father hadn’t been with them. She hated him because of it and although she felt terrible even thinking it, if she had been given a choice she would’ve traded his life for her mother’s in a second.

Her mother had been a shrine maiden too. And now people would come to the temple just to see Rei. They were brought in by rumours that the beautiful miko could see the future. Rei figured out that if you really listen to people you can tell what makes them tick. You can predict little patterns since people are such creatures of habit.

Of course, there was a little more to it. She wasn’t a fraud dispensing fake wisdom per se, but some people’s questions were just common sense. A lot of times she really could get away with being vague. She always tried to leave people with a little bit of hope, but sometimes she really did just know things, strange things she couldn’t quite explain.

It had been around this time that she started having visions. In junior high she started reading about the real-life superhero Sailor V fighting crime in Europe. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she had seen her somewhere before, but knew that couldn’t be true. Especially since she’d never been to London or Paris or any of the other places this masked vigilante had been spotted. She’d never even left Japan.

The mysterious visions were becoming stronger, so Rei began buying the Sailor V manga. She knew that most of the stories must be fabricated, and yet she still felt compelled to learn as much about this strange girl as possible. It was like something was pulling her forward, trying to get her to see if anything would spark something familiar or unlock any kind of memory.

After making her way across Europe, Sailor V eventually arrived in Japan, albeit rather stealthily. At first Rei overheard visitors to the shrine talking about the changes in the city, then she had noticed teachers talking about different crimes in the area. The nuns at school were acting like it was the end of the world. There were now rumours of monsters in Tokyo but of course, the police refused to comment on these reports. They failed to ever say exactly what the city was actually up against but soon after there was a curfew issued.

Rei nervously asked Grandpa what he thought about all this, hoping that the normally positive man would say something to ease her mind. Instead, he told her, as lines of worry appeared on his wrinkled old brow. “The whole towns falling apart.” Even he knew that there was definitely something slowly creeping into their lives, but he provided some small comfort, believing that there would always be something to balance the darkness.

Again, Rei’s thoughts would all go to Sailor V. She felt so drawn to this girl and didn’t know why. She tried to push her far from her mind but even though she couldn’t see her, she could feel her. Sometimes she could swear she felt her only ten feet away, she looked out her bedroom window and there was only the wind whistling though the trees in the empty courtyard.

A few months later V began to share the spotlight when Japanese newspapers started writing about Sailor Moon. Tokyo’s own Champion of Justice. More of these Monsters were sighted and Rei became tense. She felt hopeless like she was just waiting for disaster to strike. She needed to protect the shrine and make sure that Grandpa would be alright. So she took action and began to practice fire reading. She didn’t know if it would even help, but couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something coming. More and more she would feel strange vibes, picking up energy off of people.

Alone in the dimly lit prayer room in her red hakama and white haori jacket she would sit for hours staring into the flames. Usually she wouldn’t see anything, but sometimes she would catch glimpses of unexplainable things.

Dreams of blue eyes and fallen civilizations had her waking in a cold sweat with tears in her eyes. She’d get out of her bed stiffly, with an ache in her back from sitting on the hard floor all night. Sometimes for a split second she’d remember someone in what had seemed like another life who would sit behind her rubbing and caressing her back after she had meditated. Then she’d force herself to begin her morning chores.

Her grandfather would sigh, agreeing that she was in far too much pain for someone so young, but the spry old man knew she had always been wise beyond her years.  
Playfully he’d add. “Ah lighten up Rei, it’s probably because you’re such an old soul… You should’ve been born a young soul like me.” He grinned before going back to eating his multi-coloured children’s cereal and trying to solve the mazes and puzzles on the side of the box. She’d shake her head at him while she quietly ate her oatmeal.

—

Months later, Rei’s fears about the youma were confirmed. There was an attack near the shrine. People were going missing close by and there were rumours that just maybe the temple had something to do with it.

In the midst of dealing with these scared, angry people she learned that she was Sailor Mars. With just words she could conjure impressive red flames. Rei was a little disappointed that the hero all the papers had been talking about was also kind of a pathetic, self-indulgent cry baby. Sailor Moon’s real name was Usagi Tsukino.

Rei remembered those eyes as memories flooded back to her. She was beautiful, and there was something very familiar about her. Usagi had obviously thought so too. She was friendly, a little too friendly… Without hesitation she had begun calling her Rei-chan.

It was surreal, it was as like they had known each other all their lives, though they had only just met. Although Rei had felt that their paths had crossed at some point or another, she didn’t think she had been the girl from the dreams.

Their ally, Sailor Mercury whose civilian identity was Ami Mizuno seemed fine though. She was much more reliable and less flighty than their leader. Ami’s power was being able to control water in all of its forms. She went into battle level-headed and though the actual power of her attacks left something to be desired, she showed a lot of potential. Admittedly, the genius had a more informed perspective than the other heroines and such a gentle way of assuring that Usagi made better choices.

When Rei was first learning to control her fire attacks, sometimes her hands would be burnt after a fight. Mercury would always return to her civilian form last, so that she could give the area an extra scan before they left. This way she could also make sure there was always instant way to sooth Rei’s poor blistered hands.

Ami told Rei that she was going to be a doctor one day and that she hated to see anyone get hurt. Ami assured her that things would get easier. They couldn’t quite explain it but they seemed to heal much faster than normal people. She promised that together they would learn to better control their attacks.

Mercury would feel the cold in her hands for days after a fight. Her bones ached, her fingers hurt to bend and she just couldn’t seem to do anything to rub the circulation back into them to warm them up. Her fingers were pale and had a painful, unnatural curl. She sometimes wore mittens when no one was around. She had even gone so far as to cut the finger tips off a pair of cheap gloves so she could still type her homework assignments.

Mercury never bothered their perky leader about her own personal transitions. Usagi’s attacks seemed to be based from some abstract ethereal energy, so she didn’t have to make the same adjustments. When Mars arrived, she thought that Rei would feel the same need to avoid certain topics with Usagi. It was important for her to remain in high spirits at any cost since her powers seemed intrinsically linked to her emotions.

Sometimes after a battle, Mercury would focus with precision a thin layer of ice over her white gloves and just hold her frost covered hands out to Rei, drops of freezing cold water rapidly melting off to cool her burnt skin. They would stand so close to one another. Ami would gently dress the wounds and say things like, “My mother is a surgeon, and I can tell that most of this is just first degree burns. It’s only just this little part here that’s a second degree burn.”

Ami would fumble with a roll of gauze. “I’m sure it hurts. I know that I would be in utter agony… but, you used to get almost all second degree burns. You’re controlling your element better every time we fight. And healing really well. No scars.” Ami would smile awkwardly trying to keep her comrade’s spirits up, looking at the raw pads of her finger tips.

With these quiet intimate moments and how carefully Ami would tend to her, Rei had begun to feel closer to this girl. Sometimes when they stood with their foreheads nearly pressed together, Rei nervously thought that Ami might try to kiss her. She had shaken these thoughts from her head. Ami wasn’t like that and neither was she.

Ami’s eyes were an icy blue nothing like Usagi’s or the ones from her dreams but they could be alluring nonetheless. She would look at her with such burning intensity, that Rei couldn’t help but shy away. When she managed to really look her in the eye, she saw only longing and acceptance. Ami couldn’t possibly know how she evoked these feelings so easily.  
Rei pulled her hands away. “Too cold?” Ami asked “No… I-I’m fine. I should go. Thank-Thank you.”

After that, Rei learned to just endure the burns. Even though Grandpa’s ancient eyes were beginning to fail him, he still noticed that his granddaughter was injured. Her hands looked bad enough that even a half blind old man could see them from across the courtyard. There was something about the manner in which she so gingerly held the rake. It looked like the wood may as well have been made of shards of broken glass. This sad display was so unlike the strong girl he would normally see doing her morning chores.

When the short, old man sat her down at their kitchen table and asked about her hands. She lied,  
only telling him that she must’ve gotten too close to the sacred fire she was reading. He knew the girl was being untruthful. She was always very alert and not one to lose focus. She knew to be very careful, especially near an open flame.

He rubbed his bald head in disappointment. You didn’t live as long as he had without knowing a lie when you heard one, but couldn’t think of what else she could’ve done. He wondered if this had been some kind of cooking mishap but hadn’t smelled anything burning. He thought about some sort of science class explosion, but one of the nuns or teachers would’ve called him. It looked like it must have been a pretty bad accident, maybe they would’ve even sent her home.

This had happened once before. It didn’t make any sense to him that someone who could barely bend their fingers could wrap a bandage around the tender area so neatly. Obviously, someone else had dressed it for her. The knot at the end had looked damn near professional. It was done with a lot of care and know-how, though somehow he doubted that she had gone to the hospital. This time the burns were left to the open air.

Rei braced for a long lecture, maybe a scolding. He didn’t get angry at her very often, but that almost made it worse. She hated to disappoint him, to test his trust but, there was no way that she could be honest with him. She couldn’t just tell him that she had been wounded after she snuck out of her bedroom past curfew to fight demons.

She had gotten hurt protecting their city and was going to be punished for it. Tears had formed in her dark eyes, but she was determined not to let them fall. Her grandfather didn’t know how she had hurt her hands, but he refused to be one responsible for hurting her pride.

With her father in the public eye, Rei had a tendency to be extremely private. Grandpa knew how he reacted would only push her further away, making it harder for her to open up the next time something went wrong. She was all he had left.

He sighed. Instead of fighting with her, he simply told her, “Well Rei, whatever you did, next time…” He suddenly felt deeply saddened, something told him this probably would be a recurring injury. “Just… Please be more careful. Now, let’s get you patched up.” He went off to begin looking for the first aid kit.

—

People were starting to get too close to Rei and she didn’t like it. She decided it would be easier to suffer in agony than explore her feelings and indulge some stupid, adolescent school girl fantasy anyway. She knew the moments that she and Ami had shared were probably innocent, but what if in their shared moment of vulnerability things had actually escalated?

Rei tried to justify that they were just two lonely girls who hadn’t had many close friendships to compare this to. They hadn’t crossed a line. Not yet anyway. Her friend was just trying to mend her injured hands, but sometimes she worried that they would linger on a little too long. Holding hands is nothing compared to a kiss, or–

Rei shook her head. That vision of blue eyes. Someone rubbing her back and their delicate hands masterfully sliding down her hips. She shuddered. Chastising herself for dwelling on that vision, but it really had seemed significant. There it was again, that fleeting thought that out there somewhere were others like them. It seemed that this wasn’t the time to worry about such things, her thoughts went back to Ami.

All Rei could do was hope that she didn’t get hurt worse in battle and that it wouldn’t be anything that their aloe plant couldn’t fix. Ami immediately noticed a change, Rei’s behaviour toward her had grown almost cold. She hoped it was in her head. Eventually it became too much.

The shy girl carefully asked if she had done something wrong. She hadn’t but Rei didn’t know what to say so she shrugged and told her, 'They were allies but that didn’t mean they had to be best friends or anything.’

Ami had felt the sting in those words but thought maybe Mars was right. Mercury’s job was to work with Sailor Moon to defeat the Negaverse. Any friendships would have to come second. Though her newly discovered philosophy was out the window the moment Usagi barrelled toward her in the hallway, immediately pulling her into a tight hug. Rei couldn’t be more wrong. Ami needed a friend. They all did.

Mars suffered in silence as she watched them grow closer. Bitterly, she wondered about how things had been without her. Though it didn’t last long, the winds of change swept through Juuban once more when they met Sailor Jupiter.

Rei was blown away by the tall girl’s strength but Makoto didn’t take time to think. She would just run into a situation head on. Rei wondered if this would be a liability later. Confiding in Ami, she had told the her her concerns about Jupiter going rogue and that she wasn’t sure she could trust her– Yet, at any rate. It had been a long time since Rei had met someone who was as angry at the world as she was.

Ami assured her that a powerhouse like that could only be an asset and promised to do her best to help her calm down and better finesse her powers. It wasn’t going to make the team stronger if they made the new girl self-conscious and frightened of her own amazing strength.

Mako-chan just had to start going into battles with a little more knowledge of the enemy first. This meant waiting for a signal unless there was a clear shot. Finding out its weak point and making sure it wasn’t the kind of youma that would just absorb their energy and then make things worse, things of that nature.

Ami now comforted Makoto the way she had Rei, telling her that the times she’d feel a painful shock was perfectly natural. At least, as natural as shooting lightning bolts from your hands could be. Ami couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. The poor thing would wind up startling herself or someone else with static electricity or shoot a spark off of her hand when she’d touch something conductive. She assured her that it would eventually stop and that Mako-chan would learn to harness her abilities.

Rei didn’t dislike Makoto, not really. She just hoped that Mako would outgrow her recklessness. Though the stranger was quiet about her past, Rei sensed that she had felt a lot of pain in her kind heart. When the other girls would ask about her family, she would change the subject, usually ending up in one of their kitchens baking them cookies. Rei had never been very forthcoming about her own family either.

Ami started becoming very close with Makoto. Rei didn’t understand why she felt jealous. She was glad that with a new senshi and the threat of more enemies there was enough distraction that any awkwardness real, or imagined between her and Ami was now completely gone. It was nice to start to see Ami come out of her shell but Rei still wondered why she had never been able to make her laugh like that. Rei felt like she was being punished at least, a little bit.

Rei had always wanted to apologize for running scared, but Ami was always so quiet about things like dating, that she didn’t know if she’d just make things worse. She would either judge Rei as some sort of deviant, forcing one or both of them further into the closet or ruin their friendship by trying to date out of obligation and ultimately fail the entire solar system. If she thought about it too long it hurt to breathe. So she decided to just leave it all alone, bury it deep and try to forget it was there.

With Jupiter quickly learning the ropes, already their group had become more balanced, not the balance of light and darkness that her grandfather had mentioned, but she believed that everyone was bringing their own arsenal of skills. The girls were committed to their mission, and no one would do anything to jeopardize it. Something was still troubling Rei, even more than the nagging feeling that their enemies were getting stronger. She still felt like something was off, like there were pieces missing.

—  
When she met Sailor V she felt that she had been right all along. The new found scout gave their group direction, and everything really started to fall into place. She was a veteran fighter, everything a good leader should be: Focused, serious and selfless on the field, but her civilian counterpart was the complete opposite: Bubbly, fun and irritatingly perky.

She always had a smile on her face, as annoying as that could be after a night of almost getting killed. Still, Rei appreciated that Minako still knew how to be responsible when the situation called for it. Minako would congratulate them on a job well done. Some nights Minako just couldn’t praise them enough. Joking with them and re-enacting the fight scene blow by blow.

She’d laugh, “Oh man… I had it on the ropes, and Mako’s just wailin’ on its legs to slow it down, like 'hyaah!!!’ Then Ami comes out of nowhere like, 'Beep. Boop. According to my calculations its weakest point is actually below the canon on it’s left shoulder’ And Rei comes out with fire soul! Totally barbecuing it! And Usagi busts out her wand like nothin’ so it’s like 'ARGHGHH!!!’ POW! We kicked its ass! It’s nothin’ but moon dust now.’

The girls would go from barely being able to crawl to whoever’s home was the closest to the battlefield, to grinning through the scrapes and bruises. They were so proud of what they had accomplished. At some point, it dawned on Rei that Minako wasn’t just being bouncy for the sake of being animated.

They needed someone to appreciate their sacrifice, something she didn’t really have herself during her solo days. Especially when the papers refused to even use the word hero, calling her a vigilante, and the masked menace. The cops were worse, over police scanners she had heard some of the more colourful words that certain officers had for her, when they weren’t firing at her.

The blonde never took a minute for herself, refusing to take a breather even though she encouraged the others to rest up for game day. She was larger than life, a celebrity in their midst and she was all too happy to play up the expected antics. She was their idol.

Rei had been the first to watch Sailor V’s mask begin to slip. There had been a particularly close call. Usagi and Makoto taking the worst hits. Venus felt like she had failed them, so she joked more than she ever had before. By now, Rei understood that these performances after a fight were for them, but this was over the top, even for her. She was a one woman show. Something was wrong.

Rei had all but fallen in love with the sound of her laughter, but this was something else. Something forced and twisted. She laughed maniacally, her face twinged and for a moment she held her sides. "Look at me, I’m laughing so hard I’m crying–Hoo boy.” When she pulled her hand from her side, there was a smear of blood. She quickly wiped her hand against the dark fabric of her pants.

She had been scratched by the youma’s long claw. Now they both knew. The look of horror on Rei’s face had given her away. Mina tried to shrug it off but this was something that couldn’t just be swept under the rug.

Jauntily Minako called out,“Yeah well– You should see the other guy!” But Rei wouldn’t crack a smile. Clearly, she was in no mood for jokes. Mina sighed, “I’m alright. Really.” She was mostly still angry that Usagi had gotten caught in the crossfire, though Mako had done her best to shield her and the others.

Rei was puzzled, “But you were dancing a minute ago! On the arm of the sofa no less!”

Mina laughed it off, “What? I was just putting the 'leader’ back in 'cheerleader’.”

Rei snapped, “Mina!” She was tired of games.

“Yeah well, we made it out of there. It’s dead now. This was a victory, they know how fast that could’ve turned around, but it didn’t… They deserve to know that I couldn’t be happier with how everybody acted under pressure tonight. Especially you.”

“Me?” 'Really? Makoto is the one passed out with ice packs all over her.’ Usagi and Mako were passed out on the couch in the other room. Ami was reading quietly, periodically looking up at the injured party.

“Yeah, you told Ami to make that ice wall to shield Usagi and Mako from anything else. I wouldn’t’ve thought of that. That’s why you’re my best lieutenant. And why I’m making you my second-in-command. You’d take care of them if anything happened to me, right?”

There was something bittersweet in her voice that Rei had not expected. Her eyes went wide. “Oh jeez… No… I… H-How bad is that cut? I-I can get Ami in here I-”

“Rei, shh, I’m fine.” Mina chuckled, “You can’t get rid of me that easy. I’d been thinking about this for a while and you’re a damn good leader, not as good as me of course but…”

Rei pleaded, “Do you promise you’re okay? Promise me.”

—

Minako had earned a special place in Rei’s heart. Sometimes when the other girls would leave the shrine, Rei would start her homework and look out the window to see Mina. She was always the last to leave the shrine. There wasn’t really much for her to go home to, so she would take her time. When she didn’t know that Rei was still watching, she would take some of her lunch out of her backpack and share it with the ravens.

The normally uneasy birds spent a lot of time just watching the blonde girl at first. The ravens could be intimidating. They would screech in unison with a sound that would make anyone’s blood run cold, but she was very patient. She would place scraps, bread crust or a few grains of rice in front of them and slowly walk away, always watching from the edge of the courtyard when they finally would take their prize. Even they must’ve understood she had been special because she eventually she earned their trust. The birds would eat right out of her hand, though it would be years before she and Rei ever discussed this.

Those other missing pieces came later. A pair of senshi appeared overnight. Sailor Neptune was Michiru Kaioh, an artist, musician and fellow psychic with gorgeous waves of turquoise hair. The others had already met her partner Sailor Uranus. Haruka Tenoh was charming, very handsome, and kind of the bad boy type except, of course that she wasn’t a boy.

Usagi and Minako had once followed her around the entire day, but later when she showed up dressed a little more feminine and with her girlfriend on her arm, it had kind of shattered the illusion.

They knew that they couldn’t act like she had been out to trick them, they had never asked. The two blondes claimed that their eyes had been playing tricks on them, but really they had seen what they wanted to and exactly how Haruka wanted to be seen. So when Makoto knew Haruka was a woman and still got that dreamy look in her eyes, the group began to worry.

Usagi was kind of a late bloomer and it seemed she had been pretty confused about the whole thing. The group wondered if the existence of lesbians never occurred to her, or if it would’ve just complicated her simple perspective. Sometimes ignorance was bliss. Ami rolled her eyes, she knew better but held her tongue.

Despite all the rumours, Makoto was actually a sweet girl, but she did already have a pretty bad reputation. This wasn’t the kind of thing that people would go without noticing. Ami was more concerned with the risk of Makoto’s pure heart crystal being threatened than the fact that she might be on a date with Haruka. Though, looking back maybe Ami was just trying not to focus that maybe Makoto had been on a date, and was desperately trying to distract herself because it hadn’t been with her.

Rei, of course, had acted like this was the single most scandalous thing she had ever heard in her entire life. She was terrified that if she sided with Mako, people would be able to see through her.

 

When the others left the shrine, Minako stayed behind. She gathered up her courage and asked Rei what she really thought of all this.

“Of what? Haruka as a person? Well, if she truly loves Michiru then she shouldn’t be leading both her and Makoto on…” She answered the best she could. There was still something she didn’t trust about those other senshi.

“Well, assuming, this isn’t a date. And those two are still together. What do you think?”

Rei shrugged. “I don’t care I guess. If they’re happy.”

Minako took a breath, “And if Makoto was… um… i-into girls? Or I was?”

Rei let out a pained sigh. She hadn’t really wanted to talk about this today. Or ever. She pondered the question over for a moment before speaking. “I guess, whoever dates Mako-chan will be lucky to have someone care so much about them. She’s very loyal.”

“And me?” Mina squeaked out quietly.

“You like guys.” Rei stated matter of factly.

“Reiko, answer my question. Would it change things between us?”

Rei hesitated and thought to herself ‘Yes, because maybe now I’d actually have a chance. No, because I could never act on it.’

There was a strange sadness in Minako’s eyes.

Rei had to say something. “No.” She said flatly.

“Good.” Mina’s voice was a mix of mostly relief with a hint of disappointment.

Rei picked up that something was still wrong. Mina was obviously trying to tell her something. “But you’re not… uh, like GAY though, Right?” Rei pried gently.

“Nah, I’m not a lesbian. I still like guys way too much.” Mina dismissed.

Rei breathed, “Yeah?” Mina herself didn’t seem very convinced.

“But, I DO think I like girls too though. I think I’m bi, like, at least a little bit maybe?” Mina tried to lighten the mood. She held her thumb and forefinger half an inch a part and squinted at the minuscule space between her digits. “Just a tiny bit.” Anything to break up the tension, just something to get Rei to stop looking so damn serious, she was nervous enough.

“Okay.” Rei repeated.

“Okay?” Mina asked.

“Okay… but… I… I have chores… I’m still your friend… I just um… Grandpa needs me to tidy up.” Rei could hear the shakiness of her own voice.

“Rei, do you want me to help? I mean if we get your chores finished early, maybe we could talk? I uh, haven’t told the others yet.” Mina felt like she had just opened Pandora’s box - although, Ami had recently told Mina that Pandora’s box was a misnomer. The geeky water senshi had explained that the the container in question was originally thought to be some type of jar. It still felt like all of her uncertainities were coming out with her.

“No. No, I’m good. We can talk later.” Rei continued to absorb what her friend had just told her.

“It’s just… I’ve never really said it out loud before.” Mina suddenly wished she hadn’t said anything at all. She felt nauseous “So, uh, are we going to be alright?”

“Yes, yes. Fine, fine… I just have so much to do.” Rei nearly tripped herself to find a broom so that she’d look busy, deliberately avoiding seeing the way Minako’s face fell.

Mina swallowed hard, a crushing weight settling in her chest. Blinking rapidly to dispel the burning in her eyes, she turned on her heel, desperate to get out of there.

Rei couldn’t get a proper breath. She was on the verge of hyperventilating and Minako was disappearing with each step forward. She knew that this wasn’t right. She couldn’t leave it like this. Rei forced herself to catch up to her, and fought against her own instincts which always told her to protect herself by never getting involved in things like this.

Rei reached out her hand on the back of the blonde’s shoulder and whispered “Look… I promise, it’ll b–” Rei choked. Her mouth was dry, her voice was cracking, leaving her unable to finish her sentence. She coughed trying to clear her throat. Minako started to turn around to look at her, but Rei kept her eyes closed tightly.

Rei was ashamed. She had a hunch that Minako was probably on the verge of tears. If Rei looked at her and knew she was the reason that she was crying she’d probably start crying herself. Minako needed someone to be strong, someone to be there for her and that’s what Rei was trying to do, but she didn’t think she was doing a very good job. She worried somehow that she had made everything worse.

Rei hadn’t let her walk away but she couldn’t bring herself to deal with any more of this right now, she just wasn’t good at stuff like this. Mina took Rei’s hand and told her she’d see her tomorrow. Rei silently nodded, keeping her eyes closed. She stayed still in the same spot, standing in the yard, barely breathing until Mina was gone down the stairs, completely out of sight.

Rei felt like she was going to pass out. Her legs felt weak beneath her. Why couldn’t she have just let Minako go?

She argued with herself that she was trying to maintain her dignity. She was trying to have self-preservation… And yet still she went after her. She smacked her hand into her forehead. 'Why? To tell her 'It would be’? Would be what? What the hell did that even mean?’ She berated herself 'Stupid, stupid can’t even tell my best friend that it’ll be alright.’

She was flustered. Rei had tried to get rid of her but it had only made her feel guilty. Now everything was ruined. She really did have a lot of chores to do though. She started to sweep the courtyard. She still could almost feel Mina’s fingers wrapped around her own. She looked at her hand. Just her normal hand. Same as it always was. She was half expecting a visibly changed aura or anything to see some impact left by the other girl.

—

Rei got little crushes but they never lasted. She thought about all the different people she had ever really liked.

There was Usagi. She mostly covered up any feelings by picking fights with her. The princess was already fated to be with another, and they were much better suited. For all Rei tried to deflect her true feelings she really was attracted to her.

Rei had only been so critical, so that she would try to do her best. She did deeply care for her but Rei was so broken when she found her that even if she hadn’t been scared she wouldn’t’ve have even known how show sincere emotions.

Though Rei knew that more than her beauty Usagi was so sincere and kind that it let you overlook her flaws. There was such an innate goodness in her, even if she did stupid things like she forgot that you had made plans, so you sat around and wasted your whole day waiting for her, you just couldn’t stay angry for long.

She was just so damn likeable. It allowed her to make friends so easily, but also made her a target for enemies. She was very trusting and people could prey on that but Rei swore that she wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Still, all of this made Rei very nervous. She could fall for her and probably always be happy.

However, this also caused Rei to be wrought with jealousy of anyone who would try to take their moon princess away. The thought of their group being separated always filled her with such despair. They were just so much stronger together.

Then there was Mamoru. Everyone either thought she actually liked him or that just trying to make Usagi jealous, but she was secretly trying to see if he was good enough for her. She had a hunch that he was Tuxedo Kamen, another of Tokyo’s masked vigilantes.

While she was never able to confirm it on her own, she was merely trying to determine whether he was really an ally or enemy. It’s true that she thought he was good looking and rather thoughtful but Rei knew that he and Usagi really were meant to be with each other, even when Luna would say he might be a threat. For barely a split second she once entertained the thought of Usagi having both of them, but she knew she didn’t like to share and wouldn’t settle for second place. There was just no beating him, they were destined to be together forever.

Ami… Well, what could she say? She was so caring and did have a certain radiance about her. There was the time they went on a little date on a cruise ship for couples. Rei had won tickets and didn’t want them to go to waste. Technically, she had rigged the contest for that very reason. She had been wanting an opportunity to get her alone but in the end she couldn’t ask Ami for those truths to questions that she couldn’t even begin to ask herself. Rei still felt badly for how she behaved toward her when they got too close. Ami had only been trying to help. Rei ran scared and made an ass of herself in the process.

Motoki didn’t count. Sure, he was cute and always friendly though truthfully he seemed a little dull… but everyone had made such a big deal about him that if she hadn’t played along she’d look like there was something wrong with her.

Yuuichirou was actually good looking. He was definitely not boring, a little goofy sometimes, but had a really good heart. Rei had always found it strange that even though he was rich, his parent’s had a ski lodge and numerous properties, yet he decided to give all of it up to find enlightenment at the temple. He was a hard-worker and he was always so good with Grandpa. He had become one of her closest friends and someone she could always talk to, but when she’d think about them together it never really clicked. It wouldn’t have been hard to go through the motions but she knew it would be doomed to only hurt the sensitive musician in the end.

There were even a couple girls at T*A Academy that had caught her eye. She had noticed a blonde girl with ribbons in her hair, Kotono Sarashina. Rei supposed that maybe deep down, she did kind of have a type.

It would have been very difficult to date someone from school. It was so hard to tell who was there because they were actually devout, who had been kicked out of all the other schools in the area and who was just there because they had the warped idea of going to an all girl school would increase their chances of finding a girlfriend.

Believe it or not, there were some girls who took great pleasure in listening to a sermon and then doing the exact opposite. She had heard rumours that two girls got kicked out once for getting drunk on communion wine and making out in the confessional booth.

Whether or not it had been true, was besides the point. The depravity bar was set now. On top of that her school was renowned for having some of the shortest skirts in the city. It was hard for her not to notice, but it was almost impossible to have a real conversation with anyone and not have her little fan-club follow her around. Rei sometimes worried about whether those girls would like her less if she really were like that.

The initial infatuation always burnt out. None of these really stuck, which basically just left Minako. The only crush that lasted more than a couple weeks. The crush that had actually started before they had even officially met. Rei sighed. She was in trouble. Rei definitely had a lot to think about alright.

\- - -  
  


Rei didn’t want to be gay or bi or any of that. It wasn’t fair. She had more than enough to worry about. She had to pass her classes, finish all of her chores and make sure she didn’t let the planet get destroyed. She just wanted to keep her teachers happy and make her grandpa proud. She and Grandpa made all of their money from the temple. People went to shrine to see a beautiful maiden, if she were gay would they stop coming? If they knew the truth about her would she be less beautiful in their eyes?

She just hoped that she didn’t do anything so stupid that a big black limo would park below the hill, while the senator, his body guards and PR reps came up to have a talk about how a respectable man’s daughter is supposed to behave. But, really he hadn’t had a daughter since he left her here.

She would admit that didn’t trust most men. She knew men were capable of walking away from you when you’re dying and never looking back. This wasn’t just ‘daddy issues’ like Mina used to joke. Which had disgustingly, seemed to be a turn on for some guys.

Even her grandfather who she loved dearly, her closest family, would still shamelessly hit on women less than half his age. She didn’t really think that they were all bad, but they couldn’t keep her interest either.

Boys liked her though, but she turned them all down. Which had kind of given her a reputation of being a bitch. She had started out polite enough, but they took it as a challenge. She could have easily made making men cry into a hobby, but mostly she just didn’t want to answer to anyone. She needed to be able to trust someone 100% but didn’t have the time to bother getting to know anyone.

She really did have responsibilities that not everyone could understand. She sometimes imagined these scenarios where her communicator would go off, and Usagi would say “Tokyo Tower is being swarmed, we need you!” And a faceless man would say, “But, I thought we had plans tonight?” With it finally escalating to him jealously asking, “Is there someone else? What are you keeping from me?” She couldn’t live a life like that. She hated to be dishonest, so she would just avoid situations where she may need to tell a lie all together.

She didn’t even want to be alone necessarily, but it really was bad timing. One day things would calm down. She would be done school and the Earth would be more peaceful. She knew she needed someone she could trust and someone who would let her have her freedom. Maybe then she could find someone but she wondered what how long could the senshi hide their powers?

How many lovers could you justify confiding in? What would happen if the other girls moved away? Would they get married and tell their husbands about their double lives? How would Luna and Artemis even allow for something like that? The cats always told them that the more people who knew their identities the more dangerous it was, for the scouts and anyone they dare get close to.

xxx

Rei couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned all night. She tried some of Grandpa’s ancient remedies but nothing helped. Her grandfather was wise and told her that it seemed to him she had a lot on her mind and he was willing to listen, that a heavy conscience needed a listening ear.

Rei took a deep breath and tried to speak but all that came out was, “I don’t know what to do.” There was nothing else she could say. She wouldn’t have known where to start.

He kissed her on the forehead, “You will.” And with that, he retreated to his bedroom.

She just wanted to make things right. She gave up on sleep once the sun came up. The light from her window had made it impossible to keep her eyes closed. She had fought with it but understood what she needed to do.

She quietly crept down the hallway, trying hard not to wake up Grandpa. She took the phone off of the old wooden table and dialed the familiar number. She knew Mina’s parents weren’t there this month, so she didn’t feel too badly about calling at such an early hour. She wouldn’t be waking up anyone except Mina and she desperately needed to talk to her.

The dial tone hummed, and she could picture her looking so sleepy, almost angelic complete with an adorable little yawn before reaching for the phone… but no one answered.

She didn’t know if Mina was still asleep or just avoiding her calls. Defeated, she decided to try to go back to bed. Eventually, she did start to drift off to sleep, blocking everything from her mind, yet she was haunted by the same dreams as always.

She was jolted awake and looked at the alarm clock. Had she really only been asleep half an hour? She was still so tired, maybe even more tired. So why was she awake? She thought she had heard foot steps. 'Grandpa must be up.’

She pulled the covers over her head, not ready to face the day. She figured he’d leave her alone since she had done such a good job with her chores the night before. She aggressively swept out her frustrations trying to think of anything else to just rid her mind of any bad thoughts.

She hoped since there wasn’t a test or anything at school that he might let her stay home. She was ready to argue. 'Sleep deprivation is a type of sick, isn’t it?’ She thought to herself. He was usually pretty good about that kind of thing.

There was a knock, “HMMPH!” Maybe if she communicated by growling that would tell him the kind of day it was shaping up to be and he’d just go away.

KNOCK

She forced herself to speak, her voice was muffled through the blanket. “You can come in but I-I’m not going to school today.” She answered defiantly.

She heard the doorknob turn, and the 5 or 6 steps it took to make it to her bed and nothing else. “GRR… I SAID I’M NOT GOING!” She took the comforter off her head ready for an argument, only to find Minako standing over her.

Flustered, she answered, “Mina? I uh, I called this morning but you didn’t answer I thought… you… that… I should go back to bed. I didn’t really sleep last night.”

“I know. I saw your number but I-I dunno. I couldn’t sleep either.” Mina murmured softly.

Rei noticed that like her, Mina was still in her pyjamas. 'She must’ve been on her way over when I called. She started walking over here before dawn without even getting dressed?’

“Are you alright?”

Mina shrugged sleepily.

Rei knew asking questions would be pointless, they were both exhausted. She moved over to make space in her bed. “Well, c'mon…”

Mina knew that Rei understood and whispered, “Thank you.” She climbed in the bed like all the times she had before.

Rei wondered if this had been the first time she’d really seen Minako without any make-up. Rei had a hunch when the other senshi would sleep at the shrine that Mina would get up before everyone else and do her make-up, even if she sometimes fell back asleep when she was done.

Rei looked at her. Mina was still gorgeous, she just looked a little tired. Rei knew they had all been tired for years, this perpetual exhaustion was just who they were now. Rei hadn’t seen her own reflection yet and wondered if she looked as haggard as she felt. She hoped her eyes weren’t still red from crying. She sighed. Without the eyeliner and mascara Mina’s eyes had seemed even bluer.

“How’d you even get in?” She didn’t know if she had climbed in a window or used the spare key they had hid in the garden.

“Grandpa let me in.”

“I should get up and tell him I’m sick,” Rei said, pushing herself up off the mattress with her elbows.

“–Said he had a feeling you were staying home today.”

“Okay good. You going to school?”

She shook her head no.

Rei wasn’t used to Minako being so quiet. “Alright. Good night.”

They turned away from each other. Rei pondered whether Mina had a more peaceful look on her face once she settled in, after finding somewhere safe to go.

Mina imagined Rei’s intense stare focused on the back of her head. She pictured Rei wondering if maybe she should kiss her neck, but knew it was just wishful thinking. Nothing had changed

She dreamt of the Princess of Venus again. The Venusian had her hands around the Princess of Mars’ waist, getting ready to ease her onto her back and Mars was eager to give in.  
Rei whimpered so loudly she woke herself up. It had felt so real this time. She found Minako cuddled snug against her.

Rei got up and decided to just let Mina sleep. She found her grandfather. She asked if he had called the school to let them know she was going to be absent and whether he had minded that her friend had stayed there.

He asked her what her friend had been upset about.  
Rei told him, 'She just was having a bad day.’  
Grandpa said, 'It was a shame since that meant Rei must’ve been having a bad day too because the two of them were usually in the similar moods. A bad day for Rei is a bad day for Mina, and so forth… But since she, and the other girls had started visiting the shrine, Rei was happier than she’d been since…’ He couldn’t even think of a time. 'Well, in a long time.’ Probably not since Risa was still alive at any rate.

He thought about his daughter, and the bastard who left his child here. Rei wouldn’t discuss her mother’s death with him, but he knew that she thought about her often. His own daughter had been very trusting and loving, but there was so much anger in his granddaughter. He wondered if she was more like her father than she knew, or if the loss had just hurt too much for her to ever fully recover from.

Even as a child, she had always felt like sadness made her into a victim but anger felt purposeful, like she was in control, though sometimes he worried about the anger controlling her.

He knew she would probably always have a bit of a temper, but was so glad she had made friends and was doing so well in school. As well as how much dedication she was putting into her training as a miko.

She had been doing so much that he decided, whether she was actually sick or faking it. No one could deny that she had a heavy heart last night and the dark cloud was miraculously gone the moment the blonde girl had shown up. He had thought this might be one of those bad days that turn into bad weeks, but now she was up and showered. She still looked a little tired but he wasn’t worried about her anymore.

He hadn’t been that worried about her since her hands had those mysterious burns, but that was before she had even met Mina. He hadn’t noticed any burns on Rei in a few years. She typically seemed to be much better mood, sometimes even having a sense of humour.

He was so proud of her and knew that her mother would have been too. Her father should have been, but there were many ways that that man had failed them. Grandpa decided that he would let her have today just for herself, and then it was back to business tomorrow.

They both got kind of quiet. So she asked him if there was anything around the shrine he needed her to do. He said if she wasn’t too sick that he needed some groceries and he’d put in some extra money for lunch or maybe so the two of them could go see a movie or something.

He told her didn’t actually need the groceries until tomorrow, so they could take their time. It seemed to him they needed a good nights sleep and then to have a real heart to heart.

Rei wasn’t sure what the old man had up his sleeve but she hugged him and then started cooking. He whistled an old folk song while he tended to his garden. Rei recognized it as something her mother used to sing to her. The memory was bittersweet.

Rei was hungry and while not a fancy cook like Mako-chan, she could still find her way around the kitchen, besides it usually said everything she needed to know right on the side of the box! She decided that she’d just make extra breakfast, asking Grandpa if he had eaten yet to make it less suspicious.

Rei wasn’t going to let Mina eat breakfast in her bed though, that would be way too weird. She’d try to wake her up in a little while, but, at least this way she wasn’t being a selfish pig like Usagi, she thought to herself.

She had and would die again for the princess, it was her duty to protect her, but that didn’t mean Rei had deluded herself into believing that it would ever occur to Usagi to offer anyone else part of her meal.

She went into her room to see if Minako was awake yet, since breakfast was almost ready. She had remembered that Mina had come in her pyjamas, and asked if she wanted to borrow some clothes. She went back to the kitchen while Mina got dressed.

“I hate to say it, but I think I look better in these than you do.” Mina laughed as she came out of the bedroom and took her seat at the table.

As Mina started to eat the meal in front of her, she mumbled with her mouth full. “I didn’t know how hungry I was. Thought I’d have to be starving to eat your cooking but this was really good. Thanks Rei.”

Rei ignored the backhanded compliment and answered humbly, “Whatever. It’s just scrambled eggs and toast.”

She had also cut up some strawberries and peeled an orange but it wasn’t like her to start bragging this early in the day, especially with so small an audience. Still, Rei was pretty proud that there were no broken shells in them this time and that she hadn’t burnt the bread. Everything really had turned out alright.

“And I meant, for letting me stay here again.” Mina smiled sweetly.

“Oh. Um. Anytime.” Rei blushed nearly knocking a strawberry off her plate.

Nothing had changed.


	2. Storm's a brewin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because you brew tea, and Makoto controls rainstorms. Get it? 
> 
> Also: There is a snowstorm, a concerned friend, confessions and flashbacks... Horrible, horrible flashbacks. Enjoy.

It had been a particularly cold December day. It seemed as though nearly everyone in Tokyo was feeling completely run down, with how quickly autumn had come and gone. The days were becoming much shorter and everything was a dreary gray. But Minako knew that something other than just the weather had been off about her friend Makoto. She just couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong. She'd been fighting with herself all evening, debating whether it would be prying or helping, before finally deciding to make contact on her communicator.  
  
"Jupiter here!" Mako answered her call with a sense of urgency, always ready for a fight, knowing at any moment they could be thrown into battle.  
  
"It's Venus." She was using her alias. Luna had recently scolded them again about using their civilian names when using their communicators, worried about security breaches and all of that. Even though Ami swore time and time again the devices were impenetrable, the cats couldn’t help but stress that the less their enemies knew about their personal lives, the better.  
  
Sounding worried Makoto asked, "Hey Venus– Still there? What's up? Where's the youma? Is everybody okay?"  
  
Mina laughed a little, "No, no... It's nothing like that! Everything's alright, but... Can I come over?"          
  
"Uh, sure.” The brunette had obviously been caught off guard, Mina could picture her surveying her apartment. “Just take your time. Lemme tidy up, first, 'kay?"  
  
Mina felt kind of bad about using the communicators for her own personal reasons, but what Luna had been completely unaware of was that Mako-chan had recently cut her phone line. The bill was one more added expense that made it just that much harder for her to stay in school.  
\---  
It was hard enough for her when teachers would complain about her grades, how she would be able to get all As and Bs instead of Cs if she wasn't always almost falling asleep in class. The teacher would make some judgemental remark about how all she had to do was go to bed earlier, like it was really all so simple. Another sore spot was when they would scold Makoto about letting herself get distracted with people who would just slow her down, like Usagi.  
  
For most criticisms, Makoto would usually make an empty promise that she’d work harder, while she tried not to roll her eyes, but no one could ever question her friendship with Usagi. Makoto worried that without Usagi, not only would she still be a friendless loner, but she might have ended up moving again and never would've met the people who now meant the most in the world to her. Without Usagi she would’ve never met Ami, or Rei or Mina... or Ami.  
  
She smirked a little to herself, realizing she named the blue haired genius twice. She knew that she had really come to care for all the other senshi – even the Outers now played a pretty consistent role in her life – but she had grown to cherish Ami most of all.  
  
Usagi wasn't a burden, or the reason that her grades were the way they were. It also hurt that she knew Ami had been told the same thing about both Usagi and Makoto. Teachers never even bothered to get to know them before judging them.  
  
Once, after school, Makoto had come around the corner to meet Ami at her locker and overheard her in conversation with two faculty members. The principal spoke softly, praising the girl for putting their school back on the map. "Mizuno-san, you have the highest grades in Juuban, the highest grades in Tokyo, maybe even all of Japan! You will be able to get into any school you dream of." The other man, a science teacher who always seemed to have it out for Makoto, was playing the bad cop and said, "Do you really want to jeopardize all of that just to eat lunch with a delinquent like Kino-san and an idiot slacker like Tsukino-san?"  
  
Makoto had felt gutted, even though Ami assured the teacher that her studies came first, which was always the easiest way out of being awkwardly cornered like that. Mako was conflicted. She wished that Ami didn't have senshi responsibilities and could have the freedom to focus all of her attention onto her studies, but she also wished that Ami had told him how important her friendships were to her.  
  
It would almost destroy her, but Makoto promised herself for both their sakes, if there ever came a time when Ami needed Makoto to leave her alone, she would go. She prayed that she'd never be asked to. Of course, Jupiter's shared commitment to the princess would still be there, but Makoto Kino would be a distant memory. After all, she had made herself disappear before.  
   
Mako had wondered if, without Usagi, maybe she would have given up on Juuban altogether. Maybe she'd be at another school, maybe dropped out of school or worse. She didn't like to think like that. Meeting the princess and the others had really turned her life around, but that didn't mean her life was by any means easy.  
  
When her teachers would tell her that she just wasn't applying herself, she really had to fight the urge to lose her cool, but more than being punished for fighting with authority, she was always so afraid that she'd reach her breaking point and blurt out the truth. Makoto didn't want anyone to know that she was probably the only orphan in her grade, maybe the school, and the only emancipated minor. She worked two jobs, neither of which could give her enough hours. Her employers would always tell her that they were giving her all they could because, "You're just a kid," "There are laws about that sort of thing," and, "You should probably use all that free time to work on your classes."  
  
Mako took the few shifts with a smile. She would keep asking for more hours, but didn’t want them to know how dire her situation was. She didn't need sympathy, she needed money. She wasn't one to make excuses, but she barely had enough to make ends meet.  
  
She had a real problem with taking charity too.  
  
\---  
  
'I hope I’m not just wasting my time, trying to help. She's almost as stubborn and proud as Rei-chan. What if I get there and it turns out that I imagined the whole thing, or something is actually wrong and she just won’t tell me?' Minako thought to herself while stepping over a slushy curb.  
  
She knew that she was getting closer to Mako’s apartment complex; there were fewer and fewer street lights as she made her way from her mansion uptown to Mako’s neighbourhood on the rough outskirts. It made her sad to think that the city seemed to care more about the safety of the richer citizens, especially if some of the others were as nice and hardworking as her friend. The senshi had vowed they would always protect anyone in danger, not just those they found deserving.  
  
Even though things were rather dimly lit, the freshly fallen snow reflected what little light there was to make things slightly brighter, and the winter sky had just a hint of a soft pink hue. It was still frigid though. Mina hurried her pace a little, shuddering against the wind, and switched her bulky bag from hand to hand, trying to get a better grip through thick woolen mittens.  
  
She had picked up some cupcakes. She hated to show up uninvited, which she knew was rude enough, but she couldn’t show up empty handed too! Especially once she realized that Mako had so much on her plate lately. She just wanted to cheer her friend up. 'Who doesn't like cupcakes?' she reasoned with herself.  
  
She was almost there. Walking through this particular slum, which was full of long alleyways, always made her a little nervous, but during the winter people tried to stay in as much as they could. It was a mixed blessing: fewer people to run into, but also fewer witnesses if something were to happen. She frowned. Luna and Artemis were always trying to prepare the scouts for the worst case scenario, even one as terrifying as not being able to use their powers. She knew how to fight, but her everyday form still had certain physical limitations.  
  
She would hate to transform into Sailor Venus and risk exposing her true identity just because she’d panicked when some guy got a little too close when he drunkenly slurred, “Hey baby, howsabout you and me?”  
  
She remembered her first year with the girls. Artemis had really whipped her into shape to prepare her to be Sailor V. She wasn't in bad shape, with all of her volleyball tournaments, but now she had to really train.  
  
  
There was a real advantage in having an extra year of experience under her belt. They were all comfortable training with their powers, but also sparred in their civilian forms. They began trying hand to hand combat, learning strategies, new tactics and different holds.  
  
Usually Mako was hands down the winner. It wasn't uncommon for her to leave a match without so much as a scratch on her, even before they found the silver crystal. She stood at least five inches taller than the other girls, and had been street fighting for years for her own basic survival. At Juuban, there were even rumours about her being in the Yakuza. The other scouts decided it was best to never ask, just in case. It wouldn't do anyone any good to know that sort of thing about their friend, but Mina still sometimes checked her for those tell-tale tattoos when she wasn't looking and she was pretty sure Ami had run background checks on the others.  
  
Luna knew that the brunette excelled at fighting, and would let the amazon sit out to focus on her studies. This often lead to Jupiter opening her text book, getting stumped on a harder question and then asking the cats if her blue haired friend could join her on the porch of the shrine. The cats would grumble a little, knowing Mercury could use the extra training but understood that she was a very fast learner and could pick up on most of the basic drills just by watching.  
  
No one expected Ami to come out on top, but it was still expected that she be able to hold her own in a fight. They each had their place, and more often than not she worked hard to solve other problems – she was usually the one behind their better strategies.  
  
With Makoto being the decided champion time and time again, this left Mina and Rei neck and neck. Though, sometimes when the cats were scolding and berating the moon princess, Mina would slack off a little and either let Rei win or make a point of dramatically toppling right on top of her. "O, I am slain." She sputtered, before closing her eyes.  
  
There was really nothing like being put into a choke hold by the beautiful miko, staring face to face, feeling Rei's long dark bangs brushing against her forehead, and really seeing the fire burning in those amethyst eyes framed with perfect wing-tipped eyeliner, knowing she had only victory on her mind and that she was about to deliver the finishing blow. Then, instead of bracing, completely shattering Rei's concentration by asking if she was wearing a new bra, or if she knew that she smelled really good that day.  
  
Then it was usually just a stunned look and Mina’s foot to Rei’s ribs, and then Mina kneeling beside her with puppy dog eyes. She hated to hurt the other girl, but knew that she could take it. Mina always told herself she was training Rei to be the leader when she wasn't around.  
  
"Don't let yourself get distracted, Mars!" Artemis would yell, barely paying attention.  
  
"I think you cracked a rib that time," Rei wheezed. The wind was knocked out of her, but they weren’t like ordinary people – she’d heal very quickly.  
  
"I'd offer to kiss them better but..." Mina would roll Rei's shirt up just a little, her lips puckered, eyelashes batting.  
  
Rei would only scoff, offended.  
  
"You seem mad, Reiko. Are you mad?" Mina said, distracting the other girl until her breathing returned to normal.  
  
Minako would help her up, feeling the warmth of her hand against hers. Rei always ran much hotter temperature wise, while Ami ran much colder.  
  
Mako didn't really notice. Whenever Minako or Usagi mentioned it in concern, she'd usually just say, "I dunno, maybe a little?" with a shrug. But, like a moth to a flame, Mina was fascinated by it. She couldn't explain it, but a hug from Rei always felt like being blessed with the good fortune to put on clothes straight out of the dryer on a cold day. It was such a little thing, but with it came that kind of warmth that radiated through your entire body and stayed with you for minutes after.  
  
  
She'd look for any excuse to touch Rei, especially when they'd train at the temple. She really delighted in torturing the dark haired girl – it was just so easy. Rei could be far too serious for her own good.  
  
Minako would reason with herself that sometimes Rei needed to be knocked down a peg. She could be insufferable when she thought that she was completely untouchable. On the field, that kind of cocky attitude could get you and everyone else killed.  
  
She truly believed that one day Rei really would be unstoppable, but until then she would ask the muddy girl under her boot, "What tastes better, dirt or winning? What tastes better, your own blood or knowing no one can stop you?" Mina could have listed more things Rei could taste, but she knew Rei-chan was nowhere ready to hear something like that from her.  
  
She didn't know if she went too far sometimes, but it really seemed to be working. She would laugh – sometimes she wasn't exactly sure what it was that Rei wanted, victory or vengeance, but Mina was motivating her and Rei was determined. If it embarrassed Rei so much to lose, then being kicked down was the only way to really learn to hunger for that sweetness of domination. Once she had a taste and could savour all that she longed for, everything that she had hoped to accomplish, then she would never want to give it up again. Tormenting her was just good leadership, wasn't it?  
  
Every time Mina would knock her down, she would be all the faster the next fight. Her slender frame allowed her to be very agile, and Mina was trying to teach her to use her anger. If she could channel her rage for a fight, and find a way to be level-headed outside of a fight, she'd be every bit as good a fighter as she already thought she was. Mina had no doubt that she'd get there.  
  
Sometimes, if she'd been flirting especially hard, Minako would awkwardy try to catch Rei's eye after the match, but of course, Rei would act like nothing had happened, and so Minako would have to, too.  
  
She arrived at Makoto's apartment. Opening the heavy door, she hit the button beside the name 'KINO.' Unit 206. She buzzed in to let her friend know that she was there, and Mako let her up into the small grey apartment, welcoming her with a hug. Mina wondered if the walls had always been this drab or if the decades had simply stripped them of their vibrancy.  
  
She felt an uncomfortable twinge. Mina was used to a life of luxury and vacations to Europe. Her parents' master bathroom was practically the size of Mako's whole apartment, but even with all the glamour and expense, she felt like their house was much too big. She often felt lonely with just her feline companion.  
  
For someone who mostly lived off of takeout food, Mina always found Mako's kitchen to be the homiest part of the apartment. Even in the dead of winter, Mako would always have fresh cut flowers in a colourful glass vase on the table. The tiled back splash above the sink was a rosy pink. There was usually something delicious cooking on the stove.  
  
The window looked out onto another old apartment, the not-so scenic view of crumbling brick and urban decay. Mako tried to make the best of it with simple floral curtains and by hanging some spider plants. There was hardly a surface in her home that didn't have a potted plant on it.  
  
Mina wasn't anywhere near as shallow as people thought, but Venus’ eye was always drawn to the old, ripped up, second-hand futon. It was clean but stained from age and wear, and served as both Mako's couch and bed.  
  
When the furnace had broken the winter before, Minako had offered for Makoto to stay with her instead, but she wouldn't budge. She continued to say, '"No," the entire week. She kept saying that she was fine, even though she was sleeping in her winter coat.  
  
Minako had wondered how she would survive if she didn't even have any extra blankets, but she had left it as, "The offer is always open." Makoto had extended the same through chattering teeth.  
  
She knew that Mako wouldn't take charity, always stating she had things under control and that if she wanted something, she'd just have to work harder and pay for it herself. She had noticed the same code of honour with Rei. They could both be very generous on their own terms but hated to feel like they owed anyone anything, but Minako would be damned before she'd watch Mako or Rei die out of some stubborn stupidity. Winter had approached quickly and she was finally going to do something about it.  
  
Minako knew she was a pretty good actress and Mako-chan was pretty trusting with her friends. Once she understood that someone wasn't out to hurt her, she would start to let her guard down. If dying together in battle, side by side as soldiers throughout the millennia wouldn't convince her that the blonde had her best interests at heart, then nothing would.  
  
\---  
  
Mako let Mina in, welcoming her and hugged her tightly. After the kind of day it was shaping up to be, it was something they probably both needed. Mako saw the melting snowflakes glistening against her golden blonde eyelashes. The cold of the wind still on her rosy cheeks made the rest of her glow. She squinted her bright blue eyes to blink the snow away. She really was something else.  
  
"Well, don't just stand there! Come in! Come in!" Mako joked, but with concern, "If you had stayed out any longer you'd be as blue as your fuku!" They all wore the same navy school uniform now, except for Rei who still wore grey.  
  
Makoto had been so glad to be done with junior high and able to get rid of that hideous old uniform. There hadn’t been anything in her size, so she had had to wear that old, dingy-looking, brown one, which made her being the new kid even more obvious. She hated anything that made her stick out more. She had worried at first that someone would tell her she was wearing the wrong uniform, that she didn’t fit in, that she didn't even look like she went to their school, and pretty soon make her feel like she didn’t fit in their whole town. No matter where she went it was like someone was already waiting to laugh at her hopes of finally having a second chance.  
  
Mina was still taking off her red hooded cloak. She undid the golden clasp, a delicate chain latched over a large shiny button. She stooped to untie black boots and laughed. “Blue as your fuku! That’s a good one. I’ve gotta remember that!”  
  
She wondered what would happen should Makoto ever decide to use that line on Ami. Venus pictured poor Mercury blushing at the taller girl's flirting. There was just something so inviting about Jupiter's smile that you couldn't help but feel genuinely wanted.  
  
She announced that she had brought some treats, and Mako was more than happy to put on a pot of tea. Mina sat on an old wooden chair that squeaked against the linoleum and watched Mako take down two mugs, as they waited for the water to boil.  
  
"So, why'd you want to see me, Mina?" Mako asked, putting out a medium sized cup in front of her. "Not that I'm not happy to see you," she added.  
   
"Oh, do I need a reason to see my favourite..." The blonde let out a sigh. "Honestly? I just thought you seemed down lately. I wanted to make sure you were okay is all."  
  
"Oh." Mako took a breath and wondered if she should expose herself or play it off. After all, the only thing in the whole world that she'd wanted tonight was some company and she'd got it without even having to ask. She couldn't ask for much more than that. This was no time to feel sorry for herself. If someone had gone through all this just to ask how she was doing, maybe the truth would feel good for a change. It might be nice to get something off her chest for once.  
  
  
  
"I didn't mean to worry you. Honest. I was just, I dunno, lonely, I guess," Makoto answered with a shrug.  
  
Mina couldn't stop herself from putting her foot in her mouth. "How can you be lonely with all of us?" She knew it was stupid but had said it anyway.  
  
Mako became very still and uncomfortable. After a moment she took a breath and started to say, "It's not that. You guys are –" The kettle whistled, snapping her from her thoughts. She took it off of the hot stove element. "Sorry about that. Great. You guys are great, but I needed someone today and well." She furrowed her brow, closed her eyes and said, "I miss my mom and dad." She puffed out her cheeks a little, feeling awkward.  
  
Mina nodded. "Christmas is hard sometimes. Like, everyone else is with their families and so happy and making plans and having traditions. I get it."  
  
"Yeah, but, it's not just Christmas. It's, uh, other holidays too. I miss them every day and nobody cares about me the same way that they did. I know you care. I know you do, but sometimes I still feel like it's just me on my own, and I wanted this year to be different. I didn't want to be forgotten."  
  
"What do you mean, forgotten?" Minako tore at the cupcake wrapper, a little put out that her effort was going unnoticed. 'I'm here, aren't I?' she thought to herself. "We try our best to hang out on holidays, but we all have our own obligations, too. It's not that we don't want to see you."  
  
Mako poured the hot water into the mugs and brought them to the table to steep.  
  
"Rei's grandpa is so old he has a hard time remembering to take care of himself," she went on, "let alone Rei. Her dad is totally a lost cause. He's probably going to get remarried to that new woman he's been hanging around. Then he'll have all new kids to neglect, but he'd still probably treat them better than he ever treated Rei. It all comes down to whatever looks good on the campaign trail. And I know it's hard for her to trust Yuuichirou, 'cause she can't tell if they're friends or he just wants to nail her."  
  
Mina looked down, remembering how jealous she was of that bumbling musician, even though she knew deep down that he wasn’t a bad guy. "He cares about the temple, and he's really committed to it, but he couldn't run the shrine on his own for more than a few days. She could probably do worse."  
  
"Yeah." Makoto agreed half-heartedly.  
  
"Ami's mom loves her so much, but works non-stop, and usually comes home to sleep after Ami has gone to school and is gone again before she gets back, unless she sleeps at the hospital." She blew on her hot tea. "And well, my parents are always away too... I know it's not the same as losing them but I don't think they... Well sometimes I think maybe they don't miss me." Mina admitted. She hoped it wasn't true, but still felt like it was. She sipped her tea and continued. "The only one with normal parents is Usagi, and I don't blame her for wanting to spend time with them... Even Shingo, as annoying as he is, still totally cares about her."  
  
"I know, we all need each other. And you guys are everything to me. I just thought things would be different by now." Mako was grateful that Mina had come over, but was starting to feel a little selfish for even bringing it up.  
  
Not knowing what to say, Mina tried to break the tension and asked, "So then, what is it? It's not like we forgot your birthday or something."  
  
Mako bit her lip and looked away. "Well..." She laughed glibly.  
  
"Fuuuck! It was your birthday, wasn't it? Dammit, why didn't you tell us? We could've all gone to The Crown and Fruits Parlour for sundaes. We would've invited Haruka and Michiru, and even girls from your classes, like Naru... maybe not Umino though. He really gives me the creeps.  Unless you wanted him there, but still! Oh my god!"  
  
Mina remembered that it had come up a couple times that no one seemed to be able to pinpoint when exactly the lightning senshi's birthday was. It dawned on her that in all these years they had never really celebrated her birthday, but whenever they'd ask her she'd say that she didn't want one or would change the subject.  
  
  
'How can someone be mad that I didn't know something if they kept it a secret?' She thought to herself. 'But Mako-chan doesn't seem mad? Just kinda down. Mako-chan always makes us cakes for our birthdays and we just treat hers like some other day of the year! She's always saying she loves birthdays but goes out of her way to avoid her own.' Minako beat herself up internally.  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"If I had known I would've brought candles for you to blow out! You should make a wish anyways!"  
  
Makoto actually had a surplus of candles in one of the kitchen drawers but it wasn't worth the fuss. Plus, Minako would probably awkwardly serenade her. Those little cakes had been more than enough.  
  
"When was it?"  
  
"It's today. But it's fine, really! I just used to go out with my parents and we'd do really normal family stuff and I miss it. I liked feeling like I was the most important thing in the world to someone."  
  
Mina's eyes widened. "Ami-chan didn't talk to you today, did she?" She suddenly understood Mako's heavy heart.  
  
She shook her head. "Like, I know she's trying to keep her grades up and I want to believe it's because I don't have a phone and it's too cold for her to walk over just to see if I was home. I know that she wouldn't risk making Luna mad by using the communicator for anything other than senshi business, y'know? But the cold doesn't bother her anyway."  
  
Mina frowned and shook her head, "For a such smart girl, she can really miss the big picture sometimes." She sipped her tea, feeling much warmer now.  
  
"Yeah. I mean, she is my best friend... Err... No offense. I mean, I know you're the one who's worried and came all the way down here and all, but..."  
  
"You share a more profound bond, I know. I wasn't going to mention it. So, uh, I think your cupcakes are better than these but they're still pretty good." She wondered if she should give the brunette an easy out. She wasn't used to seeing her quite so vulnerable and didn't want to overwhelm the poor girl on her birthday, especially when this was probably the first time she'd ever talked about this kind of thing quite so openly before.  
  
Makoto smiled. She had known her cooking was probably better, but she still couldn't say no to chocolate. Especially when this was the closest thing to birthday cake she'd had in years. It's true, she had cake all the time, but to be surprised like this was really nice. Then she remembered that they were talking about more than just dessert.  
  
"I guess going to the same school, I just see her more, and Usagi has so many other friends. I just was able to spend more time with her, or something."  
  
"Ha! Or something's right! It's like that writer guy said, 'The lady doth protest too much.'"  
  
"Which writer guy? Shakespeare?"  
  
"Yeah, you say that when someone is trying to cover up a lie, like, 'He looks just like my old senpai!' Especially when your senpai looks like a dozen different men. Or the other old lie, 'We're just friends.'"  
  
"Hey! So, you know then?" Makoto was blushing.  
  
Mina nodded, taking another bite of the cupcake.  
  
A look of worry crept across Mako's face. "Do the others know? Does... Does Ami know?" She didn't sound like herself. Everything she was trying to say was true, but she had never said the words out loud before.  
  
She could hear her doubt, and heard her own voice start to crack. She hoped it just sounded like her throat was dry, and not like she was about to start crying.  
  
"Well, Rei sort of knows, but I think I may have been the one to put it in her head. Usagi believes that you're STILL pining away for your lost love from your old school. And, well, Ami – I don't think she has a clue. I've known for a long time though."  
  
Mako was surprised by her friend's intuition. She laughed it off. "And I thought Rei was supposed to be the psychic one."  
  
Mina sighed, exasperated. "Sometimes, I wonder. I mean, how oblivious can she be? She makes me so mad! There's only so many hints I can drop before I take it personally, you know?"  
  
Makoto had always had a hunch, and now she could finally really ask since no one else was around. "Ha! You like her? I wasn't sure what was happening there! But then, with Galaxia and finals, I forgot to ask. Then sometimes it seemed like everything was back to normal between the two of you."  
  
"It sucks to be the goddess of love or whatever. It's like, I can always tell when someone likes someone else but I never know what to do about my own love life! Like, last week, I was at the temple. She was doing her homework and I was laying on her bed, practically throwing myself at her, and she wouldn't even look up. As if some algebra book is cuter than I am!"  
  
Mako finished her tea and put the cup in the sink, rinsing it under the tap. "Still listening!" she said over the loud running water. She grinned. She lived for this kind of gossip.  
  
"So, I start reading the horoscopes. Like, 'Hey Rei, it says, love might be closer than you know, what do you think? Do you like anybody? Hey Rei, it says that Aries is usually ruled by Mars but sometimes it's Venus... Hey Rei, I'm no Virgo but I still have the box it came in ahahaha!' And she never even looked up!" Minako ranted.  
  
Mako laughed. "Oh god you didn't! Heh. T-That joke doesn't even really make sense does it?"  
  
"No, I know... but it still sounds kinda dirty! And she didn't even react! So, like a minute later she finally looks up and tells me she doesn't even believe in the zodiac! So, I'm like, 'Pssh! Says the shrine maiden in a catholic school girl uniform reincarnated from a kingdom in outer space... As if, right?"  
  
"Yeah, after what we've seen, a newspaper giving us a little weekly insight would probably be the sanest thing I've ever heard!" Makoto chuckled. "And, Rei is so bull-headed, I would've pegged her as a Taurus, but I'm sure she likes you."  
  
"I dunno," Mina mumbled, looking away.  
  
"Can I tell you a secret?"  
  
Mina perked up and mimed zipping her lips.  
  
"Rei says she doesn't like video games, but really it's because she's way too hot-headed, and with her bad temper it makes her too high strung to even get past the GAME OVER screen. It's like, the point of games is that they're fun! Put in another token and see if you can get further..."  
  
"Yeah, I know that. What does it have to do with me?"  
  
"Before we met you, when you weren't Sailor Venus yet, just good ol' Sailor V – she would basically drool over the pixel version of you. She even had a couple posters. And once you started coming to the shrine for meetings, she moved all of her manga to Usagi's so you wouldn't think she was, like, obsessed. I think it was a lot for her to meet her idol. Plus, going to an all girl school with crazy nuns, she's probably afraid to think about things like that."  
  
Mina was blushing hard. She didn't have to ask, 'like what?' She knew. Minako smiled. "She really liked Sailor V, huh? I wonder if she ever..." She shook the filthy thoughts from her head.  
  
"Plus, every time she tries to talk to you alone, Artemis really gets in the way. Or there's a youma. Actually, now that I think about it, you're probably why she sneaks over to our school so much, because I know she doesn't go there to see me or Ami," Makoto finished.  
  
"Right, Ami..." Minako suddenly remembered her duties as the love senshi. "Why haven't you talked to Ami? You guys would be totally cute together."  
  
"Dunno. Guess I'm just shy." She shrugged.  
  
"You, shy? The girl who invited herself to Motoki's to teach him how to cook? The girl who rode off down the freeway in a convertible with Haruka after only knowing her a couple hours? You're shy? Or are you just scared?"  
  
Makoto grit her teeth. She didn't like to be reminded of her vulnerabilities. "So what if I am?"  
  
"You, the big, angry giant, scared of sweet, tiny Ami? What's she gonna do?"  
  
"Uh! Say no? Break my heart? Stop talking to me? Make it so both school and Rei's become impossible for me, so then I have to move, and then I'll have nobody, all over again? And that's the Sailor business aside! I don't want to be the reason Earth is enslaved!" She sounded like she was beginning to hyperventilate.  
  
She had obviously been dwelling on the worst case scenario for a while. Mina softened.  "Okay, yeah, okay. You're right, that does sound like something to be afraid of, but it just wouldn't happen! You wouldn't be alone. I swear that Rei and I wouldn't go anywhere. Usagi would probably say something to embarrass herself, but she would support you, and Ami would still be your friend. She would get over it. I promise, even if she was freaked out a little at first, none of that other stuff would happen!"  
  
"I just don't know if she even likes girls. I don't even really know if I really like girls? Maybe I just like Ami, I think? Like, does she seem gay to you? I mean, she doesn't really gossip the way the rest of us do, so it's hard to tell, 'cause she's never talked about liking anyone, guy or girl. She's really closed off about that kind of thing, even with me. She denies it now, but I think she kind of liked that Ryo Uwara, but she said nothing was going to come of it. So they just talk sometimes but nothing else. I don't know if I should tell her."  
  
"Well, 'To thine own self be true,’ right?"  
  
"What's with you and all the Shakespeare tonight?”  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Minako, c'mon. Look, you usually screw up sayings, but when it's just us, you know exactly what you're talking about."  
  
"I guess I kind of got into his plays when I lived in England. One time, I went to Stratford for a few weeks with some friends. That's like, where he used to live, by a castle on a river. It just kinda made me feel things."  
  
Mina almost never talked about her time in England.  
  
  
"So then, do you just play dumb or something? Is it to make Usagi feel better?"  
  
  
"Well, truthfully? It's Rei. Yeah, sometimes I say some stupid shit by accident, but I know I have a pretty good idea of what I'm saying most of the time. Sometimes she gets so totally frazzled trying to stop herself from telling me what a ditz I am, and really, as cute as she is when she's angry, she's so super gorgeous when she smiles." She sighed, starry-eyed.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"She's just so damn serious all the time, and I feel so special when I'm the one who makes her laugh. And to be perfectly honest, sometimes I'm a little jealous of how much more time she's spent with Usagi. I mean, I know she's the princess, but I wish she would look at me like that, even once. Besides, even when she fights with her, there's a ton of good emotions there, too. She's so protective of her. I guess sometimes I want to know what it feels like to have what they have."  
  
"Ha! So, that's why you asked if there was a poem called Nevermore by Edgar Allen Crow? You just were trying to make her laugh? Ami nearly had a stroke."  
  
"But it is about birds isn't it? I just thought with her having a pair of ravens, such nice black hair, her secret goth phase, and everything that it would have done more than just make her roll her eyes at me. Besides, I shouldn't say, but you just know Raven would totally be her stripper name, or pen name or whatever."  
  
Makoto pretended like she hadn't just heard Rei and stripper in the same sentence, but that'd be one surefire way to get the Senator to resign.  
  
"Hm, well I think maybe Rei might've liked Usagi a little before you came along, but maybe Usagi just reminded her of Sailor V or something." Mako winked, made a peace sign with her fingers, mimicking Mina's trademark V for Victory.  
  
Mina smiled as Mako continued. "I think Rei is just kinda partial to blondes. There was even a girl at her school she talked to a lot. She was blonde too. Besides, she's never been as annoyed with you as she is with Usagi, even though now that I know Usagi makes mistakes by accident and you just try to bait her... You don't get under her skin the same way. She's, like, waaay more patient with you. She knows Usagi is the princess and it's our sworn duty is to protect her, but I think she like really tries with you."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
They sat quietly for a few seconds. It felt good to finally talk about their crushes but they were still no closer to dating Ami or Rei.  
  
"Do you think it was this hard for Haruka and Michiru to hook up?"  
  
"I dunno. I feel like they were always meant to be together, like they would've been together during the Silver Millennium, and are together now, and will still be together in the future in Crystal Tokyo, and probably even whatever's after that. They'll always be able to find each other. Haruka probably gives her some cheesy line about knowing her perfect soulmate existed, after hearing it whispered on the wind."  
  
"You really think so? Sometimes, I feel like I'm meant to be with Ami, not just because I want to be, but I have these, uh, dreams about her."  
  
"Whoa there, Sparky! Isn't that a little T.M.I?" Mina grinned.  
  
  
"No!" Mako protested. "I mean, I don't know if they're dreams or memories or, like, premonitions or what, but it was so real. It's not the same kind of memories as when I have nightmares about the crash or dreams that my parents are back and we're in our old house, but I'm the age I am now. I always know right away what happened, even before I open my eyes and know I'm by myself in my apartment." She choked up. "I always know they're still dead and I'm still alone. No matter how much I wish it weren't true. But with the other dreams, I'm in a daze the whole day, thinking about Ami, and trying to figure out what it all means – And she forgets my birthday!"  
  
Mina wondered if Ami ever even knew when Mako's birthday was, but she knew better than to argue, since that it was obviously beside the point. Ami had looked up different personal files about the girls, so she might have come across that information at some point, but decided to keep it quiet to not give herself away. Anything was possible.  
  
"You should probably talk to her. Maybe she's had the same dreams? She should at least know for sure you don't have a phone now. I know you don't like to announce things like that, but she probably just doesn't know that, or that it was your birthday. She missed it but maybe she could make it up to you?" She smirked.  
  
Mako acted like she hadn't just heard that suggestive tone. She got up to put the other mug in the sink, tossing the paper cupcake wrappers into the small metal garbage bin in the corner.  
  
"It's getting pretty late." As she looked out the window, she noticed that the snow was falling much harder now. "Hm. You should probably just stay over. We have a meeting at the temple tomorrow. If you want, I could make you and Rei up  a nice bento each. You can go over early and surprise her, like you did with the cupcakes tonight. Just go over to the temple and have lunch; with this weather they won’t be getting a lot of tourists."  
  
Minako bit her lip, wondering whether that would be a good idea or not.  
  
"C'mon, Yuuichirou could probably help her grandpa with chores until the rest of us get there. I just think the sailor of love and the sailor of passion could find a lot to talk about." Mako sported a cheshire grin, which made Minako giggle. Makoto was such a romantic at heart and nothing would've made her happier than her friends realizing they were perfect for each other.  
  
"That'd be awesome. If I chicken out, I could ask her about you and Ami? I mean, if she has seen anything in the sacred flame or had any dreams herself?"  
  
"No," Makoto stopped her. "If it's okay, I don't really want to tell anyone else about the dreams because its mostly just quick flashes about fighting in different uniforms,or waking up beside a half naked Mercury on the Moon. And I know Luna and Artemis would want to make a huge discussion of it. I couldn't just ask, 'Were we as close then as we are now?' They'd want every detail. I'd just really hate Ami to find out this way."  
  
"That's true. I mean I know you weren't really, really Princess Jupiter, but Ami still might want privacy where Princess Mercury's concerned."  
  
"Uh huh... Or worse, if the cats disapproved? Or called this an unnecessary distraction? Or even forbid us from talking about it. That'd be too much. And the only detail is waking up time and time again in a huge bed other than my own, next to her, or kissing her at a party. A masquerade ball – but we all know what happened that night... So, maybe we should just leave well enough alone. Okay, Mina? Please?"  
  
Minako remembered the first time she connected Sailor V's red mask with the grand balls of the Silver Millennium. It made perfect sense – Tuxedo Kamen had one. So had Phantom Ace. She felt sick to her stomach. She thought about the other Edgar Allen Poe story she'd stumbled upon 'Masque Of The Red Death.'  
  
It was too close to home, or what had once been home at any rate. A young royal knows that everything is crumbling around them, so they throw a party at the palace. The guest's rooms are all colour-coded. She herself had spent many nights in a red room with those floor to ceiling scarlet velvet curtains. They lived like nothing was wrong until intruders showed up. "And the life of the ebony clock went out with that of the last of the gay. And the flames of the tripods expired. And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all." She had found herself nearly tearing up in English class and hadn't known what to tell her peers, other than, "It... It just sounds like such a terrible way to die."  
  
"I know what you mean," she said. "I was the first senshi to awaken so I've been having these dreams the longest, and Artemis still asks too many questions if I bring it up, and well, you're right. Luna can get pretty judgemental." Mina then did her impression of Luna. "Now, Jupiter, why is it that you feel you need to sleep instead of training? Why don't you dream about something useful like how to defeat youma?" She paused to pretend to lick her paw and then wash the invisible ear on top of her head.  
  
Mako laughed, and did her best impression of the white cat, "You need to be more responsible. Now here, help me break into the arcade."  
  
"We'd better get some sleep before the communicators wake us up." Mina looked across the table at the shabby bed, remembering her present. She shot up, and darted toward the door, coming back with a large shopping bag.  
  
"What's all this?" Mako asked, raising an eyebrow. "You plannin' on moving in?"  
  
Mina opened the bag to reveal a beautiful green comforter with lace trim and new forest green sheets with a pattern of tiny little leaves in a lighter shade of green.  
  
"You didn't even know it was my birthday though!" She said in shock.  
  
Mina acted all flustered, knowing her friend wouldn't take charity. "No, but, see, so you know how it's winter? And it's been getting colder? I thought to myself Mina, you should treat yourself to a brand new, nice, warm blanket! But, wouldn't you know, I'm such a total ditz. I bought bedding for a double bed, but I have a queen! And then I lost the receipt! I'm just so clueless sometimes, but I thought, know who would probably like these? My good friend Mako-chan!" She smiled slyly, hoping Mako would accept the gift. She worried that she may have laid that story on a little thick.  
  
If Rei was here, she would've told her to leave well enough alone, that she didn't need to be so meddling and that she didn't have to play interior designer every time she walked into a room that she didn't like, but Mina was the goddess of love AND beauty after all. She always worried that people must've thought she was shallow, just because she didn't think beauty ended with her own looks, but making other things beautiful as well. Besides, Mako had done so much for them and she just wanted her to have something nice, something that was all hers.  
  
"Thank you! Thank you so much! These are really, really nice, they must've cost a fortune!" Makoto squeezed the plush material. It definitely felt like something that would help keep her toasty warm. She thought for a split second, 'Isn't Mina's bedroom is orange or yellow?' and tried to picture the room. Maybe there was a bit of red too, but not green. She pushed that idea away. She was grateful for the birthday present that her friend had obviously picked out for her. Minako had clearly thought up a story like that to spare her pride. She was pretty lucky sometimes.  
  
They tucked the corners of the fitted sheet under the mattress, put on new pillow cases, fluffed, ruffled and spread out the comforter. Mina's intuition was dead on. Like magic, the whole room instantly looked so much nicer. They got ready to go to sleep in harmony.  
  
"G'night, Mako," Mina murmured. "Happy Birthday."  
  
  
\---  
  
Later, Makoto lay there wide awake, as the blonde snored lightly, curled up against a pillow. Part of her wished she hadn't revealed as much to Mina as she had. Once things were out there, there'd be no putting them back. She knew she could trust her friend, even if she had a tendancy to be a total gossip. She at least had enough tact that she would never tell the person that it was about, and it would never leave their circle.  
  
The worst case scenario was usually that Mina would tell Rei or Rei would tell Mina, that was a given. Haruka and Michiru already would know, and you couldn't tell one without the other. Mamoru was intuitive but tried not to meddle in their affairs – he had long outgrown their teenage drama. Usagi was usually kept in the dark about any of the interplanetary feuding. They had always agreed that they would keep up appearances for her, and fight on their own time.  
  
Even if it had been a fluke Makoto was grateful that someone had kind of remembered her birthday, and had cared enough to see if she was alright. She appreciated the company and her friend's concern. She had liked her cake and was completely in love her new blankets.  
  
She was also grateful because she'd be able to keep her anger in check now. She knew that if she had kept all this in for much longer, then the next person to look at her funny would probably have got their arm broken.  
  
She felt a twinge of embarrassment. Was her story about her old senpai really so transparent? She wasn't being dishonest per se, but it must've looked strange to describe someone who was a tall, short, dark, fair, brainy, jock who always wore hats except when he didn't. In truth, there had actually been a couple guys.  
  
Life in her old towns had been very hard, and she hated that, no matter where she went, her past preceded her. There were always rumours, lies and half truths. Everyone always asked if she'd really been kicked out for fighting. She did get into a lot of fights, but she never started them. It was mostly guys who would make a pass at her, then, when she'd ignore them, turn around and call her a dyke all in the same breath.  
  
She knew she wasn't seen as feminine as other girls. Her height made things difficult. It was harder to find pretty clothes in her size, so she'd tend to wear something plainer if it fit better. She also didn't have a lot of money to keep up with the more current trendy brand name fashions.  
  
She was always kind of a tomboy, even back when her mom and dad were alive. Her parents had been proud of her – she had been such a happy child. They encouraged her to climb trees, and if she fell and skinned her knees, to just get up and try again, to be bright and fearless. But the living at first at an orphanage, then group homes, and then on the streets had nearly beaten all that brightness out of her. Life had forced her to be tough, and even when she really tried to be girly, everyone still had something negative to say to her.  
  
It didn't matter that she was getting one of the best marks in her home-ec class, it was the marks she was getting in gym that caught everyone's attention. There were just a lot of little things. Whenever she'd stand up for herself to a boy, they'd say she must be a real man-hater. Pretty soon the whole school thought she was gay.  
  
The guys were so horrible with comments about "knowing they'd be able to fix her." The girls, who were already afraid of her, stopped talking to her altogether. Mako had been really alone then and had had such dark thoughts. She didn't know if she really wanted to die, but for however brief a moment suicide had crossed her mind.  
  
She had truly had no one in the world that she could talk to. She was so overwhelmed, all she really wanted was to find a way to make the rumours stop. She could hear the echoes of their malicious laughter and had their disgusted faces, hateful glares and sneers permanently etched into her mind.  
  
So Mako had slept with a boy, her old senpai. He was one of the nicer guys. He was good looking. She knew that she wasn't really in love with him, but he had seemed decent enough. She hoped that if she really forced it, maybe he'd want to actually date her.  
  
  
She had needed to feel needed. She was cripplingly aware of how lonely she was and didn't know if she was defective. She had to find answers. She decided that she didn't really mind being used – it was still attention and it felt good to be noticed.  
  
She understood that gossip travelled fast. She figured on some level, being called a slut was better than being called a dyke. The names didn't hurt so much at first. Once there had been things that were carved so deeply into her locker, taking so many layers of old paint and metal with them, that even when the janitor painted over it, it could all still be read clearly. There were things written in the locker room showers.  
  
It had been just getting to be too much and every day was getting harder. She hadn't been sitting alone in the lunchroom anymore, but knew that people just wanted to satisfy their own warped curiosity, and only talked to her to find out if the rumours were true.  
  
It was only once the rumours got to Kioshi Hakoda, a quiet boy in her history class, who had asked her out, that she began to regret her actions. She realized too late that he had really cared for her, but once he heard the talk, he'd broken up with her in a public spectacle during lunch in the busy cafeteria.  
  
She had made too big a mess of things, she decided, and just left, skipping town. The next school would've probably been much the same if she hadn't had an old sempai to talk about. She knew she liked some guys, at least a little. As long as she was talking about boys, no one would think anything else. It got easier to pretend that she cared, or easier to pretend she didn't care. She wasn't even sure which was true anymore.  
  
She learned it wasn't as difficult to get guys to leave her alone if she mentioned another guy than if she just politely declined. She still didn't have any friends but at least now she could fall asleep without crying only to wake up to a tear soaked pillow. She had time to figure out what she wanted. She had been able to breathe again.  
  
She had made one friend, Tomoko Takase, a quiet, intelligent, blue haired girl, who wrote fantasy stories. It was nice to have someone who wasn't afraid of her, who hadn't heard, or didn't care about the rumours. Makoto had found herself drawn to her, eager to win her shy smiles. In retrospect, she could admit it had been a crush.  
  
When she made the realization that she might actually like girls, she knew it must sound strange, but she thought it was exactly like running full speed into a patio door, like everyone watching could tell what was going to happen except her – she was already too close to see it, it was already too late – especially since it felt like she had been hearing it her whole life. Like everyone had been saying, "Oh that Makoto, she's the type to run into glass," "Know who I hear runs into doors? That tall girl," "I bet Kino walks into stuff like that all the time." And she hadn't, they had no reason to think that about her. She had done nothing wrong, and just in case she had, she now did her best to be more careful, almost paranoid, trying to overcompensate to prove she wasn't who they thought she was. It was like when someone is afraid they're going to trip, so they're constantly watching their feet and then BAM! They still fall of course. They were always going to fall, but now it's almost in slow motion, adding insult to injury.  
  
The truth had knocked her right flat on her ass. They were right. They had always been right. Everything hurt for a moment, but she was more shocked than in pain. She felt betrayed, like her very senses had lied to her. Everything she knew had been wrong. She was embarrassed that she had missed something about herself that was such a surprise to her but that must be so glaringly obvious to everyone else. It made her tread even more lightly, in case there were any more things she had to question and even more things she couldn't trust herself with knowing for sure. Unable to face the people she knew, especially Tomoko, she had moved schools yet again.  
  
Mako had spent a lot of time worrying about girls. She didn't want to look like she was giving up on men. Maybe she still liked boys. It was all very confusing. Sometimes she'd talk herself out of it, wondering even if she did like a girl, what kind of future could they have? She'd grown up without a family, would she grow old without one, too?  
  
She sometimes mourned the idea of a nice little house, beautiful garden, maybe a baby or two, and of course, a smart, funny, gorgeous husband who loved her unconditionally and always let her be herself, someone who could make her feel delicate and cared for. Why couldn't she have that? Had she really done something so wrong to doom herself to this fate of unending loneliness? Even when she'd try to change it to a smart, funny gorgeous wife who loved her unconditionally, it still never lined up quite right.  
  
She couldn't always remember as much as she'd like about her parents. What she did remember was fading as she got older, but she knew they would read her fairy tales before bed, and not even one of those colourful pages full of pretty pictures of women in beautiful gowns or handsome princes with swords had two princesses kiss at the end. Girls didn't just run away together and get married, did they?  
  
In each new place, Makoto felt like people judged her too quickly. They'd dismiss her as either some dumb jock or just another ignorant delinquent. She didn't think that she was really a complete idiot, though she did miss a lot of school. She would get suspended for fighting, and got sick a lot from being so cold, hungry and over-tired. Between the fighting and bullying, teachers thought she was the problem, that she must like looking for trouble. They said she must be doing something to instigate the arguments that escalated so quickly into violence, and whenever she needed a fresh start, she would leave again.  
  
Every new school she'd go to would be just ahead of where she left off, the teacher would always start off nice enough, "I'm sure you covered all of this at your old school." She'd smile, nod, and act like she would catch up. "Well, I'm always here to help." But whenever she'd try to track a teacher down with a question, they'd be too busy, or assign a tutor who wouldn't show up because of her reputation.  
  
A few times, her peer tutors had told her she was an idiot and would never be able to learn it in time, and one purposely had her work on the wrong worksheet and denied it to the teacher. After all, coming from a straight A student who was volunteering to help out in their spare time, who were teachers more likely they believe?  
  
With her grades suffering, there would be more fights, suspensions, and expulsions. She couldn't always leave schools and find schools so easily. Sometimes to qualify, she'd have to move to be in the acceptable school district, and that meant finding first and last month's rent. So she was held back a year, not because of grades alone, but for poor attendance.  
  
The others didn't know she was older, but Usagi would always tease her and say being born at the end of the year made her the baby of the group, or that she was too tall to really be their age.  
  
Really, Mako had been tall for a woman of any age, but it still rubbed her wrong. Mostly because it was another way she had failed, something else she had to lie about, another thing she could slip up about.  
  
She hated to be dishonest, especially because she desperately wanted to be close with the other senshi. She wanted the other scouts to be able to trust her, but her past always screwed everything up. She hoped one day she wouldn't have anything to hide, no more secrets, but if you took all that away, what would she even be left with? Who would she even be?  
  
She worried that she was destined to always run away. She hated feeling so weak, and acting like such a coward. It felt like she was always at the breaking point, like any little thing would set her off.  
  
It seemed so strange to her looking back, that the same day she met Usagi her life had changed forever. That same day, she had first been properly introduced to Ami. She had seen her around before and had felt drawn to her, but they had never really spoken to one another. The blue haired girl was rather meek, but unlike the other girls she'd met that day, she hadn't been afraid of  the taller girl. It was only a couple hours later that they found out Makoto was Sailor Jupiter, and it was Sailor Mercury who told her that she was the also senshi of courage.  
  
She didn't feel very brave, and she'd soon come to believe that Ami was really the courageous one. Ami was brave in subtle ways that not everyone picked up on. Like that Rendez Vous of Destiny dance – she had been so bold at that dance. Mako still thought about it a lot. She had been in awe of the brave girl asking her to dance. Ami deserved so much more credit.  
  
  
It had taken her such a long time to realize just how devastated Ami must've been when Mako waited all night in the rain for Tiger’s Eye instead. She had been so stupid. Makoto had just been another conquest. It had been Ami who had worried about her, and got the other girls to come keep her company and bring her an umbrella and a towel.  
  
Mako had decided that she needed a good relationship, she needed to prove she was normal. She was finally at a point where she was starting to believe she wasn't just trash, something no one wanted, or that they would change their mind about her and just throw her away. She had finally started to believed she was deserving and worthy of respect and affection. She had friends now. She had a little home. There were no more envelopes with scary, glaring, red letters that said final notice, no late cheques or unpaid bills in her mailbox.  
  
She had been doing a little better in school, too, even if her teachers were still on her case. She had thought it was about time for someone to fall in love with her. She wanted to do it properly that time, not just find someone who took pity on her, or who could get what they wanted and leave, but someone who truly loved her. She had had such high hopes for the dance. Motoki Furuhata had told her people found their soulmates there, and she believed him. She had only wanted to feel normal.  
  
When Tiger's Eye had stood her up, Ami had still asked her to dance, and then later came out in the rain, where they'd fallen asleep together. Later, Mina had reminded them of the name, hinting that their's had been the rendez-vous in question. She'd also convinced Rei to dance with her. After all, maybe there was truth in what Motoki had told them.  
  
  
\---  
  
Minako woke up to the clang of pots and pans. Makoto wasn't being particularly loud, but the sound carried in the tiny apartment. Minako decided that no matter what time it was, it was still too early to get up, and tried to go back to sleep. She would've drifted off again, but the aroma of something cooking snapped her out of it. Makoto was making her special french toast. The whole apartment smelled like cinnamon.  
  
  
Mako returned to the bed with two plates of food, and saw Minako looked around as her eyes adjusted to the room. There was no television. There were books and some old video cassettes on a shelf but nothing to watch them on. Some things had been damaged in Makoto's travels, lost or stolen by the movers. Other things had been sold during particularly hard times, but she liked what she did have left, especially the framed photo of her and her parents that hung on the wall.  
  
  
Mako caught Minako focusing on one especially bare corner. Makoto sheepishly explained that it was a meditation corner.  
  
A few months before she had gone to Rei, asking for some advice about her anger. She had been worried that if she didn't step back and try to calm herself down, her rage issues would get out of control again. She knew that it would only take one incident for people to start up the stories about how unstable she was. Things had been piling up for her, and there hadn't been as many youma, so sometimes there was no safe outlet to channel her fury. It wasn't like she could be honest with a professional, so psychiatry was out.  
  
  
She used to go to the gym. At first it was an excuse to run into Ami at the pool. Sometimes she'd go to the ice rink, but the skate rental was really expensive. She would have been just as far ahead to actually buy a pair of skates, but there was never enough extra money. She liked to take the karate classes, until they raised the price and she couldn't afford to extend her membership. She got a second job, and then, when she would've been able to pay the higher fees, she got more hours at her other job and didn't have the time anymore. Things just happened like that sometimes.  
  
  
She'd been busy with work and school. It wasn't always trying to balance the actual work that was hard, but rather the fear of coming home to another past-due bill that discouraged her from quitting. The store patrons would make remarks like, "How are you ever going to make something of yourself, if you're here instead of studying?" or "How are you going to find a husband if you're hiding in a flower shop? The fellas who come in here already have sweethearts!" She'd laugh it off, knowing if she slipped up that it would probably cost her her job.  
  
  
Then, in the morning, the teachers would say, "Maybe if you didn't stay out all night, you'd find time to finish your assignments. What would your parents think?" And time and time again she would have to swallow down her anger, so afraid it would eventually consume her. She respected her elders, but she wished that even some of the time they would respect her as well. She was doing the best she could. It hurt, especially when this was the same idiot teacher that had once seen them coming out of The Crown and had told Usagi that she was a disgrace and didn't deserve to play arcade games, because she was nothing like Sailor V. That real heroes cared about their futures. Makoto had had to leave or she would have done something she'd regret.    
  
  
Mako had been walking around just seething with anger, carrying the storm with her wherever she'd go, fists clenched tightly. She felt like she was becoming unapproachable again, and maybe she liked it like that just a little bit, but she was part of a team now, one that was almost like a family. She finally had people who cared about her, and she couldn't do the lone wolf thing anymore and still expect her friendships to survive.  
  
She'd known she had to talk to someone, and to her surprise that someone was Rei. All the scouts had their own unique areas of expertise. Whether or not Rei would ever admit it, they had a lot in common.  
  
She'd climbed the many stairs of the shrine and made small talk with Rei's Grandpa. The bald old man had seemed a little disappointed that she hadn't brought any of her fabulous cooking with her, but understood this was a more serious type of visit. He'd joked that he hoped that Rei wasn't in any kind of trouble with her because Kino could really pack a wallop! POW!  
  
She tried to laugh, but he that raw truth hit a little too close to the bone. He told Makoto she could wait inside of the temple for Rei to get home from her classes, but Makoto just thanked him, instead moving to sit under a beautiful cherry tree. Pink petals fell from the blossoms in the light breeze, and even just connecting with nature for those few minutes seemed to help. Even the air seemed sweeter. She tried to convince herself one last time that she was doing the right thing coming there.  
  
Rei came up the path and found her there, studying her with dark, serious eyes. "Mako-chan, I was hoping you'd see me today. Sit down, tell me everything."  
  
  
"I thought that..."  
  
  
"None of that! First of all, you know that's not even how it works! So I don't want to hear –" she mimicked her friend's gravelly voice, "I thought you were psychic. So why did you have to hope you'd see me, didn't you already know? Why do you need me to tell you anything, shouldn't you already know?'" Rei softened, "'I do already know that you're feeling out of control, but I need to hear it from you."  
  
  
Makoto began to wonder if she had made a mistake, but she thought about it for a second, 'If I were to talk to Usagi about it, she'd just tell me what I needed to hear, that I was just over-reacting and couldn't possibly be as angry as I said I was. I'd try to believe it for a little while, but I always tried to keep that side of myself from the princess.'  
  
  
The shrine maiden wasn't one to sugar coat things. While Makoto was friends with all the senshi, she felt like Rei sometimes still kept her distance. She lowered her gaze and timidly pleaded, at the end of her rope, "Please, Rei? I can't handle things on my own anymore."  
  
  
Rei started by kept asking Makoto to come up with a list of things that made her angry,  so that she could let go of these smaller things one by one. "See," she said, "Most of these things are just yesterday's problem for yesterday's Makoto."  
  
Rei's advice had been to encourage her to meditate like the bald monk Kakusui, Makoto had once stayed with.  
  
"There is no path that lets me live my life other than this path. Therefore I walk this path."  
  
She had written it down when she had stayed in the mountains for training. She had journaled anything she thought was important while she was away. Even though she had gone when her confidence had been almost shattered, after a few days, she had actually been happy to be around so many different kinds of plants, and she had had a list of things to look up when she went home.  
  
But that day, even a peaceful quote had made her frustrated. "I don't want to be on this stupid path, that's the whole damn point."  
  
  
She'd been thinking about going back to the mountains. Even if she didn't need to train with him, it would be nice to visit, or to at least write him a letter, but she never knew when she was burdening people. She remembered his other advice. "People cannot live alone, don't force yourself." She had been going at it alone for so long that it was all she knew anymore. She was trying though.  
  
Makoto knew that she and Rei were friends, and Rei cared about her and wanted to help, but she was just a Miko, not really a priestess yet. She'd given Mako a space to vent, really get some things out into the open. Makoto had mostly just needed a good ear and a safe place.  
  
  
Makoto felt better, a mix of relieved and embarrassed at her confessions. Admitting everything from being aggravated by the video games she normally enjoyed, to being frustrated that she was working two jobs, but still never had any money, to having to cut her own hair. She was even bothered by a bird outside her window which had nearly pushed her to the brink.  
  
  
"I swear to god Rei, I was going to punch that sparrow in the face."  
  
  
Rei laughed and told her with a wink, that just like any battle, she should clear her mind before going against the video game bosses or any other obstacle, that she couldn't control how yesterday's Makoto had handled a bird outside of her window, but that that had been yesterday's bird, too, and that tomorrow's Makoto would know what to do.  
  
  
"And as for the haircut, just never let Mina find out. She says she can cut hair, but don't to listen to her." Rei touched the back of her neck, where if it hadn't been for her senshi healing, there might have been a scar.    
  
  
Rei had named some general ways to deal with emotions: "Write things down, talk to people, meditate, exercise, destroy a youma, have sex..."  
  
  
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "W-What was the last thing?"  
  
  
"Destroy a youma?"  
  
  
"No, no, after that..."  
  
  
"Spiritual texts?"  
  
  
'Sex...texts...texts...sex... Yeah they do sound pretty alike, maybe I just didn't hear her?'  
  
Rei laughed. "No, I'm messing with you. I totally said sex. You were being so serious, I couldn't help myself."  
  
Mako shook her head. "Y'know, somewhere Mina-chan is just bursting with pride, and has no idea why."  
  
"Mako, I'm not just being your friendly neighbourhood shrine maiden talking to some lost soul. This is as friends, okay? You did really good today. I probably would've just left if I were you. I would've wanted to punch me in the face, but I hope it helps. I do think you're still holding back a little about some things, but that might just be the way you are."  
  
  
The truth was Rei she couldn't judge her friend on this, when she was the exact same way. Makoto knew that Rei had really felt her pain, that some of it was so close to her own. She saw her open her mouth to speak, probably to tell her that she still missed her mother, too, but no words came out.  
  
Finally, she'd sent her off with a nice box of herbal tea and some candles from the shrine's gift shop. Grandpa's idea. It couldn't hurt. As Makoto headed on her way, Rei had yelled out the front door, "Oh! And go talk to Ami, she's been thinking about you."  
  
\---  
  
"So, that's corner I set up to meditate like Rei suggested," Mako concluded.  
  
Mina stifled back laughter, "Rei still flies off the handle more than anyone! She's the last person who should give anyone advice! But seriously, between the herbal tea and sitting quietly in the corner, if you really feel better, then I'm happy Rei could help."  
   
"So far, it hasn't worked very well." Mako sighed. She had started to meditate, seen the apartment from a different angle and spent the evening rearranging furniture, much to the displeasure of her sleeping neighbours. Other attempts had just made her tired. It did a help with clearing her mind before bed. She was having fewer nightmares, but she still wasn't sleeping properly, and was honestly still pretty angry.  
  
  
"I've thought about talking to Ami-chan," she admitted to Mina. Spending time with Ami always made Makoto feel better. "But I don't want to make anyone worry about me." She really didn't want the quiet girl to think poorly of her. "Besides, Ami's always so even-tempered and logical. What if she just thinks I'm some sort of primitive brute?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:  
> Finally... I started writing this in 2014. I'm so glad to finally let it see the light of day.  
> Did you catch the little nods to Frozen, Supernatural and Spiderman?  
> Also is it just me or did the poster for the dance really 'mirror' Haruka and Michiru?
> 
> Next up: More trauma for poor Mako-chan. Will Ami 'freeze' up while facing her worst nightmare? Domestic outer senshi, homo sweet homo. A rather 'heated' moment between Rei and Mina. Stay tuned. 
> 
> In the name of the moon, I will PUNish you.


	3. Deafening Thunder

Makoto spent a lot of time worrying about Ami, who was getting busier all the time, trying to finally get into med school. She had met the pre-requisites and maintained a high enough grade average to apply a semester early, but she had said she wasn't quite ready. She knew that what Ami had really meant was that she wanted to graduate with her friends. She'd told her not to let them hold her back, but Ami just smiled and said she was enrolled in some extra credit high school courses that would give her the upper hand. Still, she hardly had time to talk anymore outside of battling youma.  
  
Mako was torn, she didn't want to smother Ami and push her further away, but at the same time if she was still making an effort then maybe at least some of the time Ami would say yes to seeing her. She didn't want to be forgotten but didn't ever once want Ami to give up her dream, either. Mako was a lot of things, but selfish was not one of them.  
  
She was proud of Ami and knew that she would be a great doctor. Especially since she'd been taking care of them for years, and was always looking up medical terms on her computer and in her mother's medical journals. It was Ami who had suggested that they might all have post traumatic stress disorder. If it was true, it would explain a lot, the trouble sleeping,  nightmares, flashbacks, jumpiness, numbness... Even Rei agreed; if it was anything like what they used to call shellshock, it made sense. After all, they were technically soldiers.  
  
Makoto knew she probably had something going on even before she became Jupiter. There was more to it than just losing her parents. Ami had suggested that she had symptoms of survivor's guilt. She had watched the crash happen and had been helpless to stop it. It explained why she tensed up when airplanes flew overhead. She had once yelled at Usagi when she kept on about how fun an airshow would be, when she wouldn't take no for an answer. That kind of sound just got to her. It explained why sometimes she was okay with going to see fireworks but not if kids threw firecrackers down an alleyway, and why she was almost shaking when she'd walk to school on trash collection day. The garbage trucks would be coming in from both directions, boxing her in on either side of the street. Even with headphones and music turned up on she could feel the sound of the air brakes in her chest the whole way there.  
  
But they all had their things that set them off. Minako couldn't stand police uniforms. Rei really hated hospitals, though that had more to do with her mother than anything Sailor Mars had gone through. Ami and Usagi just went blank sometimes.  
  
\----  
  
It had been while first reading up on PTSD, that Ami had received a call from Michiru.  
  
Since the senshi had met The Three Lights, Haruka had become positively dysphoric. Michiru hadn't known what to do for her panic-stricken partner. She confided to Ami that the two of them had begun to miss a lot of school, because Haruka wouldn't get out of bed anymore, insisting nothing looked or felt right. When Michiru had asked where this came from, if someone had said something, Haruka had shook their head and said with a scowl, "They didn't have to, just look at me."  
  
Michiru admitted to Ami that she had read some of her androgynous partner's darker thoughts and was afraid to leave them alone. They complained that all of their clothes were wrong and so was everything else. Haruka also wouldn't swim anymore, even alone with Michiru in the mansion's private pool. They had dealt with depression before, but not like this. They were dodging calls from their track coach, and hadn't been to practice in over a week.  
  
Knowing how much was at stake if this got out, Michiru had sworn Ami to secrecy. Ami knew that the normally-private, older girl wouldn't've come to her for just anything. They both must have been really hurting to even consider voicing their pain out loud. The outer senshi were always so much more independent than the inner, but for all their money, they couldn't buy trust.  
  
Ami admired how Michiru felt Haruka's sorrow so deeply that it affected her as well. She wondered if all love made emotions feel so amplified. With some searching, she had been able to find resources for Haruka's identity crisis. It seemed to help both of them, just by having a word to associate with how Haruka felt and to weigh options, to know they weren't alone, even though Haruka had decided that nothing was likely to come of it, since the other racers and musicians would certainly notice if they began to grow a beard. The famous Mugen Academy prodigies were both in the limelight and there were expectations to uphold. It was never really discussed further.  
  
Sometimes Haruka felt more one way than another, but mostly they stayed in the middle. Equally male and female, while feeling both and neither. Straddling that fine line was simultaneously the harder and the easier option. Ami hoped that Haruka could find some sort of peace.  
  
She offered them her support, and appreciated their faith in her. She had never had reason to give her own gender identity much thought, and was glad to have something new to research. She promised to print off anything that seemed useful.  
  
When it came to other issues, while she was happy her research could help her friends, Ami realized that self-diagnosis could be extremely dangerous, but it wasn't like they could really go to the doctor either. If they went to psychiatrist and said, "I'm a princess of my own planet, I have magical super powers, I talk to cats and they talk back, I've died at least twice, I've travelled through time, saved the world, and frankly I'm having problems dealing with all of this," there was no way they would leave that building ever again. That was a lot of pressure, too.  
  
They couldn't even go to a regular hospital. Once, as Sailor V, Minako had realized that she was already in less physical danger, so had she run out of the waiting room before even putting her name down. Every newspaper in the city would try to pick up a story of how a teenage girl who had a black eye and multiple fractures in the evening could be gone without even a mark later that night. The tabloids would eat up a story about super heroines whose broken bones healed perfectly within a day, third-degree burns that left no scars, or injuries that started to heal by the time the nurse had even given them a clipboard to fill out. So even though it wasn't ideal, in an emergency, all the senshi really had to rely on was Ami's medical knowledge.  
  
\---  
  
It happened while the senshi had been battling at a television station, not an uncommon location; the enemy seemed to realize humanity's relationship with the media, and often tried to use this dependency to their advantage. On this particular day, what they had thought was one big youma had turned out to be three smaller youma, modelled after some kind of Russian nesting dolls.  
  
"Matryoshka," Ami had informed them unnecessarily.  
  
Finally, the girls seemed to have things under control, until one of the monsters got away. After getting a quick nod from Venus, Jupiter ran after it. The other four scouts stayed to fight the two larger enemies, while the smaller one made its way up the winding stairwell to the broadcasting tower to brainwash all of Japan, and the station's international syndicates. It seemed that both of the other youma had merely been diversions.  
  
Jupiter cornered it and made the mistake of unleashing her Supreme Thunder Dragon in a very small soundstage, not taking into account that her attacks were so much stronger now than when she was in junior high. Her plan had worked; it had killed the youma, but the reverberation sent the tall cranes used for filming and other heavy equipment crashing down around her, even bringing down the rafters.  
  
"Well, shit," she swore, all she had time to say, as a pile of twisted metal descended on her. There was no way she'd get out of that beam's path in time. Feeling like everything was happening in slow motion, Makoto felt herself being hurled backwards, falling to her knees helpless with terrible ringing noises, and then silence...  
  
The other senshi must have heard the crash, but were still fighting the other two youma. She smiled, knowing she'd taken the bastard down with her in a final blaze of glory, closed her eyes and embraced the darkness.  
  
\---  
  
"JUPITER!" Sailor Moon screamed, as the rest ran towards her. Makoto had detransformed from her green and white uniform and was back in her civilian clothes which were already soaked with blood.  
  
"Mako, wake up! Mako-chan, please wake up."  
  
She didn't move, just lay there limp and unresponsive, while emotions ran high. Minako stared, horrified and guilt-ridden for having given the go-ahead for Jupiter to leave the group. It wasn't their typical protocol, but Jupiter was stubborn, and they'd all known this was the only chance they had. If anyone was capable of duking it out in a battle of pure strength, it should've been their Jupiter.  
  
Mars made eye contact with Venus, and tried to reassure her the best she could, that she had only done what she thought was best for the team. If their princess was distraught and their leader was blaming herself, it would only be a matter of time before everything else fell apart.  
  
Voice shaking, Rei told her again and again, "You did the right thing," desperately hoping that her words would sink in and Mina would eventually hear her. "You did the right thing."  
  
She couldn't bear to look down at their mangled friend, so she just kept her eyes locked with Mina's. She tried to drown out the cries of her princess, which felt like they were cutting right through her. If she didn't focus on Mina, she would start crying as well. Someone had to stay strong. 'It's what Jupiter would want,' she told herself. There'd be time to mourn for Makoto later.  
  
Usagi had weaved her way through the wreckage and was weeping against their friend. She had lost her footing on the slick ground, not noticing that she had slipped in blood. She held Mako's unresponsive hand, whispering unintelligible things about bento boxes and arcade scores, still pleading with her friend to wake up.  
  
Mercury had gone virtually unnoticed during these moments. Ami had grown very still. She stood frozen in place, knowing that there was no way even Mako could have survived this. She must've had over a thousand pounds of metal on top of her, and it seemed as though she had probably taken the brunt of it on her head.  
  
She tried to brace herself for the worst possible outcome. It just didn't seem real. She felt like something was cracking inside her chest. The first time that Jupiter died, at D-point, had been a different kind of pain; there had been purpose in it, going against Queen Beryl. They were kids back then, and they hadn't been as experienced. They didn't know all of what they now knew. This time should've been easy. This youma was nothing they hadn't fought before. This was all some terrible fluke.  
  
  
  
  
  
.  .  .  
  
  
  
  
She thought about the last time she had seen Makoto, just a few days before. They had shared a picnic outside the library. Makoto had been very cheerful, and Ami had noticed her green eyes brighten immediately. Mako had brought a soft gingham blanket to spread on the ground, red and white checkerboard, just like the movies.  
  
"Did you eat lunch yet?" She'd asked excitedly, as they sat on the plush grass of the campus lawn. Makoto understood that Ami could get so caught up in a book that she'd often forget to feed herself, and must be starving.  
  
"No, not yet. I've been busy studying since this morning." What time was it anyway? She and Makoto had seemed to notice at the same time that it was nearly sunset. Ami had found it had added a certain ambience. It had felt strangely romantic.  
  
"It's almost dinner time. Betcha didn't have any breakfast either?" Ami shook her head. "Well, it's a good thing I'm here then!" Ami had seen Makoto like this before. She definitely had a new crush and must be thinking of someone special.  
  
When Ami had asked who the boy was, Mako had told her with a big goofy smile, that there was no boy, as she placed a shiny new blue bento box in front of her. It matched Makoto's green one. Ami hoped it had been picked out special just for her, but didn't want to spoil their time together with silly questions. Besides, even if it had been, there would probably be a red, orange and pink in her cupboard at home.  
  
"No?" She asked, intrigued.  
  
Even if it hadn't been something just for her, she knew how incredibly sweet it was for Mako to make them a lunch to share, especially when they were both so busy. Makoto's eyes were practically sparkling. Clearly, there was someone. Ami wondered if maybe there was a girl then?  
  
"No. Just wanted to see you." She straightened her shirt and tucked a long tendril of hair behind her ear. "There's nobody else in the world I'd rather see." She giggled, barely able to contain her joy.  
  
'It's not me, it can't be me, not really...' Ami blushed. 'Mm... but what if it is?'  
  
For a split second, she felt as though her heart might explode. She rationalized with herself that they were friends. She hoped that she hadn't looked too far into things. She should be happy with what she had right there in front of her.  She should be grateful for the picnic. She didn't need anything else. She thought about it some more, and for easily the hundredth time, something in her said, 'It's now or never, you should kiss her.'  
  
Despite water being her element, Ami was never one to just jump in. Ever analytical, she always had to test things out first. She started small and moved towards Makoto, until their shoulders touched.  
  
Makoto looked startled. "Sorry, I take up so much damn room." She tried to turn herself into tiny a ball at the edge of the blanket and pouted. Ami felt awful, and though she'd never admit it, she did find it a little bit funny to see Makoto trying to force her long legs into such unnatural positions.  
  
She decided if she couldn't be sure whether or not Makoto was interested in her, then it would be terrible to risk their wonderful friendship for her own selfish impulses. Especially when Mako had been so quick to pull away. Ami wanted nothing more than to sit brushing right against her, to feel the warmth of her skin, but the timing just wasn't right. It was never right. She wondered if she had lost her chance with Mako-chan by wanting things to be perfect.  
  
They had sat in awkward silence for a moment, but Makoto's mood had changed when she remembered the strawberry kiwi tarts she had made. She'd even moved back to the centre of the blanket, and listened to Ami talk all about her studies. She'd encouraged her to keep up the hard work and to let her know when she had some spare time, insisting she really needed some more days like this.  
  
If Ami's last memory of Makoto was a lot like the dates she'd seen in movies, it would have to be good enough. She was so grateful that Makoto had been so persistent that day, and that she hadn't cancelled on her again.  
  
Ami would never have been able to forgive herself. She thought about all the times she'd hung up on a sad sounding girl who just missed her friend, rationalizing that she really had needed to study; they were older now, and had certain obligations. No, that wasn't fair, Makoto had been running her own home for years. She had been no stranger to responsibility and she still always made time for the others.  
  
Ami hadn't known that she really wouldn't have a second chance. She wanted to run over and do all she could, but nothing would help. Her doubt cemented her feet to the floor, paralyzing her with fear. She had no idea how much time had gone by. She was suddenly aware that her face was wet. She didn't know how long she'd been crying.  
  
\---  
  
"I need you to tell me what to do now." Venus heard Mars pleading for her next orders.  
  
Mina tried to shake away her guilt, Rei was right. She was still the leader, and still needed her troops to act. Gently she asked, "Mercury, I-I know this is bad. But right now I need you to scan the room. Did the youma get away?"  
  
Mercury snapped herself out of it, remembering that, above everything else, she still had a job to do. She forced her hand to her ear and her visor manifested itself onto her face. The presence of evil was gone, the radio signal was behaving normally. Mako had stopped it in time.  
  
There was something else too. Steady beeping. A section of her screen focused on the green waves of an EKG monitor.  
  
She looked at Makoto again through the cobalt lens and the stinging of her tears, to realize that though her vitals were weak, she was alive. Unconscious, and just barely clinging to life, but alive.  
  
She started to tremble. "Mars, Venus help me move these off of her, she's... she's still alive!" Rallying, she instructed Mars to melt the weak points in the metal, so they could be made into smaller, more manageable pieces. She told Venus to use her chains to help move the metal so it wouldn't burn her. Sailor Moon stayed with Mako, seemingly unaware that her friend was still alive. She was holding vigil, still bawling, but those crystalline tears had performed miracles before.  
  
Through her weeping, Usagi, didn't notice the others moving the mess of scattered debris until it was half cleared, but once she realized, she helped push the final pieces of metal off of their friend. Things already seemed less dire once they moved all of that weight off of her. Her breathing was shallow, and she had probably cracked a rib or two, but Ami was thankful that Makoto wasn't awake for the pain. She could tell that her pulse was already little stronger. She scanned her again, this time with an x-ray function.  
  
It would've been easier to tell what was actively bleeding if they could have washed her face. It was evident that her skull had been bashed in pretty badly. There was a protrusion above her eyebrow.  
  
Mina tried not to panic. "Aw shit, she's got a huge fuckin' goose egg."  
  
Ami continued scanning her and answered, "It's a type of cranial hematoma."  
  
"Two black eyes. Oh God! Ami! She looks like a panda! That's gotta be brain damage."  
  
"It's called periorbital eccymosis and the bruising behind her ears are battle's sign." It seemed accurately named.  
  
"She's breathing though, right? So what are we waiting for?"  
  
"She has some internal bleeding around her brain. I don't know if there is a clot or not." Mercury crouched beside Makoto and carefully watched her screen. "Venus... How sharp can you make your metal?"  
  
"Sharp."  
  
"Sharp enough to drill through bone?"  
  
Minako breathed. "Yeah." That couldn't be a good question.  
  
"Without shattering it?"  
  
"I-I think so?"  
  
"Her brain is swelling. We might have to drill a tiny little hole to let the blood out and alleviate the pressure if her senshi healing doesn't kick in soon."  
  
"O-Okay. You're the boss here, Doc."  
  
"If I gave you specifications, could you make a little cylindrical--" Minako looked completely out of her depth. "Um, if I say how big, could you make a little hollow tube-pipe-straw thing to let the blood out?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah."  
  
Ami had tears in her eyes. "I hope it doesn't come to that."  
  
"Is the swelling still not going down?"  
  
"I'm trying to use my ice powers to cool her down, but," her voice cracked, "I-I don't know how fast it's supposed to change or how much swelling is too much swelling. Any is probably too much, right? But--"  
  
"But?"  
  
"I don't remember what part of her skull to put the hole."  
  
Rei swallowed hearing that. Now was not the time for Ami to lose her nerve. "Scan her again, and try to remember!"  
  
"Right," Ami mumbled, breathing to centre herself. 'In the name of Mercury, please--' She needed to pull herself together, if there was any chance Makoto could be saved, it rested on Ami. Makoto needed her right now. She ran the scan again.  
  
"Oh! Oh, thank god!"  
  
"What is it?" Mina demanded.  
  
"The swelling's starting to go down. I think she's going to be alright."  
  
With the immediate danger posed by the head injury out of the way, Ami declared that their next priority was Mako's broken leg. The sailor scouts had remarkable healing, but it would still do her no good to have her leg heal crookedly.  
  
Following Ami's instructions, Rei straightened the limb. There was a sickening cracking noise, and she cringed, feeling a coldness in the pit of her stomach, but Ami nodded at Rei. "That's supposed to happen when you set bones."  
  
There was no saying how long Makoto would be unconscious, but they knew there was a good chance that she'd wake up soon. They had done everything they could for her. Mercury had seen the blood and cerebrospinal fluid at Mako's ears, and was sure she had fractured her skull. Her head had been caved in in one spot. There were still dips and dents where the metal had been, but her computer was showing strong brain activity.  
  
"Look at all those cuts." Usagi whispered.  
  
"Most of these contusions and subcutaneous lacerations are simply cosmetic. They will heal. It's the damage we can't see that I'm worried about." Ami frowned. The scouts recovered best in their sleep. It was as though weeks of healing could take place in an hour. Ami had a theory that since one day on the moon was actually about twenty-eight Earth days, maybe it really was like the equivalent of a month went by when Usagi used her crystal healing. They also seemed to be getting stronger the longer it had been since their connection to their planetary powers had been awakened in them.  
  
Ami watched Mako's vitals. She knelt next to her, wondering how her friend who had always seemed like an amazon of ancient myth, so much larger than life, could look so small and frail right now. She had never seen someone so broken.  
  
Mars felt a little callous even bringing it up, but reminded the others, "We gotta find a way out of here, ASAP." With the explosion and terrified people running out of the building, it was only a matter of time before the station's owners and the police would come to investigate exactly what had gone on there.  
  
"It could be extremely dangerous to move her too soon," Mercury protested. "We could end up hurting her much worse. Brain injuries are often accompanied by spinal injuries. I don't think it will take too much longer."  
  
"I'll, uh, I'll call the Outers," Usagi volunteered, making herself useful, and contacting Haruka on her communicator.  
  
\---  
  
Michiru paused in the hallway, hearing Haruka's voice in the other room, not sure if it was the telephone or communicator. She figured out quickly, by the tone and the playful flirting, that it must be one of the inner senshi.  
  
"Oh, Kitten, it's you... You mean we missed all the action? Sounds like fun... You need a getaway car? Well, I am the fastest..." Michiru poked her head into the room, to see Haruka laugh before suddenly going pale and grabbing their keys. "We'll be right there," they promised, and abruptly hung up.  
  
"Oh gods, what happened? Who's hurt?" Michiru asked, hurrying out the door after Haruka, pulling on one shoe as she went. She'd have to put on the other in the car.  
  
\---  
  
Makoto had been stirring a little in her sleep. "It won't be too long before she wakes up," Ami promised. She wished that she could stay resting longer, what she really needed was more time, but Rei was right. They needed to get out of there.  
  
There was a groan.  
  
Makoto realized she was laying on the floor. She felt like she'd been hit by a train. 'What the fuck happened, where the hell am I?' She looked down at the wet, red linoleum. 'That ain't good.'  
  
She dizzily opened her eyes and saw the world going on without her. Everyone was being very animated for some reason. Minako and Usagi were jumping up and down and even Rei was smiling weakly.  
  
'But, Ami?' She panicked. 'Where's Ami?' She tried to make sense of it all. It felt like no one had said anything for an eternity. Her head was killing her, and her ribs ached. It hurt so much to even breathe. She looked down and understood why; Ami was wrapped around her torso, holding on like she'd never let her go.  
  
When the smaller girl finally released her from her grip, Mako tried to roll onto her side and fight through the pain, but was hit with a wave of nausea. Once she had finished throwing up, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and attempted to sit up again.  
  
"Fuck-- My head. I'm so dizzy," Makoto complained groggily, or tried to. She didn't hear the words come out of her mouth, and wondered if she had said anything at all.  
  
Mina's mouth moved, maybe asking how she was doing, and she handed Mako an opened pack of peppermint flavoured gum from her purse. It was much appreciated. Their leader was nothing if not resourceful.  
  
Ami stooped down to ask what was wrong, but Mako could only see her lips moving, and she panicked. Her eyes widened, trying to piece together the few facts she had gathered. "I THINK I..."  the already loud girl tried. Still unable to hear herself, she yelled louder, "I... I DON'T THINK I CAN HEAR!" nearly knocking Ami over with the unexpected boom of her voice.  
  
Mako saw Rei mouth something at Mina.  
  
"Now neither can she!"  
  
Ami winced at their poor taste, and a confused Mako yelled, "WHAT?" which, of course, only made Mina and Rei laugh harder. Now that they knew Mako was going to be alright, Rei joked to keep from letting go of the tears she was still holding back.  
  
"Did we get the monster?" The others nodded.  
  
A detransformed Usagi got a good glimpse at her maimed friend's face. The tears welled up again. She tried to speak, but Mako couldn't hear a word.  
  
"Usagi, are you alright, Princess?" Usagi nodded and sobbed harder. "Then nothing else matters."  
  
The adrenaline still pumping through her veins, Makoto tried to drag herself up onto a knee before her, ready to swear allegiance to her future queen all over again, when she discovered her leg was broken. The excruciating pain swept through her, and she toppled over and blacked out.  
  
When Makoto came to again, there was so much fear in her bright, green eyes, one of her pupils larger than the other. Ami held her, unsure if she was trying to comfort herself or Makoto.  
  
"Did-Did I get the monster?"  
  
Ami nodded through her tears. It had finally hit her; no matter what obstacles lay ahead, Makoto was alive. She laughed to herself. She had never been so happy to be wrong before. After a moment, she took out her handheld mini-computer and quickly typed:  
"Just temporary."  
  
Mako read the words and nodded.  
  
Ami didn't know for sure if it was true or not, but she had just looked so lost. For now, she felt like Mako needed to believe in something. They could figure the rest of it all out later.  
  
Outside the others heard the screech of rubber tires against the asphalt. Haruka and Michiru rushed in in their civilian forms. They had called Mamoru from their car-phone and he was going to meet them a couple blocks over with his car. Haruka's only fit four, maybe five, people, and if Mako had still been unconscious when they got there, the tall girl might have needed the whole back seat to herself.  
  
Haruka took one look at Mako's grotesquely swollen face and immediately turned on Minako. "What the hell happened," she growled. "No good has ever come of you five separating! You know that! You're supposed to keep each other safe! You're supposed to protect the princess! Fuck!"  
  
Minako was too emotionally exhausted to even try to defend her decision. Too many times she had begun to say, "I didn't think that..." and had it twisted into, "That's right, you didn't think!" She just couldn't handle that right now. Makoto was alive, and Haruka hadn't been there. Instead, Mina thought about Rei making sure she kept it together, and how comforting it had been to feel her warm hand in hers when she had nothing else anchoring her. Rei was glaring at Haruka, ready to say something if given the signal, but it didn't seem worth it. She closed her eyes for a second and wondered if the miko would let her stay at the shrine again tonight.  
  
Mako was still dazed but eventually noticed that Haruka and Michiru had arrived. Haruka tried to hide the worry on her face. "Hey, how you doing?" she asked the injured senshi.  
  
Mako tried to whisper this time. "Sorry, I can't hear you. I got hurt and I'm really dizzy." Haruka hugged her gently, ever so softly clapping her on the shoulder, and then mimed jauntily punching and flexing, pointed at Mako, winked and gave her a thumbs up.  
  
Mako smiled. She figured Haruka was praising her for a fight well done. She knew Haruka never gave a compliment she didn't mean, so she'd take it, whatever it was. Michiru looked her over, saw the big bump on her head and looked over all the cuts and bruises before pouting and kissing her on the cheek. Mako blushed, wondering if she'd been more hurt than she thought, if even the Outers had been worried.  
  
Ami held out her computer, where she had typed out:  
"Not enough seats in car. Rei, Mina, Usa go w Mamo."  
  
It was hard to focus on the small text. Though Ami held the device very still, it looked like it was jumping around, but when she was done reading she nodded. Usagi looked like she might start crying again as she gripped Mako's hands in hers, before Mina led her off.  
  
A few seconds later Ami finished typing again, and passed her a screen that said: "Haru, Michi, you & I going to mansion. Closer." Mako nodded again.  
  
Michiru waited with Makoto in Haruka's yellow car, while Ami and Haruka backtracked. They spent the next few minutes scanning the rooms the senshi had been in, and tearing down the remaining security cameras. While they were disabling the security footage, Haruka suggested they take the tape from the soundstage, but Ami figured it had probably already been damaged. Maybe she just didn't want proof of what had happened, didn't want to be forced to watch someone she loved be so brutally injured, or relive her moment of weakness, when she had hesitated to act.  
  
As they drove, Makoto lay in the backseat. There was a lot of conversation going on up front that she couldn't hear. She figured it was about her situation, and Ami catching them up on any new threats. Feeling nauseated, she focused on not throwing up on the new leather interior, and instead on their victory.  
  
She closed her eyes tightly and waited for the car to stop. It did, abruptly. She noticed that Ami was now behind her, trying to hold her upright and rubbing her shoulders. It helped a little. They'd pulled into the garage of the sprawling mansion, and parked beside Haruka's bikes and other cars.  
  
As they entered the house, Mako recognized the frame in their doorway -- a gift from Minako that she had helped with. Normally folk art wouldn't have been the couple's style, but they hadn't been able to say no to the cross stitched gift. Haruka found it hilarious. Mako had been taken by surprise when Mina had brought her the pattern and asked how hard it would be to change the E's into O's.  
  
"Home Swoot Home?" She'd asked, puzzled.  
  
Mina had laughed, "Homo Sweet Homo." In response to Mako's raised eyebrow she'd admitted, "It's for Haruka and Michiru." It was a little surprising to see it having such pride of place.  
  
Haruka helped Mako up the stairs. With the pain, and the fog still in her head, she had almost forgotten about her leg, until she tried to stand on it. As Haruka and Michiru helped her to the couch, she caught Hotaru quietly peeking around a corner, like a little ghost, always hiding and watching. Mako smiled weakly and gave a half-hearted wave, giving the dark haired girl away.  
  
Haruka and Michiru said something to the child, likely explaining that Mako had been hurt in a fight, but was okay now. It must have been past Hotaru's bedtime, because the three of them disappeared, leaving her with only Ami.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
.  .  .  
  
  
  
  
\---  
  
"Should I use my healing powers on Makoto?" Hotaru asked, as Haruka and Michiru tucked her into her bed.  
  
"Did you brush your teeth and put all your books in your knapsack ready to go?"  
  
"Uh huh," their daughter answered, distracted "Why's her face all lumpy? Was she hurt really bad?" Hotaru was careful to only say such a thing in private where no feelings could be hurt. She was after all, being taught the proper Kaioh etiquette, with just a hint of Tenoh humanity. She had learned that there were no wrong questions, but there were definitely better ways to ask.  
  
"We weren't there, but something heavy fell and she got clunked on the head. You don't have to worry though, Ami is taking good care of her."  
  
"Oh, if she was still hurt, I was thinking maybe I could fix her?"  
  
Michiru shook her head. "Absolutely not."  
  
Haruka softened. "It's so so sweet of you to think of that, but she'll be okay."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Yes." They said it at the same time, though Papa didn't look convinced.  
  
"Did you see it in the future?" she asked, sensing that doubt.  
  
Michiru comforted her, "Yes Hotaru, my mirror says she'll be fine."  
  
"But what if maybe she's okay because I healed her and the mirror forgot to show you that part?!"  
  
Haruka laughed. That kid could find a loophole like nobody's business. They blamed Setsuna teaching her about multiverse theory. -- If there was a world somewhere with extra dessert why couldn't it be this one? Maybe in this timeline this Hotaru needed extra candy.  -- Ami expanding her vocabulary with words like utmost and imperative also didn't make her come off as any less precocious. Sometimes her motives were a little off, and it could be hard to tell if she was just in a particularly helpful mood or being a show off for the others, but tonight she understood the fear in everyone's eyes and hoped she could set things right. She never felt like she did quite enough to be taken seriously.  
  
Michiru cautioned, "You know how sick you get when you heal someone, taking all of their pain onto yourself like that. Mako-chan got hurt in a big way, so her powers had to work extra hard that's all. She just needs to rest quietly for a little while."  
  
"Actually, there's probably a couple people in this house who should be resting quietly," Haruka teased, "You gotta go to school tomorrow and it's way past your bedtime kiddo."  
  
Ever defiant, Hotaru argued, "Why do I even have healing powers if you won't let me use them?"  
  
"It would just be a lot of unnecessary pain for such a small body, that's all. It would use nearly all your energy up." Mako would wake up fine tomorrow, and Hotaru would miss two weeks of school and probably wind up half an inch shorter. The child's age was still fluctuating based on stress. "And besides, you just started feeling better again."  
  
Hotaru's healing was a powerful ability that came with a cost, though no one really fully understood how the repercussions worked. It was like sucking the venom out from a snake bite to save somebody else; they got to go on with their lives and never look back, but you were stuck with the bad in you and no one to save you from all that poison in return.  
  
Michiru's powers felt like that sometimes, too. It was a blessing and a curse. She couldn't shut it off, and if she did ever find a way she knew she'd essentially be useless. She listened to everyone else's broken thoughts all day, the secrets they kept to themselves, the lies they told each other and the truths that cut to the bone, so by the time she lay her head down, she couldn't sleep, because she was reliving their pain and no one was around to listen to hers.  
  
"This was just an accident. You can use your powers when it's an important fight, or if the princess gets hurt," she tried to soothe the frustrated child.  
  
"Or Chibi-usa," Hotaru adamantly reminded her.  
  
Michiru tried her best not to roll her eyes. "Right. Sorry."  
  
"If the _princesses_ get hurt," Haruka agreed.  
  
Michiru frowned. She had never liked the idea of the child being used as some portable battery in case Serenity burned herself out. Their little former cyborg was not just some deus ex machina on hold if things got rocky; she was so much more than merely their reset button for when things went the worst kind of wrong.  
  
Haruka and Michiru kissed their daughter goodnight, and walked around her room turning off her favourite lamps, as they did every night. It was their job to make sure the lights worked in case she woke up scared from her frequent nightmares. Michiru smiled, overhearing Haruka's thoughts: 'Good thing we're millionaires or the electric bill in this place would be nuts. Growing up, it was always turn those lights out and shut the door, we're not heating all of Japan. Fuck, I sound like my dad. I'm nothing like him, I'm not. I'm not like either of them. Hotaru can be anything she wants. She--' Michiru fiddled with a switch. "The nightlight plugged in by your bed is working."  
  
"1-2-3! Everybody put your hands together--" They clapped and the sound activated light turned on and off. "Just like Michi-mama's audiences." Haruka remembered first going on tour with Michiru and being genuinely impressed by the house lights and applause.  
  
"Are we good to leave now?" Michiru was always worried she sounded annoyed when she asked that, but she would stand in the doorway all night if the delicate girl wanted her to. She had before.  
  
"Mhm." She nodded in the dim room. With a big yawn she told them, "If Mako-chan needs me, wake me up and I'll do it."  
  
"You're a good kid, you know that? Your heart's always in the right place just like your mama."  
  
"Which one?" She feigned puzzlement. Lately that, was her favourite joke.  
  
'And your comedic timing is just like your papa,' Michiru thought with a private smirk.  
  
\---  
  
"Alcohol?"  
  
Ami looked up, dazed, "Huh?" She hadn't even noticed that Haruka had come back into the room. They'd said something.  
  
"Alcohol," Haruka repeated.  
  
Ami was still shaking.  "No, I think I'm alright now. Thank you."  
  
"I meant for her--" They gestured behind them on the sofa, where Mako had drifted off again. "Maybe thin her blood a little so it won't clot."  
  
"Oh." Ami thought about it for a moment. "It could dull the pain for her a little, but if she's already dizzy and a little dehydrated it won't help. Also, if I'm trying to monitor her short-term memory it might be distracting."  
  
"I usually have some 'senshi strength' pills around, but we used them up last time." In an ironic twist, Sailor Mars, the fire senshi had been burned alive and almost hadn't made it.  
  
"I mean, I could ask if she wants a drink."  
  
"If it helps, tell her we've got that fancy hard cider she likes." They had told Makoto about drinking it in Europe and when she expressed an interest, they'd decided to have some imported.  
  
"Perhaps we could start her with water for now?"  
  
Haruka nodded. "I'll go get some."  
  
\---  
  
The next time she woke up, Makoto noticed how red Ami's eyes were. She had been crying.  
  
'No one else seemed injured? Did she get hurt too? Or was she just scared for me?' she wondered. Everything was still fuzzy.  
  
Eventually, Ami got up and came back with some kind of first aid kit. She set to work, cleaning Mako's wounds. A lot of the smaller cuts had already healed themselves, leaving only dried blood. Makoto didn't mind the stinging. Normally, she liked any excuse for Ami to accidentally lean against her, even though this wasn't quite what she'd had in mind. She knew what a delicate touch the angelic ice senshi had, and knew she was lucky to have such a devoted healer in her life. Ami really was going to make a great doctor one day.  
  
Periodically, Ami would discard a blood-soaked cloth, until a pile started to build up. Mako wondered exactly how banged up she really was. It seemed that the pile was never ending, but it was the all the blood from her ears that had run down her neck that she didn't expect. 'Shit.' It dawned on her, 'I definitely almost died today.'  
  
Ami looked absolutely exhausted. Makoto took Ami's hand in hers and tried to think of something hopeful to say, but she couldn't think of anything that would help. It seemed that she was out of the woods now, but what could she say? She wanted to thank her, to tell her she loved her and couldn't live without her, but she also thought that she might throw up again. Instead, she just closed her eyes.  
  
Ami's skin always ran a little cool, but Makoto found her touch incredibly soothing. She was glad to finally have an excuse to hold her hand. With communicating so much harder right now, she craved any extra affection. She tried to rest, unsure whether or not she had actually napped, but she opened her eyes when she felt Ami's hand leave hers, and Ami move off of the couch.  
  
Ami helped her sit up and propped her up with a big cushion behind her back, and helped her drink, tilting the glass for her. Michiru had searched through the kitchen for a bendy straw, but it wasn't something they'd had on hand. She typed, 'Hungry?' but Makoto shook her head. She was, but with all that had happened, she was scared she'd be sick again.  
  
\---  
  
Michiru reached out with her psychic senses, glad when she felt Ami and Makoto still safe in her home. Of all the inner senshi, they were two she and Haruka felt closest to. Maybe it was the way Mercury and Jupiter knew how to find calm clarity and peace in the rain, much like herself and Haruka, while the other three only felt nervous energy during a storm. Even after all that time around Makoto, Usagi was still afraid of thunder.  
  
Or maybe it was just that Ami could have deeper conversations with Michiru, Mako could train harder with Haruka, and they were both able to sneak off a little more, because they weren't being followed by cats.  
  
Haruka had also sensed right away that Mako-chan was at least a little bi-curious, and was flattered.  
  
"Well that's obvious," Michiru had said, when Haruka mentioned it. "I could have told you that, even without my mirror or the churning of the sea." She had sensed a rare comradery in her. There really was just something innately queer about Makoto, she thought.  
  
Haruka always said that they wished that Michiru had been there the day they'd first met. Makoto had tried to protect Usagi from being hit by their bike, and had instantly won a great deal of respect from the racer.  
  
Really, they had both liked Makoto immediately, although Sailor Jupiter was another story. The inner and outer senshi had had every reason not to trust each other, but once the talismans were recovered and the messiah was found, everyone was quick to forgive. They all understood that both sides were on what seemed to be conflicting missions, but all had been ready to lay down their lives.  
  
Michiru had to smile. Despite being so close in age, Makoto reminded of her a younger Haruka. They were both very determined and athletic, even if Haruka was never as warm to strangers. She knew that whatever path Mako-chan chose to take she'd be fine, that she would remain kindhearted but resilient.  
  
She worried more about Ami, who didn't bounce back easily from rejection. Michiru was much the same. It was just in their nature, and it had become easier to build walls than to leave themselves vulnerable. Even now, she could sense Ami's trepidation, and her longing for Makoto.  
  
\---  
  
Sometime in the night, Setsuna showed up, putting her hand on Jupiter's shoulder to silently provide comfort. Her calm, garnet eyes studied the girl, before she turned and spoke to Ami.  
  
"How's she doing?"  
  
"She's doing better now," Ami answered. "It's just a matter of waiting."  
  
"I'm glad." Setsuna settled onto the loveseat. "And how are you feeling?" she asked, kindly.  
  
They spoke quietly, Setsuna eventually distracting Ami from her worries with a discussion of astrophysics and string theory, when they both tensed up, sensing something.  
  
"Did you feel that?" Haruka asked, slipping into the room with Michiru.  
  
"I think that was Mars," Ami said. The senshi were all able to sense when something happened with the others' powers, whether it was transformation, or something else.  
  
Unaware of the conversation around her, Makoto spoke up, "I think I just felt Rei."  
  
"Some of us should go check on her," Michiru suggested.  
  
"Somebody oughta call her and Mina," Mako urged. Michiru laughed; it seemed she wasn't missing much.  
  
\---  
  
"We should get her out of those bloody clothes."  
  
"There's nothing here."  
  
"She can't borrow Haruka's clothes if she has a head injury; they're WAY too loud." Some of the patterned shirts were enough to give Michiru a headache.  
  
There were a lot of conversations going on that Mako just couldn't keep up with. As it turned out, reading lips was not nearly as easy as it sounded, though it seemed someone had checked in with Rei, and everything was under control. After some more back and forth, Ami took Makoto's keys and gave them to Haruka, who sped out the door, leaving Michiru to fawn over the injured warrior, and bring her pillows and more cold drinks, while pulling faces of exaggerated concern, pouting and saying something that looked like, "Poor baby!" and things of that nature.  
  
When it seemed that Mako was as comfortable as they could make her for the time being, Michiru gently guided Ami into the kitchen to talk. Although Makoto wouldn't have been able to hear them, she didn't want her picking up any bad vibes from their conversation.  
  
"You can't keep beating yourself up like this," Michiru began, correctly sensing that Ami was still far more distressed than she was letting on. "It's our sworn duty, we know the danger we put ourselves in."  
  
"I almost lost her again."  
  
"But you didn't. She's in our living room, mostly in one piece. I understand that with all that's happened, that tonight may not be the night, but you really need to tell her how you feel. Not everyone gets a second-second chance!" she urged.  
  
\---  
  
They were sitting with Makoto again, when Haruka came back with some clean clothes from her apartment. They seemed to have just grabbed whatever had been on the top of the drawers. None of it really matched, but Haruka figured it didn't matter. It wasn't like Mako would be going anywhere tonight.  
  
"Really?" asked Michiru, bemused.  
  
"What?" Haruka replied, gruffly. They had done what had been requested of them. They tossed the keys back to Ami.  
  
"You grabbed track pants, a sports bra, a halter top with sequins... a pair of socks, no... wait..." Michiru dug through the bag, "three pairs of socks, and two pairs of underwear?"  
  
"I don't like going through people's things. So what if it doesn't match? God Michiru! Is she really going to go to a night club with a fractured skull?"  
  
Michiru started to laugh, knowing that her partner was only so snappish about this, because they really cared for Mako. Sometimes, it was a nice reminder that Haruka wasn't actually as callous as they tried to be.  
  
"You're right. Thank you for going to get those for her." She kissed their cheek.  
  
Makoto's eyes drifted over the assortment of clothes. 'Oh, these are mine?' she thought. 'Haruka must've gone to my apartment, then.'  
  
Ami typed out:  
"We were lucky no one saw you on the way here,  
but you can't go around with all that blood on you."  
  
Makoto read it and Ami typed again:  
"Are you well enough to have a shower on your own?  
How is your leg?  
Still dizzy?"  
  
With Ami helping her walk to the bathroom, Makoto tried to put some weight on her leg. "Leg's fine!" she yelled.  
  
It wasn't fine, exactly. It was pretty far from it, but the throbbing pain wasn't as bad as it had been at the station. She could feel that it was healing. It dawned on her that she hadn't seen her reflection yet. She hobbled around until she found a mirror.  
  
She recoiled at her reflection, then winced, not wanting Ami to realise just how hideous she felt. 'Well, I never was going to be prom queen.' There was something bulbous over her eyebrow, faded bruises of what had once been two black eyes, and dried blood along her hairline.  
  
Ami typed:  
"Still dizzy? Do you want someone to help you shower?"  
  
Makoto thought to herself, 'Just my luck, this might be the only time I can get Ami in the shower with me and I look like this!' A wry grin spread across her face, making the cut on her lip split open again.  
  
'Maybe I could get Ami AND Michiru in the shower with me?' She chuckled a little, though it startled her that she still couldn't hear herself. She'd never actually go after Haruka's girl. Even jokingly she knew that was out of line. Michiru was just so stunningly beautiful though, her friends were lucky to have found each other.  
  
Makoto would also never betray Ami like that. She knew they weren't together, and even though, technically seeing other people wouldn't be cheating, it felt like it would be dishonest to her own heart. It seemed like it would only hurt whoever she was with. She had come to terms with Ami not feeling the same, but she couldn't help but wonder what things could've been like, and wasn't ready to move on.  
  
Ami handed Mako the handheld computer again, the question still there:  
"Still dizzy? Do you want someone to help you shower?"  
  
Mako shook her head no.  
  
Ami suddenly looked like her day catching up with her. She looked so defeated. Makoto didn't know what else she could offer. She hugged her and held her as snug as she could without re-injuring her ribs. When she released her, Ami looked a little brighter.  
  
Ami slipped out of the room so Makoto could shower. Mako just hoped her broken leg would hold up and she wouldn't pass out or something embarrassing. She could see the headlines now: "Local giant found dead, naked and in an unflattering position." She laughed to herself again, hoping it hadn't been too loud. Usually it was Minako who laughed at her own jokes. She kept the door unlocked, so if she slipped or something happened they wouldn't have to break the expensive and heavy looking door, but she hoped everyone would have the good sense to stay out. If she could do something herself, she would. She had always gotten by without help before.  
  
Water against her skin always felt so good. It felt like a warm rain, soothing her sore muscles, making her feel stronger, invigorated, and cleansed. Not to mention, it was the closest she could get to connecting with her element without standing outside in a storm. Haruka and Michiru's shower -- and this was just their guest shower -- was especially luxurious.  
  
Makoto knew how exceedingly wealthy her friends were, but most of their material possessions went unnoticed by her. She didn't care about the dozen cars and motorcycles in the garage. She thought their roomy kitchen was gorgeous, considering they never actually used it -- they had so much storage, a huge pantry and top of the line appliances -- but she had had no idea they had such an amazing shower. It had clearly been made with tall people in mind.  
  
She hated when she'd use a shower that she had to duck under to keep from bumping her head. This should've been a dream come true, but today she was nervous to stand for too long with her leg and shaky equilibrium, so she just kind of sat at the edge of the tub and tried to scrub what was left of the dried blood off her face.  
  
She held one of the towels that had been set aside to her mouth to try and clot the fresh blood drizzling from her lip. Even after all this time the taste of her own blood always made her gag a little. She wondered why Ami hadn't bothered to stitch it, but figured it would heal if she left it alone. She kept poking it with her tongue, which made it hurt, but then it hurt, so she would poke it with her tongue. It was a vicious cycle. 'Ugh. I'm worse than an animal.' she thought, as she poked at it yet again.  
  
All the blood made her hair matted and her scalp feel sticky. She washed it until it was no longer tacky, and the water ran clear. She felt a big crusty chunk of scab and decided not to scrub or pick at it right now, since it was still sore underneath. For all she knew Ami had had to stitch her half her brains back in and she'd be ripping at the sutures, undoing all the hard work Ami had put in trying to keep her dumb ass alive.  
  
After turning off the water, she sat and air dried for a moment, before beginning to dress herself. Her reflection looked a little better already. She reasoned that it was probably for the best that she didn't know how bad she looked when she first woke up from this. It just would've been one more thing to worry about.  
  
\---  
  
Haruka took Makoto's dirty clothes to put in the wash. They had wanted to just throw them in the garbage but Michiru had stopped them.  
  
"Why isn't the new maid doing this?" she asked, following Haruka into the laundry room.  
  
"Oh, yeah..." Haruka blushed. "She quit."  
  
Michiru sighed in exasperation. "Dammit, Ruka! Have you been seducing the help again?" Haruka's face fell as they looked away. "Without me?"  
  
Haruka let a small sheepish smile grow, relieved they weren't in any real trouble. "Sorry."  
  
"That's all you have to say?" Michiru wasn't through, not by a long shot. "Because I KNOW I didn't actually get cheated on and that this was just a very stupid lapse in judgement, and a breakdown in what should have been simple communication. Right?"  
  
Haruka gave the slightest nod. "Right."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I didn't really plan on this to happen this time, honest."  
  
Michiru's tone was deadpan. "Let me guess, you just tripped and fell into her?" She raised her eyebrow. "Because I can only buy that excuse once."  
  
"No, I just, we were sorta talking and-- I don't know. I didn't mean to..." They sighed. "Well, maybe I did mean to."  
  
"Do you know who gets cheated on?"  
  
"I 'unno? Ugly peopl--"  
  
Michiru interrupted before Haruka could answer, "Not me, that's who! Know who else doesn't get cheated on? People who refuse to let cheating be a factor in their relationships!"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"People with self-esteem! And certainly not models who used their influence and personal inheritances as the start-up for their spouses' fortune!"  
  
"Yeah, I shouldn't've done it."  
  
"Especially not if the public is watching a couple, so that prospective partners need to be vetted as if they were plants from the media! Because the press would have a field day. Does all this seriously not sound familiar to you?"  
  
"Yeah. No. I mean, it does." Haruka felt like a kid in the principal's office, trapped by semantics and double negatives. "Sound familiar, I mean."  
  
"Look, I don't want to hear about this around the country club. You know all the maids talk amongst themselves about this kind of thing, and they're a lot less subtle than they think they are. We fire a maid, someone hires a maid, and then she'll literally air our dirty laundry. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yeah." Haruka agreed quietly.  
  
"I'm not some floozy trophy wife, as if I couldn't find ten people by tomorrow. Ugh, but that's not the point." She attempted to regain her composure. "I'm not someone who is dishonest with you or who holds back from you. I said that we're either in this together or we're not."  
  
Their voice shook slightly, "I said I was sorry."  
  
"But you didn't say it wouldn't happen again." Michiru was more than a little exasperated. If Haruka had called to say, 'Is it okay if I have a threesome tonight?' Michiru would've said, 'Have fun.' It didn't need to be this difficult.  
  
"I--"  
  
"It's so sketchy! We're their employers! We've talked about this!"  
  
Haruka stood solemnly, not in trouble but still not sure of what needed to be said.  
  
"I'm not mad, and if I was mad I wouldn't be mad that you slept with her, I'd be mad that it took a week for you to tell me. We have rules; you call me if something comes up." She threw up her hands in frustration. "Ugh... Let's just go back to what we used to do, and only seduce cute hotel staff and hook up with fans after our shows. That way at least the poor girls will still have jobs and their husbands or boyfriends -- girlfriends, whoever-- won't tell them to quit." That had always worked for them in the past.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"We've been over this. You have to keep me in the loop... " She shook her head, amused. "She wasn't THAT cute, was she?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Playing now, Michiru asked, "You slept with her, but don't know if she was cute?"  
  
"She was, but--"  
  
"But?"  
  
"It was more that she thought **I** was cute."  
  
That made sense. Haruka's ego could be insatiable. Years spent thinking so little of themself made any compliment from an outside influence that much stronger.  
  
"Couldn't it have waited? I had clothes I needed washed."  
  
"Sorry. I... I love you. You know I love you," Haruka said, kissing her neck, and burying their face in long turquoise locks. They whined, "I would do anything for you. Please don't be mad. I can't take it when you're mad at me."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I love you too." She was a little annoyed that they'd pull the puppy dog eyes at a time like this, but it felt cruel to keep it up any longer. "You still screwed up, though."  
  
Haruka could be a little stunted. There was a thin line between enjoying the fun and rebellious playboy lifestyle, the money and freedom to live exactly as they'd like with few repercussions, while still being the same person with now-fading memories of expecting to have the shit kicked out of them every time they made a mistake. Sometimes they still did what they wanted to do, but treated any calculated act of rebellion as carefully as a crime scene, anxiously expecting to pay for it dearly when the other shoe dropped, but never knowing exactly when that would be.    
  
Michiru blamed herself. When Michiru had been newly coming into her telepathic powers, she had tried to help clear her new battle partner's mind of pain and anxiety, and instead, may have made their sense of proportional fear and empathy a little askew. It was easy for Haruka to act when they didn't worry about consequences.  
  
It had been done with the greatest of intentions, and the then much younger Michiru had admitted that it was experimental. Haruka had consented in the hopes that it would help.  Now, Michiru realised that pushing the memories of those traumatic events into the deepest recesses of their mind had been a bandaid solution at best, and sometimes she worried it had done more harm than good. She had erased the worst of the details, and now she was responsible for their bravado and recklessness.  
  
"I'm sorry," Haruka said again.  
  
"I know, but you wouldn't have to be sorry if you thought about anything for more than three seconds before you did it." Changing the subject, Michiru held up Makoto's bloodstained shirt. "So, should I toss this or wash it?"  
  
"We should probably try to soak it anyway."  
  
Michiru agreed. If the shirt had belonged to them, they might have just thrown it out. They might still have to if it stained, but Michiru knew that Makoto didn't have a lot of money for clothes and would be upset if they were just tossed. They were used to money and being able to replace things easily, but she knew Mako-chan would want them to at least try. She was a clever, resourceful girl, and knowing her, she would probably try to salvage any undamaged fabric scraps for some craft project later.  
  
"Now, I've go to go out there and act like nothing's wrong in front of Ami and Makoto. Luckily, they've got enough to deal with right now." She laughed sardonically. 'Yeah, real lucky.' "Seems you're only off the hook because Mako gave herself brain damage."  
  
"If it helps, it wasn't anything special."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"It could've been pretty hot, except, um--"  
  
"Ha, what? Did this one go straight for your chest?" That never went over well.  
  
There had been one girl who had seen Haruka shirtless -- there hadn't been much to hide -- and didn't say anything or make the connection until she had reached down into the athlete's boxer shorts. Then she had been surprised and disgusted. That had been a bad day.  
  
Haruka didn't know what was worse, being constantly reminded that someone saw them as a girl, or effortlessly passing as male and at the last second being unable to deliver. It all hurt if they thought about it long enough.  
  
It was strange, despite their similar heights Haruka and Makoto were very different body types. Makoto was an unexpected balance; she may have had bigger muscles, but frankly, she had bigger everything, and didn't lack any feminine curves. Haruka, on the other hand, didn't have her bulk. Their frame was instead much lighter and built for speed and endurance in that way that made runners seem streamlined everywhere except for their thick thighs that pumped like pistons. Haruka had always been straight up and down for the most part, but that didn't make it any easier to be misgendered all day.  
  
"Yeah, it was just, I dunno, weird. She was all 'Ooh I've never been with a girl before, oh sex with a woman, wow this is so feminine and female and girlie and...'  
Bleh! I couldn't take it anymore. She wouldn't shut up about us both being wild and crazy gals. So, I kept my clothes on and could hardly look at her, it was only a minute... I would've told you but I felt all gross on top of gross about it. You know?"  
  
It had been humiliating. It hardly seemed fair, of all the things to focus on: piercing eyes, great hair, perfect skin, dashing smile, broad shoulders, strong arms -- why did the rest even matter? Haruka always felt if a girl wanted to be with a guy, then that must mean Haruka was lying to her, and if she wanted to be with a girl, Haruka was still lying to her, but the truth seemed out of reach. People wanted the racer but it felt impossible if people knew them for who they really were -- to be the object of someone's desire, more often turned out that they were the subject of someone's curiosity, instead. Either way, talking about their body always killed the mood and waiting for someone to find out on their own felt dangerous.  
  
Multiple choice question: Are you...  
a) a woman  
b) a man  
c) none of the above  
d) all of the above  
   
How could they be expected to answer something like that? No one ever really wanted to be with something uncategorizable.  
  
Well, Michiru did, and she sounded every bit the art history major when she'd talk about them like they were carved out of marble. She said what always sprung to mind was 'Venus and Adonis' by Antonio Canova.  
  
\-- When Minako had heard that, she insisted that she had never looked like the statue, and argued that the poem was better. While the others argued about more common things like which was better, the manga or the anime that came out only a couple years later, these two compared statues and sonnets spanning centuries, the mythology behind their shared history, mostly laughing in agreement with how very wrong the earth kingdom's descendants had gotten things.  
  
The piece wasn't connected to the senshi, but the fact remained that two hundred years later, it was still a timeless thing of beauty, and when Michiru looked at Haruka she could see the same wind tossed shaggy hair, the soft features conveying that familiar aloof expression -- though the eyes were too tender for anyone to really believe they didn't care -- the tall, lean frame and boyish androgyny hidden behind a leaf like no one's fucking business. That was art. Haruka was art.  
  
"Are you alright now?"  
  
"Yeah, of course I am," they tried to save face, "but it wasn't worth it."  
  
"How other people perceive you isn't really a reflection on you, you know? People kind of see what they want to see. You're not doing anything wrong."  
  
"Reflection... Heh, mirror pun?"  
  
"No." She laughed. "I suppose I'm not that clever." 'Though, maybe Haruka isn't either if they thought they could get anything past a psychic.' "Let's leave this to soak, and go check on the others." With a playful spank, she led the way out of the laundry room.  
  
\---  
   
Done with her shower, Makoto left the bathroom, still nauseated. The room was spinning, and she needed to sit again. The heat from the rising steam had made her feel weak. She started dragging herself towards the living room.  
  
It had only been a few hours since she had woken up after the accident, but already Makoto found the silence overwhelming. Even other times when things had been eerily quiet, she had still heard that buzz of white noise, her own pulse in her ears, that whoosh that a rush of blood makes -- she could hear herself and at least feel like she existed. Whenever she had other headaches she would hear that strange, dull throbbing noise, where everything was way too loud, but now there was nothing.  
  
It was surreal, and when the pain started going away she realized that she was beginning to feeling a little isolated, even with everyone around. It was like being invisible, with everyone talking over her. She didn't remember much about waking up at the TV station, but she swore that Rei had looked right through her. She'd have to remember to ask Ami about it later.  
  
Exhaustion hit her while she was still only halfway to the living room. She didn't want to yell again, or keep forcing her leg, so she hit the blue button on her communicator. A very concerned Ami came rushing over, nearly tripping over some of Hotaru's toys.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Mako mumbled, "I'm just really tired." She was also in such tremendous pain that she'd noticed herself shaking a few times through out the night. On top of being shaky, her vision was a little blurry but no different than when she normally took a blow to the head, the cut on her lip still stung a little, her teeth ached and her jaw was sore from clenching it so much, she felt like she had a kink in her neck, but was afraid to crack it just yet.  
  
She didn't want anyone to know just how far from alright she still was. She wondered if the outer senshi wanted what was left of their evening back.  
She had no idea how much time had passed; she couldn't focus on anything with the dizziness and the accumulation of more individual aches than she could count. She was just so emotionally drained from worrying about how things would end up but there was no reason to pour her heart out when she was already having such a hard time communicating. She was lucky; she knew that Ami was usually pretty good at guessing what she needed.  
  
Makoto thought that tired sounded believable enough, though. She was on the verge of passing out. She wasn't sure if it was from pain or fatigue. She also felt like if she stayed here much longer she'd start crying, and didn't want anyone to see that. If she could go to sleep, maybe she could stop worrying and start fresh when she woke up.  
  
Haruka and Michiru had suggested that wherever they ended up, it was best for Ami to stay with Mako overnight, and if she had somewhere to be or it got to be too much then to make sure the other senshi took shifts, at least until this all got figured out.  
  
Ami and Makoto were welcome to stay at the mansion in one of their guest rooms for however long they needed but, the Outers would be leaving early and gone until late. They had to take Hotaru to school early in the morning, then Michiru had to teach a music lesson and Haruka had to check on something on one of the cars at Kameda Motors. They weren't really sure what Setsuna was going to do, but they knew she was always very busy too.  
  
Ami wondered if Mako might feel more comfortable at home. She typed out: "Would you prefer to go home or stay here?"  
  
"I wanna go home. If it's no trouble, I mean."  
  
It was settled. Ami and Michiru would take care of some loose ends, and told Haruka to go on ahead and help Makoto to the car.  
  
Outside, Makoto watched Haruka lean against the garage and nervously flick a lighter against a cigarette, using her hand to shield the small yellow flame from being extinguished by the wind.  
  
Mako knew that Haruka only smoked when she was really stressed out. Sure, there were plenty of times she wanted to, but it wasn't worth it, not if she could potentially lose sports endorsements. It would be setting a horrible example if Hotaru ever saw, but sometimes it still felt like it was well deserved despite the risks. After all that had happened that night, Makoto realized that she must be barely holding it together.  
  
She'd known that the Outers cared about her, but she hadn't thought that typically cool Haruka would be in shambles over her. It surprised her a bit, but she was thankful to be reminded that someone loved her so much even platonically. There had been times while she was living on the streets when she had worried that, if she perished of hunger or froze that, with her parents gone, no one would notice if she died, that she would lay there nameless and there would be no one to claim her or say a kind word once they had laid her to rest.  
  
Makoto decided she would have to think of something to bake the Outers once she had healed, find some way to say thank you. On top of how upset Haruka was, she had also picked her and Ami up, given them full run of their home, gone back to her apartment to pick up some clothes, and now was going to drive them back.  
  
Makoto knew that Haruka knew that she had smoked back when she was in a gang. It had definitely made her look much more menacing but once she had started to try to be better, a real hero, someone her parents would've been proud of - closer to the path she would've been on if they were still alive - she had stopped, for the most part anyway.  
  
Ami and Michiru did not approve of smoking. Haruka and Makoto had often joked that their judgemental scowls were even worse than the surgeon general warnings printed on the side of the pack. Immortal or not, they'd rather not deal with the lectures. God help them if Mamoru ever found out.  
  
However, tonight, that didn't stop Mako from holding out her hand for a smoke. Luckily, they both knew that Ami and Michiru would still be talking for some time. She snapped her fingers to get Haruka's attention, and Haruka took the small paper box back out of her jacket pocket. Makoto took the lighter and lit up a cigarette. She inhaled deeply, savouring the crisp taste of tobacco and slowly blew out that familiar grey smoke.  
  
She hadn't smoked with Haruka in months and it was always a strangely intimate social ritual between the two. Once Haruka had snuck some expensive cigars back from tour and hadn't wanted to smoke alone. They had driven out into the country one autumn evening and sat smoking on the hood of the car while watching the sunset. They even stopped at a little road side cafe on the way back.    
  
It had been their little secret. They usually didn't say much during those quiet moments, but with Mako's hearing loss, it wouldn't've done them much good to say anything now either.  
  
After a minute or two, Haruka heard Ami and Michiru coming down the path towards the edge of the driveway where the car was parked. They snuffed out what was left under their feet and kicked it to the edge of the lawn; it was dark anyway. Haruka would get up early to find the cigarette butts before Hotaru had a chance to.  
  
With the taste fresh in her mouth, Makoto remembered the gum that Minako had given her and gave Haruka a piece. Haruka saluted her. She mouthed a quick, 'Thanks,' fumbling it out of the loose foil wrapper and popping it in her mouth.  
  
They piled into the car, Mako's leg still bothering her. It felt much better straight than bent, but she'd be home and could sleep soon; then it would be alright. She noticed that the others must be talking again when Ami blushed and Michiru playfully slapped Haruka. Maybe it was better she couldn't hear yet, Mako decided, because knowing them, it was probably something filthy. 'Poor Ami.'  
  
\---  
  
It would be the first night Ami had really stayed with Mako. They had sleepovers at the shrine all the time, but there was always a group of them.  
  
Ami decided that tonight would be different. 'Mako always puts everyone else's needs first. She spends so much time making sure that everyone is comfortable and cared for, that she sometimes just goes without, but now I'm going to take care of her for a change.' It was the least she could do after screwing up so royally.  
  
She unlocked the door while Haruka helped Mako up the stairs. Her leg was a little better but stairs were a completely different movement. Ami was so much stronger than she looked or ever got credit for, but Haruka still insisted on going with them.  
  
"After the day she's had, all she needs is her to break the other leg when she falls down the stairs!"  
  
Ami agreed, "My mother says that statistically most accidents do happen close the home."  
  
Makoto winced as her foot thumped down on each step. Pain radiated all the way up her leg and hit every nerve. She was feeling dizzy again. She cringed, gritting her teeth, and hoped she wasn't whining, but she still couldn't hear herself. If she whimpered, the other two were polite enough to spare her pride and pretend she hadn't.  
  
\---  
  
Michiru had decided to stay with the car again. It wasn't really safe to leave such an expensive vehicle in a neighbourhood like this. There were no working parking metres but plenty of 'No Parking' signs. The parking metres were bent sideways, the glass of the digital screens cracked. She assumed someone had vandalized them and hoped they'd hit the jackpot. She pictured the small silver coins pouring out and what that would mean to someone who truly had nothing.  
Michiru had never liked that their friend lived so far from the others and in such a dangerous area, but Makoto was strong and proved it time and time again. Tonight was no exception.  
  
She wondered what was taking so long. She heard a siren a couple streets away and remembered why she was guarding their convertible. She wasn't worried though. She would be able to talk her way out of anything, so on the off chance a meter maid or police officer told her to move, she could just stall for a moment until Haruka came back. Even if the police looked up their files, they wouldn't find anything.  
  
Periodically Michiru would ask favours of Ami. She would flirt and tease but realized that Ami was truly always happy to help no matter how busy she was. When it was straight research she would usually put everything else on hold and start immediately, but sometimes Michiru wanted something else.  
  
"How good are your hacking skills?" she had asked once in hushed tones. She didn't like to take advantage of the younger girl's good nature, but it was for the greater good.  
  
"I can probably get in anywhere," Ami admitted shyly.  
  
"Sometimes when Haruka and I are after a youma, but have to drive there... We might get some speeding tickets, some parking tickets, and Haruka's license is about to expire. Anything you can do for us?" she'd purred, "because we can make it worth your while..."  
  
Ami had blushed, understanding the pretty obvious implications. She took a moment to seriously consider the offer and then made very reasonable demands. "A new computer, so I can discard the old one. I don't want this traced back to me, and depending on how difficult this is and how long it takes, a little compensation."  
  
Michiru had smiled, proud that her little protégé knew how to negotiate, 'If she could just come out of her shell, and learn how to use sex to get what she wants, then maybe one day she'll be almost as ruthless as I am.'  
  
She'd licked her lips a little before saying, "Well, money is no object and neither is anything else you want." Ami had tried to answer but was left weak in the knees, her breath hitching. Michiru bit her lip then asked in a breathy voice, "Is there anything else you want? Haruka can be part of the package."  
  
Despite being a little light-headed Ami firmly rejected her advance, "No, just what I asked for, but is there anything else you wanted?"  
  
Impressed with the counter offer and not wanting to give up her upper hand, Michiru changed tack. "Just make sure we have clear records. You can leave a misdemeanor or two so it's not obvious, and tell us which, but clean it up. I'll have one of our maids drop off your new computers. Just let me know what I owe you."  
  
Michiru had left, leaving Ami stupefied. She'd taken the bus home and started immediately moving her files onto disks so she could get rid of the evidence. She could admit to herself that she found the whole thing flattering, and she was curious. She knew that there were few women as ravishing as Michiru, and it was true Haruka was very handsome in their own right. Either one would give her quite the story to tell, but it seemed strange to sleep with both of them, especially when they had each other and were so very experienced.  
  
'Even if they don't really care for me, they must still be at least a little bit physically attracted to me to ask, right?' Ami thought to herself. She envisioned their hands all over her and wondered if anyone would guess what an interesting fantasy life she led.  
  
If Michiru offered again, she would continue to politely decline, but knew that she could do much worse, and perhaps she'd check everyone's grades before throwing out the computer. She wouldn't do much maybe just turn some of Usagi's D's into C minuses. Every little bit helped.  
  
\---  
  
Makoto spit out her gum in the small garbage can under the kitchen sink. She wondered what she had done with the first piece Mina had given her earlier. Maybe Haruka would find it in the backseat and blame Hotaru. She wondered whether Ami had taken it from her like some child who couldn't be trusted to not swallow it. Maybe she had swallowed it. Minako had given her a piece, hadn't she?  
  
All of the things that had happened at the television station felt very unclear to her. Either way, she worried that she still smelled like smoke, so she limped to the bathroom to brush her teeth.  
  
She looked at herself in the mirror, noticing that the swelling in her face had gone down. At least the cut on her lip had finally healed properly. She held the wall as she moved, as she had done many times before. Anyone new to her apartment probably wouldn't have noticed that only one side of the wall had any plants or frames on it. She had triple re-enforced the trim to hold her weight better -- something sticking out of the wall to catch herself on the way down before passing out. She had made a clear path from the bed to the bathroom. There were a few nights where she had had to hobble her way through with an eye swollen shut and half blind in the dark before and she wouldn't knock anything over this way.    
  
She changed out of the scratchy sequined halter top into a comfortable t-shirt, and spritzed herself with some perfume to mask the smell of cigarettes. What she really wanted another shower but she still didn't quite trust her leg. She had already faced one near death experience. She really didn't need the threat of Ami showing her photographs of diseased lungs -- knowing Ami, she probably did actually carry some around for this very occasion. The worst was that thing where someone had to smoke through a hole in their neck. That made her skin crawl. Even with the senshi healing, the future doctor made some very compelling arguments.  
  
Makoto was eager to get back into some of her old routine. She believed in mind over matter, and while she actually sort of enjoyed everyone pampering her, she was going to try to do what she could to get back into the swing of things. She just needed a good night's sleep.  
  
She had been so tired and didn't understand why Ami kept waking her up every time she'd get comfortable enough to fall asleep in Haruka's car or in their mansion. She seemed to remember hearing something about not letting people with concussions fall asleep just in case they never woke up. She shuddered at the thought.  
  
It had been too long a day, and knowing Ami she would probably want to keep an eye on her another couple hours, so she boiled some water. She only had instant coffee, but she knew that Ami would probably drink much worse in her career. Makoto certainly had encountered a lot of really terrible vending machine coffee while she was living on the street. It was always bitter and scalding but better than nothing.  
  
The machine at the train station was perpetually out of milk and cream. She wondered how often they refilled the machine and if it could have expired, but it didn't matter, it was the cheapest around and she would have done just about anything to keep warm.  
  
When there was money she had sometimes rode the subway all night until it closed for that short period between when the graveyard shift ended and the early commuters would be back. She wanted to lay on the subway grates and feel the warm air through but was always afraid if she fell asleep they would burn her in some freak accident. Sleeping out in the open would be dangerous for so many other reasons. So instead she'd just buy a disgusting coffee and wait for morning, though not a lot of places were open that late. She would often turn over the empty styrofoam cups in parking lots, looking for that one lucky cup that hadn't had the sticker-stamp peeled off yet.  
  
Sometimes when she had been particularly hungry she'd say to someone leaving the restaurant, "Sorry to bug you but do you use your stamp card? See, I'm only one stamp away from my free coffee -- thought I had them all but it must've unstuck itself on something somehow." She could usually sucker someone into giving her theirs. A coffee wasn't expensive, but maybe the stamp didn't mean anything to them. She wasn't ready to beg for real money or eat garbage, yet anyway. She always kept an eye out for places that gave out free samples. When she did go to a restaurant she would squirrel away any condiments left out.  
  
She'd go into her bag and think, 'When things get really bad I can always eat my little packet of ketchup, paper envelopes of sugar, single serving of strawberry jam and three individually wrapped after dinner mints.' Once she'd realized that one had slipped out of it's wrapper and gotten covered in lint. That alone had been enough to make her want to start crying. She didn't think she could possibly get any more pathetic.  
  
Once in a while she'd go into a place with free coffee. The mechanic around the corner had one of those automatic drips. It wasn't very good but she'd fill it full of cream and sugar. She tried her best to not to look suspicious, and decided if anyone asked she'd point to a random guy and say she was just waiting for her dad's car to be ready and take off. Sometimes, she'd go act like she was going to sign up for a new bank card and say she forgot her I.D. at home and she'd have to come back. They had bottled juice and muffins. Unfortunately, they also had security guards. She'd heard they had donuts in the used car dealership waiting room across the block, but she'd definitely get caught. Maybe she looked older than she actually was, but sure didn't look like she could afford a car.  
  
Still, she hoped that those grounds from the narrow glass jar would be good enough for Ami. If not, there was plenty of tea. She wondered if she should buy a better coffee maker. Maybe a french press for the real gourmet stuff. While she debated the perks -- ha! -- of different grinding methods, she twisted off the screw top lid and breathed in the contents of the container. It actually smelled pretty good.  
  
Ami tried to get Mako to slow down, but she could be very stubborn. Ami took a pad of paper out of her backpack and wrote: "Don't push yourself too hard."  
  
Makoto gestured at the cups and Ami smiled, likely admitting to herself that she could use the caffeine. She made herself at home, settling in a chair, at Mako's insistence, and Mako sat beside her.  
  
A minute or two later, Ami jolted out of her chair, and Mako turned to see the kettle boiling over because she hadn't heard it whistling. She jumped up to try to sop it up with a dish rag and poured what was left of the hot water into the cups. She had a new worry -- how would she be able to cook if she was deaf? What would she do if she couldn't hear the timer go off on the stove either. 'Maybe hook it up to a blinking light or something?' She frowned, but had already decided she'd refuse to let this stop her. Ami was smart, she'd help her figure out something.  
  
"Y'know, when I first got one of my uh early jobs, the guys there used to tell me not to drink coffee, that the caffeine'd stunt my growth. Wonder how tall I'd be if I could've eaten properly and didn't live off coffee."  
  
Ami said something and laughed before remembering Makoto couldn't hear her. Makoto laughed anyway.  
  
They spent the night writing notes back and forth sliding a notepad of lined paper across the smooth wooden tabletop. There wasn't a phone in the apartment, but Ami claimed that her mom wouldn't miss her anyway. It was more important that someone be with Mako-chan tonight. If the communicator went off in the next day or so, and she couldn't hear it they'd be in real trouble without their heavy hitter. It was definitely better for her to have someone stay here for the next few days so she could get her rest.  
  
That was how the normally responsible girl reasoned with herself. Beside, if her mother panicked and began looking for her, she'd probably call Rei or Usagi first and they'd have the sense to explain that Mako didn't have a phone anymore. They'd let Ami know right away too. Ami knew she had bigger problems right now. If her mom was angry, then her mom would just have to be angry, and then she'd have to get over it. Ami had fought monsters, had her best friend almost die, and still had to study for mid-terms next week.  
  
She reassured Makoto that her hearing impairment was probably temporary. All of their other ailments seemed to clear up at superhuman speed, probably something to do with whatever minerals or energy came from Usagi's crystal. This was just taking longer because Makoto's body was healing so many injuries at once.  
  
Makoto wrote: "Things would have been so much worse if you weren't there tonight. I'm fortunate to know such a great doctor."  
  
She was used to speaking without much filter. She tended to be a little blunt at times though not necessarily tactless. Writing forced her to slow down and think before she expressed a thought, so before putting ink to parchment she'd sit for a second. She wasn't nervous or tongue-tied, judging by the smile on Ami instead of saying the wrong things, it seemed she was saying all the right things.  
  
Ami blushed, and added: "You know I'm not a doctor yet." Though, it was true by this point she probably had more field training than most third year residents.  
  
Makoto thanked her for being there, tonight and always, then underlined the word always and looked at her with pleading eyes. She gulped, and started to write again. She wondered, 'How fucking hard did I hit my head? Either she'll take it as the real deal or think I'm just being weird from crackin' my head open.'  
  
She took a risk and said, "I thought you didn't like writing notes? I thought they gave you hives?" She smiled flirtatiously.  
  
Ami scribbled down quickly: "Not these kind of notes. Love letters." She rolled her eyes.  
  
For a second she was having so much fun Makoto forgot all of the pain she was in. This was her chance, she could write something she could pass off as corny with a kernel of truth.  
  
So Mako drew a heart and wrote:  
"My dearest Ami,  
you are always the best part of my worst days.  
PS: I'm glad I don't give you hives."  
  
Ami was rather touched by the absurd sentiment, even if she was teasing her. She giggled behind her hand.  
  
Makoto was sad she couldn't hear her laugh but it didn't matter, she knew they were laughing together.  
  
Ami took the pen, but was stumped. She couldn't think of anything to write that would top that. Instead, she moved her chair over and hugged her, bunching the fabric of Mako's shirt tight in her balled fist. She kept her pulled close and buried her face against her shoulder, burying her face in her long brown hair. She was embarrassed that she noticed it smelled more like Michiru's shampoo rather than her usual brand. She gasped, mortified when she picked up on the lingering and faintly metallic scent of blood.  
  
Memories of the station instantly reminded Ami of why she had to act, why she felt she needed to make up for lost time, to make up for her grave mistake earlier, and so she took the opportunity to whisper the shaky words, "I-I think I'm falling in love with you. I have been for a long time."  
  
She waited. The confession hadn't broken a spell and cured her, but neither girl was any worse off. Makoto felt her unease and lay her hand against her back, a little unsure herself what would come next. It had been a trying day for both of them. Ami promised herself, the next time she'd say it, she would say it for real, and that Mako would hear it and maybe say it back. For now this was all she could muster -- it was out there now, even in some small way, and that would have to be enough.  
  
Relieved, that Mako was acting no differently, she pulled away.  
  
Mako just smiled and wrote:  
"I'm tired. Bed soon? Wake me if I can't hear the alarm for class?" She knew that even if she felt one hundred percent better when she woke up (which she didn't think she would), she still wouldn't be going to school tomorrow. She'd have Ami call the school, and work if she wasn't back to normal by then. Ami nodded in agreement. Makoto was thankful that she didn't have any shifts for two more days, and even then might call in sick, but she thought that she could still try to impress Ami by seeming scholarly, even with a broken leg and hearing loss. If Mako still seemed focused on going to class then  would appear like she was devoted to her academics, and she'd still come off as really tough.  
  
She grinned to herself, 'Kino you sly fox!' Makoto saw Ami noticing her smile, and quickly made up an excuse. "Just happy you're here, that's all."  
  
Ami was sure Makoto hadn't heard her declaration, but had anticipated that if she had, she would have to own up to it. Nevertheless, she was grateful to have more time to figure this out. She appreciated her own good sense in not hashing out an all night conversation about feelings when Mako couldn't even properly reply. She helped tidy up, washing the few dishes in the sink. She tore the pages from their metal coil, putting the used sheets of paper into the garbage and her notebook back into her schoolbag for the morning.  
   
"Oh," Mako started, unable to judge her own volume, "Can you--" Her shoulders drooped. She had been about to ask Ami to open the window if it rained, because she found the sound soothing, but had realized all too quickly that she wouldn't be able to hear it after all. "Nevermind."  
  
Makoto stretched her tall strong frame, mindful of her leg and yawned. She changed into pyjamas and got ready for bed. Ami watched as she took her hair out of its high ponytail and brushed it. She could see her in a reflection in a cheap glass picture frame that threw a lot of glare. 'She's so beautiful. Even after everything that's happened.'  
  
Makoto held out an older shirt that was too small for her, but still too big on Ami, for her to sleep in. Ami bit her lip, noticing that it smelled like her Mako -- like flowers and baked goods, and just a hint of petrichor. Makoto crawled into bed, and a moment later Ami climbed in beside her, careful to not touch her.  
Mako turned to her and said, "GOOD NIGHT!" just a little too loudly.  
  
Ami couldn't help but let out an exasperated laugh and wonder what the hell she was getting herself into. She lay awake and Mako fell asleep almost immediately, looking very peaceful. Ami didn't know how someone with so much pain could look so serene. She wanted nothing more than to curl up into the brunette's arms, but instead willed herself to inch away, then rolled onto her side, facing away from her and waited for morning. She rubbed her eyes not sure if they were watering for want of sleep or from the terrible day.  
  
The light was still on, like Makoto had asked. "'Cause you don't know the lay out of the place, and if we both have broken legs, nothin'll get done around here. I've had enough of nurse Mina for a lifetime." She'd laughed.  
  
Ami must have drifted off, because she woke up a few hours later, feeling as though a tree, maybe a mighty oak, had fallen on her. She was pinned in the faintly lit room and it took her a second to reacquaint herself with her surroundings. She had forgotten that she wasn't in her own bed and that she wasn't alone. Mako had shifted in the night and decided to lay spread out like a starfish across the mattress, inevitably trapping her. Ami freed herself, and the sleeping giant shifted again without opening her eyes.  
  
"Mm...Ami" Mako mumbled, still deep in a dream.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies! I had meant to post this sooner but life got in the way. This chapter was originally even longer but I decided to split it into two sections. 
> 
> Next up: We will revisit Rei and Mina's reaction to nearly losing Jupiter, as well as following up on some of Makoto's healing process. It's possible that Ami is not quite as together as she seems.


	4. In Hot Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting three chapters today

Usagi, Rei and Minako left the television station that evening knowing that their friend was in the best hands possible. Before Makoto had passed out again, Ami had reassured them that it seemed she would survive and that there was nothing else they could do for her, which in her roundabout way sounded a lot like saying she was worried that from here onward they would only get in the way.

It was a cool spring evening. The girls walked about a block, under the cover of darkness, to be greeted by Mamoru. He stood waiting for them next to his red sports car. Up until that point they had been somber, not saying much once they had parted with the other girls.

While the blondes had walked with their arms linked, Mina kept looking over her shoulder at Rei. They would steal glances from each other, both knowing they'd rather be alone and able to speak more freely, but after what they had all just endured, Usagi needed to be comforted, even if the other two were barely holding on themselves.

If they let those tears fall, they knew that it would only begin a chain reaction and start Usagi weeping all over again, which would have been fine another day, but right now they just wanted to go home.

Minako spoke with her, softly, while Rei lagged behind out of earshot. Rei could have a short fuse, and Mina knew that it wouldn't take much to make her lash out, especially when they were all so emotional, even over something benign and said out of ignorance. Sometimes Usagi could sound a little too hopeful and her knack for sugarcoating things could send Rei into a frenzy. She would complain that those rose-coloured glasses were a childish distraction while the rest of them were forced to suffer. No matter how well meaning she was, telling someone to simply 'cheer up' was little consolation on the battlefield.

But today it was clear that this time Usagi fully understood that they had almost lost one of their own, and was actually taking the matter seriously. She didn't have a choice. Makoto had nearly died, and had she been any other girl, she would have. There was no denying what the princess had witnessed, no cutesy way to spin the story this time.

Before they had left, Usagi had simply asked Ami whether or not Mako-chan would be alright and took a second to hold Makoto close, just in case it turned out that that would be her last chance.

She had whispered to the unconscious girl, "I'm going to see you tomorrow, good as new. This isn't goodbye, you hear me?" She hadn't. Her prayers had quite literally fallen on deaf ears. Still, Ami hadn't interrupted and let her speak her piece. She understood that this would probably be more helpful for Usagi than Makoto, but she wouldn't deny her this one basic kindness. Without any new information about Makoto's health, it was the only real comfort she could give.

After making these one-sided promises, not ready to give up, Makoto must have felt Usagi squeeze her hand, and squeezed back. That had to count for something.

Usagi's mood changed dramatically once she saw her boyfriend. The other two could tell she was already feeling better. "Can we go out to eat?" she asked.

"Just pick the place, and we'll go," Mamoru answered. With his most comforting smile, he asked Rei and Mina whether they wanted to grab a bite. "My treat, of course."

"No," Mina replied flatly for both of them, unable to keep up her sunny facade anymore. With Mamoru now here for their queen, she didn't have to. Despite being hungry, by that point, they were both just so drained, so emotionally exhausted, that food was the last thing on their minds.

Mina wondered how much the Outers had told him, whether or not he knew that it had been her fault, if he knew how close they really had been to losing Jupiter, that instead of picking a restaurant they could have been picking out a casket. They could be burying Makoto tonight. She felt sick again.

"We'd just like to go back to the temple, if that's alright," Rei aded quietly, not wanting to be rude or ungrateful.

He double-checked, "Both of you?" He had told them before that he wouldn't mind making two trips if Mina needed to go home.

"Yeah. Of course," Rei said without much thought. She figured by now it was just a given. She turned her head and asked softly, "You're coming with me, right?"

"Mhm." The backseat was dark, but Mina had to hold back the wobble in her voice. She'd been planning to go back with Rei regardless, but it felt good to actually be wanted.

Mamoru dropped them off at the bottom of the hill. He apologized, "Sorry that I can't drive you right up to the door." He offered to walk up with them, but really, what was the point?

The girls got out of the car and shut the doors. "We'll see you tomorrow," Mina promised Usagi. She waved half-heartedly and moved to wait for Rei on the steps.  
  
"Thanks for the ride." Rei looked at their resilient princess. She was smiling and relaxed. So very different from earlier. Mamoru whispered something and she giggled. It was hard to believe that this was the same girl who had been still gasping through her tears barely an hour before.

Suddenly, Rei remembered watching her slipping.

"Mamoru?"

"Yeah, Rei?"

"If you're going out to eat, take Usagi home first."

"But I'm hungry now, Rei! I'm starving! You're sooo mean! Why can't you just let anyone be happy?" Usagi argued, hungry and impatient.

"You should probably change. I think you're covered in blood."

Usagi clicked on the overhead light and looked down at herself with wide eyes, horrified. Rei was right.

\---

They walked up the stairs together, and Rei surprised herself when she squeezed Mina, wrapping both arms around her in a tight hug at the top of the hill. They stood like that for a moment before Rei broke away, embarrassed. "C'mon, we can rest inside," she mumbled awkwardly as they walked the rest of the path.

Grandpa greeted them at the door. "Ho, bad day?" He waddled toward them.

Mina rushed past, through the kitchen and went straight to Rei's bed. She flopped down face first and lay there. Rei stayed to talk to him for a minute, not wanting for him to know that she was on the breaking point herself. He told her that he hoped she didn't mind, but when she didn't call, they decided that they couldn't wait any longer. He and Yuuichirou had eaten without her.

She forced a smile and told him that she wasn't worried about food right now, but they might go out to eat later. Maybe they'd order take-out. She always tipped extra, with all those stairs in the dark and the hovering ravens she knew it was a necessity. Sometimes she'd meet the delivery boy half way or down at the street. She didn't want to tell him that they would probably just skip dinner.

She hugged the old man. She had almost lost one person she cared about today, and deep down was always afraid for him since as much as she hated to admit it, he was really getting up there. She excused herself to go check on Mina who was slumped over like a ragdoll, one arm dangling right off of the bed.

Rei wasn't sure if she was crying, though if she wasn't she was pretty close. Rei wanted nothing more than to curl up beside her, but knew that if she did, she would probably start crying too. As badly as she felt, she knew that Mina had to feel worse.

The blonde rolled over and looked at Rei. "I really screwed up," she admitted through gritted teeth.

Rei had been mentally rehearsing what she could say in the car. "You did what you thought was best. You had to make a choice. All your options were bad, the whole city could be brainwashed right now, we might still be out there fighting." She hoped that sounded reassuring. She was relieved to be back in her room. It wouldn't've been the first time they had fought overnight.

"Oh God, Rei... I -- I fucked up so bad!"

Rei wanted to go hold her, but stayed standing. She tried crossing and uncrossing her arms, trying to anchor herself upright somehow.

"I fucked up so bad this time."

"Makoto volunteered. I think she would've left even if you had forbidden her to go. She knew what had to be done. I hate how impulsive she is, but she was right. And you were right to let her go."

"I let her go alone, but if Ami had seen her leave she would've followed her in a heartbeat. Maybe I should have sent Mercury after her, then maybe Jupiter would be okay."

"Or they'd both be hurt, or worse..." Rei pictured Ami under the wreckage with Makoto. A cold chill cut through her.

"Do you think Ami hates me? I mean, we really thought Mako was dead and I still just told her to keep going like nothing was wrong. Oh God! I'm the worst friend ever."

"Well, what were you supposed to do?!" Rei couldn't take it anymore. She could feel the lump in her throat again and her eyes starting to sting. "Like, yeah so, we're friends, but we're soldiers too! We're soldiers first!" Her vision was starting to blur from the tears forming. She somehow managed to angrily spit out, "Even if we hated each other we'd still have to fight together, you know that. We've always agreed to that as a rule, right? She knows she had a job to do, and your job was to remind her of that. And if Mako died, she died doing her job. A-AND, AND, I'M HAVING A SHOWER!"

Rei hated when such important, complicated things could sound so cut and dry. There were so many aspects of this war to consider for her to just reduce it to a job. She didn't remember ever wanting any of this. No one had asked her whether this was what she wanted. Walking away and letting the planet die wasn't a choice. This was her duty, not really a job at all. She didn't remember applying somehow, ever getting paid, or even getting so much as a thank you. But it was a job that no one else could do, and she knew it was a job that would probably, ultimately kill them all.

 _Again,_ she reminded herself.

She got undressed and stepped into the shower. She knew if she started crying it would be alright, the water on her face wouldn't give her away. If her eyes looked red when she got out, maybe she got some shampoo in them. Mina wouldn't ask why she was gone so long.

She had tried so hard to keep from crying at the station. She had needed to be strong, or else nothing would've gotten done and they really would've lost Mako. She lathered shampoo into her long dark locks. Their friend might be deaf now, if she even made it through the night. She shuddered and tried to remember their senshi healing.

All she could think about was how humiliated Minako must've been when Haruka called her out. She began to rinse her hair.

'No one should question her leadership. She's the leader. She answers only to the princess, and there they were just telling her what she should've done when they weren't even there!'

Technically, Neptune hadn't said anything, but she still stood there, silently, such judgement in her eyes. It was obvious Michiru had blamed Mina too.

Rei's mind replayed it all again and again. She tried to block out Usagi's wailing, but she could still hear it so clearly. She pictured Mako's skull crushed in, all the blood, and the other two looking so lost. She wondered what would have happened if she had been in Ami's place, if something had happened to Mina...

A dark little part of her whispered of all out war. She knew if it had been her, she would want to lay everything before her to waste. Tokyo would be in flames. She would leave the city with nothing if she lost the only thing she had. Without Minako, she'd want everyone to burn.

And that's when the fire started.

Deep in a trance, she didn't notice until the conditioner bottle started to melt in the heat of her grasp. Her eyes snapped open.

"OH GOD! OH GOD!" Her palms were on fire, and so was everything she touched.

The cheap plastic shower curtain bubbled under the fumbling of her fingers. Panicked she ran her hands under the water. The flames were snuffed out in a rush of steam. She dropped heavily to her knees, taking the different soaps and bodywashes down with her, all of the half empty bottles making a hollow percussion against the hard porcelain. She cried out.

"Rei?" Mina leapt up, "REI?" She paused by the door to give her a chance to tell her off, but when she heard only a quiet whimper, she warned, "I'm coming in!"

She opened the old wooden door slowly. The lock was broken and had never latched quite right.

"Rei? Oh my god, Rei! What happened?!" Mina came in to see the bathroom tiles singed black and a sobbing Rei sitting against the tub, holding what was left of a burnt towel, the ash of charred fabric on the floor. It seemed that whatever had happened, she had been lucid enough to smother out the rest of the bright embers.

"Rei, can you sit up?" She didn't respond. "Rei, are you hurt?" Mina tried to calmly piece together what had happened. 'How did the fire start? There were no candles or flames.' She hadn't felt her transform, but she had definitely felt something. 'Unless...'

"Rei, dammit Rei!" She felt her heart racing from her own panic. "Put your hands under the water!"

Rei barely responded, and just continued to sit with her knees to her chest, looking at her black sooty hands and crying. She couldn't bring her up to the sink or back to the tub, but she had to do something. Mina remembered that there was some old saying about how if you can't move a mountain to somebody then you have to bring somebody to the mountain, and that's what she was gonna do.

She dampened some washcloths, and held them to Rei's hot hands, which were still steaming. Mina saw that she still had soap suds in her long beautiful hair.

Rei began to flail. "NO! No! No, stop!" She thrashed her head back and forth. "Stop!"

"What?" Minako did her best to sound calm. "What is it?"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Rei screeched, gnashing her teeth in anger and fear like some kind of cornered animal. "Don't touch me!"

"Rei?" Hesitantly Minako knelt beside her, leaving a strategic gap between them.

"D-Don't touch me," she said through her tears. "I might hurt you!"

"It's alright, I'm here." Minako was aware that she was taking a risk, but decided that it would be a bigger risk to leave Rei alone. She stayed kneeling next to her, careful not to touch.

"Hey now, you know I'm not scared of fire. I've been burned before and survived." She added with a gentle smile, "You're okay now."

Sapphire and amethyst eyes locked, until Rei calmed down enough for Mina to help her up off the floor. Minako steadied her around her waist, careful not to touch her hands.

'Oh Reiko...' She lamented to herself, 'This isn't how I thought things would go.'

Once she was vertical she made Rei run her hands under the ice cold faucet. She didn't know whether she had been burned,or if there was a chance she could still conjure the flames so unpredictably. Even if it didn't help, it seemed as wise a course of action as anything else.

"That's a good girl."

She hated herself for noticing Rei whimper at those words. Now was not the time or place to test the waters and find out what her favourite martian was into.

As Rei became aware of her surroundings again, it dawned on them both that Rei only had a white towel wrapped around her. There were a couple holes burnt through it, and it wasn't covering much. Mina tried her best to quickly wash Rei's hair in the sink.

"There, that's much better." Normally, Mina would've made some smart alec comment to throw her off of how attractive she really found her, but this wasn't the time. She looked away and handed her a shirt and some underwear, hoping Rei wouldn't set the clothes on fire. She turned away while Rei dressed.

Rei sat on the bed, still with soaking wet hair. Though Rei had otherwise completely dried off from the shower, she was already just as drenched with sweat. 'She always runs warm,' Minako mused, 'but she's really feverish all over, especially her hands.' It made sense, after all. In most cases their powers did seem to flow from their fingertips.

Mina gave herself about thirty seconds before she would allow herself to freak out. She knew if she got ice she'd probably run into Grandpa. That would be bad. Having Rei shower again sounded counterproductive. After all, it had just taken so much effort to get her back to her room. She opened the window, to let the night breeze blow in, had her keep holding the wet cloth. Maybe keeping her hands in a bucket or something would've been better, she thought.

She really didn't want to have to call Artemis. That was the last thing she wanted to do, the icing on an already shitty day. Usagi or Ami would probably tell Luna what had happened with Makoto, and the cats didn't need one more thing to worry about.

'I'm the leader. I'm supposed to be able to take care of the five of us -- Well, sometimes there are really more like twelve of us, once you include Chibs -- but today I wasn't even able to keep any of them safe.'

She thought about the bulbous ridge across Makoto's forehead that had made her look like some twisted caveman version of herself, Usagi covered in blood and wailing, curled up with what they all believed was a corpse, Ami shutting down entirely, everything she touched slowly being covered in frost -- for her this was probably D-point all over again -- and about Rei, who had been able to step up as commander, when she hadn't been able to, at such an enormous toll to herself, only to come home and set her bathroom on fire.

Mina didn't know what to do, so she tried to act like all of this was normal. She wrung out what was left of the water in Rei's hair with the towel and thought about braiding it. Instead, she sat there for a moment, because Rei was just sitting there. She promised herself could hate herself later, but she had to fix this now.

She got up and looked around, assessing the damage. Rei's hands weren't burnt, and if they had been a little, they were already healed. And they didn't seem likely to ignite again without any other weird stimuli. If she could keep her calm things would probably be fine. She knew Rei was emotionally in a bad place, but they could work on that. She pressed a hand to her forehead, thankful that Rei's skin already felt a little cooler.

She opened the wooden door, hoping for no more surprises. Was the bathroom still on fire? No, it just smelled smokey. To fix that, she could cover the scent with Rei's perfume.

She had to make another judgement call: not the expensive one, and not the one that belonged to her mother, it had been long discontinued anyway. She knew that sometimes Rei secretly sprayed it to help remember her. Scent was so often tied in with memories. A newer bottle would be easiest to replace. She picked up the third bottle, removed the lid and pressed down on the atomizer repeatedly, coughing violently at the now overwhelming, artificially floral air, and opened the small window.

‘Now, we have another excuse to go shopping. Minako Aino, you really do look for the silver lining,’ she thought to herself.

Maybe when she had a second she would organize the different containers that had been knocked over back onto their precariously placed shelf in the shower caddy.

For now, she lay back down next to Rei on the bed again. "You're okay, I've got you." She stroked Rei's cheek.

Rei had once mentioned that Grandpa never went into her bathroom. He'd had a teenage daughter once. He knew it was better to just avoid the hair in the sink, spilled make-up, and feminine hygiene products. They could fix the scorched marks on the wall. The place could use a new paint job. They could throw out the burnt towels and she could bring over some of the dozens of towels from her own linen cupboard, some of which had never even been used and still had the price tags on them. And if Grandpa found out before then, well, it's not like there weren't candles and incense everywhere in Rei's room, and besides, accidents happen right? If they had to, they'd have Mako come over and help repaint it when she recovered.

Mina prayed that the lightning senshi would be alright. As if Rei could tell exactly what Mina was thinking, she asked, "So, what's going on with Makoto?"

"She'll be okay, really. We were lucky. I'll call Ami in a bit to make sure. But are you alright?"

Rei was baffled, "I still don't know what happened."

"Your *true powers* have awakened."

"H-How?"

"How did they awaken or how is it possible?"

Rei's nod was strained. Whatever had happened had taken a lot out of her, on top of an already wearying day.

"Honestly? My best guess is you had an emotional response to whatever happened today. What were you thinking about? What triggered this? I know I probably should've mentioned that some of us can use our powers outside of uniform transformation. It's one of those things that just happens when it happens, I think. I didn't want to add pressure to anyone or turn it into a pissing contest."

Rei stared at her blankly. "What?"

"Y'know... A big competition, like when guys--" But that wasn't what Rei was confused about. "Oh. It's just a physical manifestation of our power, I guess. I know Ami can freeze things with her touch now, which is a little weird because she doesn't seem nearly as in tune to her planet as you do. I don't think Makoto can do anything as a civilian yet, and I've always seen you and her as the most awakened, but it hasn't really come up with her. I guess she'll blow something up, and let us know."

"What about you?"

"Pssh. Mine is stupid. You don't want to hear it," she answered, looking away.

"What would," she paused, "a physical response to an emotional manifestation," she shook her head, still dazed -- she knew Mina knew what she was trying to say-- "of love even be? A baby? An... uh... orgasm?" She tried to look serious and hoped she wasn’t blushing.

Mina grinned. "I'm love AND metal remember? Besides, orgasms aren't a secret power, they're just my speciality." She winked and Rei rolled her eyes. Grateful she thought, 'Good. She's practically back to her old self already.'

They paused, hearing the ravens and then heavy footsteps. There was a light tapping at her window.

"Hey, Rei?" Yuuichirou whispered through the open window. "Uh, you alright? I wouldn't bug you like this, but it's just, well, we can smell smoke. I told Grandpa it was probably just a neighbour burning leaves, or you had incense goin', but I can, like, tell he's worried."

Rei peered out at him. "I uh, accidentally knocked a candle over. Everything's alright now."

"Totally, but he's, like, gonna check on you in a minute if you don't go tell him that."

"Ugh. Thanks. I owe you."

They heard a beep. "Fuck, what now?" Mina hit the blue button, cancelling the call and closed her communicator.

"Is Mina in there with you? Tell her hi for me!" He hopped up to get a better look into her room, his long bangs hanging in his eyes.

"Hey Yuuich' How's it goin'?" Mina smiled at the overgrown, puppy-like man.  
He blushed. "I'm good! Seriously though, somebody go talk to Grandpa. He's not mad, just everytime he smells something burning he worries he's, like, having a stroke or somethin'. Anyways, thought I'd give you a heads up, but I totally gotta get to sleep. G'night."

Rei pulled on her pyjama pants, and slipped out to tell her grandfather not to worry. When she returned, Minako was waiting to finish her explanation.

"Ahem!" She had already been waiting to tell this story for months now. "So, as I was saying, my parents called and told me that when the lease is up, they'll have some boxes shipped to wherever the new house is, probably back in England, and I'll have to move--"

Rei cut her off abruptly, "No! YOU CAN'T! I--" She actually looked even more afraid now than when Mina had found her on the bathroom floor.

"Shh... Reiko... C'mon lemme finish... Move OUT. Since I can't afford to keep the place up on my own." This wasn't really the time to casually throw in a 'Why? Would you miss me?' "Oh, and they're not coming back for me, and there isn't space for me at their new place, even though they don't even have a new place yet, so how would they know how many rooms there even are? They just know they don’t want me there, I guess. I guess I'm like, worth so little to them they could just break-up with me over the phone." She laughed bitterly.

“God, I had no idea. Mina, I'm sorry.” Rei shook her head, looking crushed by this news. Mina knew she should've told her sooner. “What'll you do?”

“No, it’s okay. There's about a year left, I'm alright. But, I was like SO upset, I went to slam my fists down on their stupid antique hundred and fifty fucking year old mahogany bureau, you know, the one in dad's office? That one desk that was once owned by a duke or something stupid? And suddenly there was this weird sand everywhere? Like it had been in my hand this whole time and I didn't notice, but I would have noticed! Just shi-shi-shaa, pocket sand." She mimed tossing it at an invisible opponent. "And it scattered across the stained surface. Artemis wasn't home, so I'm trying to figure out where all this dirt or whatever came from, and it's like still there and my skin feels kind of gritty and it’s just gross, and it seems to be coming from my hands somehow?"

Rei looked at her with concern. She listened, trying to make sense of this.

"So, I go to the kitchen to get a drink to help me calm down."

Rei assumed it was alcohol, probably a lot of it, probably too much, but didn't think that was relevant to her story.

"And the fridge magnets start sticking to my hands! So, I put gloves on. I panicked. I didn't want to get this stuff everywhere, right? So, I went to see Ami-chan. I said, ‘I need you to analyze something for me!’ I take off the gloves and it's just like when you take off your shoes when you've been at the beach all day! Fucking sand everywhere."

"What'd Ami say?"

"She said that it must be some kind of ore? And I remember, my gold chain! So, I think, my hands leak gold, this is awesome! I'll be rich again! But Ami tells me, this isn't gold ore, this is some composite metal, an alloy or something? I forget. She's like, You COULD theoretically combine this with gold to make it less malleable? 'Cause gold on its own is pretty weak. And she doesn't think my chain is even really gold anyway, like, it must be some Venusian metal and then she starts speculating about forging things in volcanoes and the Silver Millennium, and meanwhile the sand still pouring out of my hands is basically worthless and while it has some traces of different earth minerals, like, this specific blend isn't, like, naturally occurring on earth and doesn't really happen on its own. And without extreme heat to smith it or smelt it or whatever, it's just sand.

But of course, the brainiac thinks this is all really fascinating. She's already got her microscope out, and is going to run scans and do research and log away all kinds of data for this."

Rei looked at her hands, where the flames had once been, and then looked at Mina's hands. They were just hands. No one would have any way of knowing what had transpired here. She thought that her hands had cooled, and wanted nothing more than to hold Minako’s hands in hers, but when Mina told a story she just got so animated, they hardly stayed still long enough to give her the chance.

"And I go to check something on her computer, like maybe there's a game or something while she's being boring, and the screen goes all crazy tie-dye. So, she yells at me to get away from her baby, and that my magnetic something is interfering.

So I'm just like, 'Well shit, Ami gets ice, I've totally watched Ami make a pair of ice daggers and I get sand...' Ami. Not Mercury. Ami. Just casually pulling an icicle straight out of her hand! Then she told me, apparently, an early form of the word sword has something to do with blood icicles? LIKE WHY DO I EVEN NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS AMI? I know we made fun of her for shooting bubbles, but right then I was like, 'Ugh, god, like please give me bubbles'. Like, what am I gonna do with it, slightly irritate someone's eyes?"

Rei was processing things a little slowly, and was distracted by Minako’s hands. She didn’t know what to say. "So, sand... or... ore? I guess?"

"Like, it's not even poison or anything cool. Like, she said probably don't eat it, but it's not toxic?"

Rei smiled to herself, thinking about any circumstance in which the blonde, ridiculous as she sometimes was, would feel compelled to eat a big bowl of sand. Especially mysterious sand that had just been bleeding from out of her palms. 'Does Ami really think we're that stupid?’ She knew Ami just liked to provide a lot of background information and never actually meant any harm.

Rei was curled up on her bed and now only mostly listening, thinking about a cereal box with Minako on the front just eating a bowl of rocks. "Sailor V: Crunch!" Still better than Usagi’s cooking. She wanted to laugh, but was still feeling hollow, and after all that had happened was sort of detached from herself. That is, until Mina started playing with her hair. It was the first time in hours her heart rate had slowed enough to feel tranquil, calm. Rei half smiled, with her eyes closed, wishing she could just melt into this feeling and stay like this.

"Hm, yep. I definitely got all the soap out. When it dries it'll be back to it's regular silky, shiny self." Any other day, Mina would be tempted to make some joke about how Rei's hair may have been perfectly straight, but the rest of her was pretty gay.

It was easier to make light of things like that now. Once, after months of begging them to drop all their questions about Uwara, even after insisting he had a girlfriend and that it wouldn't have worked out, Ami had struggled to find the right words and had ended up saying, "I suppose I don't want to date him for the same reason Michiru wouldn't date a boy." She'd had to go to cram school, and everyone was left to draw their own conclusions. "So she's dating Haruka?" Usagi had asked puzzled, causing Minako to go into non-stop whoops of laughter.

A little while later, perhaps in solidarity, Makoto said just once, but loud enough for everyone to hear, "I'd probably be open to dating girls," before spiralling into her usual self-deprecating jabs at herself, "I mean, like anybody could even want all this. Just upping the odds for myself. Like zero times a billion is still zero. Look at the bright side, my dating pool just doubled, now twice as many people can reject me."

Mina wondered whether Mako had ever heard that sand story or if it had stayed between her and Ami. It wasn't really a huge secret, it was just some weird thing that had happened, but Ami always knew when to keep quiet. She really was becoming a great soldier. True she was usually their tech support and tactical response, and they relied on Doc as their field medic, but once she had got her head in the game she had been really great today. She'd acted when she was told to, even though she must've been dying inside.

"Reiko, I'm going to call Ami back now okay?"

Rei didn't bother opening her eyes and mumbled, "Kay."

Minako got up to use the phone, but couldn't remember Haruka and Michiru's number offhand and didn't want to talk to either of them right then anyway. Instead, she took out her communicator and pressed the blue button.

"Mercury? It's Venus, sorry 'bout earlier. Any news on Jupiter?"

"Uh, she's stable, healing slowly, but healing. Long term memory seems perfect, short term is, well, honestly, a lot better than I expected. Her cognitive function seems to be recovering quite well."

"Good. What about her hearing?"

Ami sighed. "Don't know yet, Venus. We're hoping it's temporary. Is Mars still with you? We all sort of uh--"

"Yeah, she's here... We had a little scare of our own. We'll tell you more about it later, but I guess Mars is fully awakening."

"Oh god. Was there a lot of fire? Does she remember everything?"

"A little fire. Looked worse than it was. I don't know what she remembers. Might come a bit at a time or all at once. It's hard to tell."

"Right. Well, keep her safe for us."

"I'll guard her with my life." She chuckled, to hide how truly she had meant it. "And Protect Jupiter for us." There was a nagging need to make things right. She wanted to tell her she was sorry for earlier, and that she understood how very much those two loved each other, but the leader couldn't look weak, not right now.

"Will do. Over and out."

"Rei, Mako is doing better... Rei?" Mina looked over to see the dark haired girl, curled up, trying hard to stay awake.

"I-- Just resting my eyes." She sleepily rubbed her face.

In a suggestive tone, Mina added, "Y'know, she's probably havin' the time of her life playing doctor with Ami." She was never one to pass up an easy bit of innuendo.

Rei laughed quietly with heavy lidded eyes.

Minako knew there was no way Rei would let herself doze if she thought Mina needed her for even an instant, so she faked a big yawn. "Rei, I'm so sleepy. Can we sleep now?"

"What if I fall asleep and burn the bed down?"

She smiled, cheerfully at the nervous girl like there wasn't a thing in the whole world for them to worry about. "Then I'll hold your hand all night." She looked deep into her eyes, the dark-haired girl so serious, she needed to laugh it off. "Look, if it gets too hot, it'll wake me up!" She did her best Sailor V 'V'.

"Then what?" Rei sounded doubtful.

"We'll soak your hands again, and we'll put all the ice from the freezer in the sink until we can talk to Luna and Artemis, okay? We'll figure it out, I promise."

Mina gently kissed Rei's knuckles without flinching, as if to say, 'Not even hot anymore, see?' She just needed Rei to stay calm. "You know, I would do whatever I have to do for you." She ached at the realization. 'God she has no idea.'

They tried to get comfortable, lacing and unlacing their fingers with each other, and shifting positions. "Oh! Do you know who else holds hands all night?" Mina asked, deciding to break the awkward lull.

Rei groaned, "If you say Usagi and Mamoru, I swear I might actually burn this bed and the entire shrine right down to the ground on purpose."

Minako cackled. "Otters."

"Huh?" That she wasn't expecting.

"Oh yeah, they float down rivers even in their sleep and they don't like to wake up lost and all by themselves, right? So, they hold hands with their buddies or whatever."

Rei stared at her for a moment, wondering why she had a sudden interest in marine biology. Probably saw a cute guy at the zoo or something ridiculous.

"Oh, I was supposed to hang out with Usagi, but if Ami didn't see her right then she wouldn't be able to for like another whole week because of all her extra classes, right?"

"Yeah."

"And Usagi forgot to tell me 'til the very last minute, which is SO like her and I was already dressed -- don't worry, you had archery, we didn't bail on you or anything. So, I was like, yeah, I'll tag along with you and Ami-chan, no problem!"

"Sure."

"So, she's like, 'I brought some educational documentaries to watch.' And so Usagi was like, 'Something with cute animals, but if a cheetah rips the head off a baby deer or something I'm gonna be sooo mad!'" Her flawless imitation of the princess always made Rei laugh.

"Heh. So, there were otters then?"

"Yeah, they were really cute, like skinny little bears or something. I mean, I wasn't trying to be a brainiac or anything. I just remembered, that was all."

Rei had fought with this. "While uh we're on the topic of Ami -- we're seeing her and Mako tomorrow, right?"

"Uh huh. What kind of leader would I be if I didn't check on the rest of my team?"

Through all of the overwhelming tension, there was a moment or two when Rei couldn't think clearly, or focus properly, and she had lost her ability to block out everyone else's thoughts. She noticed that when Minako learned Makoto was still alive, she had shifted part of the blame from herself onto Ami for not being more thorough.

"It wasn't Ami's fault, you know."

"It was mine."

"It wasn't your fault either, but I really, really need you to go easy on Ami. I watched her do the scan like three times. She scanned her for a full minute. She checked her for a pulse, and short of pushing Usagi out of the way and just pounding the crap out of Mako's chest, she really did all she could do. I know she did. She wouldn't just give up."

"Yeah, I mean Ami usually pays way better attention to these things, but it looked worst case scenario and she was probably in shock. I'm not angry with her. I mean, she saved her in the end. I know she tried, but this was life or death. I really thought Mako was dead too. She should've been."

Rei swallowed, it was already straining her voice to even admit this but it had to be said. "She was."

"I mean, I know she was in bad shape--"

"No. You don't understand." This whole day had been surreal. "Makoto shouldn't have been able to survive this. She was gone. Makoto may have been lying there but, well, I couldn't see Jupiter or Mako anymore. Her light was out."

She felt sick with the weight of these words.

"What are you talking about?" Minako had a bad feeling about where this was headed.

"You know that if I really concentrate I can see the essence of things. Souls maybe? I don't know what it is, but her aura or spirit or starseed, or whatever people have was just gone."

"I know you sense energies, but what are you saying?"

Rei's voice cracked. "She was dead, so when Ami didn't try to resuscitate her, it wasn't her being too emotional or negligent or any of the things you thought. It was because she knew that there was just nothing to bring back. She died, Mina. I know it sounds crazy, but I need you to beli--"

Minako shook her head and cut her off right there. "I do Rei. Fuck, I didn't want to, but, now that I think of it, I couldn't feel her anymore either."

"So, what do you think happened?"

"Do you think Usagi should've used her moon healing or something?"

"No. I mean, to exorcise a demon or something, sure, but this wasn't something evil did, not really. This wasn't nega-toxins, dark powers, or mind control. This was just human error. Your head just isn't meant to have the whole roof come down on it."

Minako couldn't think any more about this tonight. "Anyway, uh, busy day tomorrow, do you think you'll go to school?" Lately, she had been a master of changing the subject when things got awkward.

"I don't want to, but I have a big math test and a report due."

"Both early classes? You've got math before lunch right?"

"Yeah, I might duck out early and see if I can help them. Maybe give Ami a chance to breathe."

"Good idea. See, THIS is why Mars is my second! You're always doing what needs to be done. I can't be in two places at once, you know?"

"We'll make it work." She yawned. "What about you, though, are you going to school?"

"Ugh, yeah, there's a quiz I could take. It's not an emergency, though. I guess wake me up once you're done your chores. I'll go right to Usagi's house first thing and walk her to class. She shouldn't be alone. Mamoru probably kept her out late, but today'll be catching up with her. Now hold my hand, like you're my significant otter, so we can go to sleep."

"We wouldn't want to lose each otter." Rei nodded, already practically drifting off. "If I hurt you, I'm sorry." Mina spooned closer into Rei. Normally when she'd picture this, she wanted to be the little spoon and get all the attention, but this was obviously less than ideal circumstances, so she'd have to just make do.


	5. High Steaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like 'high stakes,' but they're at a restaurant guys!

Makoto had been awake for a few minutes, thinking it was eerily quiet, before she remembered why. The familiar scent of her blanket was comforting, but she decided to play possum, or at least pretend that she was still asleep.

She found, to her dismay, that she was still as weak as a kitten. She vaguely remembered getting up in the night and going into panic mode around five in the morning. She had limped to the bathroom to blow her nose and the next thing she knew, her kleenex was red. Ami had tried to assure her that it looked like old blood and not anything serious, and that it would be par for the course if her healing abilities had slowed way down, though it had done no good, since Makoto still couldn't hear her.

She'd been disoriented, and all that adrenaline kicking in right out of a dead sleep didn't help. On the verge of tears, she'd tried to get a straight answer from Ami, who had flinched and frozen, not knowing what to say when Mako asked how bad things had really been. Makoto knew Ami well enough to understand that her silence was her answer. It was a long time before they fell asleep again.

Now, she fully intended to tell Ami that she planned to stay in bed. She tried to fall back asleep, but after a few minutes she began to toss and turn. Despite keeping her eyes mostly closed, she could tell that it was light out now. Her eyes watered, and she had caught just a glimmer of someone in her kitchen. She rubbed her face.

Still not wanting to get up, Makoto cried out rather pathetically, "Amiiii, I dun feel good." It was discouraging that she still couldn't hear herself, but she thought there might be some low buzzing noises now. Vibrations maybe. She lay there feeling utterly useless, hoping that Ami would come to make sure that she was alright. No one came, though she could have sworn someone was there.

She closed her eyes for a moment, and was startled by a hard thump that shook the bed. That definitely wasn't Ami.

Blearily, she looked into dark amethyst eyes. She might have expected any of several pairs of blue eyes staring back at her, anyone from the girl who had spent the night, her princess, her king, her leader, even either of the Outers who had driven her home -- although, when she thought about it, Haruka's were sort of green, that confusing teal that switched between the two.

She remembered that Michiru had once explained rather poetically that her eyes were blue because they looked up at the sky, Haruka's were that changing green because they looked down at the ocean. It had sounded so much better when she said it. Rei, though, was someone she hadn't really expected.

"Where's Ami?" She bellowed, before choking back a cough.

Rei shushed her and handed her a note:

"Mako-chan,  
I am writing this at 1 pm  
I hope that your head feels better and that your hearing has returned by now.  
If it hasn't, don't despair. I promise we will come up with something.  
I have called you in sick. I spent the day here, but you were asleep.  
I think you must have really needed it. You were completely worn out.  
You know that we always heal best in our sleep.  
I am going to class to pick up our homework assignments.  
I have asked Rei to watch over you until I return.  
Please stay off of your leg. Don't do anything to strain yourself.  
I will be back shortly.  
\- Ami"

"One o'clock, huh? So, what time is it now?" she mumbled.

Rei started to say something, but Mako shook her head. "Notepad!" She pointed to her nightstand.

Quickly Rei jotted down:

"3:40"

She was relieved. Ami had mentioned the possibility of short-term memory loss, but that didn't seem like it would be a problem.

"Where are the others?" Her voice cracked.

"Finishing class - Hungry?" Rei scribbled, all ready to scrape together a sandwich or whatever else she could find. These days crackers were a staple around the shrine.

Makoto shook her head no. "I'm very thirsty," she whispered hoarsely.

Rei opened the fridge, and realized she had forgotten to ask what Mako wanted. She didn't feel like writing out a menu, and all that Makoto even had right now was juice and an inch of flat soda in a bottle that just hadn't been thrown out yet. She couldn't stand looking clueless and didn't want to look like she was too incompetent to know what a dehydrated person wanted to drink. Mako wasn't usually very picky anyway.

Rei ran the tap and filled up a glass with cold water from the faucet and then poured a glass full with apple juice. She shrugged as she put the carton back into the fridge, telling herself, 'This isn't wasteful, somebody'll drink it. I'll just have to drink whichever Mako doesn't want.' A moment later two eager hands reached forward, taking both cups.

Rei wasn't particularly surprised when Makoto took both and downed them quickly. 'She must be parched, and sleeping fourteen hours, or however long it had been, couldn't have helped her dry throat much.'

Rei crossed her arms and sat awkwardly at the edge of the bed next to her. Mako moved over the best she could so that Rei could lay down, too. She had to laugh a little. She knew that Rei was grumbling and complaining even without being able to hear any of it. "What's wrong now Mars?"

Rei started to say, 'You almost got yourself killed, idiot,' but when Mako shook the notepad at her, she couldn't bring herself to write that out. It was obvious that scolding her right then would do no good.

She wrote:  
"You had nightmares."

Mako looked embarrassed. "Did I yell?" Her night terrors had woken the others up before.

She wrote again:  
"Not this time."

Rei knew she had dreamt of her mother. As far as Rei could tell, it hadn't been about the crash. They had only been visiting with one another. Then Makoto had shifted in her sleep, and the pain from her injuries must have triggered memories of a battle.

Rei hated that more often than not Mako seemed to have restless sleep. She could usually feel her suffering radiating off of her in waves. Makoto had had something dark following her for years before she ever became a senshi. After all this time together, it still made her nervous. Frankly, the idea of someone with her strength being so unpredictable was terrifying.

\---

Rei had known the others long enough to recognize the way each of their auras changed while they slept. Minako usually had either bizarre fantasies of popstardom or vivid hyper-realistic memories of the Silver Millennium, but sometimes she was just plagued with the guilt of things she had done as V.

Usagi had some beautiful dreams. Silly things about eating an entire cake, or living in a house made out of chocolate and everyone being extra nice to her because she was a princess, but there were some terrible nightmares too. Oddly, she almost always claimed not to remember a thing, good or bad, once she woke up.

There was a time or two when Usagi would fall asleep and dream of Seiya Kou, though Rei was sure it was platonic, and that their princess was just wondering what had become of the Stars. She tried not to think about it too much. Usagi would always yawn, wipe the drool from her mouth and off of whatever unfortunate textbook had served as her pillow, and instantly start on about how much she missed Mamoru.

Rei did try her best to stay out of the other girls' heads now, but if someone nodded off during a study session, or a late after a party, sometimes it took her a moment to realize what the change in energy was that she was sensing.

It was strange. Ami didn't really dream. Her mind was wired so very differently from the others, and her thoughts never really slowed, but Rei swore that sometimes when she actually let her guard down, she had caught glimpses of her thought patterns, just strings of numbers and symbols. Rei wasn't sure if they were quadratic formulas, digits of pi, or lines of binary, or some strange combination.

When the genius slept particularly well, there were some kind of ever-expanding fractals, shapes made up of smaller shapes, perfect symmetrical geometry almost like the inside of a kaleidoscope. They reminded Rei of the trippy new screen savers at her school, and she thought that to Ami it must have seemed so soothing to have the angles line up so perfectly. Leave it to Ami to take something as intricate and spiritual as a mandala and reduce it to mere mathematics. Though it made sense, math and hard science were sometimes the only things that seemed to ground her.

Once while having a panic attack Ami had run straight into Usagi's arms. That time, they hadn't been able to figure out what to do for her, and Rei had sensed only discord in that otherwise logical mind. Ultimately, Makoto had asked her if she knew the first ten digits of pi, then the first twenty. It made sense, since they had heard her whispering numbers to herself while she was anxious before. She got well into the first hundred before fully regaining her footing.

Ami mentioned other dreams sometimes, but they were rare, mostly based on memories, things she would have done differently if she had the chance. The Outers, well... Whatever had happened to Haruka was suppressed behind walls and walls, something Neptune had no doubt influenced, everything was buried so deep that it was truly forgotten now. Her dreams were restless, but there were occasional fleeting feelings of freedom, speed, flying and sex. Though Rei had never had sex she somehow still instantly understood the foreign sensations. Haruka kicked in her sleep, her muscle memory tells her legs to never stop moving. She ran in dreams like a dog chasing a rabbit, only she was the rabbit. She knew that she could never stop running.

Michiru was never unguarded. Her psychic walls were on autopilot, even fast asleep, "There's nothing here for you Mars," or simply, "Fuck off Rei," like a no trespassing sign permanently etched on her psyche. It was the mental equivalent of sleeping with one eye open, refusing to be vulnerable. The few glimpses Rei had gotten were art come to life.

Saturn was rather disturbed. Hotaru seemed like a well-adjusted child now, all things considered, but her dreams told another story, and Pluto saw things no one should ever have to live through, which in their group was saying a lot. She didn't sleep. She had lived her nightmares.

\---

Rei felt a little awkward laying beside Mako, but this time yesterday, she had been sure that she was dead. She started to write, 'You scared us.' No, she tried again. There was no reason to put up a front with just the two of them there, 'You scared me.' That didn't sound right either. No. 'I'm glad you're okay now.' She scratched that out too. It was so hard to tell if she was really going to be alright.

"Hey, Rei? You don't have to say anything, but honestly I'm really glad you're here lookin' out for me. So, y'know, thanks."

Rei sighed and put the pen down. She rolled against Makoto instead, hesitantly resting her chin on her shoulder and then squeezed her arm around her middle.The reluctant hug said more than words could have anyway.

Understanding the stress that everyone had been under the night before, Mako simply soothed in the most reassuring voice that she could muster, "I know. Sleep." Whatever it was, it could wait. She kept her eyes closed. She could feel some short breaths, maybe words and said, in what she hoped was fairly quiet voice, "Sleep, Rei. I can't hear you arguing with me. Ami will be back soon."

Rei closed her eyes too and hoped that Mina and Usagi would come with her. It didn't do them any good to be apart. Makoto felt her stomach growl. She hoped they'd bring food.

\---

Earlier that morning when Ami had scanned Makoto again, she'd still been a little anemic from the blood loss. That wasn't really unusual for her -- she was almost entirely useless three or four days a month, and there had been that one time with the blood transfusion. It seemed that she had used too much of her planetary energy to benefit from the full effects of her senshi healing. Ami had kept repeating to herself, 'She's still alive. That's all that matters. She's still alive.' Everything else was just details.

She had stopped into a coffee shop on the way to school, and bought a rather stale bagel. She'd phoned the Outers' mansion and instructed Haruka to go to a nice restaurant -- nice by their standards, not Usagi's -- "And pick up a nice big steak. Medium rare."

"What are we talking here? Filet mignon? Prime rib? Sirloin?"

"Look, it doesn't have to be kobe or anything, just at least kind of gourmet."

"So, just whatever their steak is?"

"Right. And then some vegetables, maybe some sauteed garlic spinach? Broccoli? I don't know. Something leafy, green, and enriched." Ami knew that Michiru could probably persuade the kitchen to cook off their main menu. Makoto probably hadn't eaten in more than a day.

Ami tried to do some quick math. Working under the assumption that she had last eaten at noon, she'd got hurt around four, they'd got home from the Outers' place after eleven, so that was eleven hours, then a coffee (which hardly counts as a meal, or so she'd often been told herself) and sleeping until at least one in the afternoon -- that was already twenty-five hours.

While Ami could go most of the day without a proper meal, she cared about Mako. She knew how she got cranky when she was hungry. Sometimes when they were waiting for pizza to be delivered, Minako would fake a southern drawl and misquote Gone With The Wind, and make her even angrier. "With Rei as my witness, we'll never go hungry again!"

Makoto didn't like to go too long without eating. It made her feel like a failure. She'd made a promise to herself on the streets that one day she'd be able to eat whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. She had gone from a fully stocked fridge as a kid, and always complaining there was nothing to eat, to shaking from hunger and unsure whether she should give in and buy something while she had the money or if she could go a little while longer. Either way, she knew she wouldn't take food for granted again.

Haruka suggested everyone would want to see how she was doing, so they could make a little get together of it. "But what's everybody else gonna eat?" They asked, realizing that their chef was out of commission.

Ami admitted, "If I can get a hold of my mom I probably could get money for enough steak for everyone but--"

"Well, don't worry about it. I'm rich and even I think that'd be going overboard. It's not her birthday, right?"

In the background, a little voice said, "It's her RE-birth day!" Haruka argued, scoffing playfully, "That isn't even a real thing, is it? I think you're making things up again." Though to Hotaru's credit, whenever she had a near death experience they made sure to really spoil her.

"I guess then just pick us up some fast food burgers? A salad instead of fries for Rei, but grab an extra three or four boxes of fries, trust me. She and Mina always split up their food and act like they're doing each other a favour."

When they would go out, Rei and Mina would wait to see what the other ordered and then one would order a salad, while poaching the other's fries. This had gone on until the time that they had both ordered a salad and there were no fries, just two sad girls and two pitiful bowls of lettuce that neither of them had really wanted.

"Onion rings too?"

"Yeah and some kind of chicken strips -- Actually, I may as well come with you, but I've got to go home to take care of some things first." For one thing, she was still in yesterday's clothes.

\---

Ami stepped off of the bus and into her building. She tried to shake the feeling that people had been looking at her, but she knew that they really had been staring while she gnawed on her fingertips, tearing away at the hangnails, compulsively chewing at the cuticles. Even after she had tasted blood, she couldn't bring herself to stop. She was almost afraid to look at her hand. Even as she entered the elevator she still had a swollen fingertip in her mouth.

She tried to focus on her plan, while ripping the excess skin away to 'fix' it. She knew she was just making it worse. She was all too familiar with the sting of striving for control and having it be as futile as everything else she tried. She needed to concentrate.

Mentally she went over the list again. 'I've just got to take some clean clothes and some more money. Check the messages, write on the board and catch the next bus...' She already felt guilty leaving Makoto as long as she had.

She turned the knob, careful not to make a sound, silently opened the door to her apartment. Her mother was blocking the path to her room.

"Ami."

Startled, she jumped. "Hi Mama, I um--"

It was obvious that her mother had been waiting for her. She had a chair from the kitchen in the middle of the doorway. "You must've been out late last night. I didn't hear you come in." She paused. "Or leave this morning, for that matter."

"I--"

"How was school?" Clearly, she was attempting to lull her into a false sense of security.

"Oh good. All of my afternoon classes were great."

"That's good... And what happened in your morning classes?"

"Nothing." She shrugged.

"So... Just an uneventful day, where you got to school on time and went to all of your classes?"

Ami tensed. She already knew.

"Why are you lying to me?" Honesty was important to Saeko. After all, lies were what had ruined her marriage.

Ami had actually been careful NOT to lie. "I-- Well, technically, didn't go to school this morning, so, technically, as far as I know, nothing happened."

"Because you weren't there." She sighed. "Ami, do you know how I spent my day off?"

She shook her head.

Saeko hit the play button on the answering machine:

"Beep -- Hey Ami, it's Mamoru. Let us know how Makoto is doing when you get this."

"Well?"

"She was sick." She paused. Her mother's hesitation was just a means of giving her more time to set a trap for herself. "But there's another message, isn't there?"

"You just got home, and I was gone all night." She struggled. "It wouldn't have been fair to expect you to be able to tell me when neither of us were home, but if we don't settle this now, we never will."

"Mom?"

"I have decided to give you the chance to own up to this. I have a good idea of what went on, but I'm still giving you this opportunity to come clean with me. I know that I haven't always been there for you, so I owe you this much."

"What? No, you're a great mother. It's not about that I--I had to."

"Beep -- This is the secretary at Juuban High School. I'm just calling to confirm that you called in to excuse Ami and Makoto Kino due to illness, and to let you know that, because Ami has already missed a significant amount of class this semester, if she misses any more days, she will need to bring in a doctor's note. Not that that will be a problem, since, well you're a doctor." The secretary laughed, clearly thinking she was very clever.

Ami cringed, looking away uncomfortably. This was already shaping up to be another long night.

"You called yourself and Makoto in to school sick, under my name? What if there had been an emergency and I didn't know where you really were! Did you know there was another explosion last night?"

Ami shook her head. "I'm sorry." To be fair, she hadn't thought that the secretary would call.

"Well, what would have happened if I had picked up and given us both away? I'd have made us both look completely irresponsible! Ami, you really need to think about your actions and how they affect other people!" She sounded more flustered than angry. After all, she seldomly had to reprimand her daughter.

"I didn't have a choice." What else could she say?

"Don't give me that! We always have a choice! So, how about you tell me what actually happened this time?"

"We must have gotten a little bit of food poisoning. I don't know. I suppose that since Mako-chan ate more than me, she got sicker. I was feeling better, so went to class and picked up our homework." It would have been too easy to say she couldn't leave her alone.

"What did you eat? I thought you said she was a good cook."

"She is. It was take-out."

"Where did you go?"

"Nowhere. It was uh, leftover take-out in the fridge that must have gone bad." She was already on to her next lie. Some old calamari maybe? Something in that same mysterious white unmarked styrofoam box that all restaurants seemed to pack up their leftovers in. That much sounded true. Her mother would believe that she didn't really eat enough squid to know what would be considered normal.

"Is that what happened? Or did you and the other girls stay up late, lose track of time, and just have a hard time waking up?"

"No. Makoto was sick and I had to be there." Her voice was full of conviction.

"I'm sure it helped having someone stay there with her, but why did it have to be you? When Minako sprained her ankle, it had to be you. When Rei burned her hand, it had to be you. Why does it always have to be you?"

Actually, Minako had once had a sharp piece of half-inch thick rebar puncture her calf. A youma had launched her backwards into a rusty scrap heap when they were battling in a construction yard. Saeko had only seen the aftermath of a girl with a bandage and a slight limp.

Her mother had only ever found out about Rei's hands because one day she had gone to get a strip of gauze from the first aid kit to find that their supplies were running suspiciously low. Ami had already begun to carry all kinds of dressings and disinfectants in her bag long before Sailor Jupiter had even joined their ranks.

"I-I don't know mom, it just does. They're my friends and someone has to take care of them."

"I'm a doctor, and it's in us to help people. We take a whole damn oath. I want you to help people; it's amazing that it's your first instinct and such a big part of your personality. It's ingrained in our very nature," She looked at Ami, who it now seemed had been acting with other people in mind all along, so worried that any lack of action on her part would affect others. She really believed she was behaving responsibly. Saeko was proud of her. Maybe it had been too long since she had told her so. "BUT, I just don't want you to get taken advantage of. You're not their private tutor and walk-in clinic. You have to take care of yourself, too, and going to class is part of that."

"I know, but today was different."

Antsy, Ami looked past her mother toward her bedroom door, still desperate to grab her things. She just wanted out of here. She would've given just about anything to be able to leave. 'Please just let me go.'

"You're in an awful rush to get out of here, so what aren't you telling me now?"

  
"Nothing. I just told her I'd come back with her missed assignments and see how she was feeling and now I have to go back." She fished Mako's notebook out of her bag. "See?" She flipped through the pages. Even at a glance it was obviously different handwriting and different subjects.

Catching sight of Ami's ragged nails, Saeko narrowed her eyes. "I don't know if that's a good idea. If she's sick then maybe she should be resting. I'm sure if she's been living alone this long, she can get herself a drink, or heat up some soup on her own. If you're sick, too, then shouldn't you be resting yourself?"

"I told you, I'm doing much better."

Just then the phone rang. "Let it go to the tape."

"Beep -- This is Michiru calling for Ami. Sorry we kicked you out last night, but we knew we had such a busy morning ahead of us. We still feel just terrible about it, but we understand that you thought being closer to school was the best plan. If you still want to go check in with Makoto tonight, Haruka and I can pick you up, no problem. Say around 5:30? -- Beep -- Message left at 4:47 pm."

"Now what's THAT about?"

"See? It's not always me taking care of everyone. The Outers--" She shook her head. "Uh, the others... The others would have let us stay there all night, and taken care of Mako-chan, but you only need to take one bus from Makoto's to the school, but you'd need to take another connecting bus and transfer to get to school from their house, and we had enough to worry about without needing to worry about tokens and passes for two people, so we got a ride back to Makoto's."

"You should have called!"

"I know! I know I should have, but I couldn't."

Saeko rolled her eyes, "What, she doesn't have a phone?"

"No." She shrugged. "She doesn't, actually."

"Well," She was taken aback, but why would someone bother to lie about that? "How'd you call the school then?"

"There's a payphone on the corner."

The reasons were beginning to dawn on her. "And it's not a good neighbourhood to be wandering around with your purse out, making phone calls by yourself at night." It was clear that some of the pieces were falling into place. "And I suppose, she would've been too sick to go with you."

Ami nodded. "I mean, normally, it wouldn't be a big deal. She's an emancipated minor. She could've called herself in as absent." Aside from the fact that she wouldn't have heard a word the secretary said and the jig would be up, they were really just buying time until her senshi healing kicked in.

Neither of them wanted to argue anymore, and both still wanted control of the board, it seemed they were approaching a stalemate. Saeko could meet her daughter halfway and resume this later. "Alright. I don't like this."

"I didn't like it either."

"I thought for sure that she had called here before?"

"She has. From the bakery's phone when her shifts were over."

That made sense. "You don't have anything else you want to tell me?"

"Fine, I suppose that I may have already called myself in sick twice this month. Once, I was sick, and once, I probably just needed the sleep. And I--I left early four, maybe five times so far this semester."

"For those girls?"

"Not really. If anything I'll show up for my morning classes no matter what just to make sure Usagi and Minako aren't late." She sighed. "Mostly, I just needed to get away. I usually came right back here to sleep until I was needed elsewhere." That was the truth.

"Are you still going to cram school?" She sounded disappointed.

Ami nodded. There was more obligation to go. It felt like a completely different kind of responsibility to be there. "If I had gone to my regular classes, I'd have been too tired to go anywhere else in the evening. So I made up my mind. I tried so hard, but I just couldn't have done both."

"Are you having panic attacks again?" Saeko looked pointedly at her nails.

They had never stopped. "Sometimes."

"Do we need to talk about putting you back on medication? You don't have to feel that way, you know."

"Mom, I told you those pills didn't work for me." And they really wouldn't work with a metabolism that needed +5000 calories a day just to keep from wasting away -- more depending on how much fighting they were doing. "I'm mostly okay, most of the time, except when I get overwhelmed."

"And then what? It's just easier to take off?"

"Yes." She knew that she was good at disappearing. She was small, quiet and had always felt that she was decidedly unremarkable. People never seemed to notice when she was there. They certainly didn't feel her absence when she was gone. She had slipped away undiscovered more times than she could count.  
If she didn't want to be seen, she wouldn't be. Ami figured that there had to be some reason why so many of Mercury's attacks were evasive manoeuvers, illusions and mirages. It was no coincidence; when something was beyond what she could handle, she protected herself by disappearing. She'd already been doing that for years as a civilian.

"What, before you say or do something people will notice?"

Ami nodded. "I can't stand looking weak, and I--I hate people seeing me cry."

"I know that you do." Her mother had noticed that even now her eyes were just the slightest bit glazed. Saeko was in a rather difficult position. She wanted to comfort her child, but she knew if she did Ami would fight it and start to cry, and she had been doing such a good job of keeping herself level, but on the other hand, she didn't want her to think she didn't care, and maybe she needed to cry more. She always did have a bad habit of repressing her emotions. "But you should've told me about this, too."

Ami exhaled. She had to be careful. There were still things she just couldn't be honest about. She had to keep her cool and get back to Makoto. If that meant forcing herself through a quick heart to heart with her mother, then it was just a detour. She was responsible for this. She had skipped school and she had lied. She had expected there to be some consequences.

Ami understood that the harder she argued, the more her mom would want to keep talking, and then she might say something she would regret. She knew she would. She was a ticking time-bomb and could already feel the truth bubbling to the surface. It wasn't healthy to hold back, but she had to, even if it damaged their relationship.

She sighed. She hadn't ask for any of this. She knew exactly what to say to get her mother off of her back, but she couldn't risk it. Not today. Probably not ever. If she sounded angry or confrontational, then she sounded like someone hiding something. She took another breath and tried to push it all back down, unconsciously chewing on what was left of a nail.

"Do I need to make an appointment for you to talk to someone again?"

She shook her head. "It's not that kind of thing, talking wouldn't help."

\---

When Venus had finally revealed herself, Minako had made it quite clear that since their experiences were unique, they had to look out for each other, and that under no circumstance would one of her girls ever have to go it alone.

Alternately, she understood that sometimes there would be disagreements and if something happened between two senshi where they couldn't talk, but one was distressed then they were to wait with them, in silence if they had to, until a third showed up to intervene and make sure the other was okay.

It didn't matter how mad someone was, this wasn't about picking sides or who was right or wrong, it was about keeping one another safe until things calmed down enough that they could start a dialogue. It could even be helpful to have someone mediate.

If it could wait for morning, then great, but she had promised that she would personally stay up all night with them if she had to. She didn't care what she had to do, they needed to be able to trust in her leadership and in each other. They needed to feel safe, at least some of the time.

Minako had been that lone scout, been afraid, physically and mentally exhausted, having to push the limits of her strength and sanity while wondering what the hell she was even still fighting for. She'd vowed that she wouldn't let that happen to any of the others. She had believed for so long that she was the only one like her, but once Sailor Moon had found Mercury, Artemis had told her to back off. They'd had each other and the other two didn't need her, not yet, anyway.

It had hurt. Despite what he said, she knew deep down that the senshi would be stronger together. So she had had them all swear that there would always be someone for them to talk to, no matter what. She'd said she wanted her team strong and focused during combat, then she'd hugged each girl and told them that mental health was still health, that she was proud of all they had accomplished so far and that she loved them. There had been no doubt from any of them that she had meant it.

It had been surreal, the very last thing Mercury had expected to hear from the veteran heroine, and Ami had wondered if she had acted irresponsibly in asking Rei to downplay their pain for Usagi, but that's what she had done herself those first few months.

\---

The last time she'd been in therapy, she hadn't even met Usagi yet. Her mother had thought she needed to deal with her anxiety. Saeko blamed Ami's father's leaving, but she had been having panic attacks even while her parents were still together, though at the time it had all been undiagnosed, and her teachers had chalked it down to just being a kid who worried too much.

She'd been a meticulous child who was terrified of making even the slightest mistakes. The pressure to succeed was already so great, and fear of failure was so prominent in gifted students. She couldn't properly articulate it, but she obsessed, and sometimes when things weren't absolutely perfect, she would become frantic. The flaws would become the only thing she could see, then it would all start to look wrong until she barely recognized what she had once been proud of, and things got to the point that she almost couldn't breathe.

"No, it's alright. You already have enough to deal with, but I promise, I am still getting perfect grades."

"Is that the problem? Are you worried about med school?"

Of course she was. "A little." She beat herself up every second that she didn't have a book open in front of her.

"Don't be. You're getting in. I already have people on staff lined up, ready to personally write you letters of recommendation."

Ami shrugged. Deep down she knew that she was a shoo-in for the very exclusive programs she wanted. She had done the math several times, at this point. She could miss a ton more classes, easily three - maybe four days a month for the rest of the year, and just doing the bare minimum of projects and making up any major tests would still get her in. She already had early acceptance, and her family could afford her tuition even without the scholarships offered. That wasn't the problem.

If her grades slipped, then they would just stop saying that she was the best.

She really needed to hear that. With everything else going on, sometimes it felt like all she had. The pressure to be successful gave her debilitating anxiety, but also gave her the motivation that she needed to succeed. It was a disgusting vicious cycle. It hadn't taken her long to understand that she succeeded solely to hear that she was successful. She lived for validation. If she wasn't getting constant praise, then she felt like a failure.

Her mother asked softly, "So what is it then? A little bit med school and a little bit your friend living alone in a bad neighbourhood?"

She nodded. She did worry about Makoto.

"Well, it seems to me that she can take care of herself."

"She can. Just, yesterday, she needed help."

"It sounds like she's done very well to make it this far on her own."

"So, can I go now?"

"Alright. You were probably right to help her, but next time you better find a way to help your friends without lying to anyone. This isn't going to happen again."

Ami sighed, ready to argue that she wasn't transferring schools with four months left. This all sounded so stupid. After all, she would be eighteen in September.

"If I can't trust you, I'm not going to be the good cop anymore. This was strike two." Apparently, she was still keeping score from nearly three years ago. Strike one had been a run-in with actual cops. The police had called her mother when she and Rei had been found trespassing.

"Don't blame Makoto for that, she wasn't even there. She had a late shift and uh, didn't come out after."

"And you were running from a monster?"

"Yes."

"The kind Sailor V fought?"

"I think so."

"I know you told me." Saeko put her hand to her forehead. "But, it was red and looked half flower, half lizard?"

Ami nodded again. She had seen many youma since then, but she remembered each and every one of them.

Saeko studied her face, trying to make sense of it all.

Exasperated Ami muttered, "You get mad at me when you think I'm lying, but you don't believe me when I'm telling the truth."

"I do believe you."

"But..."

"But we've had people come into the E.R. with claw marks all down one side of their bodies. I just don't know how you two managed to get away unscathed."

"Because--"

"Because you cut through the factories with Rei Hino. Right."

There was obviously still something she wasn't saying, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"Well, don't keep your friends waiting. Arrange a ride with Tenoh-san." Ami leapt towards the phone. "Not so fast! You can go, BUT I want you home tonight, or at least a phone call."

"Yes, mama. Thank you, mama." Sheepishly, Ami headed towards her room to gather her things.

"Oh and Ami?" She waited. "Tell Makoto I hope she's feeling better."

 

\- - -

 

\---

Haruka felt had better after Ami had called that morning, even if the normally quiet girl had started off their conversation by barking orders. That was good though, it was comforting going in with a plan.

There were still things that needed to be done, and focusing on the things that they could actually do was more practical than worrying about things they had no control over. Right now Makoto was home sleeping safely in her own bed, while the others were in class. After yesterday, that was really all anyone could hope for.

The weather had been warming up all week and the sun was shining brightly. Haruka had no problem walking an hour to Tuning Service Kameda Motor, their mechanic's garage. Though they could certainly spare it, taking a cab seemed like a waste of money. As a driver, they didn't need a chauffeur, and as a runner, they didn't shy away from a little exercise.

They could have sprinted and made it there in less than half that time, but these were new shoes that hadn't been broken in yet, and only complete assholes ran through busy city streets this time of day. There was nothing like catching the sharp elbow of some neon-clad yuppie while trying to innocently get from point A to point B. Besides, if someone had the fancy earbud headphones, the heart monitor, speedometre or whatever the hell it was velcroed to their wrist, and the shiny white running shoes with hardly a scuff mark, they could afford the damn gym membership.

They weren't impressing anyone, looking like manic carebears, each in a more obnoxious tanktop with matching headband, running in droves, and knocking past some poor pedestrian who was just out grabbing some groceries and had suddenly found themselves in San Encierro. Haruka shook their head. That was what the track was for. They scoffed, taking off their hoodie and tucking it under arm for rest of the walk. It wasn't much farther.

Once they got the keys back from Kameda, and started the engine -- "Purrs like a kitten." -- it was time to pick up Michiru from teaching violin lessons. Haruka leaned across the seat, to give her a quick peck as she climbed into the car.

"Someone missed me."

They shrugged their shoulders. "Maybe," they replied, rather aloof, but unable to hide their faint smile. The two of them were as wild about each other as the first day they met, if not more so.

With all that had happened the night before, neither one had gotten much sleep. Even if they hadn't stayed up late driving Makoto home and worrying about whether she'd be alright, Michiru had still seemed a little angry, and Haruka felt all the more guilty for it. They'd both tossed and turned all night and when one would finally fall asleep, the other would do something to wake them. They were nowhere near as in sync as they normally were.

"So, are the kids getting any better or do they still sound like they're murdering a bunch of cats?"

MIchiru cringed. Haruka certainly had a way with words. The word "catgut" always sounded so visceral, despite not being made from the intestines of cats at all. "Well, most of them are improving enough that their parents are still writing me cheques every month."

"Guess you can't argue with that logic." Haruka was driving toward home when they remembered, "Oh shit, I forgot. Ami called earlier."

A look of concern washed over Michiru's face. "Is Makoto alright?" She hadn't sensed any changes; now she was worried she had missed something.

They changed lanes. "Yeah, just everybody is headin' back to her place, and I guess since we've got a car, we're in charge of picking up something to eat."

Intrigued, she asked, "Oh? And what are we having?" Teaching lessons since the early morning could take a lot out of her.

"Well, Makoto's having steak. Doctor's orders, apparently. And then we're going to McDonald's."

"I'm not having McDonald's. Or going out like _this_."

"Huh, Why?" They glanced over at her floral blouse. Haruka wasn't always the best judge of fashion -- their own clothing choices had been brought into question from time to time. Puzzled, they asked, "No, seriously, what's wrong with what you're wearing?" Personally, they thought Michiru looked breathtaking.

"Well, nothing," Michiru giggled behind her hand. " _If_   I were going to McDonald's. Let's eat at Le Coquillage. We can get Makoto's steak there."

"Sounds good." Haruka fiddled with the radio until the opening notes of a pop song filled the car.

"So..." The pause hung heavy. It wasn't like Michiru to mince words -- not only was she a woman who knew what she was going to say and said it, she was a woman who knew what you were going to say before you said it, or had even thought it. After all these years it was still a little intimidating.

"So?"

Michiru continued bluntly, "So, you remember how you slept with our maid?"

"Look." Haruka bit their lip. "I told you I was sorry." They were still hoping, perhaps naively that she had let this go.

Michiru glanced at them wryly. "Well, until we hire someone new, I'll have to pick up my own dry cleaning."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess." Haruka sighed, glad to avoid an argument. "Do you need to go get it right now?"

"Mmhm." She tossed her soft waves of turquoise hair over her shoulder.

By now, it had been hours since Ami started had called about food hours, and they just wanted to eat. "But it's so out of the way!" Haruka complained.

"I know." Michiru batted her eyelashes. "But I promise I'll make it worth your while."

Within a few minutes, Haruka parked in front of the dry cleaners, watching Michiru walk through the door. 'My god, that's a nice ass,' they thought. They definitely couldn't see anything wrong with what she was wearing. They switched off the engine, rather than letting the car idle.

Sometimes when Michiru swore she'd be just in and out, Haruka would leave the engine running and would imagine them as Bonnie and Clyde, though in this case, Clyde was the previously unsuspecting party sucked into all the mess. Either way, they would fight their way out of this together or die trying. The two of them against the world hadn't worked as well as they hoped the first time around, but they were part of something bigger now. Still, as long as Haruka had their best girl at their side, they were unbeatable.

Michiru emerged with several long, clear, plastic garment bags under her arms. She walked behind the car to lay them flat in the trunk, and brought one with her into the backseat. She pulled her blouse over her head.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Disrobing." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I--"

"I'm getting changed," she reiterated.

Haruka drove, but couldn't help glancing behind every few seconds and seeing too much skin. Michiru caught their eyes in the rearview mirror. She played it up, teasing with a sultry smile. "Just keep your eyes on the road, Speed Racer." Laughing, she slipped the dress on past her shoulders. "Imagine having to transform into Neptune in the backseat? I don't know how Mamoru does it."

"He puts the hat on last." Sagely, Haruka shared that deep wisdom. Michiru just giggled; she hadn't really been looking for clarification. For someone who was supposed to be as smart as people said, Haruka had never seemed to grasp when something was meant to be rhetorical.

They drove the car to a pay-by-the-hour parking garage. Haruka always claimed not to trust valets, which had always struck Michiru as being rather ironic, since there was a summer when Haruka had once parked cars for this very restaurant.

One of the regular boys had been sick, and she had received a frantic phonecall in a thick French accent, asking whether or not her boyfriend had his driver's license, and if so, could she send her beau to the restaurant to be fitted for his uniform, _sans tarder?_

Dumbfounded, she'd agreed to ask if Haruka wanted to make a little cash on the side. They had been practically living together by then and the blond had been safely asleep in her arms, catching up on some much needed rest. It had been quite some time since either of them had been able to stop running.

"Ruka," She'd nudged them awake, planting a gentle kiss on their forehead. She whispered with a smile, "Remember how you told me you want to drive for a living?"

Once the car was parked, Michiru asked, "Zip me up?" Haruka leaned across the centre console into the backseat. A moment later, Michiru squealed, "HEY! I said zip up! Not down--" Haruka interrupted her by trailing teasing kisses up the column of her neck, coaxing her into turning around, and drawing her into a playful, nibbling kiss. Michiru sighed into their mouth, and Haruka took the opening to deepen the kiss, tongue and hands getting in on the action. After a long moment, Michiru pulled away reluctantly.

"Not here." She playfully swatting away eager hands. "Parking garages are full of security cameras."

"It'd be pretty funny if the most scandalous video of us came from a mounted camera in plain sight and not the reporters who used to chase us."

Though how scandalous could it really be, Michiru thought, tempted, after all, she looked at the ring on her finger, they were practically married.

"You know these windows are tinted." Haruka tried to sound nonchalant, betrayed by the hopeful note in their voice.

Despite herself, Michiru leaned in for another kiss. "Maybe just for a minute, but I don't want the others to go hungry on account of us."

"Trust me, no one is starving as much I am right now," Haruka practically whimpered.

"Then we should hurry and go to the restaur-oh!" She blushed as Haruka's mouth pressed against hers again.

"Look! We-We need to be decent! We're going somewhere nice and we're going to be late." She pulled away to catch her breath and try to unwrinkle her dress. "If we were going straight home you know I would, but we probably have another long night ahead of us."

"They're all long nights Michi, I'm just glad you'll always be with me for them." Though Haruka sounded sincere, Michiru would have taken that sentiment much more seriously if they had bothered to look her in the eyes any point in the last two minutes, instead of at her décolletage. Under Haruka's eyes, she felt as if she were nearly spilling out of her dress.

"When I said I'd make it up to you later, this wasn't what I meant. I meant _later_."

"Still, we haven't done this in a while."

"We do _this_ all the time."

"Not in the car."

"It hardly seemed like there was any point, once we were sharing an apartment."

"You have a point. Besides, this car's no good for long legs. We really need something bigger." _Like a li--_

"You do you remember the limo, don't you?" Michiru purred, interrupting that thought.

Haruka swallowed hard. "You're right. We should get going."

Michiru sat against the hood. "So, how do I look?" She posed like a vintage pin-up, looking so good, in fact, that Haruka forgot to grumble about how buckles and belts would scratch the paint.

"Well how do **I** look?"

"You can't wear a v-neck and hooded sweatshirt, though the t-shirt is fine, for a t-shirt." Michiru tried not to sound strained. At least this shirt didn't have any cartoon characters on it.

She rifled through the trunk. "I think I picked up one of your blazers. I don't think this tie really goes, but it doesn't matter if you aren't wearing a collar." She overheard a rather dirty thought from her partner. "A SHIRT COLLAR -- GOD! You're worse than a teenager. I wish I'd had more time to plan this. Here." She handed the jacket over, firmly.

Haruka slipped it on, and looked in the reflective glass of the windows. "We look fine." They grabbed Michiru from behind in a long swaying hug. "Honestly, I just thought we were gonna go straight to Makoto's, so I mean, a steak instead of a Big Mac is a bonus." They were suddenly glad that their racing team cared less about their diet than their track coach had.

\---

Le Coquillage was Michiru's favourite restaurant, and one with which she had a long history.  
She had discovered it years before, when a mistranslation in the window of the then newly purchased building had proved serendipitous.

"Artist wanted," the sign had said, and excitedly, the fresh faced teenager had gone inside to flag down the building's new owner. He admired her exthuisiasm, but was sorry to tell her that he wouldn't be hiring waitresses for another few months, as they were still renovating.

The plucky girl had steeled her nerves, not wanting to lose the confidence she had walked in with. "No, the other job," she explained, "the one on the sign."

He eyed her. She wasn't what he been what he was expecting. "Oh, you paint?"

"I do. I, um." She took her new leather portfolio from out of her school bag and opened it before him. "Here." She held her breath as he went through her work.

He perused the portfolio, and realization had dawned. "Oh. I am so sorry." He sighed. "You are, uh, 'ow you say, not what I am looking for." As her face fell, his did too. He felt so terrible putting a frown on the beautiful young face. She looked so unaccustomed to disappointment. It was clear to him that she must take her craft seriously to invest in such obviously high-quality supplies. Someone must have put a lot of faith in her and her skill.

"I-I know I'm young, but my instructors all say that I'm really very good." She didn't like this feeling. She wasn't used to rejection, and had decided then and there that she never would be. There had been very few things she had ever wanted that could not be bought, and she wasn't sure why, but suddenly she wanted this -- maybe for that very reason.

She imagined what it must be like to accomplish something on her own, without her father opening his cheque book, or someone casually dropping her family's name. However, she had never begged for anything in her life, and she wasn't about to start now. "Well, for your own sake, at least give it a look. You'd be doing yourself a favour, really. I'll be overbooked this time next year," she boasted, hoping she didn't sound too full of herself.

Embarrassed, he struggled to explain himself, "No, no, ma cherie, you misunderstand! I wanted a painter of rooms, of walls, not of your very fine art, mademoiselle."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, well, I suppose that I can't help you with." Humbled, she had stood to leave, and instead looked around the large, empty space, and curiosity got the best of her. "You said you're building a restaurant?"

"Ah oui! With a cuisine like home _en Paris_."

She smiled at the way he pronounced the city, 'Perry'. "I love France." Though she admitted sheepishly, "Granted, I've only been once, but it was beautiful."

The man couldn't hide the enthusiasm in his voice, "But you 'ave been!" His interest was piqued. "Tell me, what did you see? Where did you go?"

"My father insisted we see the Eifel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe, things like that, but I wanted to see the Moulin Rouge."

"Ah, you like dance?"

"I do, but really I wanted to see some of the inspirations of Toulouse-Lautrec. How are you going to decorate your restaurant?"

"I was thinking the 1930s, the art deco, or maybe art nouveau, like when my _maman_  was young. I believe you would 'ave been _bonnes amies._  It was her dream to open a restaurant, and to travel, and now since she is gone, I 'ave to do both."

Michiru nodded. Lately, she had been thinking a lot about what her own dreams had meant, though more in a literal sense. She wasn't sure why, but she felt certain that the dreams of others would become very important in the not so distant future. Standing there, she remembered the other night, when she had dreamed of a giant canvas spread across a field.

The image of Van Gogh's Starry Night filling the sky had etched itself onto her psyche as a blonde girl had run toward her long lost love. He wore a mask, hiding himself from her and try as she might, it seemed the further she ran, the more he stood out of her reach. It was heartbreaking, a love that could not be and a doomed fate for the heroine, perhaps.

The restauranteur walked past the construction crew and returned with some cheaply framed posters of old advertisements: laundry detergent, a toddler next to a box of baby cereal, an antiquated perrier ad, the bottle a different shape than the one she was used to. "I believe this is from 1935, from an old corner shop."

"Those are nice." She forced a smile, knowing they could have been presented a little more dynamically, but they showed promise. Judging from the paper used and the slight wear and tear, they were clearly vintage, not reproductions. She supposed that they had that in their favour.

"I like, the--" He shrugged. "--I don't know his name, but he paints these girls, with flowers and swirls, lined up in a row."

"As seasons? Four very different personalities as one."

"Oui! And the moon."

She smiled. "I know exactly what you're talking about." She flipped through her own painted pages to show her own take on art nouveau.

"May I ask why the restaurant not in a fancier area?" She asked, after they had discussed more of his vision for the decor. She supposed the rent might be more affordable.

"I let my work speak for itself. If it's good people can tell for themselves, and it will be worth the extra ten minutes to get here. It could be under a bridge, but still the best French cuisine in Japan. I know that it will get hungry customers."

She grimaced, remembering how she had pushed her portfolio on him, when she should have trusted her work to speak for itself. She shuffled her feet. "Well, I should go. Goodbye."

" _Au revoir, ma cherie._  And good luck with your art."

\---

She had found herself walking past the space again, a few weeks later, curious as to what had been done since she had last been there. She entered, and asked to see the owner, and once more he was delighted that she had taken such an interest, but told her not to interrupt the builders. The surly construction crew weren't quite sure what to think of her, having barged in on them twice now.

"Try this chair." Michiru sat, noticing that they had either got new chairs, or had fixed the old ones. Last time, they had squeaked across the diagonally patterned tiled floor. He had explained to her that it had been much more difficult to install the floor that way, the tiles angled as diamonds, rather than squares. It added that certain _je ne sais quoi_. They had a fine gold fleck that sparkled through them. She smiled, knowing that they would look magical under the light of a crystal chandelier.

She pictured the opulence of the finished space, while her friend, Pierre Beaumont, described his plan for the ceiling to have faux antiquated tiles. He showed her the sample ones, and the pattern that he had chosen. The others would be picked up later that week.

As she explored the empty space, he gently asked, "Isn't there anyone at your _maison_ who will be looking for you? If you need, you may call your _maman_."

She shook her head. "My parents are very busy people. All I'm really expected to do is practice violin when I get home." She knocked her knuckles against the hardshell case. Her father had complained that if was going to throw money away to indulge her, she should at least be good at it. She was, she just didn't care whether or not he knew that.

She squinted thoughtfully, looking around the space, and tapping her finger against her chin, imagining all of the different components in place. It showed such potential, and would be almost perfect, but something was missing. After walking back to the other section and seeing the floor tiles again, she knew, and suggested -- insisted, really, that they use gold leaf on the corner filigrees and other small details to make the accents really pop. It would tie everything in together. She promised that people with the right eye for beauty would notice.

M. Beaumont told her it sounded _brillant_ , _éclatant_  even, but that it would be extremely expensive, not to mention time consuming. And he had neither the time or money to waste. She hadn't considered the expense.

"Well, you should still do something. Maybe paint them. That would be cheaper."

He laughed. "Well, who's going to do it? You?" He looked at her dubiously.

"You know, I could do this." She found before she knew what she was agreeing to, on a whim, she had already volunteered. "I-I would do this!" She wasn't sure why exactly, but she liked it here. Maybe she just missed the lavish vacations and sensed this was the closest to Paris she would be for a while, or maybe she appreciated that she didn't need to keep up appearances like she was forced to in other areas of her life. She loved to paint, no matter what it was, and she wouldn't have to even think about this. There were only a few hundred pieces. It would be therapeutic. She could skip the gala this weekend and double her efforts. Those events were always so stuffy, anyway. The boys were pompous and dull, the girls were stuck up and painfully straight.

The more Pierre had thought about it, the more he did think the gold would look perfect. "Are you serious about painting for me? You would be doing me a real favour. I don't trust these clumsy oafs with fine details." He pointed at the scuff marks on the fresh drywall. "Would it 'ave killed them to take more care?" Worried she would get bored or uncomfortable, he suggested, "The job will go faster if you bring some friends."

Michiru shrugged. "What friends?"

Afraid to pry, he just smiled cheerfully. "Well, no matter, you can keep the whole paycheque to yourself this way."

Her eyes widened. Right, money. She'd forgotten that people worked for pay. She nearly blushed at her own sheltered ignorance. "Right, money. What would I be making an hour?"

He shrugged, and whispered, "Ehh, these contractors, they say it'll be six months, then they want more money, they drag their feet and get paid either way. They take more breaks and suddenly it will take eight months, next it'll take ten months and I'll find them napping! If I pay by the hour, then 'ow do I know you won't really take your time? 'Ow about just 55,000 yen when the job is done, eh?"

It didn't sound like much to her, but she had never made her own money, either, so she didn't mind. She did some quick math, and it did seem to be more than the going rate for honest wages. It would be worth it just to get out of her parents' house for a bit. She shook his hand. "So, do I buy the paint or do you?"

"I am very busy, but if you buy the paint, I will pay you for that, too." They shook on it.

\---

The next day, like so many times before, she had the chauffeur drive her to the art store. She then directed him towards the restaurant. He held his tongue, not asking why she needed to be dropped off at this building, which was clearly still under renovation. He promised to pick her up at nine p.m., and did so all week. He knew better than to ask why her hands were covered in gold paint.

Pierre had noticed too, and had taken to calling her "Mme. Midas, turning everything _d'orée_ " He told her to help herself to a Coke from the small cooler, which he had generously put out for the workers. She had never drank straight from the bottle before. She could hear her mother now -- "It's rather unbecoming of a young woman!" -- but her family wasn't here to tell her how utterly common her behaviour was. She giggled to herself. It wasn't in a glass, or with a straw, or anything. Truly, it had tasted no different, but she found it novel nonetheless. Her dad would have told her she looked like a hobo, and asked what was next, eating baked beans out of the can?

She had asked Pierre if she should work in the unfinished room on a tarp. He told her to do what she thought was best. No one had ever really left her to her own devices or trusted her instincts before. Now she was unsupervised, something she wasn't used to. There was always someone checking in on her, a teacher, a maid, someone, though she had learned that if they heard violin, they wouldn't bother her, even if she heard them walk past her door.

She had once recorded herself playing and let the tape play on loop while she read racy romance novels and fashion magazines. She still practiced, because she loved the violin, but sometimes she needed a break. Her tone deaf parents wouldn't have even been able to tell whether she was improving, and so they never caught on. After all, it was common for beginners to agonize over the same piece for hours.

Otherwise, aside from one incident resulting in an all night argument, she had always been embarrassingly obedient. Her life had always been planned out for her and lately she worried that despite being carefully mapped out it wasn't where she was headed, whether she liked it or not.

Deciding that it felt rather undignified to crawl around on the floor with paint like some toddler in a daycare, she looked around and took two of the empty five gallon pails, putting a large piece of plywood across them to act as a flat surface. She brought another pail over to sit on. It wasn't very comfortable, but she tried to convince herself that true art was often born of great suffering, and most would argue her life up until this point had been impossibly easy.

When she had a table full of tiles, she'd lean them against the wall to dry, and go back to painting another table's worth, and stack the dry ones. She had an infallible system going. Pierre had come to ask how she was doing, but he was afraid to interrupt someone who looked so focused. She had impressed him with her ingenuity, and he thought he had perhaps underestimated her.

One night when she was done for the evening he told her, "I wish these lazy men worked as well as you." He fretted, "At this rate I am going to spend more on their labour than my appliances, my linens, my dishes... I 'ave this big empty wall and they 'aven't even installed my brick fireplace yet. I feel, 'ow you say, taken advantage." She nodded her understanding.

He continued, "At this rate, the fresco might not be coming! If it cannot be done, I do not know what to do! Sacre bleu!" He gestured to the empty wall. "This was supposed to be the pièce de résistance, and now, I-I don't know. I do not mean to trouble you." She felt sorry all the same. "My framed ad posters won't work. They're too small. I need something else."

"You're right, that would probably be too much negative space, too empty. But just adding more posters would look cluttered." She looked around. "You need something big."

"Oui."

"Could you put up a mural, then?"

"But I don't know anyone who--" He gasped. "You could do it!"

It was true that it would be a much larger canvas than she was used to, but if she kept the design simple, it would be fine. She would talk to her art professor when she was at school and ask how to go about something so big. Maybe she could borrow an overhead projector.

\---

Months later, when the restaurant had opened, she had asked her parents if they could go out as a family. She wanted to show them what she had been up to during those weeks when she had been particularly quiet.

In the Rolls Royce, she had told them about the new French restaurant. "I know the owner and head chef, so I had him reserve us a great table." She grinned, knowing that if anything impressed her father, it would be networking. He never shied from using their family's connections, and now here she was, making her own. A competent young businesswoman in the making.

Once they were seated, her father, in one of his best suits had scoffed, feeling much too overdressed. "Well, it could be in a more upscale location, but thus far it seems adequate." The young valet had been appropriately polite toward him, though Kaioh-san's intimidating precense had always demanded respect. A waiter Michiru had met once beforehand had recogized her and showed them to their table.

Beaming she asked, "Do you like the art? The decor?"

Her father grumbled, "Ehh, I've heard that murals have died out. What's the point? If this place fails -- and in a neighbourhood like this, it will -- that will just be painted over again."

Michiru took a sip of her water and hoped she didn't look hurt. She was doing her best, but could hardly look at him.

"When we drove past that intersection, I wasn't sure what hole in the wall you were taking us to, honestly Michiru, what were you thinking?" Michiru's mother looked around. "But it looks clean inside at least. Thank god."

"I thought you said we'd have the best table? I'd rather sit over there by the chandelier and next to the wine display."

"This is the best table, though; it's got the best view of the painting." Michiru tried again. "So, what do you think?"

"I suppose," her mother yawned elegantly, "that it's beautiful, even if Mucha is a bit cliche."

Michiru grit her teeth, ready to explain her fixation on the wall. "I--"

But her father interrupted. "I'm famished." He adjusted his glasses to read the menu.

"How is the salad here?" her mother asked, distractedly.

"I-I don't know, mom. It just opened yesterday."

Just then, Pierre came out to greet them "You must be Michiru's parents! Welcome, _bienvenue_! She's such a delight! So great! So smart!"

"How do you know each other, again?" her father asked.

"Why, she painted the wall, she painted the tiles, she is a very hard worker, _non_?"

"I see."

"She is a great talent, your daughter. You should be very proud. I am Pierre Francois Beaumont. _Enchanté_."

Her father extended a hand. "I am Yamato Kaioh."

Pierre' face went pale. "Kaioh, as in Kaioh Industries?" You couldn't drive five minutes without passing a building that had their name on it.

Her father nodded, surprised that she had managed to keep her family's prestige out of her affairs. Pierre rambled on for a moment, before excusing himself, and scurrying back to the kitchen.

"So," her father said once he left, "This is your big announcement, that you painted for some pedestrian restaurant?"

"I hope he paid you well," her mother sniffed.

"He did, and not only that, he's comping our meals."

Nostrils flaring, her father retorted, "Kaiohs don't take handouts!"

Michiru fumbled for words. "No, see, I did something, and he's so appreciative. I'm making connections, putting my name out there, MY name, not yours."

He glowered at her. "I thought you painting was just another hobby. You don't have to make money off of it. You're going to marry a rich man."

"I've explained why that's not likely to happen." She spoke calmly, but through a forced, fake smile. She'd made it clear that she was more interested in girls than marrying anybody.

He ignored that. Sometimes girls went through phases. "Well, at least the art lessons are proving worth the price of tuition."

Thankfully, the waiter came back just then to take their order.

The meal was excellent, and by dessert, her father was feeling more generous with his praise. "Well, don't sell yourself short," he told her. "You could probably make something with this art, but don't feel you need to make a career of it. We want you to have a good education, but you never need to work if you don't want to."

Michiru smiled faintly; it was almost a compliment.

Later, after the accident, she would look back and remember this as the last place they were together as a family.

A month later, her father had announced he was taking some clients to dinner. When he came home and told her that he had closed the deal, she had congratulated him half-heartedly, and listened while he talked for a few minutes about all of the work and planning that had gone into the meeting. Then he mentioned that hotel where they usually held their business dinners was booked for a wedding.

"So we went to Le Coquillage," he announced. "And my colleagues were very impressed with the restaurant, and with the mural, even before I told them that my daughter was the artist. It's a very nice lady you painted. She looks a little like your old violin instructor." Michiru shrugged. She had had a fierce crush on the older girl, and she hadn't realized it was so obvious that she still missed her.

"You made a good choice with Le Coquillage, which is why I will be holding my business dinners there from now on. You have an eye for good things, and I am proud."

He had died a mere few weeks later, but the Kaioh Industries shareholders still conducted meetings at Le Coquillage, and more importantly, it still held an important place in her heart. Even before Haruka, it had been the place she had taken all her dates, though she was never sure how to explain, "So, my parents were sort of proud of me because of this."

 

\---

 

\---

The two of them were greeted by a familiar host. "Mademoiselle Kaioh, Monsieur Tenoh right this way." Haruka snickered; their new haircut was getting them rather mixed reactions.

They were seated at their usual table across from Michiru's painting. "I think I'll order a Manhattan," Haruka said. Michiru shook her head. "C'mon, I'll just have one, and with, uh, my 'metabolism'," Haruka made obnoxious air quotes with their fingers, "it'll just burn up by the time I'd even finished, c'mon."

"Yes, but they don't know that," Michiru refused. She looked around at the neighbouring tables. "They'll just see a public figure smelling of liquor and getting into a too-fast car."

"I know you're right, but I still wanted a drink." Haruka shrugged their shoulders.

"We have a whole liquor cabinet at home!"

Haruka didn't have time to think of something clever, and when the waiter returned, Haruka mumbled, defeated, "I _guess_  I'll have a cranberry and soda."

"And I'll have the house wine."

Haruka rolled their eyes. "Really?"

Innocently Michiru shrugged. "I wanted a drink."

  
"What happened to, 'But mleh mleh mleh we have a whole liquor cabinet at home?'" they mimicked.

  
Michiru was grateful that Haruka wouldn't be drinking tonight. There was only so much one could take of their adult spouse taking fruit off of a little plastic sabre, waving it around and whispering, "Space Sword Blaster!"

It was always worse if they were out with Minako and she got her hands on a 'Wink Chain Sword.' Then an all out mini battle would ensue. Not to mention Makoto making little 'pew pew' laser noises like she had no idea what a sword was. Incidentally, it seemed that Makoto also thought that the little drink umbrellas sounded like lasers too. Ami would just speculate on whether or not light should even emit a noise, and had decided that a low hum would be the most probable sound.

"Oh man, I hope they bring the bread out soon." Even though they were rich, there was nothing Haruka loved more than complimentary dinner rolls.

The waiter who was bringing over their drinks overheard. "Uh, we are baking more sir, but they might take some time."

"I can wait." Haruka nodded patiently

"Haruka!"

"What? Good things take time. I can wait. And Makoto will want bread too." Michiru didn't doubt it, but hadn't wanted to wait very long.

\---

  
"Oh my god" Michiru exclaimed suddenly, as they waited for their food.

  
"What?"

  
"Fuck. I don't think I said goodbye to Hotaru this morning. Ugh, I'm worse than my mother. Only we were up all night with Makoto and Ami, not martinis and ambien. I hope this hasn't scarred her for life."

"Actually, I brought her into our room before we left and you mumbled an 'I love you.' It's cool."

Michiru looked relieved.

"You know she insisted we take the bike? I think she's worried about what the other kids think again, because she told me to make sure I do a trick where everyone could see it."

  
Michiru's face was a picture of disapproval.

"I was like 'Um! First of all, school zones are safety zones. Secondly, the chassis of this one is way too heavy for wheelies. I said safety like five times in a row, and she did the little face she makes... So I was like, 'Ugh fine, I'll do SOMETHING cool?' And so I did a slow loop of the parking lot so everyone could see, and we sat and made revving noises until the other kids ran over. Then she took off her helmet and did a perfect little hairflip and didn't even look back."

"So she just left like, 'Thanks for making me look cool, I'm too cool for goodbye kisses now?' What a little brat." Michiru shook her head, but couldn't disguise her look of pride.

"No. She gave me a thumbs up behind her back, like it was all planned. It was weird. The kids were all trying to talk to her. I was pretending to adjust the mirrors and heard her say, 'Bikes REALLY aren't that interesting once you're around them as much as I am. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to get to class.' Baby, that's Kaioh if I ever heard it." After all, Michiru had once referred to her brand new top of the line helicopter as, 'What, this old thing?'

"She must've been rehearsing that hairflip in the mirror for days," Michiru mused. "I wondered why her helmet was on her vanity instead of in the garage."

"Do you know," she went on, "when I went to pick her up last week I just caught some kids asking why she had a different name than us. I was going to intervene, but she just gasped like, 'What? Your family all has the same surnames? Did your parents even TRY to be creative? Frankly, that all sounds kind of confusing and rather overplayed.' So I walked over and agreed, 'Indeed, how redundant. I'm glad MY DAUGHTER is such an individual and that we don't just bond over things as shallow as a shared name.' She told them that this way we can focus on our own branding. She's got no time for people reminding her she doesn't fit in. She knows she doesn't, but I don't think she wants to anymore."

"No, now she just wants to cultivate an air of mystery for herself to keep them guessing, they were going to talk about her anyway, so she's putting on a little one woman show. I'll ask Sets what she thinks, because the parenting books did NOT cover this."

"What didn't it cover, dear? The surprise last minute adoption? The being millionaire celebrities? The queer three parent household? Her being the harbinger of death?"

"Well..."

"Ruka, I think her having a precocious, sassy little attitude is the least of our worries."

"I know, I just don't want her to alienate herself too much. I want her to be able to make friends." Michiru looked offended. "Friends her own age."

Michiru was a little hurt. All of her own interests at that age had been quiet indoor activities, even swimming she did in her family's pool, not joining mugen's team until she was much older. "Oh come on, the others trip over themselves when we ask who's free to babysit. Rei and Mina don't even like kids, but they like her, because she's not like other kids. Makoto loves having a little sous-chef around and Ami still can't believe how smart she is."

"I know that, I just don't want her to be lonely I guess. I mean, I always had sports, but she's-- she still gets hurt easily, and all her other hobbies are kind of solo things."

"Whatever, she knows that she's loved. Not just loved, but protected by nine of the strongest people on the planet."

\--

"So is Mamoru coming?" Michiru asked while they finished up their salads.

"No. God, no. Especially not since Rei just--" Haruka looked around at the people within earshot. "--Uh, woke up. She's going to have too many confusing memories to want to see him right now."

"Minako thinks the most terrible things about him sometimes," Michiru admitted quietly. "If it wasn't for Chibi-usa I think she would have taken him out herself."

"It can't be that bad."

"No, but she remembers things about... back then... more clearly than anyone, and to hear him go on about how great his generals were-- Well they practically kidnapped her girls. Brainwashed or not, she can't forgive that." Feeling sudden unease, she took the opportunity to leave the table to make a call. As she picked up the receiver she realized that it was no coincidence she had thought of the girls being kidnapped. She could hear Ami's voice in her head, 'Please just let me go.' She could sense that Mercury was trapped, feeling like a caged animal. She paused for a moment. Family squabbling?

Her call went to the answering machine, and she tried to sound as vague and helpful as possible in her message. Whether they could steal Ami away or not, they had a steak to deliver. Apparently, making sure Makoto was fed was highest on the future doctor's priorities, regardless of whatever else now happened to be going on.

She returned to the table, glad to see the food had arrived. She took a bite of her lobster. "Oh, that's delicious!"

\---

The meal was excellent as always, and although Le Coquillage was not in the habit of preparing food to go, Michiru's request for Makoto's steak was met with assurances that nothing was too good for such a dear friend of Monsieur Belmont.

"And can I get you anything for dessert, laaaaadies?" asked their waiter, not the same one they'd had at the beginning of the meal, smarmily. It was strange that nothing had changed since they walked in, but Haruka had been called both sir and mademoiselle by two different waiters, when really they wished people would just see them as a person.

"We'll take two whole cheese cakes, also to go, or whatever you have. Do a half of each cake or surprise us, but make sure there's enough for 16 people."

Haruka raised an eyebrow. It was bad enough that whenever they ordered pizza they would have to order from two different chains so that the delivery boy wouldn't think the girls were eating a pizza each.

"Plastic cutlery?"

"No."

"Makoto shouldn't have to do dishes with a broken leg," Haruka pointed out.

"On second thought, yes to the cutlery. Oh, and lots of after dinner mints, _s'il vous plait._ "

They barely made it back to the parking garage a minute before Haruka was in the car, stuffing their face.

There were two big paper bags. One had the steak and salad and Makoto's other sides. The other had bread and the cakes, and was full of shrinkwrapped forks and chewy mints in shiny foil wrappers. Though Michiru had just popped one in her mouth, they were meant for Makoto. They knew she still had a tendency to grab a handful on the way out of places, and hurry away like she had stolen something.

"You just ate, and you just got that jacket drycleaned, and you just got your car vacuumed, detailed, or whatever the hell you did. You're going to make a mess." Michiru predicted as they drove. That wasn't the sea talking; it was anyone with common sense watching an imminent disaster.

Haruka lay one butter-covered hand on the steering wheel. "Homahgawd sooo goood," they mumbled, spraying crumbs everywhere and savouring each bite while switching lanes.  
  
Michiru rolled her eyes. "You're worse than an animal."

"I didn't hear you complaining last weekend." The devilish grin Haruka wore would've come across as much more suave, if it hadn't been accompanied with a mouthful of bread.

Indignant, Michiru looked away. Last weekend had been nice, but so had the car this afternoon. She sighed. "Well, do you want me to butter these for you? They sent the little single use plastic butter pod-things."

"Would you?" Haruka let out a joyful little moan. "Umfomfjfgghiloveyou!" Needless to say, they appreciated the sentiment.

"If the headlines tomorrow say world renowned racer crashes because your hand slipped when there was butter on the steering wheel, you're going to look like such an idiot."

"I know, but I won't."

Michiru rubbed her oily fingers together. "Didn't we used to have wet naps?"

"Heh, if that's what you want to call it," Haruka replied, nonsensically.

Michiru couldn't even dignify that with a response. "I meant baby wipes. Didn't we used to have a container of the hand wipes? I swear we did, right here in the cupholder." She checked the glove compartment again.

"Baby wipes? Yeah, maybe when Hotaru was still a baby. We haven't bought any new ones in a looong time. Check the take-out bag? Sometimes they have the little wipes in the foil packets."

They pulled up in front of Ami's building, parking illegally as they waited for Ami to come down.

"We're in front of a fire hydrant," Michiru complained.

"You're the living embodiment of the sea," Haruka reminded her, as Ami approached the car. "There's nothing you can't handle." They greeted Ami. "You're late; that's not like you. Michiru even left a message."

"She had a thing with her mother," Michiru explained.

"What's the matter? Mommy won't let you hang out with the cool kids?"

"God! Will you put a sock in it for five minutes?" Michiru asked. She overheard Haruka thinking to themselves, 'I love it when you call me 'god' Especially, 'Oh god!'' She narrowed her eyes in annoyance.

"Oh," Ami said. "No I just-- I skipped classes and my mom found out, then she tried to make it into something it wasn't, that's all. It's the same old, don't let them hold you back, as always. And my-my grades are perfect. It doesn't matter now, I just want to see Makoto." It had actually mattered a lot, but she wanted to get past it and see the others.

Michiru had to get out of the car to help fold the seat back so that Ami could get in. She stopped the shorter girl, pecking her on each cheek. Ami could smell the cabernet on her, but though she was in a good mood, she also appeared quite sober.

Haruka mumbled, "Yeah, that place always makes her act so European."

"Mm there's just something about Frenc--" Suddenly, Michiru lurched forward, and Ami turned abruptly away from the lips headed straight for her.

"HARUKA!" Michiru exclaimed. "Sorry, Ami, some asshole decided to shove me for NO APPARENT REASON!"

"It-it's alright." Ami blushed. That had clearly been deliberate, at least on Haruka's part.

"Sorry. Butterfingers." Haruka held up half of a roll and laughed a little too hard at their own joke.

"Oh! I was actually wondering why it smelled like bread in there." It had reminded her of when Makoto had long shifts at the bakery before training with them at the shrine. It was silly, but she had grown sort of fond of it. Something about freshly baked bread was just so warm and comforting.

Michiru scolded, "I said, to save some of those for Makoto." She playfully swatted at Haruka. "Curse your long arms, I put those in the backseat once already!"

"Why is there a frying pan back here?" Ami asked, climbing into the backseat. Haruka just shrugged.

Once Michiru was back in the car, they drove on until they pulled up in front of a red and yellow sign.

Haruka asked in their tempting voice, "Hey Ami, you wanna get a cone with me? We won't have to tell the others, it can be our little secret."

"McDonald's ice cream is just oil, sugar and preservatives," Ami said.

"Haruka, we have dessert for later, remember?" Michiru reminded them.

"Shh. Ami, answer the question."

"I'm alright, actually."

"Why are you so damn hungry? You ate your steak, you ate part of my lobster, you ate a basket of bread at the restaurant and another in the car, and now you're going to order McDonald's too?"

Clearly insulted, Haruka answered defensively, "Uh! Firstly, I went for a run before you even got up. I took Hotaru to school, I trained for two hours, had a shower and then walked for an hour. Plus, the parking garage had me working up an appetite. So, excuse me."

Michiru rolled her eyes. "The sea tells me we should switch spots," she told Ami.

"Why?"

"You leaning over the centre console to yell twenty different burgers at the speaker from back here is going to be a disaster. You being so quiet, and those machines rather f--"

"Failable?"

"Actually, I was going with fucking useless."

They stopped to switch seats before Haruka pulled into the drive-through lane.

Ami had this down to a science; she had brought a checklist. Belatedly, she was thrown off to realize that this wasn't a place that had onion rings. No matter.

A staticky voice came over the speaker. "Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?"

She greeted the machine and rattled off, "THREE BURGERS - NO PICKLES, THREE BURGERS - NO MUSTARD, THREE BURGERS - NO ONIONS, THREE BURGERS - ONLY LETTUCE, EIGHT LARGE FRIES, TWO MCNUGGETS, ONE SIDE SALAD, SIX LARGE COKES."

"And a cone!" Haruka whispered. "And a cone!"

"Worse than a kid," Michiru tutted.

"AND TWO DIET COKES - TWO LARGE DIET COKES." For Rei and Mina to both reach for, before deciding it tasted like poison.

"AND A CONE!!!"

"How many nuggets? Six or nine or twelve nuggets?"

"Uhhhh, nine?"

Haruka snorted. "Sixty-nine."

Michiru glared. "Must you?"

Once they'd picked up their order, they pulled into a parking spot again.

"Okay, so here's what we do," Michiru said. "Ami, get in the backseat with me. Haruka, crank the heated seat and we'll keep the burgers on it, the point the air conditioning towards us and it'll keep the drinks cold"

"I can do you one better," Ami remarked casually, as she turned her hands into an icy grip on Michiru's calf.

Michiru blinked, then nodded. "That could work too I suppose." She made note dried blood around Ami's nails, on otherwise healthy fingers.

"Michiru you're so bossy today," Haruka teased.

"Well, if I left you in charge, we'd just be making out and eating bread all night. Speaking of, why are you so into the idea of Ami and I kissing?" Michiru raised an eyebrow.

Ami blushed, still holding the drink tray.

"Because I missed whatever the two of you were up to while I was fixing my bike." Haruka pouted. "Besides, two blunettes in the backseat is how pornos start."

"Ugh. Ami, do you want me to kiss you again?"

Ami blushed, not sure what the game was, but doing her best to play along, "Um, well maybe not with Haruka here."

"See? You're scaring her off. You get the maid, I get Ami. It's only fair." Michiru pulled her as close as the fastened seatbelt would allow.

Ami swallowed, trying her best not to spill the Cokes. "Oh?" She asked innocently. "Did something happen with the maid?"

Haruka laughed, changing the subject. "SO, YOUR MOM WAS MAD THAT YOU DITCHED CLASS, HUH?"

"She was."

"You tell her Makoto was in a coma?"

"I said food poisoning."

"You should've at least said concussion, she'd have taken more pity."

"Doesn't matter, I'm here now."

  
With a dry laugh, Michiru said, "You must be hungry it looks like you tried to eat your hand on the way over."

\---

"Ooh! They're so cute, I wish I had my camera," Minako squealed as she and Usagi let themselves into Makoto's apartment, to spy Rei and Mako curled up together, asleep.

Spotting the notepad, she scrawled down:  
"I have some more Shakespeare for you... 'Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day.' I don't wanna have any days rougher than yesterday, alright?"

Rei stretched, waking up. "How's her bed so comfy?" She opened her eyes to see Mina and Usagi grinning at her.

"I know, it's like a cloud!" Usagi rambled on, a mile a minute, without taking into account that she was dead air. "Anyway, don't wake up Mako-chan she's had a hard day," she threatened Rei, as if she had not been making the most noise.

Just then, Michiru and Ami showed up, carrying brown paper bags, Haruka following with a cast iron skillet, one from their kitchen that the last chef insisted they needed, but that had been used maybe once. They'd insisted on bringing it to give to Mako -- "It'll leach out some iron. It couldn't hurt. People have been using these for centuries right? Gotta be healthier than the chemicals of cheap teflon."

\---

Makoto realized that, if nothing else, at least her nose still worked, when she awoke to that unmistakable smell of greasy fast food. She was more than a little horrified to find her friends would have had McDonald's cater their chef's funeral, but she was also too damn hungry to argue.

She sat up and reached for a burger, only to have Michiru slap her wrist away dismissively.

"What the fuck?!" She nursed her hand, unsure if Michiru had even made contact, but feeling a sense of betrayal nonetheless. She didn't even care what was on it, it was food. Her stomach growled loudly.

"No, you have steak!" Michiru tried to explain, but of course, she didn't hear it. She pouted, thinking all of her friends were eating McDonald's without her while she was starving.

\---

Haruka was in the kitchen trying to set Makoto's meal onto a plate, presentably, tearing through the drawers for a steak knife, before noticing the wooden knife block on the counter and checked the black handles sticking out.

  
"Mars," they shouted. "Hey Rei, c'mere."

  
Rei was a little apprehensive to see the Haruka and Michiru after last night. She made a face, checking with her leader.

"I don't know what she wants." Mina shrugged. "Go find out."

When she met Haruka beside the stove, Haruka whispered, "Look, I don't think the others would know what to do either and I'm at a loss--"

"Huh?"

"You can't microwave steak right? And if it's already been grilled, what do you do, pan fry it? Put it back in the oven?"

"Hm, I uh I dunno? I can ask Makoto, Ami doesn't cook much herself, but she might know?"

"No, I guess what I'm asking, Mars, is whether YOU could warm this up."

"I--"

"Your powers have awakened, right? That's what we felt last night?"

"Oh, right. Yeah. I mean, I could try."

"Without making it too flambé," Haruka warned.

Concentrating, Rei hovered her hand over the steak, radiating heat from her hand, as it gradually turned bright red. Once the meal was adequately hot, Haruka carried the plate over to Makoto, who brightened visibly.

"Hey," she joked, "Is that beef welldoneington?"

She was perfectly aware that the steak didn't resemble beef wellington at all. Last time she and the others had gathered to split a pizza, she had mentioned that her friends at the cooking school were learning how to make beef wellington.

Minako had tried it while living in England, but being the ham she was, she'd told her, with a grin from ear to ear, "Make mine a beef rareington!" She'd laughed hysterically at her own joke.

Ami chimed in with, "Medium wellington for me."

Rei had been hardly paying attention to the other girls' shenanigans, when Minako asked, still grinning, "How do you like your steaks, Reiko?"

"Burnt," Rei had answered gruffly, before seeing Mina's face fall. "Oh, uh... Burnt wellington."

A few minutes later, after Makoto had finished rolling her eyes at her uncouth friends, Usagi had exclaimed, "Oh! If you really are making steaks then, I want beef welldoneington."

Now, everyone moved chairs out of the kitchen to sit around the living room. Ami sat with Makoto on the edge of the bed. For awhile, everyone concentrated on stuffing their faces, and Makoto basked in the festive atmosphere. Even without being able to hear the chatter around her, she was glad to see everyone smiling after the day before. Periodically, the notepad would be passed back to her, letting her in on the joke.

"Hey! Fry me," she said while opening and closing her mouth like a baby bird.

"Ohh... I'll fry her alright." Rei smirked, ready to show off her new trick, but Mina shook her head. She was right, of course. Until they could all use their powers, it wouldn't take much to turn it into a competition. It hadn't even been a whole day yet, and she could have blown over a year of secrets. She sighed and passed Makoto what was left of the French fries. She probably shouldn't have even shown Haruka, but then again, Haruka had already known.

"Hey Mina," Rei nudged, a little later in the evening, "Do you know where Venus is?"

"I'm right here." She laughed.

"Well, the planet's in... OTTER SPACE."

Mina cackled, nearly spitting out her drink, while the others looked on confused, not in on the joke.

Later still, as Michiru was serving up the cheesecake, Minako was annoying everyone by squeaking her straw in the lid of her drink.

"Do you have to do that?" Ami asked.

"Yeah, that hurts my ears, Mina," Usagi agreed.

Makoto glared at Mina. "I love you, but I will kill you if you don't stop that noise. " She paused. "Oh my god, I can hear that noise! I can hear!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized far too late that the Japanese school year is different than the North American school year that I'm used to, so please just roll with ending in the summer and starting in the fall. There will be a lot of little cultural inconsistencies since I'm not Japanese.


	6. Life's A Glitch And Then You Die - Maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had actually finished most of 'High Steaks,' but felt like something was missing, so let's finally end this arc.

Makoto fidgeted uncomfortably. "So, we ever gonna talk about the elephant in the room?" 

"Which one?" Minako asked, blasé. There were too many secrets in their group. She mentally applauded Rei for not immediately turning it into a fat joke. Then again, Usagi was out for the day with Ami. Mina suspected she knew exactly what Makoto was talking about, and it wasn't the kind of thing you just sprang on someone. In fact, she had sort of been waiting for Makoto to come to her.

"The one where, well, I uh, well." Makoto grit her teeth. "Did I die?"

When Mina had yet to speak, Rei addressed her silently. Without looking up she nodded, until Minako could find the words.

"Yeah. You did." Mina shrugged. "Look, I mean, we weren't keeping it from you or anything. We were just waiting for you to feel better before we brought it up. It's kind of a lot to deal with."

Makoto's eyes widened. That answer came a little too unceremoniously. They had all died before, but this was different. When they died together, they died as a team, a team that had given it their all. After what they had been through, the death of an individual just felt all too human. Still, she would have welcomed Usagi's usual way of sugarcoating things, but maybe there just wasn't a softer way to say this. 

"Um," Makoto exhaled. "I-I guess I knew that. So, uh, then why didn't I, y'know, stay dead?"

"Magic!" Mina smirked and did jazz hands. Ami wasn't here, and as the leader, she had so few opportunities to explain their situation as what she really believed it to be: actual, one hundred percent, undiluted magic.

Ami would always cringe when she was unable to explain something and Minako would chime in with those completely illogical words: Magic. Destiny. Miracles. Ami would grasp at straws trying to make sense of it all. It wasn't reincarnation, she argued. It was just collective energy travelling many light years, which is distance not time, seeking compatible vessels as a fail safe, to keep history from repeating itself as history so often did. They merely uploaded some of the more important information directly. 

While Minako had shrugged off both Ami's and Artemis's lengthy explanations, as simply, "Old souls, new bodies and shared memories. Got it." 

Ami would shake her head. "Alright, let me explain it to you this way: I had an old computer, called The Silver Millennium. I knew deep down, that despite my best efforts, I was going to lose it any day. But! I had been granted the foresight to protect my legacy and had one hope left. Moving the files onto disks. These files were old, but very important. Let's call them Venus, Moon, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter. The disks were brand new and labelled Mina, Usagi, Ami, Rei and Mako. They obviously were not the original programs, as they were destroyed with the old computer, but they performed similar functions as the original programs. And what if there was lots of room leftover, so I could also add other things, new things from the new computer -- our current timeline -- onto these disks. Wouldn't that make sense?"

"Beep boop Ami-bot ran a scan and has found zero traces of science compatible magic..." Mina joked.

Rei narrowed her eyes at Ami. "Why are you fighting this so much?" Her own faith had been questioned from time to time, but even with the truth staring her in the face Ami still couldn't bring herself to believe it. 

"Because it doesn't make sense!"

"Look, I know it doesn't make sense, but this is what's happening."

"Okay, but aren't both sides saying pretty much the same thing?" Makoto yawned. "I mean, just tell me who to fight and I'll do it. I was with you guys back then," she stretched back in her chair, "and I'm with you guys now. I don't really care why." 

Ami tried to explain Serenity as a recovery tool, and that when they died, they simply rebooted from the last viable save point. She was using science as a means to ground herself in an impossible situation. It wasn't much, but sometimes that was the only way she could cope with processing it all. Sometimes, though, her theories fell apart, and it was clear to the others that she didn't know everything and that it terrified her.

"How about you tell US what happened?" Minako asked now. 

Makoto cringed.

Mina reassured her, "Look, there's no wrong answers. We don't really know either. You won't sound stupid." Bless Rei for not adding an 'any more than usual.'

"Well, you know when we're transforming? How it's like we're kind of between places? Like, if from here to here is liminal, and then there is sub-liminal? Maybe?"

Mina tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She hadn't expected that. Apparently, the private study sessions with Ami-chan really were about trying to get that science credit. 

"Um I mean, you know how we feel like we've been transforming for nearly a minute, but in civilian mode we all swear it's really been about five seconds?" Ami had even used her computer in and out of those spaces and concluded that time did act differently in their pocket dimension, or whatever she had called it. "And it's how we know where our civilian clothes are and everything? Like, Superman would be working in the here and now dimension, usually anyway, and when he changes clothes in the phone booth, he's gotta know where he put them, I guess." Haruka had explained it better. "Like you know in cartoons when people shrink and their clothes shrink the same size? Our clothes shouldn't be connected to us because they're inorganic material or whatever?"

"I always thought they should be naked and lost in their own pants for days," Minako mused.

"They should be crushed to death under the weight of the fabric," Rei chimed in.

"Yeah, totally, they'd suffocate," Makoto agreed.

"Pssh! And they say cotton breathes." Mina joked.

Mako laughed. "Well, we don't lose our stuff, because part of us is left somewhere else, but connected to us. Setsuna said there's kind of something tethering between regular us and our senshi selves. Anyway, I guess I was somewhere else for a bit. Kind of like that little blink of time when we transform, but also not." It was a confusing feeling when they transformed, the worst claustrophobia and agoraphobia hitting them at once, but with the understanding that it couldn't really be both, so maybe neither was happening. 

Rei understood completely. "'Cept more alone."

There had been a couple times when both Rei and Mina had woken up in a pile of rubble and wondered how long they had been out, and felt the same isolation of that unknown place.

When they transformed, they sensed the others, but were so wrapped up in their own metamorphosis, and two worlds blending into one that they felt isolated, for that five seconds, that minute, however long it really was, that they may as well have been the only person on earth, encapsulated in that moment, and for that time and only that time in their personal forcefield they were truly invincible. But the shift in those energies was also a beacon for every monster in a hundred mile radius.

"Anyway, I couldn't find you guys."

Rei hadn't been able to find her either. Even with Makoto right at her feet, she had no longer been able to sense her or Jupiter. "Yeah, it's some magical limbo or purgatory. Anyone else dead is dead is dead. I mean, I've never died as a mortal, so I don't know what's typically next for them, but their body is dead." Her Catholic school teachings were coming out.

"So, what was next for you? What do you think brought you back?" Mina prodded, glad to not have to talk about the times she herself had been pulled back from the brink.

"I dunno, I just woke up. I mean I was still laying where I was laying, and that was that." 

It hadn't been all that dramatic to her. There were times she shot up from a nightmare sitting up in bed, holding her heaving chest, out of breath, just gasping for air, but it wasn't like that. She'd just opened her eyes and everything had hurt. She'd thought she'd just been knocked out. It happened enough that it wouldn't have surprised her one bit.

"Usagi's crying could've woken the dead, but you couldn't've really heard her anyway," Mina said. Usagi had shattered some of the station's computer monitors with her wailing. 

Confidently, Rei added, "I still think it was the crystal. What did Ami say it was?"

"Oh." Mako scratched the back of her neck, chasing that prickly feeling she hated. "That she misread her screen and that I would've been fine a lot sooner if she had been a li'l more on the ball." She shrugged. "I know deep down she knows."

Rei frowned. Of course she knew. Ami had never really lost someone close to her. Both of her parents were alive. She hadn't had the opportunity to properly mourn for Makoto at D-point. She'd been stuck half in the denial and half in the anger stages of grief. Usagi, always slightly out of step, had fast forwarded right into bargaining, offering to give up the crystal to spare the others. Ami hadn't even had the chance to wipe those first tears by the time she was gone herself. It sounded like Ami was still in denial this time around too.

"Pssh. Oh you guys and your being dragged into the veil between our reality and certain death, into the shadow realm. Bor-ing," Mina said with a knowing grin, trying to lighten the mood. "I bet I know what happened. Remember when we were at The Crown and I was trying to win back my title from Ami? I was totally pissed off. There I was, just being a good li'l leader like the cats wanted..."

Luna had said some back-handed thing about how much she had been dating, and her utter lack of focus. They told her how pitiful it was for the future head of queen's guard to behave as she had been. So, out of spite, Minako had doubled her studying and training efforts over the past weeks. The other girls had started to complain that she was running them ragged, so of course, she'd tripled her efforts until the other girls wanted to start a mutiny, and the cats apologized. They admitted that obviously she took her job very seriously. And so it was time to kick back again.

She'd had her tokens ready, expecting to see her third favourite thing in the world. If anyone asked, her favourite things were gazing at her own reflection, cuddling her sweet widdle kitty cat Artemis, and of course, her high scores at the arcade, born from the weeks and weeks worth of allowence spent preserving her reputation around these parts. 

Really, her favourite things were knowing that her princess and her team were safe, whenever Rei would act super serious while trying to hold back laughter, and coming into the arcade after a long day and reading that flashing screen. She'd even had Motoki move the game closer to the window so she could see it as she walked by on the way to school, even before the arcade was open for the day. 

That day, she'd walked in, expecting to see the usual list:

HIGH SCORES:  
SLR  
VIS  
THE  
BST

'Sailor V is the best.' "Damn right I am."

Instead, she nearly screamed when it read:

HIGH SCORES:  
AMI  
MIS  
BET  
TER

'Ami M is Better.' "What the fuck?"

Now, like a bard of old, she regaled them with this epic tale, like the ballad of a doomed hero fallen in his prime. "Remember? I was on my last life. I had beaten all of the mobsters and zombies and was fighting the baby Godzilla, but I used my crescent beam special attack just as it used it's tail whip thrash attack. I was out of continues and had no more money. I was like, 'Shit, well there goes five hours of my life I can never get back.' I'd accepted my defeat. I was ready for GAME OVER - INSERT COIN - GAME OVER - INSERT COIN, and instead, a miracle happened."

Rei rolled her eyes, Mina would never let this go.

"As I died and took the Minya down with me -- O cruel fate, O bitter irony! -- BUT, what divine providence! I still got points for his death! So I actually levelled up, and got an extra life!"

Motoki had worked there for years and swore that he had never seen that happen. Sure, he had heard all kinds of crazy stories, but this time, from his booth, he had without a doubt heard those definitive sounds. Both the defeated drone of a dead V and the promising ding of a brand new one. It wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe it was a glitch, but it was a glitch in Minako's favour and she would take it.

Triumphant, she'd read the screen. 

HIGH SCORES:  
SLR  
MIS  
BET  
TER

She had exhausted herself, so she vowed that she would get the other three spots later. She'd rubbed her eyes, still able to see the little pixel versions of herself. She had been at it all night, long after Motoki had turned away regular customers and locked up for the night. She needed to get some sleep. 

The next day she'd arrived back at the arcade to find there was some debate: 

"Sailor Moon IS better." 

"No, it's definitely M for Mercury!" 

"Mars!" 

Motoki laughed, feeding into the regular customers' nerding out. "M for Mask, Tuxedo Kamen is M! Sailor Mask!" 

 

The senshi had glared at him as one. Much like a mortal trying to win the favour of the pantheon, the girls would often ask their silly, 'Who's the strongest, who's the prettiest, who's the smartest?' questions to the boy in the apron, and he always stunned them all when he answered, Mamoru. 

Makoto had once been ready to challenge Mamoru to an arm wrestling contest over that, to prove she was stronger when Minako had chimed in, "Don't sweat it, you're still the most talented." Ami had blushed unseen behind a textbook -- Mako had been wearing a new blouse that day, that left little to the imagination.

Really, it was the best answer Motoki could have given, rather than pitting the girls against each other, especially once he had caught on to their secret identities. Sure, they might have been able to agree that Mako was the strongest, and she was definitely stronger than Mamoru, who fought monsters with the ancient art of flower-arranging -- but then she was a goddess to Mamo-chan's demigod -- but other questions were more contentious. The question of who was the most beautiful, for example. Usagi wanted to be told she was the fairest of them all, although she swore she would be perfectly content if V-babe got that one. They looked like they could be twins after all, so in that respect, a victory for Minako was a victory for Usagi. Just as long as Rei didn't win that particular honour. And even though they all would've admitted that Ami, the genius, was the smartest, Mamoru had gotten into medical school, too, so he had a fighting chance at that title. It was a nice to know that somewhere in Tokyo, there was a Tuxedo Mask fan other than Umino. 

"Huh, how about that." Makoto grinned, now. It had been too long since luck had been on their side. "So, I levelled up and got an unexpected extra life?" She could live with that explanation. After all, she'd probably been called worse things than a glitch.


	7. Mall's Well That Ends Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the spirit of my Mina loving Shakespeare, the title is obviously based off of 'alls well that ends well' 
> 
> Thought I'd do a quick update while I have the momentum-- This installation feels a little short for me, but I'm working on the next chapter, don't worry.
> 
> The girls go to the mall, they go shopping, this is pure fluff because the next chapter is really going to hurt a lot, okay guys? So, enjoy the stupid teenage antics and vapid nonsense, because I'm getting ready to bring the pain.

Since Mako's accident, it felt like things had been pretty intense every time they hung out at The Crown. It still had a lingering awkwardness, so this time the girls decided to meet up at Fruits instead.

Mina trudged through the door, the normally energetic girl dragging her feet.

"What's wrong?" Ami asked, without looking up from the open book on the table in front of her, as Mina joined her and Makoto. "Did someone break-up with you?"

"Pssh! Break-up with Mina? It'd be the other way around for sure," Mako joked affectionately. "Right?"

"It's probably because you know you did so poorly on your midterms," Ami scolded. "It's never too early to get ready for finals! There's still time to cram cram cram!"

Minako rolled her eyes, clearly, she had more on her mind than school.

"Nah," Makoto smirked. "Mina just misses Reiiii." She made kissy faces at Mina, making her blush.

It had been five days since Mina and Rei had seen each other, and that had been to fight a youma. Before that, it had been another four days since they'd really hung out. Minako understood that T*A's curriculum was a little different, and that Rei needed to buckle down and really study.

She had asked for a few days without distraction and Minako had made herself scarce, but it was a lot harder than she expected. Every time she had good news, or bad news, or a funny thought, she wanted to call Rei. She'd spent a little more time with Usagi at lunch, but it just wasn't the same. She had slept alone in that big house and had the usual nightmares, but the difference was that there was no one to cuddle up with, no one to tell her it was only a bad dream.

"Everyone misses Rei, but she goes to a different school," an oblivious Ami answered dryly as she scanned over the same paragraph again. She obviously hadn't understood what Makoto was implying.

A moment later they heard the bell over the door chime, and Rei joined them in their booth. Before Minako could decide if things were awkward or not, Makoto had already jumped in with her own nonsense.

"Hey, Rei? How does Catholic school make you a better Shinto anyway? They're not really related," Mako asked for what must have been the dozenth time.

'Nothing like putting Rei on edge the second she shows up. If there's a silver lining in this, it's that it's someone else putting her in the bad mood,' Mina thought to herself.

"Ugh! Whatever, I already told you. We're almost graduated -- it'd be stupid to transfer now, besides, I like it. It's quiet there. I know everyone."

"Or everyone knows you." Mina batted her lashes. "Oh, Rei-chan will you be my senpai?"

"I... I... hope I can get Hino-sama to notice me." Ami whispered, trying to keep herself from laughing.

For a split second Mako thought she'd heard her say Kino and had a vivid mental image of Ami throwing herself at her. She started to zone out a little. It had been a long day and of all her day dreams of shopping lists, the vocabulary she needed to study for next week's quiz, and what to order when she finally got to Fruits Parlour, Ami pulled close against her was definitely the best fantasy to lose herself in. She sighed -- she did still need to order. She perused the menu once more.

"Ahem." Rei faked a cough. "I thought about transferring to Juuban, but no one ever attacks T*A."

Mina decided not to correct her that it had been attacked at least twice, once for the school fair, and once when she had visited for a day -- especially since Rei still kind of blamed her for that one.

"Heh, more like T AND A," Mako said under her breath, though nowhere near as quietly as she thought she had.

Rei just pretended to ignore that. "So, I have to stay at T*A so I can go save your sorry asses!" she concluded, as Usagi showed up, a few minutes late as usual.

"Hey Rei," Mina asked innocently, "I've been wondering, how do they make holy water?"

Rei opened her mouth to reply, but before she could get more than a word or two out, Mina cut her off.

"THEY BOIL THE HELL OUT OF IT!!! HAHAAH!!! I didn't think they'd teach the students that, though. I thought it'd be... NUN of their business! ahahaha."

Rei grumbled under her breath.

"Sorry, it's just that bad jokes are a hard HABIT to break," Mina went on.

"Good thing Rei has the patience of a saint!" Ami added.

Mako chimed in. "Really? Cause it looks like Mina is going to get KILT by Rei." She was rather pleased with herself for that one, despite the fact that they all wore similar skirts with their uniforms.

"She does look rather...cross," Ami joked.

Usagi could do nothing, but helplessly watch the banter. "Waah, I don't get it."

"It's nothing to wine about--" Makoto tried to awkwardly piece together a final pun. "Get it? Like communion wine, but also, she was whining?" But the tall girl fell short.

Minako shook her head. "Mako, honey, the joke is dead now. Right, Doc?"

Ami sighed, and looked at the little round face of her silver watch. "Time of death, 1:45-- No, 1:46 pm."

"Is it going to be buried in a Catholic cemetery?" Usagi asked innocently.

Rei closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "Y'know, there are probably things I could be doing today."

"And there are probably people I could be doing today. What's your point, Rei?" Mina sassed.

Exasperated, she answered, "My point was, we have like two months of school left, if you idiots would just focus for ten minutes. We should be focusing on school."

"I may have mentioned that once or twice over the past four years," Ami muttered.

"Hm, yeah, but when Rei says it, it's just so dynamic." Mina mused, "Must be all those junior politician club meetings."

When they finally steered back to original topic, Mako had to agree with Rei's reasons for not switching schools. It was probably good to have consistency. This was the longest Makoto had been anywhere, and she had really started to like the routine and put down roots. She had lived in many towns, went to many schools, had many apartments, but this was home now. She wouldn't give that feeling up for anything either.

\---

Despite Rei and Ami's admonitions about studying, they stuck with their plans for an afternoon out. They arrived at the Juuban shopping district in the early afternoon. Small vendors lined both sides of the street -- largely fashion stores, most of it clothing. There were little cosmetic booths, jewelry boutiques, and high-end hair and nail salons as well.

Ami wasn't really interested in any of that. Instead, she had her eye on one of the city's more prominent bookstores, which stayed open later than the rest of the stores. She didn't really like to shop -- it kept her from doing constructive things -- although a part of her did still desperately want to be included. The deal was once they were done shopping, they'd go look at books and she could make them spend as long as she wanted in the bookstore, which was usually right until closing time.

Usagi and Mina loved to shop, and Rei loved to be around Mina, so she'd justified coming along by insisting she needed some eyeliner. Makoto usually just window shopped -- sometimes she'd buy practical things, but she was a bargain hunter. Even when she really did need more clothes, she would try to wait until the things she wanted were on sale. Sometimes she'd get some lucky finds on the clearance rack.

The first store sold mostly small accessories. Mina, Usagi and Rei crowded around the mirror trying on different combinations of hats and sunglasses. Makoto hung back, chatting to Ami, when suddenly Mina reached up and placed a tacky neon beach visor on her head. She struck a pose to play along before she shrugged. "Nah, not for me." She picked up a brown tweed newsboy cap, laughed, and said, "This is more like it." That is, until she looked at the price tag and put it back on the hook. "Well, maybe not. It's kind of dorky looking anyway, like something a grandpa would wear."

"Uh yeah! A cool grandpa!" Usagi chimed in. "You have to get it. Rei, tell her she has to get it!"

"Y'know, actually, it does really suit you," Rei agreed.

"Do you like it? Yes or no?" Mina asked.

"Yeah, but where would I even wear it?" Mako didn't have enough time to ask questions as Minako placed it into her basket.

Mako started to protest,"C'mon Mina, please? I don't really need that."

"Yes, you do. You don't have any good hats!"

Makoto already had one green baseball cap, but maybe having two hats wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. "If you're sure? I mean, you don't have to."

Mina rolled her eyes. "I'm pissed off at my parents, so it's sort of on them." She flashed a credit card with reckless abandon, something crazy glinting in her blue eyes.

"Well, I guess. Don't let me stand in the way of your revenge," Makoto laughed. She knew that Minako would probably get what she wanted one way or another.

"Thank you, Sparky."

Minako's habit of giving them all nicknames had never really stuck with the others, but in her mind it reinforced the idea that they were a very exclusive team. She hoped that, if on their down time they could treat each other like they were close knit athletes instead of soldiers, they would feel more of that togetherness. Sometimes she thought it was a rather naive approach, considering the others were perfectly capable of functioning as a team long before she showed.

"Know what that hat reminds me of?" Usagi didn't give them time to answer. "Those sad old timey orphans."

Rei scowled, adding sarcastically, "As opposed to those new-fangled, modern, well-adjusted orphans?"

"OH!" Usagi gasped, putting her hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean--"

Makoto grimaced. "I know, it's okay."

Usagi tried to fix the insensitive comment. "I meant the ones who say, 'God bless us everyone,' and, 'Can I have some more, sir?'"

Minako laughed. For some reason, Dickens appealed to the future queen's sense of justice.

The girls paid for their purchases and walked to the next store, but Usagi still felt guilty for her little faux-pas. Her lip wobbled while she asked Makoto, "D-Did... Did they ever make you eat gruel?"

"Nah, but the porridge was pretty lumpy sometimes though," Makoto teased.

"Poor Mako-chan." Usagi hugged the taller girl. "You never have to eat porridge ever again."

"It's okay." Mako tried to gently break free from Usagi's tight grip. "I actually kinda like it when it's done properly. Just add cinnamon, cut up some apples, sprinkle some brown sugar. Not just oats and glue."

Overhearing, Mina pondered for a moment. "Oats and glue... So you would have had a horse's breakfast and a horse for breakfast."

"Ah! Because glue comes from hooves," Ami praised. "Very clever Minako."

Feeling like she had a captive audience, Minako added, "Y'know, a chicken is the only thing you can eat before it's born and after it dies."

"Well, I suppose that could be said of any oviparous creature that you eat the eggs of. Take caviar for instance." Ami stopped and blinked. She'd never really thought about it. "Still, what a truly twisted outlook."

"You are probably the weirdest person I've ever met." Rei shook her head at Mina.

They came across a small vendor selling an assortment of the most adorable charms and cutest keychains. There was even a chibi Sailor V. It was Ami who noticed it first. "How cute! You know, it's very rare to find a Sailor Mercury collectible that gets my hair right."

"They sure never get my legs right," Mako added.

"Chibis are supposed to be small and cute though!" Usagi chimed in, finally feeling like an expert on something, though even as a kid Makoto had never really felt small or cute, being the tallest kid in class every year since kindergarten, back-row centre in all the school photos and taller than most of the boys and even the teacher some years.

"You know, it's not like I get royalties for these," Minako ranted. "I don't see a cent from Famicom. I see my face all the time on weird things like cans of pasta! I thought about a lawsuit, but I'd have to prove it and risk identifying myself. Plus, you just know a case like that would be highly publicized, and then the enemy would know where to find us."

"Not to mention, it would look kind of petty for a superhero to want cash from the citizens they protect." Rei rolled her eyes.

"Isn't that basically racketeering?" Mako asked, her street cred showing.

"Yeah, and aren't you already rich? Besides, it's still kind of cool just to be famous, right?" Usagi sighed; Sailor Moon hadn't been in the paper for a while. She kind of missed the limelight, but the fewer monsters the better.

"Don't tell Artemis, but I made a little extra on the side. Sometimes I take some pictures of myself."

Rei's eyes widened, worried about what sordid thing she'd say next.

"Yeah, I did a little exposé called 'V: Unmasked' and wrote this really vague thinkpiece about how Sailor V and Sailor Venus are the same person, basically just condensed all the things people had already decided they knew from old archives, and made a comparison. Then I threw them off my trail by adding a few crackpot conspiracy theories. I set up some cameras on timers during a fight -- there were some really fierce shots of Mako! They're in my scrapbook. Then I mailed the articles to the sister paper of the one that Usagi’s dad works for, so that the paper still benefits, but it can’t be linked back to him at all.

  
"Whenever I send photos out, I send it out with stamps from a completely different neighbourhood. I send them out at different times of day, different days of the week, and from different parts of town so the stamp codes can't give me away. I wear gloves, so there are no finger prints, and I set up P.O. boxes where I get money when they publish them. I said if they sent me a personal cheque I'd lose my anonymity and wouldn't be able to send them anymore. Then I just send cute boys from my class to get my mail, so it’s never me!"

Ami was impressed, "That's actually quite brilliant! You really thought this all through."

Minako grinned. She felt like some sort of criminal mastermind. She really understood that whole 'to catch a thief you have to think like a thief' mentality. She was also getting really good at picking locks, but whenever they found a locked door, the others just saw a barrier that needed to be bust down, and Makoto and Rei would throw their shoulders into it before she even got the picks out. Plus, a lot of doors had digital security now, which is where Ami shone, but it still felt like a useful trick. She had told boys that handcuffs didn’t do it for her, because they were no challenge at all. They thought she must be a bondage expert, when really she had just spent too much time with the police.

"Thanks," she preened. "I did work closely with the Interpol forensics department thingy, and pretty much stole the newspaper idea from an old American comic book, but it worked. I think a lot of superheroes worked for newspapers, now that I think of it."

Rei remembered why Mina might have good reason to be worried about money all of a sudden, but demanded, "When those first started showing up in the papers, I called you right away to make sure you were alright. Didn't you care about when I was freaking out, thinking that someone had gotten too close and that you were in danger?"

"Didn't you care when I said, 'Don't worry about it, I'll handle it'?" Mina stuck her tongue out at Rei, who just face palmed and shook her head. She just couldn't win with her.

Makoto had been following along, but her reaction was delayed -- she could admit that her mind had wandered into the gutter. "Hey, so did anyone else think Mina was going to say they were, y'know... Erotic photos?"

Rei twitched visibly, so Mina teased, "Maybe that'll be another edition in a future issue, 'V: Unmasked, Undressed!' Besides, it's not like the manga isn't getting closer and closer to giving those pervs who read my comic what they want. It's practically hentai now! You must've seen the manga before, right Reiko? How am I looking these days?"

Rei refused to admit anything and kept walking. Sometimes she was so grateful to be psychic, she felt blessed to have had the foresight to squirrel away all of her books at Usagi's place. Pages would get dog-eared here and there, but for the most part, she knew that her manga were safe and so was her reputation. Or so she thought.

Minako knew full well that Rei had read all of them at least twice, and owned a copy of every issue that had been published including special editions that were in full colour. Mina had even bought a few specific doushinji, unofficial hentai, to add to Rei's collection, should things ever heat up between the two of them.

By chance, she had found a fan made issue with V and Mars together in the most provocative of ways, and since then she had wondered exactly what it would be like for life to imitate art. Rei's fantasies ran deeper than she would ever want anyone to know, but Mina had an idea of what Rei would want and knew just how to give it to her. Too bad the fire senshi still gave her the cold shoulder.

They wandered from store to store, Rei purchasing her eyeliner, Minako replacing the bottle of perfume that she owed Rei, Usagi buying some glitter nail polishes. Eventually, they wound up in another clothing store.

Makoto looked around, in awe of how gaudy and tiny all the clothes were. She knew she could never afford any of it, but even if she could, none of it would fit her anyway. She made jokes to hide her disappointment. "Maybe I could wear the pants as capri pants. Maybe shorts... Y'know if they were a little longer!" She clapped Minako on the back. "Did you take us into a high-end kid's store by mistake?" she asked, picking up a braided faux-leather bracelet and laughing, "This belt would never fit me."

Ami was only vaguely aware of what was going on, years of taking the bus having taught her how to read standing up while blocking out distractions. She was very engrossed in her novel. Her friends had told her that if she was going to read, she should at least read something fun. It was the weekend after all.

"Everything's so expensive," Usagi complained. Rei thought so too, but Mina still went into the change room with her arms full of adorable blouses, racy skirts and elegant dresses. She emerged and did a little twirl to show off a black mini skirt and crop top.

Usagi squealed in delight, "It's so pretty!"

Mina tried on a few more shirts that she decided she didn't actually like enough to buy, and then tried on a dress. Usagi had left the change room to torture Ami, but Rei leaned against the doors impatiently. They had already walked so much and she was getting tired.

"Reikooo..." Mina cooed.

"Yeah?" Rei hated herself for even responding to the silly nickname. She prepared herself to force herself back onto the sales floor to find 'the same, but in another size or colour' like so many times before.

"Can you come in here?" Mina asked through the thin space between the door and wall.

"No, you come out here," Rei argued.

Mina huffed defeatedly. "I can't. I can't get the zipper done up."

Rei sighed and looked around. At least there weren't any employees watching. Mina unlatched the door and Rei crowded in behind her. She shut the door to the cramped space.

Mina had given up on the top half of the dress and was standing in her bra. Rei tried to avert her gaze, but all of the walls were mirrored. To her surprise, there were several rather guilty looking Reis staring back at her. She furrowed her brow and focused on the zipper. "It is a little stiff." Thankfully, Mina decided now was not the best time to turn that into a euphemism.

FInally, Rei managed to wiggle the zipper in such a way that it did up. Mina turned and looked at herself in the dress. "What do you think?"

"It's..." Rei's throat had suddenly become very dry.

She swallowed before trying to speak again. "It's good."

Mina could tell by Rei's blushing, that it would definitely turn heads and decided it was a hit.

Rei was feeling awkward, "So, I'll just wait for you out here, then." She had tried to leave the change room so quickly she almost walked into the mirrored door. She fumbled with the latch, hoping to make her escape.

"Ahem!" Mina gestured to the zipper with a perfectly manicured nail.

"Oh, right. You know, you should probably not buy--" As Rei was unzipping the dress she was caught off guard by a huge pink scar that covered most of Mina's back. It had been covered by her hair before. She paused "--Not buy something if you can't do it up or take it off by yourself."

"Well." Minako started to say, 'It's no fun getting undressed by yourself,' but settled on, "That's what I have you for, right?"

Rei wondered if Mina had realized she'd seen it, the thick tear in her flesh that ripped from one shoulder to the middle of her spine. She asked, "Do you need me to do anything else?"

Although Rei's offer was clearly more out of obligation than any actual desire to do more than was required, Mina still smiled. There was a thing or two they could do in a locked space. "Just go check on Ami for me? I always worry she's not having any fun."

Rei left the change rooms and wondered why she couldn't remember ever seeing or hearing about Minako's back. She found Usagi trying to put a hideous shirt on Ami, over her cardigan. It was far too low cut and sparkly for her.

Makoto was trying very hard to be diplomatic. "Look Usagi, it's, uh, a very nice shirt, but not really something that Ami would wear. It's a lot of money to spend if she wouldn't be comfortable. Maybe you can find her a better shirt at the next store? Right, Ami?" She tried to offer Ami an easy out. Hopefully, with their princess' attention span, she would soon forget all about it.

Usagi's eyes lit up, as she realized that there were still so many stores they hadn't gone into yet. "Yay! I'll keep looking. Ami, I will find you something else! I love shopping! And I want to find something nice, too, so Mamoru and I can go on dates together."

Spying Rei's familiar long black hair, the flighty girl ran over to her. "Were you with Mina this whole time?"

"Y-Yeah," Rei stuttered. She sounded guilty.

Usagi looked at her puzzled. "Oh. I went back to the change rooms, but you weren't waiting outside anymore."  
  
Makoto quickly put the pieces together and raised a suspicious eyebrow. She looked at Ami for a reaction, but Ami hadn't been paying attention. Rei caught the look, and shot the tall girl an angry glare.

Mako put her hands up in surrender. "Hey, I didn't say anything!" she objected.

Ami was still focused on the top Usagi had been trying to force on her. When she saw the price tag, Makoto heard Ami say under her breath, "Hmmph! I didn't know it was so expensive to look cheap!" She was clearly upset that her friends apparently didn't know her at all, and on top of that, her reading had been interrupted. "I've read this page three times and I still don't know what it says!"

"Ha, that's me with most books," Mako joked self-deprecatingly, to reassure her friend. "Don't worry, I wouldn't've let that thing even leave the store." Still, she wondered how Ami would've looked in something with such a plunging neckline. Although, there was that one sundress she had. She bit her lip and tried to think of anything else, as they rejoined the other two.

"Hey, Ami?" Rei asked.

"Hm?" She did her best to sound less annoyed.  
  
"Mina knows you went to bed late and got up early to shop with us, so if you're tired, we can probably go for coffee when we're done here," Rei suggested.

"Yeah!" A very pleased Makoto nodded in agreement. "I'm hungry, too. Relax and refuel? Sounds good."

"Yes, I think that that would be lovely." Ami was delighted with this new plan.

"But Rei, I don't like coffee," Usagi huffed.

"We've gone to that cafe before, and you liked it just fine." Out of the corner of her eye, Rei could see Mina paying for her many purchases. She wouldn't be too much longer.

"I don't liiiiiiiiiike coffeeeeeeeeeeee!" Their dumpling-headed princess began to whine.

"Well, then you don't have to order coffee," Rei said through gritted teeth.

"What am I going to get then? You're so mean! You want me to starve?"

Makoto watched the scene, knowing that Rei was going to insult Usagi, and then Usagi would cry. Ami would probably have to give an impromptu science lesson about how no one had ever starved to death in an hour. So she intervened. "Usagi, they also have great smoothies, all kinds of juice and, uh, bubble tea, too!"

"I don't want fruit! I want chocolate!"

"We're going where you got an iced mocha drink that time." Mako knew Ami really liked that cafe, and wanted her to be able to go there, but she also knew that they would ultimately go wherever Usagi wanted to go. The trick was making Usagi think it had been her idea all along. The princess had a habit of being quite contrary.

"Ooh, I really liked that! It was like hot chocolate, but cold!" She was already giggling at the prospect of her new sugar rush.

"Cocoa that's cold is practically just chocolate milk. Mocha is coffee, so you do like coffee!"

Makoto shook her head at Rei. In a harsh tone, she whispered, "You know, you're really not helping!"

While they argued Mina showed up arms full of shopping bags. "Let's go eat!"

At the cafe, Ami ordered a matcha green tea latte. The barista made a leaf pattern with the milk, and she smiled while she took the mug over to the sitting area. She found a comfortable faux-leather chair and sat beside the artificial fireplace, pulling out her book while the others finished ordering.

Mako joined her, and laughed when she noticed that her white chocolate latte had a snowflake design. Ami chuckled, "Maybe we should trade?" She was going to offer her a sip when Usagi bounded over excitedly, followed by Mina.

"I dunno what an Affogato is, but it's got ice cream in it!"

"Oh, that looks good! What made you pick that one?"

"Well, she saw a lady with ice cream in her drink and said, 'I want that one!'" Mina laughed pausing to fish out one of the tapioca balls from her watermelon bubble tea with her thick plastic straw.

Mako leaned closer and whispered, "You know that's just espresso and syrup, right?"

"I know! This is going to be hilarious. We'll get her all wound up and let her crash when she's with Mamoru. Classic!"

Rei sat down with a peach iced tea in a long narrow glass. "So, Usagi what did you get?"

"I-I can't remember, but it's got ice cream!"

"You know what?"

"What?"

There was mischief in those dark eyes. "It actually..." She was getting ready to stir up trouble.

"Ahem," Mako cleared her throat. She was in no mood for their squabbling. "It actually what, Rei?"

"It actually looks really tasty. I'm a little bit jealous that I didn't order one."

"Well, it's mine and you can't have any!" Usagi shielded her drink from any Martian invaders. "No, wait. That's mean; you can have a little if you want."

"I-It's okay." Rei smiled. "Next time." Mako nodded at her. 'Moooon Criiiiisis --Adverted!' She let out a relieved sigh -- Rei had done the right thing.

Mina flung an arm over Rei's shoulder pulling her into a tight hug. She laughed. "You just can't let anybody have anything nice, can you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts:  
> When Ami said that the joke's time of death 1:45-46 that's because D-point was se1 ep45&46 and I mean, I wasn't laughing anymore either... I am a terrible human being.
> 
> The hat Minako bought for Makoto is based off of the one she wears in pgsm
> 
> The American comic in question was of course Spiderman, though Superman also works for a newspaper
> 
> Next Up:  
> Rei and Mina have a heart to heart, Minako talks about the traumas she has endured as Sailor V. Rei opens up about her family. You will be sad all day. You'll probably need to hug a teddy bear or something. Everybody hurts, everybody cries, everybody hurts next time! 
> 
> (Then maybe more fluff as a nice little cushion if I can finish editing.)


	8. Scar Tissue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a fun day out shopping with the girls Rei and Minako wind up back at the shrine and shed some light on the darker parts of their pasts. Both have a lot of questions, but will Rei get the answers she seeks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Sorry. I know I got behind in my updates, but I've been genuinely busy and really overwhelmed with life. My wife edits my fic and she was busy writing a big bang for another fandom and was 3000 miles away for a week. It's just been nonstop one thing after another.

Exhausted from a full day of shopping, Rei and Minako headed back to the temple. Rei had been pretty quiet on the walk home, mostly just half listening and agreeing with whatever tangent Mina was on. She had somehow found herself conned into carrying half of the shopping bags, when Mina's "Hold this for a second?" had turned out to mean for nearly the next ten blocks.

Mina, for her part, was still excited about her new dress. She loved getting a reaction out of Rei, and she liked to play that up sometimes. She lived for the days where she'd wear something that made Rei speechless and blurred the normal boundaries of their friendship. She had watched Rei check her out a few times before, so she'd become fond of undoing an extra button here and there when it was just the two of them, really playing up the ol' "Is it hot in here or is it just the fire senshi?" angle.

Once back at the shrine, they retreated to Rei's room, where Rei sat on her bed with Minako.

"Mina?"

"Yeah?" She smiled brightly.

Rei had been fighting with herself all afternoon over the best way to ask, but to her own horror, even with all her rehearsing, she ended up just blurting it out. "What happened in England?" 

Mina was caught off guard. "I guess I was just living a normal life, then I got a cat and everything changed. Why?" she answered, her tone rather aloof. 

"I saw something." 

"What, like a vision or something?"

"Yeah, maybe," Rei lied. She didn't know why, but she needed to know. "I'm not sure. Tell me about when you were Sailor V. You never really talk about it." 

"Maybe there's a reason I don't wanna talk about it."

"Whatever it is, I can handle it." Rei didn't really think this would work. She had definitely been watching Usagi sucker people into things for way too long. Still, she pouted, "C'mon, we're friends. Please?" 

"All the hot gossip? Okay, well, I had a boyfriend. Older guy. A lot older. Probably too old. I guess we were dating. I mean I sure thought we were, but I guess I was more serious about us than he was. He thinks I'm dead now. I had a friend. I think I may have like-liked her too, but for a long time, she thought I was dead too. 

"I never told them I was alive, because I felt like I would've been better off if I was dead. Anyway, now they're together. I've only spoken to her once since I moved back here. Last I heard they were engaged, actually. They're probably married by now." 

"Better off dead?"

"I..." Minako had started off so flippant but could no longer keep up her facade. She was shaking. 

Venus had so badly wished that she and Mars had awakened first. What she would have given to have even just a little more time alone together. There was so much she wanted her second-in-command to remember. Her very soul ached for the way things once were. It could’ve been them against the world for just few months, and felt like old times again. Minako often worried that this time around it just couldn't work out with her and Rei. She knew in her heart that things were different now. She was cursed with knowing the past, and Rei cursed with knowing the future, while the present always felt so uncertain. 

Rei noticed the start of tears glistening in Mina's eyes and put her arm around her. "You really loved him, then?" 

Minako rarely cried. Still, she couldn't tell Rei that she wasn't really crying about him. She was crying about her lost youth, squandered potential and other unrequited loves. Even now Rei, more so than Allan or Katarina. And she didn't know if she could ever explain Phantom Ace to anyone. 

There was something else hanging over her, too.

She sniffled. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." 

“What do you mean?”

“Something went wrong. I don't know why I learned of my powers first. Usagi should've been before me.”

“I guess that Artemis just had an easier time finding you than Luna did with finding her?”

“It's really bad Rei, I... Rei... I... Oh God forgive me." She shook her head.

"What? What is it?"

"I'm--" She paused. "I'm not a good person. I'm, well, a bad person. Really bad."

"That's not true, whatever happened couldn't possibly make that true."

"If--If I told you, you wouldn't be able to look at me the same." 

"Of course I would."

"If I tell you, you have to mean that. If you decide you hate me, then I will leave and never come back, you hear me?" 

Rei could tell she wasn't just being melodramatic, that she absolutely meant that this was that serious to her. She swallowed. Now they were both scared. 

"You're my best friend in the whole world, my best friend from a whole other lifetime; you can tell me anything and I'll still lo--" 

'It's okay,' she reassured herself, 'you can love your friends too, it's okay.' 

"Lo-- Uh, look at you the same." 

'Coward.'

Mina took a deep breath. "The first time I fought alongside the four of you, I didn't know why Sailor Moon was taking so long to finish off the enemy. I had always heard that she had this immeasurable power, but it didn't look like she was using it at all. She wouldn't even attack the enemy directly; she would attack the area around it to trap it and slow it down. I thought she had terrible aim or was just wasting time. I thought, I dunno, that I was working with real amateurs.”

It stung, but Rei knew that it was true. They were still learning back then, admittedly, some of them faster than others.

“After watching her use her healing crystal a couple times, it dawned on me why it was taking four people to do what I could usually do by myself. I swear I didn't know, though.”

“Huh? Why? What didn't you know?”

“I... I... was just letting them die. No, actually killing them. I was killing them. I thought they were just monsters. Artemis never told me any differently. When I asked him after, when I was sure I had killed people, he told me he knew I wouldn't fight if I knew that, and without the crystal they couldn't be saved anyway. He told me he did what needed to be done. We did what needed to be done.”

Rei’s eyes widened and she felt a cold chill go through her. She had thought maybe MIna had cheated on the guy, had a little pregnancy scare, something stupid, something reckless. Something, but god, anything but this.

“It made so much sense, though. Whenever I'd kill a youma, there'd be a missing person in the news or on the front page of the paper a couple days later, but I'd never made the connection before that. I must've killed dozens of people. A lot of them were around our age. The monsters gravitate to teenage energy, or I guess anyone who's really passionate. I passed memorials in the hall at school, but I never made the connection. I thought every time I'd see an innocent person's face on the news, that I was avenging the disappearances, not causing them...”

Rei, normally so stoic, couldn’t say anything, couldn't even think of the right thing to say. Her best friend had just confessed to murder. V had later been praised as a hero in the media but had killed civilians. The insane thing was that Rei knew she was telling the truth; Mina had had no idea. Sometimes in her leadership role, even when it made her sick to do so, she still had to spout nonsense like, "The ends justify the means," but not like this. This wasn't her. She had been treated as a pawn, though she had ended human lives.

“Rei, I swear that I never knew the youma used to be people, that there was still a human soul in there somewhere, that there was a chance they could be saved. That's the reason Sailor Moon held back, that's the reason she merely tried to apprehend them. Because she could change them back.” She wept. "All of this blood is on my hands." 

Rei ached for the penitent girl. For every monster she'd killed, she had saved dozens of civilians. She'd done what needed to be done. Dizzily, she tried to grasp the magnitude of what Mina had confessed to. She looked down at their hands and took Mina's into her own, to comfort her crying friend. 

Immediately, her head started to pound. At first, she could only feel Minako's pain and guilt, but then she saw a flash and the stark contrast of red human blood running down the white gloves of Minako's senshi uniform. 

She couldn't turn it off. Even with her eyes closed tightly, she could see everything. She couldn't block it out. The more she thought about what Mina had just said, the more blood there was. She imagined cans of crimson paint being spilled, dozens of bottles of cabernet smashed, a tidal wave of blood, so vivid she could smell and taste it.

She let go of her hand.

Suddenly, she was back in her room, back with Mina. They were both shaken. She was dazed, not knowing how long she had been out. She knew, or at least hoped, that this was just metaphoric imagery, just her sensitive psyche's way of trying to convey the gravity of the situation to her other senses. So much blood, she could still taste it. 

She was never certain how long these blackouts lasted. Sometimes it felt like she could watch hundreds of years come and go in a matter of seconds. She had seen entire kingdoms rise and fall, without anyone noticing. Other times it only felt like a few seconds, like having just long enough to squint to try to read something scribbled on a page no one else could see, but hose times, people would snap her out of it and ask if she was alright.

Some of the nuns at her school believed she must be epileptic, and had demanded Grandpa take Rei to see a specialist. He had once confessed to the terrified girl, "You might've been too young to remember, but your mother had a gift too." It was plausible. She had found her abilities long before she had met the other sailor scouts. 

Rei realized that clairvoyants weren't entirely uncommon in their world. Sure, Michiru was a bonafide psychic, but she was also a senshi. But setting even Mamoru aside, there was Ami's friend Ryo, and that first crush of Mako's who could manipulate crane games. 

Now, Mina was peering at her in concern. "Rei, What did you see?" 

Rei looked down to see that same red on white contrast from her vision. Mina's hand had a tissue in it, with a few small drops of blood. "Blood."

"Yeah, I think you bit your tongue." Minako dabbed at Rei's lip again. If she hadn't snapped out of it when she had, she probably would've chewed right through it. 

She took a breath to compose herself, and swiftly changed the subject. She was too close to the truth to back off now. The longer she waited the more she knew she'd lose her nerve.

Her mouth stung, and her clumsy tongue made her words sound wrong. That wouldn't last long, thank Serenity for senshi healing. "The reason this guy thought you were dead was because you were hurt, right? Something you shouldn't have been able to survive?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Mina asked, then immediately felt stupid for asking.  
'Like, obviously she's psychic, duh,' she chided herself. Still, it always surprised her. 

"I... I saw some scars in the change room earlier." Rei felt guilty, but she was supposed to be Mina’s closest friend, though it was obvious that they still kept so much from each other.

Mina froze. "Well, how much did you see?"

"Dunno, palm-sized, on your back. Right here." She gently pressed her hand against Mina’s shirt-covered back where she remembered it being, though she thought it must run down much further. "Is it because you hadn't been exposed to the crystal yet?" 

"I think so." Mina nodded. "I wondered why you were all able to fight the way you did, but none of you had a mark on you. Not even a scratch. Mako swears her hand was like that from way before she was Jupiter."

Rei ran her finger over a little bare part of her eyebrow, hidden under her hair. "Yeah, I think we all have old scars, but no new ones." One time, years ago, when her father had shown up, she had tried to keep him out of the shrine, but the senator had forced the door open right into her face. It had been an accident, but she hated that, even now -- to her, at least -- it marred her nearly perfect visage. It actually looked like it had been intentionally shaved in.

"Did you, uh, do you want to see my back?" Mina offered.

Rei jerked away uncomfortably, still trying to process all that her friend had told her.

Mina always felt compelled to fill their more awkward silences. "I showed Ami once. In the interest of science or whatever." 

She decided not to tell Rei that they had discussed the possibility of peeling off the scar tissue since she had senshi healing now, though she'd been worried that the skin underneath was just as damaged. She had been nervous to even discuss the little home surgery procedure. She knew that she would heal one way or another -- Ami had assured her as much -- but hell, it would still fucking hurt like a bitch. And the pain wasn't even really the problem. Though she'd never admit it, there was a much deeper concern. She knew it wasn't even scientifically possible, but part of her still worried that her mother was right, that under her pretty face and lying tongue, she was rotten. You could scrape away at those layers all day and never find anything worth keeping. Those thoughts were why she kept other people at arm's length.

Ami on the other hand, had been so blasé that Mina had felt like she would just be a cadaver awaiting an autopsy. Ami had also suggested that maybe Usagi could use the healing crystal on her directly, but it felt like a lot to bother her with, especially since they were still trying to keep up the illusion that everything was perfect. 

"Hey?" she prodded when Rei still didn't respond.

Rei shook her head. Her curiosity had faded. She felt nauseated. Overwhelmed. Too much had happened. She could tell that Mina was self-conscious after saying all she had. She knew her friend well enough to know that the harder she laughed and the more obnoxiously confident she acted, the more she was suffering. 

“Turn around,” Rei instructed her. She felt like Mina had bared so much of herself that she needed to do something level the playing field. Mina just looked so sad and tired.

“Why?” Mina asked. 

Rei pleaded, “Because, just... Please?” 

Once Mina turned away, Rei moved some books on her shelf forward, and brought out a little wooden box with intricate designs carved into it from it's hiding place. It was sealed with an old brass clasp.

"This is all I have." Rei moved back to lay on the bed beside Mina. She admitted uncomfortably, "Um, Grandpa thinks my father must've thrown out most of the pictures of us, but these were some of the ones Grandpa found when we were cleaning up our old house after my mom... Well, after." Suddenly, she tasted the blood in her mouth again.

Mina opened the box and gingerly went through the pictures and Rei's treasures: A raven feather, a glass bird pendant she sometimes wore, a ticket stub from the Sailor V movie, the first birthday card from Usagi, which Ami had signed too -- at the time, they hadn't met Mako yet. There were some pictures of Rei as a toddler in Halloween costumes, a dorky second-grade photo from when she had tried to cut her own hair, her bangs halfway up her forehead, and some of her and her mother at her dance recitals.

She lingered on a photo of Rei's mother. "She's so beautiful. She looks just like you." 

“No, I don’t look like anything like that,”Rei demurred, even though she knew she had her hair and eyes. 

“She looked like she would’ve been a lot of fun to hang out with. She looks so happy.”

“No, this doesn’t even do her justice. She was already sick in that picture.”

“What about here, then?” Mina showed Rei the wedding picture with her mother younger and healthier, Rei’s father’s face hidden by the folded-over corner. 

“Grandpa asked me to not cut his face out, ‘cause, we can’t undo wrecking old pictures, or him leaving, but one day I might feel differently about him and be sorry I did that. I still hate him, but if he died too, and someone asked what he looked like back then, I couldn’t even tell them,” she said quietly.

“When was the last time you saw him?” Mina asked.

“The day before my birthday, two years ago. He called for me last year a day or two late. Either that or Grandpa made it up, trying to look out for me.” She had forgotten until she'd said it, but that wasn't really true, either. She had seen him one other time and had promised herself it would be the last. When he had found out that she and Ami had trespassed by the factories he was furious, and unlike the incident with the door, that slap had been on purpose. 

“Grandpa’s the best. I’ve always said so. So, what happened two years ago?” 

Rei shrugged. “Dad brought flowers and took me to a nice restaurant. His PR reps sat at the next table over trying to take pictures so it looked like the Senator had a good relationship with his daughter, I guess.” 

She decided there was no reason to bring up Kaidou-san. Their kiss had been a moment of weakness on her part. It had been a mistake; he had taken advantage of her age and she knew deep down she could never be happy with a man. 

Rei didn't want to talk about her father anymore, so she changed the subject. 

"So, you know how you uh--you know--" She carefully tried to think of a tactful way to both avoid accidentally calling her friend easy and mask her own jealousy at the same time. "You kinda date A LOT? Do they see your scars? What do you tell them?" 

"Ha. Oh, well. I, uh, usually just keep the lights off, so it's dark. And positioning is key, you know?" Mina could tell by the look on Rei's face that she really didn't know. "Okay, well, if I'm on my back, you can't see it, and if you're on your back, you can't see it. Well, not YOU! But someone." 

Rei nearly zoned out for a moment, thinking about that. She wondered what would happen if they ever slept together, which of those she'd be. She blushed -- they both sounded pretty incredible. 

"No one's ever said anything," Mina continued, "but I'm not above blackmail." 

Rei made some responsive noise, her mind elsewhere. She had gotten out of talking about that day with her father, but was still thinking about it.

Her father had tried to keep up appearances and act like nothing was wrong. Rei had tried to freeze him out.

“How is school?” He had asked.

“Fine.”

“How is the shrine?”

“Fine.”

“Any friends?” 

“Yes." She'd let out an exasperated sigh. "They’re fine.”

“Haha, don't forget to tell their parents to vote for me in the next election! H-How is your grandfather doing?” 

“He's fine, but if he wasn't you wouldn't visit him anyway.” 

After that vicious remark, there had been nothing that Takashi could say. It was true. He hadn’t gone to see Risa in the hospital while she was dying. He had left his daughter to be taken care of by the bedridden woman and an endless array of nurses.

For the rest of the meal, Rei had sat in silence, playing with her food. Just being there with him made her lose her appetite. She shot him icy glares until the bill came. 

She'd thought about ordering dessert to go, just to cost him more money and so at least Grandpa would get something nice from this miserable day, but then her father might think he had done something nice for her, and feel good about himself, and she couldn't have that.

"I probably won't see my father this year," she told Minako under her breath, unable to stay away from the subjet after all. "I mean, I know I won't. He'd be crazy to think I'd go." The senator didn’t have any claim to her now. Grandpa had technically been her legal guardian for years. The old man knew it upset her to go, but always said it would be nice to see him because if he was trying at least a little bit, he must care in his own sad little way. But even with all his own talk of inner peace and forgiveness, Grandpa hated him. It still ate him up inside.

He had told Rei some of it, even while trying to be fair to Takashi. He frequently thought about his own daughter, and what a different man he would be if he had ever truly believed that Risa had hated him.

They had fought because he didn’t think that Takashi was good enough for her. The young politician had been very modern and corporate. His capitalist values seemed to go against everything that Grandpa stood for, everything that he had tried to teach his daughter about spirituality and the merits of living a simple life. 

She had told him that they loved each other and that that should be enough. 

He had assured himself that she wasn’t actually turning into a different person just by being with him. Risa was always able to see the best in people, even if no one else could. Maybe some of her warmth and goodness would rub off on that young man. Grandpa had decided if she had made her choice, then he would do his very best to support it. 

In the end, he had been glad that he had reluctantly given his blessing, so that she was able to have a little bit of happiness in her short life. Sometimes he still blamed Takashi, but without that heartless political robot, they wouldn’t have had Rei.

He had promised Rei that once she was eighteen she never had to see her father ever again, but even though he had made mistakes, she was still young and had too many conflicting emotions. He worried that she might make rash decisions and then regret things. Both Rei and her father had a habit of reacting out of a place of anger, but if her father was truly atoning for his many errors, then they both deserved a chance at peace. 

"It’s what your mother would have wanted," Grandpa would often suggest to her on the occasions when the senator reached out.

Rei would cry and say, "I don’t care, and I don't want to give him any peace. He made everything around him worse. He could’ve had his closure! My last days with my mother could’ve been about the two of us, and not just her using all of her strength to ask the nurses if he had called yet!" 

She had never told anyone else about that. Even when she had been much younger, she had been too smart and had been forced to be too strong for her age. She had been very good at reading situations and understanding people’s emotions, but she felt everything. Tension in a room made her sick. She had been a sensitive child, far too empathetic. 

It had happened one day, toward the end, when the nurses were giving her mother another round of shots. Risa hadn't want Rei to see her in pain, so she had sent Rei was out to find them both a snack with one of the nurses. Even now, Rei was never sure if she had heard it out loud -- maybe the woman had been talking to someone on the phone -- or maybe she really had read her mind, but as clear as day the small girl had heard a young doctor's voice, saying, “This is hopeless. That poor woman is going to die and he won’t even come see her. What’s going to happen to that sweet little girl?” The woman's thoughts had gone to her own young daughter. 

Rei had remembered that a few days later when her mother was slipping away. Wanting to give her hope, she'd said, “One of the nurses say that Papa is coming soon.” 

Her mother had smiled weakly. “That’s good. He’s such a good man. He’s going to take such good care of you. He loves you as much as I do.” She had smiled and said she was just going to have a little nap so she'd be well-rested when he finally came. And then, just like that, she'd been gone.

The machines that had been steadily beeping began to let out a terrible noise, and then the nurses took her out of the room. Rei had kicked and bit the nurse, just trying to get past the door, screaming for her mother and eventually running into Grandpa's arms.

She still spent too much time wondering why their parting words to each other had been lies. Maybe deep down they both just wanted to make it easier on the other by pretending it wasn't as bad as it was. Sometimes she thought that maybe her mother really didn’t know how selfish and cold her father was. It was true that her father had come to set up the funeral arrangements soon after, just not in time to see her when it had mattered most. 

When Rei had been a little older and it was obvious that her father wouldn’t be picking her up from the shrine, her sorrow and confusion had started to come out in anger. She'd told her grandfather that she hated her father, that he hadn't visited and how sad it had made her mama. Grandpa had tried to explain that sometimes people want to be strong and make good choices, but it just hurts too much to do the right thing. They can't help it, they just get too sad, but the child in front of him had been adamant. 

“It made me sad too, but I saw mama every single day. You were sad and you went there too!" 

"That's because we're both stronger than he was."

"He's mean. He doesn’t love us.” It had been a long time before she started to use the past tense when talking about her mother. Instead, she'd clung on, so afraid that her father had already let go of both of them. 

“That’s not true. He just doesn’t know how to be a good father. Your mother always loved the two of you and that’s what matters.” 

“No. I hate him.” 

“She believed he was a good man. Your mother could see the good in people.” 

Usagi was the same way. That was something that always bothered Rei about her. She always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. She always looked past their flaws. She always tried to make a friend out of an enemy. She always hoped someone could change their ways for the better. She always saw the good in them no matter how little good there actually was. She was always so eager to forgive just about anyone.

Although, Usagi made it clear that she didn’t always see the good in Rei.

Rei tried not to let it hurt too much. Maybe Usagi thought she was the only one strong enough to take it. But still, Usagi's carefree approach terrified her. If you weren’t careful, then you would just be left all by yourself with nothing else to give. 

\---

While Rei was lost in thought, Minako had slipped out to the kitchen to brew some tea, without Rei noticing. While she was busy, Grandpa had stopped her to say hello, and they'd started talking about their favourite priestess-in-training. Grandpa joked that Minako would make a wonderful shrine maiden and that it would really drum up business if he had two beautiful mikos. She smiled warmly at the kind old man who had taken her into his home, no questions asked.

"You know," Grandpa told her, "I always appreciate having you and the other girls around, but you seem to really make Rei happy. She didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, and used to keep herself closed off, but I don't worry about her anymore."

With that, he nodded towards the tea, which was ready, and he went back to his own tasks. Impulsively, Mina hugged the little old man, holding on longer than she should before picking up the tray to bring to Rei’s bedroom.

"Sorry," she told Rei as she set the tray down. "You were kind of zoned out, and I thought I’d get us something to help wake us up." 

Rei could hardly register what she was saying; she hadn’t even noticed her leave. 

"What time is it anyway?" Mina asked.

Rei glanced at the clock that Usagi had given her for her birthday. It was a hideous bootleg Sailor Moon clock since she was secretly stashing the Sailor V one in her room for her. "It's almost 8:20." 

"Shit. Can I use your phone?" 

Rei nodded, hoping the tea was cool enough to drink. Minako ducked out, and came back into the room shortly after. 

"What was that about?" Rei asked. 

"Ugh. I just had to tell someone I couldn’t see them, before it looked like I just stood them up." 

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I had a date tonight. I thought I could go shopping and come here for a bit and still go." 

"What time were you supposed to go?" 

"For nine."

"There’s still time, you can wear something of mine, or whatever you bought today and just get ready here." Rei felt incredibly guilty for bringing up such heavy topics when Mina had had other plans to keep.

"Nah. I’m having a better time here. It’s not the first time I’ve cancelled on a date to hang out at the temple." She nudged Rei.

Rei’s cheeks reddened slightly. She thought about it for a moment before apologizing. "I didn't mean to ruin your night." 

"You didn't. Not at all. There's pretty much nowhere I'd rather be."

"Well, uh what would you have been doing, on this date?" She hoped she'd spare her the more intimate details for her ego's sake. 

"Oh, he'd probably take me out to eat, and I might go back to his place, or maybe I wouldn't. Who knows?"

"Where were you going to go?"

"Hm... Sometimes they tell me the restaurant so I can get all excited. Other times it's kind of a surprise or we like, figure it out on the way. Sometimes we go to a club, maybe drinking and dancing. It depends really." 

The other's hadn't really approved of Mina's fake I.D. but they had all been shocked when Ami had snatched it from her hand and berated her for spending so much on such an obvious falsification -- especially when she could've done a better job for a fraction of the cost! Apparently, she'd gone home and immediately sat down in front of her computer, researching and downloading new fonts. 

Rei felt like an idiot, but maybe that's how she was supposed to feel. Just when she thought she couldn't possibly be any more vulnerable she squeaked, "Go out with me tonight?"

"Haha, what?" Mina blinked in disbelief, wondering if she had misheard her friend.


	9. Let them eat cake!

"Go out with me tonight." She repeated.

"I-"

Rei tried to sound as detached and uninterested as possible. It might have been a mistake to put herself on the line like this. "Well, you said sometimes you date girls -- I'm a girl. You were going to go eat with somebody tonight. We haven't eaten yet. We could, uh, make a thing of it."

"C'mon, Rei." Minako was torn. This was what she had wanted for so long, but not if Rei was only suggesting it because she was bored or felt guilty. "Seriously?" She asked again, refusing to let herself smile until she knew for sure.

"Where would you like to go? Or not." She stopped herself. She had thought about adding an 'I don't care' to that, but she did care, and she knew that this would be one of the times that acting too apathetic would only give her away. Rei had a bit of money saved up, so she wasn't worried about that. However, not being able to place the emotion in Mina's eyes made her very nervous.

"Look, it's okay. I like just being here with you. It's sweet that you want to make it up to me, but you didn't do anything wrong."

"No, really. We can dress up and go somewhere fancy. I mean, if you want to." Rei suddenly felt like she had made a huge mistake now. It was too late to back peddle.

Mina didn't know what to say. "I dunno. Rei, it's late. Maybe another time?"

"Yeah, you're right. I mean, I made such a big deal about buckling down to study, maybe I should just stay in. It's better this way."

'Better what way?' Mina wondered.

Rei hated herself but was trying so hard to downplay these feelings of rejection. "It's so stupid. I mean, if I was going on a date tonight, you're the first person I'd call. I'd want you to help me pick out what to wear and all that anyway. And, well, I couldn't if it was with you. Maybe it'd be too weird. I don't know."

Mina hadn't seen Rei flustered like that in a long time. Sure, she did things to drive Rei crazy, but this was different.

"Okay, um, you know what? Alright."

"Yeah?"

Minako nodded. "Do you mind if I change though? I think I'd like to wear my new dress after all." She winked a bright blue eye at Rei, who could only grin.

"Just a second then?" Rei rifled through her dresser, taking out some clothes. "I'm going to get ready out in the hall."

First, she slipped into Grandpa's room. She'd grabbed a pair of black pants that she'd hardly even worn yet, and a fresh, crisp dress shirt. She hoped Grandpa wouldn't mind, but she also planned to snatch up one of his ties. She stood beside his old wooden dresser for a moment, wondering if the striped necktie made her look too much like she was trying to imitate Haruka, and instead settled on a bow tie.

She toyed with her new look in front of his mirror for a moment. She looked dapper but still feminine. She never liked her hair tied back in a low ponytail -- she tended to leave that particular look for ski trips -- so she left it long, but she re-did her eyeliner. She tried to reassure herself that it would be fine. Mina had seen her dressed up before; she wore a skirt nearly every day, so it's not like Mina didn't know that she had nice legs.

She looked through her shoes in the hall closet, but she didn't have any plain dress shoes for what she had in mind. She had her Mary Jane flats from her school uniform, with a shiny silver buckle fastened across the top, but they wouldn't do. Red high heels nearly identical to the ones she wore when she turned into Sailor Mars. She had actually bought them to practice running in, after twisting her ankle during an early fight. She'd almost spontaneously combusted when Ami placed her cold hands on her leg and didn't want to give her any more reasons to be so intimate with her. There were big black leather boots that did up almost to the knee, with a couple decorative buckles just for show and some zippers that didn't zip -- though she always denied any past goth tendencies -- and couple different pairs of running shoes. She decided on just classic black and white hi-tops.

She didn't know why she decided on them. On any of it. Maybe because she knew Mina was supposed to be on a date with a boy, and that even though she didn't know who he was, he probably wouldn't have bothered to wear anything nice for her. Mina had always loved those romantic movies where the efforts were unrealistic and a little awkward, just as much as she had always revelled in being the hot, unattainable one that was pursued.

'Tonight might be really fun.' Rei thought, feeling a bit light-headed. She decided she wasn't actually all that nervous, she just needed to eat soon.

She wondered if she should call one of the other senshi, but if she knew her friends as well as she thought, Ami would have gone somewhere with Makoto after the bookstore, and forcing either of them to discuss what to do on a date with another woman would probably throw a wrench in whatever they were slowly building towards.

Though, she considered, when they had learned about the Starlights, of all of the scouts they had genuinely been the most open-minded.

At the time Minako had been the only one of the inner senshi who was out to the others, and she'd still been afraid and had worried about how people saw her, so she had acted shocked, if not a little disgusted by the Starlights' true identities, but Makoto had believed that they were still the same people they always were, and Ami had admitted that the Sailor Scouts hadn't confessed their dual identities either. They had also been fine with Haruka and Michiru's relationship right from the beginning, but reflecting inwardly about that kind of thing was always much more challenging than accepting someone else.

Calling Usagi was out of the question. If this worked out, then maybe one day when this all was out in the open, it would be fine, but right now Rei couldn't handle it if she made any jokes, no matter how innocent they were.

She knew that if Mina had called anyone, it probably would have been the Outers, but would it have been Michiru or Haruka? If Rei contacted them with a similar question, psychic powers or not, they'd be able to piece it all together pretty easily.

She took a deep breath, talking herself out of needing help. She heard Phobos caw from a nearby tree. She'd just have to 'wing it.' She smiled to herself. Minako would've really enjoyed that little pun, that is if it didn't fly right over her head.

She could do this alone, she just needed to calm down. She knew it would be simple enough to get out of this, but if she said it was a game, or that the date was just as friends it would be harder to get back to this exact point later. She tried not to think about it.

She stepped outside the shrine, the cool air of the summer's night allowing her a moment to breathe. Looking around the garden, she decided to pick a single tiger lily for Minako. Flower in hand, she went back into the shrine.

She thought she'd seen Yuuichirou across the yard earlier, but he might have been practising his guitar. His new amp allowed him to play with headphones on. Sometimes at night, you could hear the faint twang of strings through the thin walls, but she didn't mind anymore. Still, she kind of hoped she didn't run into him or Grandpa. She couldn't afford any distractions tonight.

She decided that a purse would throw off her newly cultivated look. Instead, she took her money and put the small practical wallet folded safely in her pocket. She looked in the hall mirror again and sighed to herself. She wrote a quick note for her grandfather and left it in the kitchen.

She promised herself that if Minako wanted to play some weird game where they pretended they didn't know each other, she would go along with it for the first couple minutes. If she wanted to take forever to get ready, she would do her best not to be annoyed with her, and if they had to, they would just go somewhere less formal like a burger joint. They could go and still have a perfectly lovely evening. It would all be okay. She wished she could consult the sacred flame, but there wasn't nearly enough time.

Rei felt strange knocking on her own bedroom door. She heard Minako moving around, but she didn't answer. Pulling herself together she went to knock again when the door opened.

"Hi."

Minako looked breathtaking. The new dress was so much nicer outside of the small changeroom and away from the harsh fluorescent lighting. Rei wondered if she had managed to do up the zipper on her own this time, but they could deal with that after.

Minako smiled at Rei. "Is that for me?" She gestured to the lily.

"It is. I hope you like it," Rei said innocently.

"I do, it's beautiful."

"For some reason, the colour just reminded me of you." She shrugged playfully.

"I actually do tend to wear a lot of orange."

Rei grinned. She was just about to offer to get a vase for it from one of the kitchen cupboards when Minako decided to put it in an empty soda bottle on Rei's nightstand. She filled it with water from the bathroom sink.

"Really brightens up the place, don't you think?"

"Not as much as you do."

They both laughed. Rei stood awkwardly while Mina finished getting ready. She looked at her reflection again, before asking, "So, should I get rid of the tie?"

"Nah, keep it. It's cute. Totally vintage." She straightened Rei's collar. "So, where are you taking me?"

\---

They walked down the stairs to the quiet street.

Rei beat Mina to the bottom and held out her hand, offering to help her down from the last two steps.

"Thanks, but I can handle these stairs on my own."

Rei wasn't sure which Mina she'd be out with tonight: the demanding Mina who could do everything on her own, or the demanding Mina who wanted everything done for her.

"Maybe we can just kinda see what's open. And if you see somewhere you think would be a good spot, tell me."

"Hm."

"What?"

"Just trying to figure out if you're that indecisive, passive kind of date that can't make up their mind until they know my opinion or if you're really trying to make sure I have a nice night."

"Second one."

"Good. I'd probably get pretty bored with someone who just agreed with me." She giggled and flipped her hair. "I kinda hate pushovers. I like someone who has a little fire in them, you know?" She was definitely going to keep Rei on her toes.

They passed Thai Palace, which had closed for the night at nine. They'd just missed it. Rei sighed. Minako saw the disappointment in her amethyst eyes, but they both said nothing.

Rei countered Mina's last statement. "Well, I don't agree with people unless I know they're right."

"How do you know if they're right? Are you psychic or something?" Mina grinned. "Would you tell your date that?"

"No!" Rei shook her head, almost offended at the thought. "Definitely not."

"Ever? Not even if things got serious?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Kind of a third date thing?" She raised an eyebrow. "You know what else you can do on the third date."

Rei choked. "I probably wouldn't do that either, not for a while."

"I guess I'm just special then."

"Yeah, you kind of are. It kind of takes me a long time to warm up to other people."

"Really?" Minako took her hand, "Cause you feel warm to me." She laughed. "Get it? Cause you're the fire senshi."

They walked a little further, and saw that the Italian place was busy. It was so packed with people they were standing out the door and onto the sidewalk. Rei would make reservations next time. If there was a next time.

Mina thought about asking if this was Rei's first real pretend date. She felt like such an idiot, she already couldn't remember if they were treating it like an actual date or not, but she was planning on getting Rei out of her shell. She didn't care what happened, she just wanted to see her in a different light.

Rei shrugged. "So, uh, anyway that dress looks really, really nice on you." She fumbled her words.

"Thanks. I wish I could take all the credit, but I had some help picking it out. Seeee, my best friend has a really great eye for fashion."

"Your best friend is going to starve to death if you don't pick somewhere to eat." She forced a smile, and tried to make her words sound sweet even through her grit teeth, "I just, I'll go anywhere you wanna go, but what if nothing is even open? It'd be a pretty crappy date right?"

"Well, I'll give you points for spontaneity. Does it have to be, like, a proper dinner?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you can hold on a little while and we don't see anything better there's a late night cafe place, the, uh, cafe something? No, the something-something pub?  
No! Bistro?!"

"The something-something bistro?" Rei tried not to roll her eyes. 'She doesn't even know the name of it. We're off to a great start.'

"Yeah, it's like a dessert bar I guess. They have savoury crepes, like with meat, but mostly cakes and coffees and stuff."

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Yeah?"

Rei nodded. "Is it far?"

"'Bout ten mins. But, uh, don't kill me." She sheepishly looked behind them.

Rei sighed. "We already passed it, didn't we?" Minako mumbled weakly. Rei just shook her head and turned around, determined not to make it into an argument.

They walked past the Italian restaurant again, the line-up even longer now. They passed Thai Palace, too, but this time Rei spoke up. "If we were going to have a second date, that's where I'd take you, but we'd go a lot earlier than this. They've, uh, got a great lunch menu."

"Aw, Reiko!" Mina fluttered her eyelashes, before remembering that she had planned on giving Rei the same hard time she gave her other suitors. "You're kinda gettin' ahead of yourself. But what would we do with all that added daylight?" She raised a suggestive eyebrow.

"I dunno, go to a movie?" Rei suggested offhand.

"Nah. Think about it. You're not taking me out for lunch AND dinner, are you? I'd just be hungry again after the movie!"

"Even if you had popcorn and candy and that bucket they call a medium soft drink?"

"Yeah, a girl's gotta eat. Gotta be honest, your second date sounds pret-ty lame."

"Fine. Um, I'd take you for Thai and then we'd... gah. Nevermind."

Mina was intrigued, "No! Tell me!"

"It's a stupid date. It's just, you kinda said you wanted to do it."

"Shopping? That's not a stupid date. I'd totally go shopping for a date. You get to know a person's style, and find out whether or not they're loaded." Mina laughed. She wasn't actually shallow, or, well, not quite that shallow at any rate.

"It's not shopping! Okay, so remember last time we were at your place when we were watching that stupid monster movie?"

"Argh! The one where everyone was just wasting bullets and you said you'd be a better shot and I said it's harder than it looked?"

Her training at the Interpol had involved Katarina sneaking her into the private police firing range. Sometimes she wondered if she had been given blanks, but she doubted it. Katarina had looked too worried when she handed the gun over for them to be fake, even though she'd said things like, "Just breathe. It's just like trying to win a prize at the carnival." Minako had hit the target on the second try, and again with every bullet left in the chamber, then asked with a huge grin, "So, what do I win?" Katarina had had that nervous look again.

"Paintball," Rei said. "Thai food and paintball."

"See, I thought you were gonna say something boring like rent those stupid little canoes and float around. Everyone always suggests those. It's like they think if we get thirty feet out from the shore I'll just give them a handjo--um... Anyway, the lake is nice, but that's like Ami-level adventure. Not real adventure. Paintball would be totally wicked though."

Rei was much more confident now. "Yeah, of course. I know it would be. That's why I said it." It hadn't taken her long to get back to her cocky self.

"Oh! Here we are," Mina exclaimed as the pulled to a halt in front of a dessert bar. True to her word, the sign read, 'The Something-Something Cafe & Bistro' "You sure you wanna eat here?"

"It looks okay to me. Do you know what you're getting?"

"Um. I might just have cake for dinner. I know, it's sooo bad for me, but I totally had a big salad yesterday, I swear it."

Nutrition at it's finest. Rei furrowed her brow. "I could go for cake."

"Yeah?"

She nodded, holding open the door for her date.

\---

"The Something-Something Late Night Cappuccino sounds so good. Too bad it's got Kahlua in it. Think I could order it without?" Rei asked as they perused their menus.

"Y'know, If you ordered it with, I wouldn't tell anybody," Mina said in a low voice while she glanced over the menu at her date. There was always a little mischief dancing in those blue eyes.

Rei looked around. They had seated themselves; the waitress hadn't spoken to them yet. She discreetly took off her bowtie and stashed it in her pants pocket. With the slacks and collared shirt, she looked like any young professional out for drinks after work. She took off her jacket and hung it on the back of her chair.

"What if they--" Rei bit her lip, suddenly worried about being carded. Maybe she could say she'd left her I.D. in another wallet, but they'd probably heard that one before.

"Shh. They won't. Or at least they never have."

The waitress arrived to take their order, and Rei steeled herself to request the cappuccino cocktail, along with her slice of cake. Mina blithely ordered the same, and the 'tiramissyou-like-crazy' to split.

Rei tried her best to look collected. It had all gone off without a hitch. The waitress came back with dessert plates with sculpted edges and small mugs on matching saucers. Steam rose out of the ceramic cups. Rei scraped a bit of icing off with her fork while waiting for her drink to cool. Four little lines had been dragged across the white frosting.

"Looks like it was done by one of those tractor thingies."

Rei nodded, some kind of plow or tiller maybe? She didn't know what it was called either.

She looked up when she heard a quiet whimper. She watched Mina pull away quickly from her drink.

'Idiot always burns her tongue,' she thought. "Honestly, would it kill you to wait for your drink to cool for five seconds?"

"Honestly, would it kill you to be nice to your date for five seconds?" Mina innocently batted her eyelashes at Rei.

"Y-You're right. I'm sorry. Um... So, if we didn't know each other, what would we talk about?"

"I forgot, you suck at small talk."

"I do not!" she defended quietly. "I'm just a really good listener."

"Alright, well, are you enjoying your food?"

"The cake's pretty good. I haven't tried my drink yet."

She decided not to add, 'Because I'm not stupid; I know steam means it's hot!' Usagi was the exact same way. There was a reason Ami always held her cup a few extra seconds before she'd hand the princess her drink. 'At least Minako didn't cry about it. Mina NEVER cries, well, except today.' She looked at the girl sitting across from her. You'd never know anything had been wrong, but that's exactly how she wanted it to be.

"Mine's good, too, thanks for asking," Mina said sarcastically.

"S-Sorry." Rei slowly blew across the cup. She didn't care if she looked foolish; she'd look more foolish if she burned her mouth after scolding Mina. She wasn't really used to apologizing this much.

"It's okay. So, what do you do?"

"About what?"

Mina downed her drink in seconds. "In your life. Like, right now."

"Um, I officially graduate from T*A in like seven weeks, classes are done in like five, but there are exams, right? And then I'm going to go to school to become a priestess."

"Fascinating! But say, isn't that T*A a Catholic school?"

"Mina."

"What? When I tell people about you they always ask that."

"What people?" She sipped her drink. "Oh, wow. This is actually really good."

"I know, right? And, I dunno, just people. Your name comes up sometimes. Like I said, sometimes I'd rather hang out with you than go on a date, and I'm not gonna lie. So, I just say I was busy at the shrine."

Rei finished what was left in the small cup. "Busy what? Getting crumbs all over my room?" she teased, playfully.

Mina laughed. "I dunno, just busy. My very best friend lives at the shrine. Then they ask, does she go to Juuban with you, and I say, T*A. and they say, that's a Catholic school, and I say, you just love the structure. You wouldn't know what to do without good solid leadership." She smirked.

'Really?' Rei thought, amused, 'She's gonna pull rank now?'

When the waitress came by to ask how everything was, Mina answered with a smile, "Good, thanks."

Rei surprised them both by asking, "Can we get two more double shots?"

"Coming right up." The waitress nodded, clearing their empty plates from the table.

"T-That was too easy. So, um, what do you want to be when you grow up?" She chuckled.

"A popstar. I want to be an idol. I wanna be on tv. I want everybody to love me."

"I know." Rei sighed. She wondered if it even mattered that she loved Mina. She always worried that, if Mina envisioned crowds of screaming fans, then would Rei ever feel like enough.

"Then why'd you ask?"

"I dunno. You said I suck at small talk. I was trying. And besides, you've already been on TV."

The waitress arrived and set down their new cups.

"Oh! Can we get some ice waters too, please?" Rei asked.

"Yeah, but no one knew it was me," Minako answered quietly when the waitress disappeared again.

"I did."

The waitress brought them their waters. Rei fished a big ice cube out with her spoon and dropped it in her drink. She watched it melt, disappearing into the rest of the scalding beverage, then she added another.

"Pssh. You did not."

"I did too. Well, I would've, if you didn't slink around in the dark." She swallowed the warm beverage. "I thought Sailor V was the coolest."

Mina blushed. "Yeah. She really was, wasn't she?"

Rei felt warm and light. She nodded. She wanted to say something great, like, 'She's still the coolest,' or, 'Sailor Venus is even better,' or tease Mina and say, 'Everybody knows Mars is actually the best.' But she didn't want to sound like some otaku anime nerd who couldn't even keep their hobbies at home for one night. It didn't matter anyway because the waitress had come back to check on them.

"So, the sign said 'late night,' but didn't post your actual hours," Rei mentioned.

"Well, we stop making drinks at one, and we try to kick everybody out by one-thirty."

"What time is it now?"

The waitress looked at her watch, "11:38."  
  
"Daaamn. Then we -- heh -- I want to try doubles of the Something-Something Italian coffee, the carefree caramel sundae and whatever the strawberry 'shot' cake is and the lady will have--" She turned to Mina.

"Uh, the same."

"The same." She nodded.

"I like this place," Mina remarked, as they sipped their new drinks. "It reminds me of Europe. I spent time in little cafes just like this in Paris. They had these little puff pastries with this cream stuff. I don't 'member what they were called, something French. So good though. I should get Makoto to make them. She'd know."

Rei thought they sounded good, but didn't know if it was a lot for their friend to go on.

"Anyway, England wasn't all bad. I took the train out to Paris with Alan and Katarina from London once. It only took like two or three hours. Was cheap too."

Mina trailed off. They'd both had about enough of her European adventures for one day. Rei was distracted, looking out the window at the street. All at once the alcohol seemed to hit her. For a moment everything seemed to blur together, but not at all in an unpleasant way.

"Hey," Mina said.

Rei startled, glad she wasn't holding her drink. She'd hate to spill chocolate all over a white shirt. She tried to remember Makoto droning on about laundry -- what got coffee out?

"HEY?" Mina said again, trying to snap Rei out of it.

"Hey. W-What gets coffee out?" Rei slurred her words a little.

"What the hell?" Mina giggled at the sheer randomness of Rei's question.

"I-- I-- Nevermind. Um, I--" Rei looked around anxiously. "I think--"

"Yeah?"

"I think, heh."

'That you love me?' Mina imagined her saying.

"I think," Rei tried again. 'I love you,' her subconscious supplied. "I think I'm, uh, a lil' buzzed."

"Uh, yeah you are."

"You said, 'Hey,' and I forget why." She snorted.

Mina reached under the table and grabbed Rei's hand. "I wanted to say, Hey -- thank you."

"You're welcome!" Rei said reflexively. "Wait, why are you welcome? I mean, you are, but, uh, thank you for what?"

"For sharing such a nice night out with me."

"Oh, that. Pssh." Rei laughed again. Mina was still holding her hand. "Oh no!" she gasped, pulling her hand away.

"What?" Mina asked, concerned. Rei had taken her hand back rather abruptly.

Rei panicked. "Do I sound drunk? I sound drunk, don't I?" she whispered hoarsely.

Mina smiled and reassured her, "You're fine. I promise you look totally cool."

"Good." Rei combed her fingers through dark locks. "That's good. We, uh, we shouldn't EVER show Usagi this place." It scared her a little, how much she already wanted to come back here and have another night just like this.

"No, this one can be just for us," Minako agreed.

"Okay, good."

Somehow, four more drinks made their way to the table. Eventually, Rei stood up, sidled over to a waitress and whispered -- or what she thought was whispering, at any rate --

"Hey, can I pay now, and can we get an order of those mini cinnamon rolls to go, but don't bring them until we have our coats on?"

The waitress made a face. "I'm sure that you can, but I wasn't your server this evening."

"Oh. Oh god, I'm so sorry, oh god. I-- See, I had a couple drinks and you're all dressed the same. I-I'm sorry." That was no excuse; whenever she was mistaken for another shrine maiden she always took it very personally.

"Happens all the time." The waitress smiled sweetly. "The cinnamon buns here are so amazing. Good choice."

Rei was still embarrassed, but nodded, afraid to speak again in case she sounded really drunk.

"Hang tight, I'll have your waitress get you your bill. Separate or together?"

"Together." She said, beaming. It was true enough tonight in any case.

When the waitress brought her the cheque, Rei fumbled with her bills. Math wasn't her strong suit right now. She couldn't even count the number of shots she'd had.

At least she was doing better than Usagi usually managed; she'd usually end up in an endless loop of putting down bills and asking, "Is it enough now? What about now?" Then Minako would apologize to the waiter, usually flirting a little. Ami would take over and count out the proper amount. Makoto would tell her she hadn't screwed up THAT badly, and Rei was there ready to tell off anybody who insulted their future queen.

When Pluto was there would laugh, and point out that there were her public relations, her head of finances and treasurer, her royal confidant, and her defence minister, already hard at work.

It would be a while before Rei made fun of Usagi again for working out a bill slowly. That is if she remembered. A minute or two later she made her way back to the table and Minako asked where she had wandered off to.

"I thought you went to find a washroom?"

"I did, I, uh... I, um, had to ask the waitress a question." Rei knew she was a better liar drunk than Makoto was sober.

"What question?"

"Where's the bathroom!" She cackled hard at her own joke, deciding to go for real this time.

In the washroom, she spent some time just staring at her reflection, trying to make sense of the rollercoaster her day had been. Her face was a little flushed. Her cheeks felt hot, but she didn't want to splash her face with water since her make-up and hair still looked good. That was something at least.

When she returned to the table, they finished their last drinks, and Mina excused herself to the bathroom. While she was gone, Rei signalled the waitress, who brought over the bag of cinnamon buns. She slipped on her coat, stashing them inside, and picking up Mina's jacket as well.

Mina returned to the table, to find Rei already on her feet.

"Here," she handed her the jacket. "Let's go." Grabbing her by the wrist, she tugged her out the door.

"Oh my god!" Mina giggled. "Are we doing a dine and dash?"

\---  
After the bookstore, Ami was in the mood to get something to eat. "That looks good," She spoke softly while peering in the window of a busy restaurant.

Makoto hadn't heard her since she was moving quickly ahead, and her long legs had already carried her past the window. It had caught Ami's eye since she thought looked like a nice place to take a date. It had struck her as a particularly funny thought since she didn't often think of dating. Even just passing by outside, it smelled incredible.

Ami tugged on the sleeve of Mako-chan's jacket to get her attention. "We should go there sometime," she blushed, trying to gently drop a hint.

Oblivious, Mako flippantly replied, "Nah, I've eaten there. Some friends from the cooking school and I went for a job interview and we stuck around and ordered. It's not that great. Mine's probably better," she boasted, until she noticed Ami's frown. "Like, it was good, but it's really kinda expensive. For what it is, I mean."

Ami couldn't be sure, but that probably meant that, for starters, Mako found the portions ridiculously small and over-priced. Especially if they were charging the extra for the presentation. Sometimes they'd just strategically place a miniscule garnish and delicately drizzled gourmet sauce onto some oblong or oddly shaped plate to distract your eye from all of the negative space. It drove her crazy.

Makoto believed food could be an art form, but ethically she refused to buy into calling something high cuisine, only to justify over-charging your customers, and to have them leave still hungry.

"Oh, I was gonna--" A car zipped past and Ami's voice was drowned out by the traffic on the busy street. 'Pay.' She sighed.

\---

Eventually, they ended up back at Ami's.

"We haven't really seen much of each other these past few weeks," she mentioned.

"No, guess we haven't." Makoto worried that she sounded bitter. She hoped the obvious disappointment hadn't come out in her voice. After all, it hadn't been Ami's fault and she was happy to see her now, but it had been something like nine, maybe ten days since they'd seen each other. She felt stupid for knowing that.

Makoto could accept that Ami had her own set of obligations outside class and their senshi responsibilities. Ami HAD to go to cram school. But even though she knew it wasn't anything personal, it still didn't make things any easier. She was busy too, but she still forced herself to make time for Usagi and the others. Deep down, she knew that there had to be more to it.

\---

She had managed to briefly catch Ami in the hall the week before. She had just come from Ami's locker after sneaking her some cookies she had wrapped in a small round tin. She'd lined the container with wax paper and secured the lid with a shiny blue bow.

She thought it was probably stupid, but she had picked out the satin ribbon because in a certain light it reminded her of Ami's eyes. She had smiled to herself in the craft supply store and had decided to buy what was left of the roll. She couldn't explain it, it just made her happy.

"Ami!" she'd exclaimed. "Nobody's heard from you in--"

"Sorry! Can't talk! Busy! Sorry!" Ami had raced by, looking more frazzled than usual.

This was bizarre even for her. Ami had sometimes missed a study session here and there. She'd make up an excuse about promising she'd work harder as soon she got home, but the last few months she had refused to skip her night classes.

Makoto had done her best to back Ami on her decisions. Even when Minako and Usagi pleaded with pouting lips for Ami to please find a way out of it, she'd just said, "I can't," with no further explanation.

Mako had tried to help shield her from any backlash, since the others were beginning to lose their patience. She'd overhear a barbed comment here and there, which she'd playfully shot down, but she, who missed Ami the most, could only suffer in silence.

The only contact they'd had since had been Makoto finding a handwritten note in her locker. It was on plain lined paper, no envelope. It had been folded over into a crisp perfect line, and the penmanship was impeccable like it had been written with an adorable typewriter.

"Mako-chan,  
The cookies were delicious.  
Thank you for thinking of me.  
I realize that I have been more M.I.A. than A.M.I. lately. (Ha!)  
Do you work this weekend?  
\- Ami"

She did have to work, of course, but Makoto still had a big goofy smile the whole way home after reading it over and over. She had so appreciated the effort that had gone into Ami's play on words, while also understanding that it seemed to double as some acknowledgement of her disappearance, maybe even as a small apology.

Comedy wasn't exactly Ami's forte, but she thought it was clever nonetheless. God, even the little 'ha!' was cute. Ami would have called it 'a feeble attempt at humour,' but the truth was the rest of the girls all had little inside jokes and running gags, and she liked to make Mako laugh.

Makoto had been beating herself up about seeming needy all week, even for a dark moment wondering why she had bothered. She didn't know that the thoughtful act had meant everything to Ami. Those cookies had been the only thing that she'd had to eat all day. She'd loved the ribbon and wanted to show it off. She cursed her short hair, but then again a bow like Minako's wouldn't have really been her style. Instead, she was currently using the ribbon as a bookmark.

\---

Makoto slumped down hard against the sofa, "So... Like, not to be a big jerk, but why do you still even bother going to cram school? I mean, what can a super-genius like you possibly be learning from those courses?"  
  
Ami blushed. "Well, I..."

"Look," Makoto interrupted, "I don't wanna make you feel bad. It's just, you told me like two years ago that you were smarter than half the teachers, so you could probably be teaching those courses by now."

Ami gulped. "I have been."

"Huh?"

She steeled her nerves. "I've been teaching the courses f-for about a year now. The instructors didn't know what to do with me, so they kept letting me study with the older students, then once I surpassed them, they told me to tutor them, and now, more often than not, I run the class."

'While the actual teacher plays solitaire on the computer,' she added mentally. She knew it would be petty to say that out loud, but it still hardly qualified as 'supervising' the class.

Makoto gasped. "Ami! That's amazing! Why didn't you tell us?"

No. She knew why.

It wasn't that Ami was humble exactly, but she couldn't even open her mouth without someone accusing her of showing off. Makoto pictured how it would've gone down: Usagi would call her a brainiac, and then in the same breath immediately try to make the situation benefit her. She'd say something along the lines of, "Hey Ami, now that you're practically a teacher, do you think you could say I showed up to cram school to get my mom off my back?" Of course, she wouldn't be willing to change her workload at all, putting her friend in a very awkward position that she didn't want to be in.

Rei would congratulate Ami on the achievement and then ask how this particular accomplishment helped her become a better doctor, and whether it was going to cut into her responsibilities as one of Usagi's royal guard. She'd casually say something about 'being the only one who really thinks about the good of the team,' while the others rolled their eyes.

Mina would find a way to make it sound positively filthy, maybe following her around, calling her 'Sensei,' giggling until the word lost all meaning. This playful flirting would probably end in Minako using her breathiest voice to say, 'Ooh Professor Mizuno, I bet there's a thing or two you could teach me,' arching her eyebrow at Ami seductively until Ami would be too horrified to speak. That is if Haruka and Michiru didn't find out and beat Mina to it.

And Mako, well, she knew she'd let her praise be a little over the top, and in front of everyone else that would only embarrass Ami.

\---

Ami sighed. "Makoto? If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell the others?"

Nervously she bit her lip, "Does it affect the team?" She took matters like this gravely serious and thought hard before answering.

She tented her fingers. "No, it's just an Ami thing, not a Mercury thing."

Makoto nodded gently. "Alright, then I won't tell."

"I technically should have graduated last year, not just last semester." She'd only been a credit short and probably could've got a B in that class even if she only showed up for exams, but rather than risking the low grade bringing down her average, had decided to drop the entire course.

"Then why are you still at schoo--Oh..." Her face fell.

"I'm sorry. I just. I..." She could feel herself beginning to shut down. "I-I..."

"Ami." Consciously Makoto tried to soften her voice. Being loud like she was, she knew she had a tendency to sound so much angrier than she actually felt. She couldn't risk that, especially since she knew that Ami always fell apart under confrontation. "You shouldn't've let us hold you back." She sighed, more frustrated at herself than Ami. She should have noticed something like this.

"I... didn't. Not really. I told my mom I was dropping a course to allow me additional time to study. I hadn't taken any other spares at all through high school. I was so busy taking so many extra courses. I told just her rationally that I couldn't keep up this momentum indefinitely and that I was going to burn out. I was still going to graduate with my peers and if I had extra time to study then I'd have more time to gather extra credit, volunteer hours and keep my grades up and still finish on top."

Makoto had never really questioned her good fortune. It had felt like utter serendipity that, after four years of practically never having their classes overlap (aside from gym and one class their second year), they now suddenly shared the same blank space in their schedule right after lunch. Ami had never been able to bring herself to tell her that she had dropped the third class intentionally to spend time with her, and instead let Makoto believe that for once, luck was on their side.

Mina and Usagi had their free period right before lunch, so sometimes they'd meet up to eat, but more often than not Usagi would have detention or have to go for extra help, so Minako usually disappeared. It was probably to meet Rei at a secret rendezvous somewhere between Juuban High and T*A for lunch, though the others couldn't be sure where she went.  
  
Although Ami still worked through the break in the afternoon, Makoto was usually able to convince her to work outside or sneak away to the rooftop like old times. No one else could get Ami away from a book long enough to coax her into eating. Though it seemed that since Ami had gotten busy teaching the cram school, she'd been skipping more and more of their breaks to work on her own classes. Makoto suddenly felt guilty for not putting it all together sooner.

She sighed. "That's still amazing that you're teaching, though! So, is it a paying gig or what?"

"Uhhhhh... Mostly it looks just good on my transcripts as extra credit, but even though I'm teaching they've got me down as tutoring, so I'm not making much and what I do make is," nervously, she adjusted her glasses, "kind of under the table."

Mako felt her heart nearly explode. Ami was the cutest thing she'd ever seen and she was even cuter when she wore those glasses.

"Mom really thinks I should fight them on it, but I'm also technically not qualified to teach the courses and would probably just get everyone else in trouble. It's only for another couple weeks."

"You deserve better, but it's probably not worth the scandal." Makoto laughed. "Ha. Well, I'm proud of you, though, y'know, for joining ranks of the working class."

"At least I don't have to wake up at 4:30 a.m. like Rei-chan." Ami sighed, counting her blessings.

"Pssh!" Mako scoffed. "Just because her alarm is SET for 4:30 doesn't mean she gets up before 5:15." She chuckled. "She just keeps hitting the snooze button for like an hour. Mina says she's been really slacking lately and it's usually more like 5:30 before she actually gets up. And then poor Minako can't back to sleep 'cause Rei was tossing and turning every ten minutes."

Ami blushed. Up until now, she had been able to shrug off whatever was going on between Minako and Rei. Time and time again she had decided that it was none of her business and vowed to never be the one to bring it up. She really tried to believe that she was content pretending that the two of them together was a perfectly innocent arrangement, but after they had disappeared into the small stall of the change room earlier, she could no longer contain her curiosity.

"Mako, uh--" She paused, asking in a small voice, "What do you think about Minako spending so much time at the shrine?"

"What? Like the shrine kind of being our crash pad? I mean, I stayed at the shrine when the power went out at my building and Rei would welcome any of us into her home if we had nowhere to go? Right?"

Ami worried that her question had gone right over Mako's head. If Mako didn't get it, then she couldn't very well spell it out for her. "I guess," she replied, still skeptical.

"Of course I'm right. You know I'm right." Makoto smirked. "But technically Minako has somewhere to stay, and Rei would have made the rest of us sleep on the floor, eh?"

Ami nodded, relieved that it wasn't just in her head.

"Why, what do you think?" Mako had often wondered about it herself. She knew how Minako felt about Rei; it was more a question of whether she'd act on it.

"I don't know what to think? I mean, it isn't fair to assume anything about anyone, ESPECIALLY something like this." She tried to laugh it off. "I-I mean, what if someone thought we spent too much time together?"

Makoto felt a pang. She swallowed. "Right."

The last person outside of their group to question Makoto's sexuality had left with a broken nose, but that wasn't until he had brought Usagi's name into it. She grit her teeth. If anyone ever called Ami a dyke like that, she'd probably kill them where they stood.

Makoto noticed that she had shifted the topic from Rei and Mina rather intentionally. Ami wasn't usually one for gossip, but had obviously been thinking about their friends hooking up as much as Mako had. After all thi time Ami was still always cautious about discussing personal matters, so maybe she was really trying to use this as an excuse to talk about liking girls since her coming out, or at least giving Mako the opportunity to do so.

The others had guessed early on, after she had chased Haruka around with stars in her eyes, that she might have certain tendencies, but Minako had taken a bullet for her and come out herself a few weeks later. Makoto had been grateful to have the attention turned elsewhere.

At any rate, Ami had always shied away from the topic, dancing around the big question herself, even when she was the one that seemed to steer the conversation there in the first place. She was out of the closet now, too, but she was still shy about it.

Flustered, Makoto mumbled, "Y'know, we don't have to make it weird, you know? I-I'd still wanna spend time with you, even, uh, if people thought, uh, we..." Anxiously, she rubbed the back of her neck. "I mean, 'Ruka is, and I, uh, and, um... We're great friends." She stumbled over her words, making awkward hand gestures all the while. "It doesn't matter to me."

"I know." A little half smile crossed Ami's lips. "You don't have to prove to me that we're friends."

This time the pang was resounding. She could hardly breathe.

"We would never let something as ridiculous as, well, that get in the way of our friendship." Ami berated herself. She still couldn't even say it.

Fuck. "Y-Yeah. I mean... No, I... We wouldn't. We're friends." Just friends. That's why she always felt like she was having a mini heart attack in Ami's presence. She was hit full force with waves of nausea but had no other option except to keep it together.

"I'm glad. I wouldn't change what we have for anything in the world." Ami yawned and rest her head against Makoto's shoulder. She wasn't usually very affectionate, but she had really missed hanging out like this. "I really missed you, you know? I've never had someone I could tell everything to. You're the always the first person I run to when I have something to say. Well, aside from senshi business."

Makoto inched her way to her own side of the couch. "Of course, then it's Minako. She's the leader, she should know." Mako knew she'd probably do the exact same. They were a team, they had certain duties that went beyond their individual friendships. There was no need to argue, it was just their reality.

"Right! Although, I am sorry I didn't tell you about my tutoring job. I wanted to."

"You just didn't want us to think you were bragging."

Makoto had genuinely understood, and that meant everything to Ami. She nodded. "See, now I feel foolish. I know you would have said the same thing six months ago and I wouldn't have had to feel like somehow," Ami sighed before she tried to speak again, "I had failed you."

She blinked in disbelief. "Failed me?"

"I don't know. I've betrayed our friendship by not explaining why I wasn't around, but I guess I was just rather embarrassed. I was so tired from working, but you're always working, and I didn't want you to think I was weak or that it was the same thing. Because I really do understand the gravity of the situation: If I don't show up, I don't get money to update my computer or add more books to my collection, but if you don't show up you'll lose your apartment."

Ami could never fail her. She was simply doing what she had to do. Awkwardly, Makoto looked at her. If Ami hadn't just hammered home that they were friends and nothing more, she would have kissed her right then. She tried to shake away the feeling. It wasn't right with Ami so vulnerable. Makoto knew she had a tendency to not process emotions properly, dealing with her feelings in a rather primal physical sense without thinking of the repercussions. In the past, this had usually lead to lots of fighting or making out.

"So what? Maybe it's not the same, but if it's your first job and you've still got all your extra-curricular stuff, you probably are really tired." It was clear that Ami was still holding something back.

Ami had slumped down, feeling quite sorry for herself. "I really thought with all of the summer courses, accelerated programs and night school I'd have graduated over winter break. Now I'm graduating late." Without thinking about it, she chewed on her nails.

'And I'm graduating a year late, assuming I graduate. We'll just have to see how finals go...' Nevermind the fact that she was still practically living paycheque to paycheque and always usually just a single test or assignment away from failing half her classes. The worse the youma were, the worse her grades were... Makoto took a breath. This wasn't about her, it was Ami who was upset right now.

Mako knew that it had probably been months since Ami had let herself actually be entitled to a bad day, and she had just been keeping this all in. Ami was the kind of person who actually tried to pencil-in appropriate times for her meltdowns, but there was just never any room in her busy schedule for a good cry. She found it all very inconvenient.

"You're not graduating late, you're graduating on time. You said so yourself. You can make sure you have top marks this way." Mako shifted uncomfortably, the room had become much colder very quickly. "I know. It's okay." Ami's body temperature must've dropped five degrees. Mako pulled the multicoloured crocheted blanket off the arm of the chair and wrapped her in it. "There." She stopped herself from adding, 'Snug as a bug in a rug.' Ami didn't often vent her frustrations like this, and she didn't want to derail her with sentimental nonsense.

Ami didn't bother glancing up. It was hard to tell if her eyes had even been open under her long bangs. "Yes, but I really disappointed myself. There's a difference between what's required from me and what's expected of me, you know? I-I just feel like I could have done better."

Mako shrugged. "You probably could have."

Ami opened her eyes wide. She might have teared up if she hadn't been in such shock. She looked at Makoto in stunned disbelief. She could hardly believe what she had just heard, not from her. She knew Mako would tell her the hard truths, but she hadn't expected her to be quite so brutally honest. Crushed, she curled back into a sad little ball, hurt by her friend's words.

"No no no," Makoto clarified, "I meant, if you hadn't met us and we didn't distract you. Sure. If you weren't Mercury and if you wanted to spend this summer in the hospital for exhaustion or whatever they call those kinds of breakdowns, then you probably could have. That's just not what happened."

She was probably not far from the truth. Ami was scaring herself, but worse she was really starting to scare her mother again. "You don't distract me. I was so miserable before I met Usagi. I-- being Mercury leaves me feeling rather conflicted at times, but I'm so glad that the four of you are in my life now. I don't know. I just feel so terrible. I think I really did need a break. I could've done it. I--" She still shivered even with the blanket.

Given the choice, Ami knew that she would never have chosen to become Sailor Mercury. She refused to talk to the others about it. She never asked their stance on it. Instead, the over-thinker carried years of guilt and worry that their answers would only confirm her fears of being their weakest link. She had a hunch that Rei wanted out as much as she did, but if confronted she would spout some self-righteous nonsense to placate her. The others, she wasn't so sure about.

No one in their right mind would do this. The timid girl knew it had nothing to do with courage. You'd have to be a complete idiot to be willing to sign up to fight monsters, and just blindly hope that your good intentions and friendships would be enough to protect you from faceless evil.

However she hadn't been given a choice, so she tried to make the best of it. Ever since she'd been a small child, she'd had a clear vision of the way her life should go. Anything that prevented her from getting good grades, getting into med school and becoming a doctor wasn't for her, but then a black cat crossed her path and the road she was on began to change forever.

From the very first day, she'd feared that this duty would sometimes conflict with her education. But she had friends now, something else she had never really accounted for. She was going to find a way to make it work for them.

Whenever her grades would suffer (at least by her own standards), she would repeat little mantras in her mind. She had decided for her own sanity that, in saving the world twice over as a hero, she had done as much good as she ever could saving dozens of individual patients as a doctor, though she was still hellbent on being able to do both.

Ami began talking more quickly, feeling it was more important to speak than to catch her breath. "I just, I wanted everyone to be proud of me. I know they say they are, but I-I'm burning out. I'm so scared. What if I can't actually do it. What if I've peaked and my genius days are behind me. What if I should've gone to Mugen Academy? Or that elite program in Germany? I'm not doing enough! I-I'm going to go to University and I'm going to find out I was just a big fish in a small pond and that I'm nothing special." She was beginning to hyperventilate, always prone to panic attacks, since long before she'd become a senshi.

"Ami, hey, c'mon, breathe," Mako tried to soothe her. She gently rubbed her shoulder. "You are special, but I thought that was why you wanted to go to school, so you'd meet other smart people and be able to finally have a real conversation with somebody?" She forced a self-deprecating little laugh.

Ami's voice cracked. "Why can't this be a real conversation?"

"It is, but it'll be nice for you to get to talk to other smart people, too, won't it?"

"I dunno what I want anymore. What if I'm not cut out for this." If she couldn't sit at a desk and grade mock exams for two or three hours, how was she possibly going to manage twelve-hour shifts and slicing into people? Especially if she started having the flashbacks again.

"You are. It'll be okay," Makoto offered helplessly.

"I-I feel like I'm dying sometimes. It's so much. Everything is just so much, I dunno how I-- how we're still standing."

This wasn't about school anymore. "Galaxia really fucked you up, huh?"

"And D-Point." She looked stunned. In all honesty, she had almost forgotten what was very nearly their final battle. "And, God, I don't even know what else. Everything. Everything is terrible. We'll never be normal. Things will never be alright." Her voice cracked with desperation.

"Shh... Hey, look, we're okay." Ami's head was still buried in her hands. "Ames, look at me. Things are fine. We didn't just have a normal day, we had an awesome day, right? We went to the mall and drank lattes. You bought some new books, we had a nice dinner and we--"

Their communicators went off.

 

  
\---

Rei and Mina ran to the park, still holding ribs and laughing out of relief, still reeling from their daring getaway.

"Do you think we almost got caught! I just bolted, I didn't even turn around."

"Yeah," She huffed catching her breath. "That was close." Despite knowing they were never in any danger. Since she had paid and still had the crumpled receipt in her pocket. Mina seemed to really enjoy the thrill, and Rei didn't want to spoil that.

Rei and Mina strolled through the park. The night air was warm, and they had their jackets looped over their arms. The light breeze kept it from being that sticky hot that makes it hard to sleep in summer. Minako was glad, maybe Rei would sleep easier tonight.

The weather had been all over the place lately, and between the sacred flame and Grandpa's aversion to putting in air conditioning no one at the shrine had been sleeping well.

Rei could be so sensitive when it came to changes in temperature, not that most people even noticed a difference, but it often made her quite temperamental. Mina could always tell what was just cranky ol' Mars and when Rei was feeling sick, but too proud to say so.

Minako walked along the narrow backs of the wooden benches like she was walking a tightrope, putting all of her inebriated concentration into this routine. She gracefully hopped to the next bench, easily a four-foot gap.

Slackjawed, Rei slowed her pace to watch. "That's amazing. You're amazing. Drunk AND in heels!"

"I can do ALL kinds of things when I'm drunk and in heels." Mina chuckled to herself. She landed and did a little twirl, then blushed when she remembered the length of that particular dress.

"You used to take gymnastics, right?"

"Uh huh. I did for a little bit, then dance mostly. I always liked the balance beam best. Wish I could say Artemis taught me this." She choked back emotion. "I know he put a lot of pressure on me to be a hero, but sometimes he was the only one there for me. He's such a good dad. Better than my real dad."

It wasn't that her father was a bad guy, not really. He just never sided with Minako, always with her mother, even if they both knew she was wrong.

'Mine too,' Rei thought.

"Hey. I never asked, but like does that make Luna and Diana your family?"

"Nah. Well, maybe. I dunno. It'd be like, I'm on a date like tonight." She paused. It still sounded funny. "And they ask about my family and I'm like, oh you know me, my little sister is a space kitten from the future. She's technically not even born yet." She snorted. "It's complicated."

Rei added, "She's purple and can talk. It's fine."

She was thrilled that they had ended up in the park. She could finally relax. Her face felt less hot now. It was nice to be away from the noise of the other people and sounds of the espresso machine and clank of little cups. It was so quiet, alone and late at night.

To her delight, she spotted a strong looking tree and decided this was as good as any to try to climb, the lowest sturdy branch just higher than her shoulders. She was having an amazing night. Minako looked so gorgeous and they kept making each other laugh. It was nice to get out of the shrine now and again. Rei sighed happily to herself. She thought it might just be the liquor, but god, they were both so relaxed.

She remembered how much they had to drink. 'Ugh, those drinks really set me back.' She grinned to herself. It was well worth it. She realized her wallet was starting to slide out of her pocket, so she moved it to her coat pocket and zipped it tight.

She stumbled a little, noticing her balance was slightly off. Nevertheless, she managed to wiggle her way up the trunk with the balled up fabric of her jacket under her arm and swung one of her feet over the branch and hoisted herself up. It was harder than she remembered, but she had never tried to climb a tree while drunk before either.

Minako thought it looked like fun, so she tried scrambled up the side after her, but her heels slipped, unable to get good traction. She tried again barefoot, but Rei only laughed at her. She whined, "But Rei, the bark is so rough it's hurting my feet." She exaggerated a disappointed pout while looking up at Rei. She had scraped her shin a little too.

"Good! Go get your own tree, this one's taken." Rei stuck her tongue out at the other girl, before reaching down to help pull her up.

"Thanks." Mina hauled herself onto the branch and leaned her head on Rei's shoulder. She sighed, resting against her warm skin.

Rei noticed immediately how close Mina's body was pressed against her. Normally she would have had to stop herself from snapping, 'Why are you sitting so close to me?' She usually resorted to trying to deflect attention and put up another wall. Tonight she didn't need to. She reminded herself it was a date, it wasn't a big branch, and it was really ... nice.

She couldn't remember the last time she had been this happy. Her face actually hurt a little from how much she had smiled since they'd left the cafe. If they were going to sit so close together, that was a good thing.

"Oh no," Mina whined, startling Rei who had been deep in thought.

"What?"

She felt embarrassed now. "It's nothing. I just, I'm just... I was thinking about how I sorta feel a little less drunk already. I wish we had some more drinks."

Rei was still very much feeling the effects of her drinks, but she thought for a second. "Liquor store's closed and they'd definitely want to see our I.D." They had been lucky at the cafe.

Mina got a wild look on her face. "Y'know there's more booze at my place." Mina locked eyes with Rei while she said it. She smirked as she remembered that, as it so happened, her bed was there too. She blushed, wondering if Rei had heard any of her thoughts tonight.

"Maybe. But I wanna stay up here for a little longer, though." Their legs dangled and they kicked their feet. Mina playfully nudged Rei's ankle with her bare foot. "It's nice up here."

Mina agreed. "Must be how Mako-chan sees the world all the time." She laughed.

Something didn't feel quite right. Rei shifted uncomfortably, before realizing what had happened. "Dammit!" she grumbled.

"What's wrong?" Mina asked.

"This is why I should never try to do anything nice. I wrecked everything." She fumed, cursing under her own breath.

"C'mon Rei, whatever it is, we can fix it." Mina's sunny smile calmed Rei down, but she was clearly still worried. "I mean it. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad, can it?" Mina put her hand on Rei's thigh before blushing.

"I guess not."

"So then what 'nice thing' did you do and how is it ruined?"

"I got us dessert."

"We just had dessert!"

"You're the one who said you're always starving like ten minutes later."

Mina giggled. It was true. She was already sort of hungry again. "Okay, so how did you ruin it?"

"I was carrying the box in a bag under my coat, so it would be a surprise and, uh, well..." Rei gestured with her hands.

Mina wasn't getting it. "Well?"

Rei looked very serious. "I-I'm sitting on my coat." She gestured beneath her.

Mina snorted, doing her best to hold back a laugh, "Maybe it's still okay. Let me get it." Rei sat up, reached a higher limb and steadied herself while Mina pulled her coat from under her, "It's just like the ol' tablecloth trick, but instead of breakin' dishes you might fall seven feet onto your head." She laughed.

Rei worried about getting the icing off her coat. Could it be put in the wash or was it dry clean only? She couldn't read the tiny tag in the dark anyway. She assessed the damage before showing Mina the box. The lid was pressed down and a corner folded in on itself. "Well see, there was supposed to be six, or four? I forget. It Doesn't matter. I guess there's just one big, flat one now."

Minako shrugged it off, "That's okay. I mean, they're still in the box! Usagi would probably eat it even if it fell out of the tree, rolled onto the ground, and she had to fight a squirrel for it." Bun-head eating buns from under some buns. Classic.

"I didn't screw up?"

"Nah." She shook her head while tearing off a chunk of the soft, gooey pastry.

Relieved, Rei suggested, "You want to get out of this tree and sit on one of those benches?"

"Mmm, god," Mina spoke with her mouth half full. "No way. I take it back. You do plan fun dates."

Rei was puzzled. "I do?" She was still worried about the pastries.  
  
"Yeah! I've never had surprise dessert after having dessert for dinner, or a moonlit picnic in a tree before."

"It's all squished. Is it gross?"

Mina answered thoughtfully, "No, but a good girl like you wouldn't like them." Seductively, she licked the sweet frosting off her fingertips.

"N-No? Why not?" Rei's voice was full of ache and anticipation.

"I mean, they're incredible, but I dunno if they're worth the eternal damnation." She paused dramatically before she whispered, "I think they're SIN-namon buns."

Rei rolled her eyes and tried not to laugh. "I'll take my chances."

Mina popped a bit of doughy sugary goodness into Rei's mouth.

"Oh wow."

"It's good, right?"

"Mhm!" She had moaned a little and blushed immediately after. It hadn't gone unheard by the other girl. Minako's mind raced. If Rei was any other girl she'd know how the night would end.

She surprised herself realizing she didn't want the night to end. Everything had been so perfect. Too perfect. She felt like it was one of those fairy tales where the spell would be broken at midnight, and it had already been after twelve when they had left the restaurant.

She ate another cinnamon bun and rested her head against Rei. It was a comfortable silence. Her hand was touching Rei's hand. Why was she so nervous? She went on dates all the time and didn't think twice about having sex. If she wanted to, she would. So why was she so worried about holding Rei's hand tonight?

She hadn't even really tried to kiss her, though she'd thought about it all through their fancy drinks. She had planned to the second they had gone outside, but somehow they'd ended up on this branch instead. Lost deep in her thoughts, her mind taunted her, 'Minako and Rei sittin' in a tree. So why aren't we k-i-s-s-i-n-g? Figures tonight would be the one time Rei wasn't accidentally reading my mind.'

"Reiko, do you want the last bite?" she offered.

Rei accepted, then used the liquid courage still in her veins to ask, "Did you mean it when you called me a good girl?" She wondered if Mina thought of her as a helpless prude, or if she knew that the pet name sent shivers down her spine.

Mina cupped Rei's cheek. "The best."

Unexpectedly, Rei hopped out of the tree. "Mina, we gotta go."

"Why?" Then she heard it -- people screaming. Suddenly she saw why. "Shit." She felt woozy trying to get down. "I, uh. We can't do this alone." She saw Rei fumbling with her communicator on the grass. "Green one!" She hopped down and took back the device.

"Mako!" She called, forgetting to use her codename.

"Hey," Makoto answered. "I thought you were staying at the temple tonight?"

Mina was relieved to hear the familiar husky voice. She still sounded wide awake.

"Change of plans. We went out and kind of drank," Rei confessed.

They heard a quiet voice full of concern. "Oh dear."

Instantly recognizing it, Rei got excited. "Hey is Ami there? HI AMI!"

"LOVE YA AMI!" Minako shouted.

"So, what's up?" Makoto was trying to steer the conversation away from why she was still at the blue-haired genius' home after one in the morning.

"We, um, I. What's, like, the opposite of a hedgehog?" Mina asked.

"I'm sorry what?" Ami asked, clearly confused by the question.

Makoto had played this game before, so she explained, "I know how drunk Mina functions. She just means something similar, I think. Um, a PORCUPINE!"

"No!" Mina shouted. Makoto thought she heard something else, but couldn't be sure.

"A fox! Tails from the sonic game!" Ami tried this time.

"No!" They were still wrong.

Makoto spoke up, "Actually they just call him Tails, his actual name is Miles Prower, a play off of miles per hour." Ami's glare was practically audible through the communicator. "What? I always read the instruction manuals that come with games!"

A more coherent hint came to Mina. "The red one!"

There was that noise again. That time she definitely heard it. "What's that screaming?" Makoto asked.

"More ant-eater looking!" Rei added helpfully.

"Knuckles!" Mako knew she had gotten it.

"OHH! Yes! An enchilada!" Mina answered.

"An ECHIDNA!!!" Ami corrected.

"YES! THANK YOU! T-That was driving me crazy!!! Anyway, there's, like, a youma, a giant echidna-looking one outside the zoo terrorizing civilians." She probably should have lead with that.

"Fuck. We're on our way." It wasn't that far, but anything could happen in the fifteen minutes or so it would take them to get there, and they had already wasted too much time playing Minako's inane game.

"Bring booze!" Disappointedly, Mina realized they had already been disconnected.  
  
\--

Makoto quickly checked that the stove was off with a defeated sigh and Ami locked up behind her. They tried to just walk briskly to the street corner in order to not draw attention to themselves, and to lead any stray youma away from the condo before transforming into Jupiter and Mercury, then they ran their way to the zoo.


	10. You Zoos You Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So where we left off: Rei and Minako have had their pretend date crashed by some spikey monster and they were too drunk to fight it alone so they called for Makoto and Ami to come fight-- which sucked because it seemed like they were slowly moving towards telling each other something important? AND NOW-- They are going to fight this thing and explore the friggin' zoo!!!  
> Senshi + animals!!! What kinds of trouble will they get into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! Guys, I'm so sorry. I didn't have a computer for nearly four months. First, I thought it was my hard drive initially and thought I lost everything. I waited for it to be fixed, it worked long enough to back up my files, then the motherboard completely died. I had just spent a few hundred on all that and the promise of new parts coming and they couldn't find anything compatible, then I had to save up to buy a whole new laptop. It was an endless winter here, snow all the way until May. My seasonal depression and regular depression collided big time. I have just had lots of other things going on, but hopefully this chapter is long enough to make up for my absence. Thank you so much for your patience. I hope everyone is well, and I have not forgotten about you.

Mercury and Jupiter made much better time than they thought they would. At one point, after running a few blocks, they hitched a ride by clinging to the back of a subway car that was headed the general direction of the parks. If Ami was right, which she almost always was, then it would probably be the last train of the night.

 

The late-night onlookers gasped, expecting the monsters to be close. Makoto grimaced, trying to force a smile and put on a brave face for the worried passengers, though she was distracted by the constant grinding of the train against the tracks. The rumbling was so much louder outside of the cars. 

 

They gripped the metal bars tightly. Ami braced, shielded securely against Makoto's entire frame. Ami was talking, but Mako strained to hear and only caught about every third word. She was more focused on ignoring the excessive noise and keeping them both upright. 

 

The girls were long gone by the time the conductor stopped the train to investigate. They ran toward the park, just hoping they could get there in time.

 

When Mercury and Jupiter arrived, there were at least four, maybe five, unconscious people at the park. It was dark, and they couldn't tell for certain -- the shapes and shadows had been obscured by all the shrubbery. Ami would need to scan the area to really be sure. More than anything she wanted to run over to them and check their vitals, but the look of urgency on Mako's face told her there really wasn't time. 

 

It was so hard to know what was the right thing to do when it was just the two of them. Mina was the leader, Rei and Usagi both technically outranked them, and while it was clear that the outer senshi had a tendency to work alone, they always did seem to go in with a plan. When Mercury and Jupiter were left to their own devices, they tried their best to just do what they usually did. Ami was the brains, Makoto was the brawn. That's how it was always meant to be. Jupiter was more than happy to go along with all of Mercury's plans, but sometimes, on the rare nights like this when it was down to a judgement call, neither wanted to take the lead.

 

In an attempt to reassure Ami, Makoto finally said, "Look, they probably just had their energy sapped. If we get to the source that's taking it in time, they'll get it back, right?" 

 

Ami nodded. That was perfectly logical and was always how things had worked before. She was putting on a brave face, but Makoto could sense that this was really bothering her.

 

Makoto continued, though as adrenaline coursed through her veins, she bounced impatiently, "But, I mean, if you're really worried, check it out." Ami lit up. "Fast though! I've gotta find the girls!"

 

"Right!" 

 

"Be safe." She grasped her hand before she took off. Although this did seem like the best option, she felt so guilty leaving Ami alone. 

 

Mercury squeezed her hand back. "I will."

 

"I mean it." Their hands made lingering contact, before breaking away.

 

"I mean it, too. I'll be out in five. Promise." They both knew she was majorly lowballing. She planned to be out of there in three minutes tops.  

 

Makoto made her way further through the park to the other girls. She could hear the other senshi and all of the 'Hyah' and 'Grargh' that accompanied their fights, the clangour of Venusian metal striking, the sounds of combusting Martian flames drawing in more and more oxygen, set to explode in a blazing inferno, as well as the unmistakable low growl of some new threat.

 

Venus flailed her love-me-chain wildly, hoping she'd hit her target if she broadened her range. She had blinded it with the bright flash of her crescent beam once and switched to "Furious Random Crescent Beam Shots," so that it could no longer navigate its way to safety. Rei would have complained that it wasn't a real attack, but she had used it before with some degree of success.

 

Venus had things mostly under control. She was faring much better than the still-inebriated Mars, whose normally very precise fire-soul had missed the fast-moving creature and had evidently scorched the ground beside it quite a few times. 

 

Another stray fireball sailed past. Rei's balance, ergo overall accuracy, had been severely compromised. To her credit, whether or not her aim was off, the thing didn't exactly make itself easy to hit.

 

Makoto ran over and called out, "Mars, what are we looking at here?" in hopes that their second-in-command would brief her.

 

"Uh, that thing we said it was." Not remembering the word 'echidna,' Rei quietly slurred, "Look, I'm still a little drunk. It's throwing eggs and then turning into a ... a thing! I hate it."  

 

"Okay, but do we know what it is?" Jupiter asked. "Was it ever human? I need to know if we should call Sailor Moon. Do we need to use the crystal?"

 

Venus yelled back, "I think we can just kill this one. Where's Mercury?"

 

"Checking on some civilians," Makoto answered over her shoulder, before yelling out, "SUPREME THUNDERRR CRRRAAASHH!" This seemed to completely stun the creature. She geared up to hit it again, but it had quickly anticipated her next attack and burrowed beneath the ground to protect itself, its thorny backside disappearing into the soil.

 

When it resurfaced, Minako was ready for it. "Listen here, you, uh, you rodent, or um, marsupial or whatever you are--" She posed dynamically. Crossing her arms and pointing at it, she announced dramatically, "Your reign of terror is over!" Venus hit it with another beam of light, and it let out a piercing shriek. 

 

"Don't you mean RAIN of terror?" A small voice behind her spoke while hitting it with an icy blast of water.

 

"Ami!" Mina gushed, thrilled to see her. 

 

"And for the record, it is actually a monotreme, an egg-laying mammal like a platypus."

 

"God, you're so smart!" Jupiter would have just about swooned if she hadn't been so focused on her target.

 

"A porcupine is a large rodent, a hedgehog is more closely related to moles. Still, good call on it being photosensitive!" She applauded Minako's crescent beam attacks.

 

"Photosensitive? If I was that ugly--" Mina paused, when she suddenly found herself in-stereo with Rei's voice chiming in, "I wouldn't want my picture taken either!!!" They finished in unison, laughing. 

 

Mina was unsure if it was just such an obvious joke or if Mars' control on her psychic powers had slipped for a moment. Whatever had happened, the blonde could only laugh alongside Rei, as she slapped her hands against her thighs.

 

Jupiter shook her head, still watching the beast tear up the park. A long stretch of the concrete pathway was cracked, and the lawn was ripped apart with upturned of soil and big clumps of dirt with grass still attached. "Mars says it's been throwing eggs and turning itself into that, uh, spike ball, I guess?"

 

"It's REALLY fast. We gotta get it soon. Think it's going to shoot those spikes?" Rei had obviously sensed something but hadn't quite been confident enough in her reading to tell.

 

"What echidna have are actually spines. Most quilled animals cannot shoot their quills, but rather, the quills dislodge upon contact," Ami pontificated to no one in particular. "So, in other words, don't touch it directly." 

 

Makoto had already looked like she was thinking about kicking it if her other attacks didn't work soon. She forced herself to take a step back.

 

"Fire only works if you actually hit it; we've mostly just blinded and confused it," Rei did her best to explain.

 

"Fuck, we need a real plan." Mina hung her head sadly. With her second-in-command incapacitated, she knew that so far their best decision had been calling in reinforcements. "A good leader knows when to ask for help, so, uh, what've you got?" 

 

Ami thought for a moment while tapping buttons on her Mercury computer. "If everyone agrees, then on my cue -- Jupiter, make the ground rumble and lure it out. Mars, you make a ring of fire surrounding the perimeter wherever it emerges so it'll be in one place, and I'll try to freeze it at the same time that Venus tries to wrap it in her chains."

 

Everyone nodded. 

 

She monitored the heat signature on her screen, mapping its movement. The next time it was spotted above ground, Ami yelled, "Jupiter, go!" The loud roars of thunder shook the still quaking ground, disabling the monster. "Mars, go!" A ring of fire secured the area and she brought the flames in closer to trap it. Distressed, the youma retaliated and hit Makoto with a barrage of yellow, rugby ball-sized eggs. 

 

The first was a complete surprise and hit her hard in the face. Another hit her shoulder. She was able to block the third and fourth. Ami contemplated remarking that actual echidna only lay one egg at a time, but sensing the urgency, just yelled, "Venus,  go!" as transparent blue ice and shiny metal chains locked it in place. 

 

The eggs that had cracked on the nearby ground let out a foul stench. The others were coughing, the smell alone making their eyes burn and begin to water. Mercury's attention was split between scanning the area for a reading of the noxious fumes and worrying about Makoto's injuries.

 

"Maybe hit its stupid nose," Makoto shouted a suggestion, the thought that came to her as she nursed her own swollen beak. "That's how you stop a wild animal, right?" She choked a little, still breathing in the putrid air.

 

Hearing this, Minako manipulated her Venusian metal into a razor sharp blade and took a swing at its face.

 

The tip of its hideous snout hit the ground. It screamed in agony, and proving Ami wrong, shot quills in every direction, desperately trying to tear itself from the block of ice, its thick orange blood oozing, coating the torn flesh of its frozen ankles (if such a creature even had ankles). The acidic sludge was burning the ground around them.

 

Venus caught the brunt of the attack. The second wave of its projectiles was blocked by Mercury's newly formed ice shield. In a flash, Jupiter took it upon herself to weaponize its own spines, and shoved the largest deep into its skull. It stopped screaming. It stopped doing anything. A moment later it turned to dust.

 

"Little help?" Venus asked, trying to pull the sharp barbs from her wrist. She winced; they had hooked deep under her skin. 

 

Mercury glanced at Jupiter's swollen features. "I'm fine," Mako assured her. "Go help Venus first."

 

Once she was finished treating Venus, Mercury turned back towards Jupiter, computer in hand. She was all set to scan the taller girl's face when Jupiter stopped her.

 

"Oh, I'm feeling better now anyway. My nose just kinda squished this time, it didn't crunch." After all of the damage Jupiter had endured, and trauma she had sustained over the years, Mako more than understood what would heal on its own and what needed a little extra care. 

 

Any bruising had already started fading. Still, Ami wanted to check her injuries manually. She ran her index fingers along the bridge of Mako's nose. She poked at it. Wiggled the tip. She had to force herself to keep a stoic expression when the other girl admitted that it tickled.

 

"See? I'm fine, but uhh..."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Can you hose me off?" In the dim lighting, Mercury could see Jupiter's gloves had been soiled with the creature's sickly oozing blood. It was even on her boots. "N-Not too cold though, and try not to get my hair wet." Makoto braced, trying to ready herself for the icy blast. "It'll take all night to dry, and I won't be able to fall asleep."

 

"I know!" Rei and Mina, who were listening in, laughed. "She is SUCH a girl!" 

 

Deflecting, Mako asked, "So what has you two so full of beans?"

 

"It's probably the coffee beans," Mina answered, with a bounce.

 

"And the cocoa beans." 

 

"And the vanilla beans."

 

"And the--" Rei shrugged; she couldn't name any more beans. "Probably some soybeans in there somewhere?" 

 

"You forgot all the boozy beans!" 

 

"While you can ferment beans like you do with natto, I highly doubt that you got drunk off of any beans tonight Mina. You know that it's primarily grains, corn, grapes and other fruits, and potatoes in cases like vodka." Suddenly feeling like a complete buzzkill, in a literal sense, Ami asked, "Do you know the etymology of 'full of beans'?" Sometimes when she worried that she was coming off as condescending, she would try to lighten the mood with what she considered fun little tidbits of trivia facts.

 

Makoto answered proudly, "Because they have a bug inside!" She was clearly, very happy with herself for actually knowing something.

 

"Well, yes and no, it's actually a seed, not a bean and not just any bug, but rather a moth larva. What you're thinking of are Mexican Jumping beans. The expression 'full of beans' comes from--"

 

Venus chimed in with, "An old fart joke, probably. Is it Shakespeare? Maybe Chaucer?" 

 

"Well, it was first used in the 1800s back when the primary diet of horses consisted mainly, or, heh, MANEly, I should say, of beans. It was then used to describe someone energetic or lively."

 

Rei reasoned, "Same as feeling your oats, probably." 

 

"Yes, but that would come later, when the horses' diets changed."

 

Once Mercury had Jupiter all cleaned up, they all turned to stare at Venus, patiently waiting for her to speak. 

 

"Oh my god, you need orders?" Mina stared at the lost girls.

 

Mako nodded, "Yeah, what's the plan?" 

 

"Okay, you and Mars go check the area, okay?"

 

"For what?"

 

"I don't know?" Their leader sighed, exasperated. "Things that seem out of place? We'll meet you when we're done."

 

Mars and Jupiter wandered by the benches, making sure that there were no more injured civilians. Ami seemed to have tended to any she had passed on the way in. They walked slowly, having a hard time focusing.

 

"Mars, use your psychic powers. Is anything, uh, wrong?"

 

She sighed. "I'm drunk, so sort of, but also sort of not. I-I don't know." She had planned on staying quiet so that she didn't risk saying anything embarrassing, but she already had to change her plans a few times tonight.

 

"Uh oh, trouble in paradise?" Jupiter grinned. "So what exactly were you love birds doing out so late?"

 

Mars' eyes went wide. She gasped, "Did she tell you we were on a date?"

 

"So you are?" Jupiter laughed. "I kinda just guessed."

 

"Oh."

 

"Look, she's gonna tell me tomorrow anyway."

 

"Hwahrr Hwrahw!" They heard something in the distance.

 

"Okay, so uh, we ate cake and got drunk, and I wore a bowtie. Her dress was cut right up the hip." She bit her lip. 

 

"The orangey one she bought earlier? With the little strappy things?" 

 

"Yeah! Well, she called it golden marigold, but yeah, it's orange. And we climbed a big tree and we-- I-I THINK I sense a disturbance though."

 

"HWRAWHAW HRAWWHH!!!"

 

"Me too, what the fuck is that noise?"

 

"The zoo." 

 

Sure enough, after following the pathway, they found themselves outside a side-gate to the zoo.

 

"Well, I need it to stop. Now."

 

Makoto pulled at the heavy chain on the door, breaking apart the links. The bits of metal fell with a clink against the concrete.

 

As they ventured in deeper, they saw the cages were full of animals who seemed to understand that just moments before there had been monsters and thunder without rain and other unnatural things.

 

"They're so scared, they don't understand." Rei tried to get a read on the area. Though animal emotions were much more basic, it seemed that the most primal fears were universal.

 

"Poor guys. God, they're so loud." The sound was really getting to Makoto. She checked the bars for the easiest way in. "I want to get in there with them."

 

"No no no no, you'll stress them out worse!" Rei shook her head.

 

A small voice behind them scolded, "This is not a good idea." It seemed that Ami and Minako had followed them in.

 

"I need this noise to stop. If I have to punch the alpha I will!"

 

"Nooo! Don't punch any monkeys!" Mina pouted.

 

"What are you going to do?" Ami's eyes were still searching her face for a hint of the direction she would take. "I mean, you can be a very grounding presence." 

 

Jupiter shrugged. "Coconut cyclone?" 

 

"No! They're electrically charged, that's even worse." A voice argued.

 

"Well god Mina, I'm sure she'll give them a not electric one," Rei huffed. 

 

'Guess date nights over,' Mina thought to herself, sadly.

 

Mercury got past the electric lock, while Venus made herself a lockpick and went to work.

 

"I guess just blast them with cold water if they really come at me," Jupiter said nervously, preparing to go in. The monkeys were watching them now. They were used to lots of people on the outside of their cage, but they also knew these girls weren't their every day handlers.

 

Once inside the primate habitat, Jupiter whispered, "Coconut cyclone." There was none of the oomph she normally put behind it. Instead, she took the coconuts that fell at her feet and she smashed one against the bars, cracking it open. She repeated the process half a dozen more times or so and approached the animals.

 

"Hey guy," she addressed the large male who had been making the most noise, setting off the smaller ones. "You guys are okay." She split the white meaty portions of the coconut from the coir, the rough fibrous husks, the best she could. She looked at the mess on the concrete and decided it wouldn't matter. She scattered chunks of coconut, tossing them to each animal, not wanting any to miss out. She tossed two pieces at a smaller monkey, afraid it would get bullied and lose its chance at a snack.

 

They watched her, and it did seem quieter already. Other species of monkeys seemed to be taking their cues from these howler monkeys. Even the bird exhibit seemed to be settling down and going back to sleep.

 

"I can't believe we broke into the zoo!" Mercury mumbled defensively. "I mean, I didn't, of course, but we're still in here!" 

 

Venus laughed and said, "Uh, so, we can bypass electronic locks and I'm an expert lockpick. Even if there are security cameras, no one knows our identities. We could probably have a bit of fun tonight."

 

"We shouldn't be here," Ami fretted nervously, putting a white-gloved fingertip to her mouth, her teeth unable to get to the nail through the Kevlar-like material. "We could get in so much trouble!"  

 

"Nah," Jupiter grinned, having let herself out of the primate enclosure. "Well, not with you as our tour guide." The truth was, she wanted to do this much as the other two. "We can't possibly get in trouble if we're busy learning, right?"

 

Venus playfully nudged the brilliant blue-haired Mercurian and added in a sing-songy voice, "YoOoU CaAaN SpEEAk LAaTin!" 

 

"Well, I do like to brush up on my names of all of the different genera, which is the correct plural of genus, not to be confused with genre. But we still shouldn't be here!" 

 

"What if we only do the really cool stuff. We each pick one or two things and then bail," Venus offered. "What does everybody think of that?" 

 

  
Ami paused to think, still debating whether breaking in any further would be alright. They were this far into the zoo already and had already broken into one habitat. Maybe if they just stayed out of the rest it would be okay. With the group agreeing to continue, the girls circled around towards the front of the zoo to begin their late night explorations.

 

  
  


They walked past the entrance-way full of picnic tables and ticket booths, and they really noticed how quiet Mars had been. 

 

"Iwannacuddlakoala," she mumbled faintly.

 

"What was that, Rei?" Venus asked, wondering if she'd heard what she thought she had. "Speak up."

 

"I. Want. To. Cuddle. A. Koala!" Rei over-enunciated. 

 

Mina giggled, "Then it's settled! Mercury lead the way!"

 

Ami began, "Well, for starters, this zoological garden opened back in 1882..." She led the group toward their next exhibit.

 

\---

 

"Oh look, horsies!" Mina called out. That unmistakable scent of hay filled the spring air. 

 

"Oh my god, they're all so beautiful. It's like they escaped from a carousel or something!" Mina said, barely containing her enthusiasm. 

 

"You mean circus," Rei needlessly corrected.

 

"No." Minako shook her head, insulted. "I really don't." 

 

Jupiter was walking alongside Mercury, who was still cautiously scanning the area. On her small screen there were only their four little blips of humanoid activity in the area, which meant that there weren't any security guards or police on their way. That was one good thing at least. 

 

Venus rushed toward the gate and tried to call the horses over. "Nako nako! C'MEEERE HORSE! Nak Nak Nak," she tried to drunkenly nicker at the beasts. "'MERE HORSE!"

 

"Mina, in what universe does a horse even sound like that?" the Martian rolled her eyes.

 

"Shut up, like you can even do a better one?" 

 

"Kupii?" Rei made a strange noise in the general direction of the horses, cocking her head to the side. 

 

Makoto butted in. "No! A horse is more like ppprrrrrbbbbthhhh!" And she swung her head back to get her own mane of hair out of her eyes. She was mortified when she realized that, in imitating their snort, she had probably let spit fly at the other girls.

 

Mercury rolled her eyes. "I guess no one just says 'neigh' anymore?"

 

"All opposed? Nay," Rei said dryly.

 

"Whatever. I still want to see them." 

 

Jupiter was an unstoppable force of nature. Before Mercury could protest, she had already climbed the fence and let herself into the penned off area of the stables enclosure. She looked around and picked up some hay from a nearby trough, and softly clicked her tongue at the least skittish member of the herd. It made its way over, ears perked. The tall girl must have seemed very interesting. 

 

She turned her back, hoping that it would keep Ami from telling her that horses needed to be fed 'with a flat hand, palm turned up.' There was at least a foot's worth of space between her fingers and the long face; she knew what she was doing. 

 

A few uneasy horses backed away quickly. 

 

"Guess, they're full of beans," Mina said pointedly.

 

"No, no they're feeling their oats, remember?" laughed Rei. 

 

Ami wasn't sure what to think. She was hardly thinking at all as she watched Makoto. She watched her sweep her bangs out of her eyes. 

 

Makoto moved slowly and stroked the blaze of white on the horse's forehead and mumbled to him in a low gentle voice the other senshi couldn't hear. "That's a good horse. You're just gorgeous, aren't you?"

 

Soon, the rest of the horses had come to see what all the fuss was about. She stood next to her new friend and grabbed some more hay for the other horses. She led them over to the side of the fence where the girls were still standing, before hopping over with the handful of straw grasped tightly in her fist. She offered it to Sailor Venus. 

 

"You wanna feed him?"

 

"Uh, yeah!" she answered, only feigning her hesitation. 

 

"Hold it right at the very bottom okay? He's just a big sweetheart."

 

"Way to not get trampled." As usual Rei's approval was veiled behind a brash, back-handed comment.

 

"Way to keep Mina from spooking them with her dumb noises." Mako clapped Rei on the shoulder.

 

Venus rushed over giggling. "He likes me! Did you see? Did you see? He ate right out of my hand!" 

 

"Mmhm, we saw," Jupiter said sounding almost as proud as she was.

 

"Hell, he was taller than I am! What is he like five foot five?" Mina was astonished. 

 

"You technically are supposed to measure horses in hands, not feet. So, in hands, he would be about... fifteen hands or about five feet," said Mercury. 

 

"Nuh uh! It was way taller than me," she argued.

 

"Yes, but you measure from the withers, the--" 

 

"Necky-shoulder area, not the top of the head." She was quiet for a moment, before suddenly wearing a devilish grin. "Hey... I know something they measure in fingers."

 

"M-Mina please." Rei hid her face. "Can't we go five seconds without yo--" 

 

"OH!" Makoto interrupted. "I know!"

 

"Ugh," Rei grunted. "Really. You too?"

 

"Yeah, whiskey, right?" Makoto answered confidently. "Works out to about an inch." 

 

Ami could only nod, still looking on as Rei tried to deny her humiliation. 

 

Minako lamented, "I kinda grew up on spaghetti westerns. I always wanted to be a cowgirl you know?" 

 

"Yeah?" Rei asked sweetly.

 

"Yeah!" She smirked. "Well, I mean, I always wanted an excuse to wear assless chaps."

 

Mars's face went as red as the skirt she was wearing.

 

Ami, unfazed, just said, "Actually, that statement is redundant since all chaps are assless. That's sort of what keeps them from being pants."

 

"Good point."

 

"Mako, you know, you, uh, you looked like a princess out there." Ami laughed as a faint blush spread across her cheeks. "I mean, you are, we all are, sort of, but wow."

 

Venus had been watching the genius's attempt at flirting and was genuinely amazed that although Ami stammered, it was more than she would've been able to say even a year before. 

 

Jupiter could only smile.

 

The goddess of love giggled behind her hand as Mercury somehow forced herself to keep going. "Not to mention how good you were with those howler monkeys."

 

"Aw, they're not so bad. They were scared and just needed to trust me a little, that's all."

 

"Yeah, how'd you know so much about horses anyway?" Mina asked.

 

"I don't." Hair bristled on the back of Makoto's neck, and she tried to rub away the itchy feeling. "Well, not really anyway."

 

"You seemed to." 

 

"You'll just laugh at me."

 

"I won't."

 

"Me neither."

 

"I'll only laugh if it's REALLY funny, okay?" 

 

"I'm serious." 

 

"We won't."

 

"There was a girl at my old school who had all these pictures of horses in her locker. Lame, right? But she was like thirteen, so whatever."

 

"Ooh! I love stories about your mysterious past."

 

Makoto made an exasperated face and continued, "And I didn't know anyone yet, so just trying to be friendly, I was like, 'Oh an Arabian horse, cool,' and started to walk away to my next class right? And she actually caught up with me, all 'You like horses?' And I was like, 'Um, well, sort of?' She asked if I rode, I said I used to, which was sort of true, and then the bell rang."

 

"What's sort of true mean?"

 

"Ugggghhhh, okay so, I was really, really into those pony club books."

 

"No way! Me too. I had the whole set!"

 

"Yeah, I was collecting them. I think I had like the first twenty or something? Anyway, my parents let me go to a two-week horse camp."

 

"A sleep-away camp?" Venus gasped. "Baby me is so jealous!"

 

Mako let out a sigh. "No, it was maybe five hours a day for like eight days, but if you'd asked me, I had done it the entire summer, right? And then this terrible thing happened."

 

"You fell off into poop? No! It's gotta be worse right? The rich girls were mean to you?"

 

"Yeah, kinda, but not that."

 

"Oh no, the riding helmet didn't fit your giant head?"

 

"It didn't really, but fuck, Mina, this isn't a guessing game--" 

 

"Sorry."

 

"They told me I was too big for my age group, especially since it turned out that they actually weren't even real horses, just, like, big ponies."

 

"Oh my god, did the pony die when you sat on it and they had to cancel the whole camp?"

 

"No, they just told me the best jockeys are usually small, and I wasn't even done growing yet, not by a long shot, and I was already too big. And that they didn't have a horse for me to ride, and the other girls thought I was stupid or scared or something and kept asking if I had ridden yet and everyone, myself included, was making up reasons why I hadn't and, I dunno, I got to ride one of the real horses eventually, but they had to lead him around on a big, dumb horse leash, and it wasn't like riding at all. It just kind of shattered that dream for me, and then I had bigger problems, you know?"

 

There was an awkward silence.

 

"But the girl thought you were this real badass frontiers-woman?"

 

"Yeah, sorta."

 

 "So, then what happened?"

 

"I dunno. I didn't see her for a while, then some guys were picking on her. They took her book, and I guess I kinda looked through it once I got it back for her. She trusted my 'equine expertise' as she called it."

 

A thought dawned on Rei. "Oh wait. Is this friend kinda super famous now? It's Tomoko isn't it?"

 

"Yeah, she, uh, she got too famous to talk to me. It's okay, I-I mean," she stuttered. "Uh. So, I couldn't tell you then, obviously, but um, I guess I had a big crush on her. We fooled around once. Then I got kicked out of school for fighting, and I was pretty afraid of my feelings for her, so I kinda left without saying goodbye. I guess her talking to me was just to rub how well she was doing in my face a little, or to see if I was still into her. I-I dunno." She rubbed her neck; that itchy feeling was back.

 

Mina tried to give her an easy out and interrupted that thought with, "Holy shit! That turtle is huge!" 

 

"Tortoise, actually," Ami corrected. She didn't especially want to hear about yet another one of Mako's ex-lovers.

 

"Wouldn't Motoki like to see this," Mako said with a laugh. "He loves turtles, you know."

 

"Tortoise," Ami repeated.

 

"I bet this one's older than Gramps." 

 

"This one seems to be well over four-hundred pounds and about one-hundred years old," Ami explained, quickly reading the placard. She was always happiest sharing the things she had learned with others. Tonight, it helped to keep her mind off the several crimes committed so far: breaking and entering, trespassing and underaged drinking, just to name a few. She scanned the area again before asking, "So, next up is the chevrotain. Any guesses on what kind of animal that is?" 

 

"That's a goat, right?" Mina guessed. "A pygmy goat?"

 

"It's not a goat, although the name would suggest that it should be, as it is French for 'little goat.' I'm actually very impressed that you knew that, but it's a small mammal also known as the mouse deer." 

 

Rei imitated Ami, "It's not actually a deer or a mouse, and not to be confused with the deer mouse." 

 

"Exactly right, Mars." It was unclear whether Ami was purposely ignoring her sass or had missed it entirely. 

 

Makoto furrowed her brow. "So, then which is it, a rodent or an ungulot?" 

 

"Ungulate."

 

"Is that what it is, or are you correcting how I said it?" Mako asked.

 

"Both," Ami said with a smile. "Come see." She scooped up one tiny creature in her hands.

 

"Holy shit! Is that a baby?"

 

"No, it's fully grown." She gestured to an impossibly small deer. "THAT'S the baby."

 

The girls squealed as quietly as they could, afraid that the noise would scare or deafen the poor things. 

 

"How does this even exist?" Rei asked, perplexed. It was only about the size of a guinea pig.

 

"Well, it belongs to the descendants of a species that was around 34 million years ago, and according to most zoological research, scientists believe...  that you're a heartless monster if you don't think these tiny babies are utterly adorable!"

 

"I love them so much! Do you think anyone would notice if one went missing?" Minako asked innocently.

 

"YES!" the other three shouted in unison.

 

Makoto scolded, "What did I tell you about NOT making me regret my decision to vote along with you guys? We're not even supposed to be here! If we get caught or upset Ami in any way, then I'm going to pick my teeth with your bones. Got it?"

 

Ami smiled as the other girls complied. Makoto was always so protective of her but had known deep down that Ami loved the zoo, too, and they'd probably never have another chance to do something like this. Youma usually focused on people, not animals. 

 

Giving up her dreams of taking home a baby mouse deer, Mina prodded, "Ami, you never told us what you wanted to see."

 

"Oh, I mean, I've already had such a busy night."

 

"I know you're worried we're going to get arrested or something, but we're already in this far, right? There's nothing you want to see?"

 

She glanced at her device again. "Hm, well if we're already breaking the law, maybe we could go to the Winter Wonderland exhibit?" 

 

"You wanna see penguins?"

 

She nodded. "And Vulpes Lagopus."

 

"That is what, exactly?" Mina asked with a shrug.

 

"Arctic foxes."

 

"Ooh! Yeah, let's go there!"

 

"The penguins are actually on the east side of the park with the birds. The polar bears and seals are housed elsewhere, which seems like extra work temperature-wise, but it usually bothers me when I see the Arctic and the South Pole lumped in together as one ecosystem," Ami explained as they walked.

 

When they came upon the penguin enclosure, Mina exclaimed, "It's so hard to tell which one is the real Mamoru without the top hat. No, wait, I found him." She burst out laughing. "He can't fly either." 

 

Sure enough, there was a penguin on top of the snowy hill, the highest point in its habitat squawking away to itself, sounding self-important. 

 

"C'mon, give the man some credit. He's a little taller than that," Makoto defended.

 

"Actually," Ami added, "There have been fossils found suggesting that penguins could have once been considered mega-fauna, standing well over six feet tall."

 

They moved on to the arctic foxes.

 

"Aw! She's so fluffy!" Mina gushed.

 

"Of course, she needs thick fur for her climate." 

 

"I want to pet it."

 

From there, they tried to decide where to go next. Ami's vote was to stay in the arctic exhibit.

 

"We should go see the rest of the birds. That's what you're into, right Rei?" Mina suggested.

 

"I must admit, I have always found raptors fascinating," Ami mused.

 

"Ami, we said birds, not reptiles, and definitely not dinosaurs." It was hard to tell if Mina was kidding.

 

"They're birds of prey. And I, for one, think that we'll learn that birds have a lot more in common with dinosaurs than we're lead to believe." 

 

Rei shook her head. "I just want to, uh, see the what-did-you-call-them? Corvids?"

 

She beamed. "You do pay attention! But I think I want to stay here. Makoto, would you stay with me, while Rei and Minako can go enjoy the Corvidae?" 

 

\--

 

Rei and Mina visited the birds, then moved on to the Australian exhibits. After Rei had seen a koala up close and decided they smelled like bad cough medicine, she was ready to see something else. Minako took off on a mission, Rei trailing closely behind, not sure where they were headed. 

 

Minako let out a wistful sigh. "You know, I'd like to work at the zoo." 

 

Rei huffed. If something was even remotely difficult, then the blondes would find a way to make it seem impossible. "Mm, so what's stopping you?" 

 

"Well," Mina lit up. "I just don't think I'm KOALA-fied!" She almost couldn't believe that Rei had fallen into her trap. 

 

Rei made sure not let out so much as a groan and was doing her damnedest to look annoyed for the rest of their walk. 

 

They stopped at what looked like a big fish tank. It was dark and took Rei a minute to figure out why Mina had brought her here.

 

"Oh my god, lookit! They're playing!" Mina exclaimed with enthusiasm, watching the gambolling otters. 

 

Rei's eyes lit up with delight. "He's chasing the other guy!" 

 

"Dontcha mean, otter guy?" Mina teased. Once she finished laughing, she took a breath. "Do you remember what I told you about otters?" She slowly reached for Rei's hand and Rei nearly teetered backwards.

 

"Oh!" She blushed, surprised. She had to think of something fast. "That reminds me, you, in that dress tonight, looked otter this world." 

 

Mina laughed. "Are you still a little drunk, Reiko?"

 

"I'm a little something?" She hadn't felt quite right since they fought that hedgehog or whatever the hell it was but wasn't sure if that was just down to Ami and Mako crashing their date. 

 

It felt like a lot had happened today. They'd started at the crown, then the mall, shared some dark secrets at the shrine, went to that cafe, fought a youma and now were at the zoo. She could hardly believe it had only been about sixteen hours since all this started.

 

Venus awkwardly fussed with the royal blue bow on the front of her uniform and straightened out the skirt trying to make herself more presentable before saying, "Look, Mars... You don't need to-- I don't need you to say anything back or do anything, I just have to say this." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, Rei swallowed, not sure of what was coming next. "Rei, I know you're gonna think it's some joke or just another line or something, but have I ever really told you that I think you're beautiful?" Mina hiccuped, with them both still a little tipsy it was so much easier for her to spill her guts about this. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Let alone ever been on a date with, okay?"

 

"Mina." Rei's voice cracked.

 

"I said you don't have to say anything." She just needed to get this off her chest. 

 

"I-" Not sure what to say -- if she even could speak, Rei pulled her into a tight hug against the tank. As she tried to find the words, two otters with their paws interlaced floated by.

 

\---

 

Deep in the winter wonderland exhibit, Mercury let out a long sigh. She had the same expression on her face as when she was trying to weigh pros and cons while deciding on the best option. It was obvious she had yet to come to the desired conclusion.

 

"What's wrong?" Makoto asked.

 

"Nothing."

 

"Hey, I know you better than that. You want to do something but think you shouldn't."

 

"It's probably a stupid idea, but I can't do it by myself."

 

"What is it? Maybe I can help?"

 

"Can, um... Can I sit on your shoulders?" She had never made such a strange request, but she was almost certain Makoto would indulge her.

 

"Uh, yeah, sure." Mako was used to carrying Usagi around whenever she was feeling particularly lazy. She bent way down while Ami steadied herself. "You on?"

 

"Mhm." Ami took a breath, and prepared to lay the groundwork for the rest of her plan, "In a moment, will you help me stand on your shoulders?"

 

"I, uh, I guess so?" 

 

"Good."

 

"Now where do you want to go?"

 

"To see the polar bears."

 

"Their thing is all glass, we can see them from here." There was a twelve-foot-high wall surrounding the enclosure with additional razor wire fencing across the top.

 

"No, I want to REALLY see the polar bears."

 

Mako's heart nearly stopped. "Y-You can't go in there. They'd kill you! I-I'm not taking another step until you either get off me or promise you're not going in there." She crossed her arms and stood perfectly still, waiting. "Well?"

 

"I don't want to GO in there, I want to just almost REACH into there."

 

"What if you piss one off and it tries to come after you? Or you fall in?" She hoped her voice didn't sound as frantic as she felt.

 

"I suppose that you'll just have to keep me steady." It startled them both how much she sounded like someone they knew.

 

"Y'know, I could've sworn you were Michiru just now. You'd better know what you're doing. I'd never forgive myself if something happened. You know Usagi would never talk to me again. Do you honestly think whatever you're doing is a good idea?" Mako prattled on anxiously. 

 

"No, but--"

 

There was no way that she could answer her that could possibly hush that persistent screaming doubt in her head, but she knew that Ami would be in more trouble without her help. She swallowed and asked her anyway, "But what?" 

 

"I trust us as a team. Don't you?"

 

"Look," she grumbled, already too roped into this to back out now. "I really, really need you to not get killed by a bear, okay? Not after all we've been through, not a fucking bear!"

 

Ami didn't appreciate being bossed around but couldn't help but be warmed by Mako's concern as they approached the tank. 

 

"So, what now?" Makoto asked.

 

"I'm going to try to use the wall to support myself a little, but you'll have to do the rest. I'm not as strong as the rest of you."

 

Makoto held Ami's hands. "You can push yourself up though, right?" 

 

Mercury nodded, though Jupiter couldn't see. She wobbled a little at first, pressing hard against the cool, smooth glass to regain her balance. The weave of her space-age gloves provided her extra traction as she gripped the slippery surface. 

 

Suddenly she was being gripped just above her ankles. 

 

"I've got your calves. Alright?" 

 

"Yes." She swallowed. 

 

She was both nervous and excited. She had promised herself that she was going to start letting herself take more risks, but maybe she should have started smaller. She was more than ten feet off the ground, willfully teetering over the world's largest land carnivore, with Makoto's strong hands slowly moving up her legs-- 

 

Reaching up, the brunette chuckled awkwardly. "Now I just gotta grab your thighs." 

 

Ami had never thought that she'd hear any combination of those words. Still, she let out a small affirming noise, words having failed her. This was not where she expected to be after having a total meltdown barely three hours earlier. She couldn't have imagined any of it. Not even the bit with Mako's hands. After all, she had felt her start to pull away during their talk. 

 

Ami let out a small sigh and bit her lip. "Careful," she breathed, as much a warning to herself as it was to Makoto. She promised herself if she could get through what she had set out to do here, then she could better process all of these feelings later. Her mind had already begun automatically cataloguing away each sensation, but now was not the time to analyze them.

 

"We good?" Mako asked, noticing her hesitation.

 

"F-Fine." She whimpered. Jupiter's fingertips felt warm even through the gloves. She hated herself for wondering how Mako's bare skin would feel. "How are you holding up?"

 

"You weigh practically nothing, if that's what you mean. You, uh, stable up there yet?" Makoto averted her eyes, afraid to accidentally look up Ami's skirt.

 

"Yes." She had managed to straighten herself.

 

"Going back to just holding your calves then." 

 

"A-Alright." Ami tried her best to not to sound disappointed.

 

"Mak--" Leaning against the fencing, she corrected herself, "Jupiter, I'm going to use my communicator to let Venus know where we are and that if they startle us, we'll probably, well, we'll probably die."

 

"I guess that's a good idea. I mean, can't you see them from here, though?" 

 

According to the placard at the gates, the zoo was about thirty-five acres or half a square mile across. She had trusted Rei and Mina to be where they said they would be, though if trips to the mall were any indication, they probably wouldn't. Although, even while drunk, Rei wouldn't want any extra trouble tonight.

 

She pulled out her communicator. "Venus, it's Mercury. Are you and Mars alright?"

 

"Yeah. We're, uh, actually not that far." Mars had her forehead pressed into Venus's shoulder. Mina was enjoying the warmth of Rei's embrace. She knew that no matter what happened, she needed to let Rei set the pace. 

 

"Promise you won't fuck with the kangaroos," Makoto urged. "They'll kick you to death, right Ames? You said they gotta move both legs at once or something and use their tail as a tripod?"

 

"Well, more of a counterbalance really." She spoke into the communicator more clearly, "Anyway, Jupiter and I are in the Winter Wonderland exhibit, and I'm warning you not to startle us, since--"

 

"SINCE SHE'S GOT ME DANGLING HER OVER THE POLAR BEAR TANK AND IT'S PRETTY FUCKING IMPORTANT I DON'T DROP HER!" Mako yelled up at the device.

 

"Oh shit!" Mina squeaked.

 

"Yes, 'Oh shit.' So, please be courteous to us. No pranks tonight."

 

"Aye Aye." 

 

"Do you have an ETA on when you'll meet us back here?"

 

"Just, uh, when we're done, I guess. Over and out." Click.

 

Mercury relayed the information. "It would seem that they've left the Australia Zone and are on the East side of the park like us." 

 

"Mmkay."

 

"Don't panic, but I'm going to use Mercury Aqua Blizzard."

 

"God... You're not going to attack it for science, are you?" 

 

"No, just watch."

 

She called out "Mercury Aqua Blizzard" and fresh snow began to fill the exhibit. Next, she formed a large abstract chunk of ice and dropped it in the pool area with a splash, and just like that, she instructed, "Okay, let me down now."

 

She slid into Makoto's arms as the taller girl blushed before putting her feet back on the ground. "Thank you." Ami's hand lingered. "I just-- I thought they might like some more ice."

 

"You could've just said that without scaring me half to dea-- whoa look, he's playing with it!" A polar bear had jumped into the water and started knocking the ice back and forth between its huge paws.

 

When Mars and Venus showed up soon after, Jupiter explained, "I let Mercury stand on my shoulders so she could reach the fence. See that snow? That's all from her." Her heart was still racing, and she thought that must be how Ami felt when constantly surrounded by bad decision-makers. "I think I'm ready to call it a night, though."

 

"Me, too."

 

The others nodded.

 

"Look at him, he seems so much happier." 

 

Actually, they all did.

 

\---

 

As they backtracked through the zoo, Minako took a moment to wave at a cage and say, "Hyenas!" Then once she had walked a few steps away, she called over her shoulder, "Bye-enas!" to what may have actually turned out to be jackals. It was hard to tell in the dark. 

 

The senshi decided to delete the night's security recording. Mercury took a moment to re-watch Makoto in her element amongst the gentle giants. She found it strange how animals seemed to understand her better than most people. 

 

The primates were all sleeping soundly, even the noisy birds were getting their last hour of rest before they started screaming again.

 

They snuck out of the zoo and slipped behind some bushes to de-transform as a woman rushed past. Even the momentary radiance against the darkened sky wasn't enough to make her slow down. She seemed terrified.

 

Moments later, they spotted the man she was running from, hard on her heels.

 

"What's your hurry?" Mina asked, stepping out in front of him. When he didn't slow down, Makoto leaned against the nearest lamp post and tapped it with her hand, making the huge bulb of the street lamp flicker overhead, demanding his attention.

 

He skidded to a stop, while the woman made her escape. With her arms crossed, Makoto made an imposing figure, and slowly the others stepped up to join her. "Uh, you got a light?" he asked nonchalantly, trying to act as if he had not been menacing a woman only seconds before.

 

"Well, I don't..." She pretended to pat at the pockets of her skirt in search of a lighter she knew she did not possess. "But you do, don't you?" Makoto turned to Rei. She hoped she was right about just what Mars was capable of.

 

"Of course." Rei raised her middle finger at him. He was about to call her something undoubtedly sexist, when he saw the fire burning in her eyes and the flame shoot out from her fingertip.

 

"It seems that you have stumbled into the wrong neighbourhood," Ami spoke eloquently. Her voice dripped sincerity. "Your move, creep. But if I were you, I'd run." 

 

It was too late, he slipped and fell hard. Now the man looked down, trying to figure out why, even in the dark, he could just make out the sheen of his own reflection beneath him. It just didn't make sense, especially not this time of year. Moments later he was still tripping over himself trying to get away from the icy patch of ground that Ami had created behind him.

 

Once he had scrambled away, the fear of god put in him, Ami checked the benches where the civilians had been left unconscious. They must have been fine, because they were gone. The Mercury computer sensed nothing out of place. Their heat signatures had long grown cold.

 

When they left the park, it was just after four a.m. They'd have to bide their time. The subways would be running again by five. They could always get some cans of coffee from the twenty-four-hour convenience store. Ami prefered hers hot, but often worried it wasn't fresh. She'd complain to anyone listening, 'Who even knows how long the creamer has been left out?' Instead, the concoction of over processed, nearly unpronounceable chemicals sealed in air-tight aluminum eliminated that worry entirely, since she already knew that there was nothing fresh or healthy about it.

 

After, there was some debate about who would sleep where. Ami had been willing to let Rei and Mina stay together, but Makoto grimaced. "Uh, normally their private business would be their business, but Rei's still kinda out of it, don't you think?"

 

Ami hadn't noticed before, but Rei tripped forward and laughed just as Makoto said that. "Oh."

 

"Well, just," Makoto struggled to explain her reasoning. "Don't you think that, if they really wanted to, they'd still want to later, when they're sober? Even if they're only over-tired, I just... Look, I know Rei really needs to sleep." 

 

Ami nodded, having been holding back a few yawns herself.  She could admit that Rei was acting unusual, whatever the case.

 

After a pause, Makoto managed to change the subject to ask, "You haven't, uh..." She tried to think of a tactful way to ask if Ami was seeing anyone recently. "You know..."

 

"What? No!" Not realizing the subject had been changed, Ami assumed Mako was asking if she had started having drunken sex. "Why would you even think that? Don't you think I would've mentioned it?" 

 

She had nearly said, 'What kind of girl do you take me for!' But Minako had sort of ruined that phrase whenever she'd add, 'Well, what kind of girl would you LIKE to take me for?' Ami could picture that big cheesy grin now, etched forever in her psyche. There were some drawbacks to having an eidetic memory.

 

Mako laughed, a bit relieved. "Well, you were away so much lately it had crossed my mind. I thought that you might've started dating somebody." 

 

Ami felt a little better knowing the question just been about dating and not sex. Maybe she needed to give people more credit. Besides, stranger things had happened. 

 

"I mean I get it people get caught up in new relationships all the time. Teaching though!" Mako rambled. "It just makes so much sense now."

 

"Anyway, I haven't." She wasn't sure but she thought that she had detected just a hint of jealousy in Makoto's voice. 

 

"Oh right, but, okay so-- If you were on a date, and uh, there was a chance you could, um... Don't you think you'd like to, I dunno, not be... what's the word... not be completely wasted?"

 

Ami shrugged. "I guess we could at least check in with her?" Walking ahead, through the aisle of colourful packages she turned to Rei. "Hey Rei, um, Makoto thinks you may not be, uh, good to go, as she puts it..."

 

She blinked slowly. "Huh? Go where?" 

 

"Go, um, into, uh, bed with M-Minako."

 

Rei's eyes grew wide. "Oh. I-I forgot about going home. Is Mina coming, too?" She suddenly looked worried that they knew something she didn't.

 

"Well, Mina thinks you're going with Mina. Mako thinks you're a little bit 'off' and should think about that."

 

"Oh, well, shit. D-Do I seem off?"

 

"To be honest, I've had my mind elsewhere." There were too many things left unsaid back at the condo, not to mention monsters, breaking and entering, trespassing and hands up her thighs. "Mako just doesn't want you to, um, act rashly, but ultimately, it's up to you."

 

Rei didn't know whether to lash out at them for not minding their business or be grateful to have a moment to think. After all, the psychic hated to be blindsided. She hoped in any case that the caffeine would help sober her up.

 

While the other girls finished choosing their snacks, Minako started telling another story, of a time she had once visited a different zoo in London. 

 

"Yeah, it was really disappointing, I dunno what was wrong with it, maybe a labour strike or something? Anyway, you wouldn't believe it, but it was so weird when we got there. We thought it had been abandoned or something. It was kind of a mess and completely empty. There wasn't really anyone else there, and there weren't any animals!"

 

"No animals?" Makoto took the bait.

 

"Well..." Mina leaned against the counter as she paid. Tonight's snacks were on her. After all, she knew that Rei had spent more than she had planned on to show her a good time. "I guess there was one..."

 

"Oh yeah?"  Poor naive Mako-chan hung on her every word. "What was it?"

 

"Uh, just some yappy little dog. Like I said, it wasn't very exciting. It was kind of a shih tzu."

 

The clerk standing behind the cash register, who had been trying his best to ignore their shenanigans, stifled a laugh as he handed her her change.

 

With wide eyes Makoto stared until the pieces clicked into place. She shouted with a gummi candy half in her mouth, "OH MY GOD! IT WAS A SHIT ZOO! MINA YOU DIDN'T GO TO A ZOO IN LONDON AT ALL! ALL THAT FOR A PUNCHLINE?" 

 

"Guess that's why they call it... A shaggy-dog story." She winked. 

 

The other two could only share pained expressions, not wanting to encourage any more of this behaviour, whether they secretly enjoyed her antics or not. 

 

They walked back to the trains and finished their snacks on one of the benches. Minako was full of nervous energy and paced around. She had bought a package of little chocolate cookies with bears on them. They were all sold out of Panda's March so she'd settled for Hello Koala. Whenever she bought this particular type of cookie she always turned it into a little game. She did her best to match the pictures on the cookies with her friends. 

 

There were actually two games -- she also wondered how many times she could say koala bear before Ami couldn't take anymore and just had to say something to correct her.

 

She ate a cookie with a bear wearing a party hat, she did like to party after all. She also usually ate all the naked ones. She used her best auctioneer voice, "I've got one in glasses, any takers? Holding a book. I'm lookin' at you Doc."

 

Ami politely took the small cookie, looked at it and smiled before biting its head clean off.

 

"Got a karate champ, could also be shrine robes, what do you think Ami?" 

 

As Ami inspected the cookie, she adjusted her glasses. "He's breaking a board with his fist."

 

"Good eye. Mako it is then."

 

Mako chomped the poor thing in half.

 

"We've got rollerblades, looks like more for Mako the skater."

 

She ate another.

 

"Got a golfer, anyone golf?"

 

"I, uh, I went down to the greens with Haruka once," Ami stammered as she took her prize.

 

Rei never seemed to catch on that whenever she'd see something that reminded her of the Martian she'd slip it back in the bag.

 

"We got a doctor, he's wearing the, uh, the little head mirror. What are those called?"

 

"Head mirrors." Ami nodded.

 

"Oh." That seemed too easy.

 

Ami went on to explain, "They're used to catch the light and have mostly been replaced by penlights and other pocket-sized flashlights."

 

"Ami..." She sighed, "Do you want a cookie or not? Next is a chef hat!"

 

"Me!" A long arm reached forward.

 

Mina laughed, as if there could even be any other choice in their otherwise sad little group.

 

"Ooh! Bow and arrows!" Mina teased. "I thiiink we know who gets this one."

 

Ami feigned deep interest. "Well, Makoto is a Sagittarius, which is often symbolized by the archer."

 

Rei scoffed. She hadn't taken kyudo the past four years for nothing. 

 

"Really? Looks like a little cupid, very Venusian don't you think?" Mina asked in a teasing tone.

 

Rei desperately wanted a cookie but would rather have died than to ask for one. "You're gonna make it a big melty mess," she grumbled as Mina inched it toward her own mouth, before changing her mind and feeding it to Rei. 

 

"But aren't your hands always warmer than ours are?" Makoto asked, feeling like maybe she had missed the point. She brushed the crumbs from her hands against her skirt. 

 

Mina rolled her eyes as she handed Rei what was left. A skier, another archer, a bear holding a keytar, and another one about to have a temper tantrum, complete with the little vein popping out of his forehead. 

 

\---

 

The trains would be arriving soon.

 

Mina didn't want to go home. She paused. It had been a long time since she had even called her parents' house that word. They had made it clear that this was their home, not hers. She hated having to go back to that big empty place. Worse, she hated going back and having to risk dealing with her cold, uncaring family when they were there. 

 

She fidgeted with the straps of her dress. After all, it did seem kind of strange to still be wearing it at this hour. To the undiscerning eye, it would look like all the telltale signs of someone beginning their walk of shame. She knew that she was definitely going to get some looks on the subway. She shrugged. 'At least this time I'm wearing both shoes.'

 

Makoto had assured her that, of all of them, she didn't look half bad for someone so exhausted. Although the other three looked like they had been through hell and back, they were also dressed much more casually and would blend in easier. No one ever really looked awake this time of day.

 

The girls bantered as they walked down the stairs and into the underground. They were still early.

 

"So, listen... I gotta talk to Ami for a few minutes, so, uh, we'll be over here for a few minutes..." Mako raised her eyebrow and tilted her head gesturing -- something -- to Rei. She hoped the clairvoyant girl would understand; she spoke loudly as she turned away and asked, "Ames, trains come what, like every three minutes?" 

 

"Well, you do have to take into account things like inclement weather and other delays further down the transit-lines, but yes, it is supposed to be every three, technically speaking." 

 

"So, if Rei and Mina came to get us after like, three trains, that'd give 'us' nine or ten minutes to talk... Privately?"

 

Ami was just about to ask if they really needed ten minutes, but nodded her head, "That makes as much sense as anything else. Meet us back in ten minutes." 

 

"Hear that? We're going to talk 'alone' for ten minutes."

 

\---

 

Mina shook her head puzzled. "God, I wonder what that was about? Guess Mako needs a nap or something, I think she's really losing it..." 

 

Rei had parsed that this was meant as some small favour. "Well, uh," she tried her best to take Mako's cue. "I guess this is it."

 

"Hm?"

 

"Our 'date' is officially over."

 

"Oh," Mina's eyes widened. "Right... I kinda thought that 'Sonic The Douchehog' sorta ended it for us."

 

As she stretched her arm above her head in a yawn, Rei seemed to remember rather abruptly all the quills that Ami had had to pull out, because she was suddenly brushing her fingers over the soft skin of Minako's wrist. "I never asked, is your arm okay now?" 

 

There wasn't so much as a mark now. Rei had known that it would probably be fine since they all healed so quickly, but the lighting at the zoo had been so faint it would have been hard to tell, and Mina was never one to complain.

 

"Ehh, it wasn't so bad." She had nearly forgotten with everything else that had gone on. Things were still a little fuzzy, but in a nice way for a change. So many of these surreal experiences they shared were absolute nightmares that left them traumatized with very unsettling thoughts, and the panic of trying to string together those missing details. She decided that making sense of some vague hazy ideas surrounding a few lost hours about coffee, bowties, moonlit picnics, fuzzy little animals, and like magic, more coffee wasn't nearly as troubling. 

 

"At least this time when a youma crashed my date, I didn't have to lie about it. Guys get so mad when you say you're gonna powder your nose and twenty minutes later you come back with a split lip and a story that you obviously made up there on the spot."

 

"I guess that would make things easier. So, um, h-how do you normally end a date, anyway?"

 

"Well, if it wasn't morning, I'd be waiting for a kiss goodnight." 

 

"And, uh, what if it was morning when your date ended?" Rei blushed when she caught that little implication. 

 

Mina laughed. "Then, I'd probably be thinking up an excuse for why I won't call you." 

 

Minako watched as Rei's face fell. Within mere seconds the Martian hid her hurt behind a scowl. "You gonna pull that no calling me for three days so you don't look attached bullshit like you normally do?" 

 

She shook her head. Rei really had no room to talk about acting distant. "With you? Nah. You lucked out though, you've got the loophole of being my bestest friend and having me on speed dial if there's a monster."

 

Rei hesitated. She had to think of something. Fast. "You're going back to Mako's, right? Think you'll go to bed or are you, like, up for the day now?"

 

"Ehh, she works a short afternoon shift three to eight or some stupid thing, but even if she starts stomping around making breakfast, she'd let me sleep in. Why?"

 

"Because, I dunno, if you're going to sleep before I get a chance to talk to you again, I uh..." She swallowed, hoping it would work. "Would maybe want to say goodnight now?"

 

"Oh?"

 

"Yeah."

 

As Rei closed her eyes and leaned in, a train passed behind her and she jumped. Defeated, she knew in an instant that there was no way to salvage this, but she hadn't expected to make it worse. She had kissed the side of Mina's mouth.

 

To Rei it was devastating, but Mina found it sweet and funny, and knew it was all that Rei could muster. Literally only half a kiss.

 

"We sh-should uh..."

 

"Mm?" Mina was stunned, she giggled behind her hand. "Oh yeah, we should probably go." 

 

\---

 

Rei stumbled towards Ami and Makoto while purposely avoiding eye contact with Minako. Though Rei had the look of someone wishing they could dig a hole and stay in it, the others ignored it. She always seemed to look a little embarrassed or guilty for some reason or another. 

 

Minako could be quite a distraction, they assumed that without Usagi there Mina was doing her best to suck up all the attention she could. Still in the spotlight, she leaned against the cool tiled wall. "Oh!" 

 

"Oh?" Ami asked, hoping nothing was amiss.

 

"I've got another one... How does a train eat?" Before anyone could even guess, she answered, "It CHEW CHEWS!" As she spoke she mimed pulling a chain as if she were a conductor with an old steam whistle. 

 

An odd expression crossed Rei's face, and she retorted, "I, uh... nevermind, it's stupid." She was still feeling awkward but gathered the courage to go on just the same. She sighed. "I thought you were going to say that food entered their digestive TRACKS?"

 

Ami who had only rolled her eyes at the first joke now grinned. "I actually found that a lot more humorous than Minako's version."

 

Makoto shrugged. "Sorry, Mina."

 

While they waited, Ami began, "If train A leaves the station going 50 miles per hour heading north on the Namboku line and has to travel 5 stops midtown... And train B leaves approximately two minutes later going at a rate of 80 kilometres per hour heading south on the Namboku line, and has to make 8 stops downtown, which train will reach their destination first? Hint: Since Rei and I are headed south, we're technically the train B in this equation..."

 

"Okay, what's the difference between the kilometres and the miles?" Makoto asked.

 

"They're actually about the same, I just wanted to make things sound more complicated." Ami shrugged. "To check who's actually paying attention."

 

"We'll get to our stop first." Rei boasted. "In fact, I'd bet one of you falls asleep and then you miss your stop."

 

"Oh, we'll be home before you. I'd bet we'll be asleep before you even get in the door."

 

"You bet, do you?" The Martian's competitive streak took over. "Ami as good as said that we'd be back sooner. We have more stops, but they're closer together, you have less stops, but they're further apart."

 

"Fewer." Ami corrected. "What are we betting?"

 

"Lunch at The Crown?" Mako suggested. 

 

"Nah, one lunch for the two winners, and then all of Usagi's meals at The Crown for a week," Rei announced arrogantly. 

 

"T-That's diabolical!" Ami shuddered.  

 

"What's diabolical is how much the winners will encourage her to eat at The Crown," Mina smirked. 

 

"I dunno if I even have that kinda money." Mako shrugged.

 

"Don't worry, we'll go halfsies," Mina assured her with a beatific smile. 

  
\---

They parted ways as the others got off the train to make their transfer and made faces at each other through the glass. Minako stuck her tongue out at Rei, who immediately flipped her off. This time there was no flame coming from that middle finger. 

 

She watched Makoto and Ami make longing glances at one another, which Makoto tried to hide behind an enthusiastic wave goodbye.   

 

As they settled back into their seats, Minako smirked, still thinking about how flustered Rei had been. She had obviously forgotten that they would have to sit together awkwardly after that attempted kiss. Clearly, she hadn't taken into account that they still had to go the same direction a few stops first, but it seemed fine, or fine enough that no one thought to ask why they were behaving strangely. Mina knew that she wasn't the only one who could be an actress when she had to be.

 

The kiss still counted. The effort was there. She was trying to make sense of all that had happened, when she was snapped from her thoughts. "Shit," Mako said with a frown. She'd made a realization the moment that Ami was out of sight. 

 

"What?" Mina asked, hoping it was nothing too important at this time of night, day, whatever it was. She really didn't have the energy to deal with any new problems right now. Right now, she needed sleep but knew she wouldn't be able to if she tried. 

 

"I just remembered I don't have my stuff. I left the hat you bought me at Ami's." 

 

"Oh, she'll probably throw it out. I know when my friends leave things at my place it's my instinct to just immediately throw it all in the trash without even asking. That sounds like her right, Mako-chan?"

 

Mako blushed, embarrassed. "I guess she wouldn't do that."

 

"You have your keys though, right?" Mina asked in a slightly more serious tone, trying to hide the worry in her voice.

 

Between her size, her budget and often needing something a bit more utilitarian, knowing how to sew was such an asset. She never regretted learning how to add pockets. Mako pulled the keys out and jingled them in front of Mina's face, "Right here." 

 

Mina sat next to Makoto, each with a big grin on their face. She seemed relieved that she no longer felt like she had to entertain her troops and could breathe again. Curious as to what had happened tonight, knowing they probably had a lot to talk about, Mako leaned into her seat, stretching her arms behind her. "Sooo..." 

 

"So?" Mina knew if she let slip how giddy she actually felt she would never be able to stop talking about it. 

 

"So?" Makoto tried her best to sound serious, to keep them both from laughing. It was just a matter of who would break first.

 

Someone had to say something. Waggling her eyebrows, Minako deflected the unasked, unanswered questions with one of her own. "Sooo... How was your talk with Ami?" 

 

"It was fine. We were having an -- I think -- important talk before you called for back-up. So, I just told her I'm proud of how hard she's working, that's all."

 

"Mm... Sorry 'bout that. Y'know, Rei and I having a big talk actually lead to us going out--" She paused, not sure what Rei had told her. "Uh, for food."

 

"And drinks?" Mako laughed. "I've never seen her like that before." After all, she had known Rei for months before Sailor Venus had shown up and made her presence known. 

 

"Me neither, it was... something else," she said as she tried to readjust her shoulder straps. 

 

Rei had gotten off lucky. All she had to do was undo one or two buttons and roll up her sleeves to look casual. Mina, however, was still stuck in that dress. 

 

Mako fussed with her skirt, still not sure if she had ever really figured out how to sit in one properly. Eventually, Mina calmed her down and convinced her that she was fine, no one was paying any attention to them, the other commuters were more focused on making sure they stayed awake enough to hear their stop. 

 

'Besides, they should be so lucky.' Minako scoffed before asking, "You gonna be up for a while?" 

 

Makoto had ridden the train all night before, sometimes just to stay warm. She nodded, "Yeah, why?"

 

She let out a big yawn, "You won't fall asleep?" 

 

Mako noticed that Mina could hardly keep her eyes open. "Oh. Yeah, you rest a bit."

 

"'Kay, then you're in charge, Sparky." She snuggled closely against her.

 

Makoto sat up straight hoping it would keep her a bit more alert. She was on guard dog mode now. She vowed that there would be no missed stops or wardrobe malfunctions on her watch. She worried that those narrow little straps were hanging on by faith alone.

 

A woman she would have considered rather butch happened to sit across them. She seemed to be neither hiding nor wanting to be seen. She had a stocky build and wide stance and had that quiet confidence of someone who believed in their own right to exist. She was reading a well-read paperback. Its title "The Well of Loneliness" was splayed across its worn cover. It looked old. Makoto watched as she tried to slick back some of her mid-length hair away from her eyes.

 

She wore either black or dark navy canvas pants. It was extremely hard to tell with the strange way that the fluorescent lighting overhead seemed to play tricks on the eyes. They looked like the same kind that Haruka wore in the garage. That thick material was supposed to be greaseproof, water resistant, and if they were the pants that Makoto was thinking of, even a bit flame retardant. 

 

She was clearly on her way to work. She had a sturdy metal lunchbox, with a stainless steel thermos. Granted, it had the odd little dents and dings, but was otherwise practically bulletproof. Calloused fingers unscrewed the lid with a hand that seemed nearly as strong as the aroma of the robust dark blend now filling the car. 

 

Everyone in the subway car seemed to perk up at the smell of coffee. This was definitely the good stuff. Even while half asleep, the corners of Minako's mouth curled up into a small smile. 

 

Mina shifted against Makoto, who had never really minded when the others used her as a pillow. Growing up she hadn't expected to ever have many friends. She'd seemed destined to stay on a path of loneliness since her parents died, not that she was very close with anyone at school before the accident. She reasoned with herself that these girls were her family too. Sometimes in her darker moments, she wondered if fate had needed to take one to give her the other, and knowing what she knew now if she would be able to trade any of them, but hoped that she would have been able to have both if life had allowed it. She always felt so greedy even thinking about that kind of thing, while knowing she could just as easily have nothing again.

 

However, right now wasn't one of those dark times and she only smiled down at the blonde adoringly and protectively rested a hand gently on her side, just in case the train hit a particularly old stretch of tracks with a lot of bumps or had to make a sudden stop. 

 

Makoto glanced up and saw the woman sitting across trying to subtly hide her raised eyebrow from behind her novel, but instead accidentally making eye contact with the sheepish brunette who was suddenly doing her best to convey a look that said, 'I'm not with her, it's not what it looks like, it would be okay if it was what it looked like, it's just not.' To a like-minded stranger they probably did look very cute together. 

 

Mina stretched a little, strained to open one eye and pathetically asked in a whine, "We almost there?"

 

Makoto answered her dotingly, "Bout 'nother seven or eight minutes, you can keep your eyes closed 'til then if ya want."

 

"Nuh-uh." She shook her head. "I'm up." 

 

Mako chuckled softly at the now determined-looking girl. Her bow was crooked and the ribbon had started to slip out of her hair. At this time of day she looked anything but awake. She jumped a little as Mina hoisted herself up by Mako's bicep and wrapped both arms around her arm and clung to her while she tried to get her bearings.

 

Mako worried that somehow Mina's little display hadn't quite convinced the woman sitting across from them that they were just friends. She got off a station stop ahead of them, as she walked away Makoto noticed the Tenoh Racing bumper sticker on the back of her lunch box. 

 

Once the doors closed, Mina unable to contain her excitement nudged Mako hard and hissed in what only she would consider a whisper, "GAAAAY!" 

 

"I have eyes."

 

"Well, I have eyes AND I have excellent gaydar. One of the benefits of being the reincarnated goddess of love, you know." It seemed that she required less than even a catnap to fully regain the more obnoxious parts of her Venusian nature. 

 

They had barely gotten off at the next stop and started walking when the orange communicator beeped. Rei had called to rub her victory in Mina's face personally. "Haha, suckers! We beat you! We got off the train so fast!"

 

"Nooo!" Mako whined. She couldn't part with much money this week, not when the rent was due. "How did you beat us home?"

 

"Huh? We got off the train first." 

 

Minako wore that devilish grin she seemed to only wear when she knew she had Rei right where she wanted her. "So you're not back at the shrine yet?" 

 

"No, we just passed that little pizza place, why?"

 

They walked down the narrow alleyways towards Makoto's apartment. "Because, the bet wasn't who got off the train first!"

 

"Yes, it was!" Rei argued. "Ami asked what would get there first, train A or Train B!" 

 

They could hear Ami interrupting, her near perfect memory suggesting that maybe they had misunderstood the actual terms. "Well, technically speaking, Minako DID say that she would be home before us. Home, in this case, being the destination of Makoto's apartment."

 

"You cheated!!! Mina cheats!"

 

"I do not, you just weren't paying attention."

 

"It doesn't matter, we're already practically to Cherry Hill. We'll be at the shrine in no time."

 

Mako laughed. "Oh really?"

 

"Yeah, really!" Rei was always fiercely competitive.

 

They could hear Rei groan as Ami quietly explained the finer points of good sportsmanship and fair play, but there was still a chance. 

 

"What if she just cheats again?" Rei huffed.

 

"I didn't cheat. Besides, it's the honour system. Makoto couldn't lie her way out of a paper bag," Mina spoke up. "Just like Ami would never lie because it would be interfering with the statistical findings of, uh, whatever she says after I stop listening."

 

Rei fumed. She was psychic, for fuck's sake! How the hell did she always manage to let that bimbo get the jump on her? "You're the worst! You know that you did this on purpose. I don't know how you always cheat but--"

 

"Save your breath, mmkay Reiko," Mina purred. "You're gonna need it for all those stairs."

 

There was a definitive beep. Rei had angrily hung up on her. It hadn't been the first time. Mina laughed. It would come off a lot more meaningful if seconds later she didn't call back to say, "And another thing!" Always needing to have the last word. 

 

Minako knew that she was in sort of a strange position. On the one hand, it broke her heart and cost her sleep if she thought for even a second that the Martian was angry with her, but on the other, she lived to annoy her and loved to gently test her boundaries and straddle those fine lines. Sometimes it felt like sparring, sometimes it was more of a dance. Either way, they were almost evenly matched and both knew it. The difference was how seriously Rei took these little games. Mina lived for the times she'd watch Rei let her guard down long enough to admit defeat and crack a smile. Of course, there were other times when she worried that one day Rei really would unleash all of that fire upon her. 

 

They weren't far from Makoto's now. "Don't you love seeing other gays just out, roaming free in the wild?" She asked quietly. "Especially older ones... I mean, they're not as hot, but it's still nice, you know?"

 

Makoto nodded. "Yeah, it's like, I dunno, like they made it or something? Think things must've been a lot harder when she was our age?"

 

"Yeah, but I mean, a lot can change in even like ten years, right?" 

 

Mako agreed. At least they both hoped she was right.


	11. Cot In The Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of hanging out with their crushes, fighting monsters and breaking into the zoo-- The girls take the train hoping to get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I didn't abandon you.

COT IN THE ACT

They were still making their way up the stairs, Ami trying not to let on that she was a little out of breath. She was trying to catch up to Rei who had hurried ahead of her. Rei stood frozen. Her communicator beeped. Minako had called to gloat. Ami watched Rei sniff indignantly after learning that they had lost the bet. They took their time the rest of the way up the ancient hill since the timing didn't matter anymore. Defeat had always been such a bitter pill for Martians.

 

They were past the point of exhaustion once they finally got settled in. Rei was still complaining, and Ami had to contend with hearing accusations that Minako had cheated. Rei blamed her for twisting the rules and Ami for falling back on petty semantics, and she vowed to get even.

 

Ami's head of short blue hair had begun to bob slightly, the weight of her weariness finally sinking in as she tried to stay sitting upright. She hardly noticed Rei disappear and had nearly forgotten where she was, until she heard a small grunt in the hallway. She forced herself up off the bed, as Rei battled with a small fold-out cot, still struggling to pull it out of storage.

 

"Do you need any help?" she asked, hoping to be of some service, though she had really only made the offer to be a polite guest in someone else's home. She knew that Rei would stubbornly handle it herself, one way or another. She would tear that thing out of the closet in pieces if she had to. 

 

"I'm fine." Rei's nostrils flared in frustration as she yanked at the third leg trapped between an old pair of skis and a broken boombox. Ami remembered her saying that the stereo HAD been top of the line six or seven years ago and did work some of the time, as long as you only wanted the radio to work and not a tape. 

 

Ami held her breath. Telling her that the most logical solution would be to temporarily remove either offending item would only set her off. The end of their night out had been oddly satisfying and she didn't want to be the one to ruin it.

 

Suddenly, with a crash of golf clubs falling against the wooden floor, the cot was free. With the massive stack of load-bearing magazines sliding diagonally out of their corner, all the glossy covers littering the floor, Rei grinned with smug satisfaction at her own success. She haphazardly shoved the clubs back into place and forced the door behind her.

 

"I didn't even know that you had a cot," Ami stated, matter-of-factly, trying not to think of what would happen if Grandpa went looking for something. The skis alone were liable to smack him in the face on their way down. She cringed as she remembered seeing what she had thought looked like a bowling ball balanced precariously in there, somewhere toward the back.

 

Rei shrugged and let out a yawn. "Why would you?" she dismissed the other girl. "I mean, you all sleep in the guest room when you stay over." 

 

As Rei yawned again, Ami knew she had the advantage. Even as tired as she was, her mind was on autopilot and always seeking answers. She arched her eyebrow as she spoke to her friend. "That's true. Or at least, it's true when it's a group here."

 

Rei had seen that look before, but she was well past the point of exhaustion and had no time for the genius's little experiments and mind games. 

 

"And when it's not a group here, then what?" She lugged the metal frame into her room. 

 

"Well," Ami scrunched up her nose, having already said too much, "Um, I... Minako says that, uh, the two of you, that you share the bed?" She swallowed, already feeling herself beginning to blush.

 

"So, what are you saying, Ami?" Rei deflected as Rei so often did. It was her turn to raise her eyebrow. "What? You want to sleep in my bed tonight?" 

 

Ami shook her head. "No, t-that's not it. " Her face was getting even warmer. She had miscalculated; this operation had severely backfired. "I-I-It's just... Mako says you made her sleep on the floor." 

 

"Oh." That's all she said, 'Oh.' Rei's expression had become impossible to place.

 

"A-And, well, I was just wondering." Ami fought to regain her composure. "Why?" 

 

Rei finished unfolding the cot, "Well, c'mon, just look at it?"

 

Ami squinted as she inspected the cot closely, she lifted the foam mattress which seemed to provide adequate padding and then tapped against the taut surface, the springs felt quite secure, she shook the base of the frame, it was perfectly sturdy. She had hardly taken two steps and she was already on the other side of it to look more thoroughly when realized how small it really was. "It's too short."

 

"Yeah." 

 

"And you didn't want to embarrass her by making her feel like she didn't belong here..."

 

"Well, what were my options? Let her sleep in a little ball and probably end up on the floor by the end of the night anyways? Either by falling off or falling through or deciding to move there herself. But you know if she broke it, she'd probably go running out in the middle of the blizzard with nothing but a pocket knife to chop down one of the trees behind the shrine to try to start building me a new replacement cot." 

 

That made a lot of sense. Ami sighed. "Yeah, she would. That, or she'd go out in the middle of the night and wait outside a store for hours until they opened, and she could buy you a new one. With money she doesn't have."

 

"And that kind of defeated the whole me letting her stay here when her apartment had no heat, right?" Rei sounded more than a little defensive, but then again, she was always ready for people to think the worst of her.

 

Ami could only nod. After all this time, she sometimes still had a hard time reading Rei, though she had long figured out that Mars wasn't nearly as callous as she sometimes acted.

 

"God, it's not like I made her sleep on the bare floor like an animal or something. I mean I folded up a bunch of blankets to lay on, even put down this really thick quilt my grandmother made so she'd really have some cushion. It's, uh, actually kind of special to me and I'd sleep with it myself, but I'm kind of an eternal flame, you know?" She tossed a pillow and blanket over to Ami. Remembering Ami's own temperature regulation issues, she asked, "You'll be warm enough with that, right?"

 

"Yes, it's very soft." Ami draped the comforter over herself and pulled it up onto her shoulders. "Thank you."

 

They had almost fallen asleep when Ami remembered something. "Rei?" she whispered. "Rei, are you awake?"

 

"Nnrghh. Well, I was ALMOST asleep... W-What's up? The uh, the other blankets are in the--" 

 

Ami interrupted. "I was supposed to tell you something earlier, but I forgot. Mina said when we got settled to make sure I tell you that 'Next time you won't miss.' Haha. Whatever that means." She wondered if it had to do with Rei's poor coordination during their battle, or if something really had happened at the subway station.

 

Whatever it had been, all she knew was that the bright red Martian was at a loss for words. Probably Minako's own unique Minako-y little way of making sure that she was the last thing Rei thought about before she fell asleep, even with that empty space in her bed.

 

\---

Once they got back to the apartment, Mina borrowed a shirt. She held it in her hands for a moment before putting it on. It was a black souvenir concert tee that read, "The Three Lights: 'Towards the Shooting Star' Tour '96." It was from their last real show and unofficial farewell tour. She couldn't remember the last time she saw Makoto wearing this, or anyone else wearing any of their merchandise for that matter. 

 

Mina had a split second of wondering how their devoted fanbase had never even asked what had happened. The record stores had cleared away their albums to make new space on the shelves, and it seemed that the papers had never looked for answers. No one cared anymore. The tabloids hadn't even bothered making anything up. They weren't a figment of everyone's collective imaginations either. This wasn't like the giant floating circus tents that people couldn't recall if they had actually seen or not. Those who remembered the news footage often agreed that it was a hoax or some clever marketing campaign for some kind of special effects company.

 

Whatever the reason, no one talked about the band, but if you asked any girl in their grade, most would still be able to sing you the chorus of 'Search For Your Love.' But it would never even occur to them to ask, 'Whatever happened to those guys?' 

 

Maybe being a celebrity was just like that? They'd got their fifteen minutes of fame and were never seen again. Minako had already sort of gone through that once as V. She knew the road to success would be hard. That didn't worry her. What actually scared her, despite all she had been through, was that pop stardom would chew her up and spit her out before she even got her moment in the spotlight. She wanted to be famous for being Minako, not Venus.

 

She forced a small smile. Up until a few moments ago, tonight had been exactly what she needed. She wasn't going to let that flood of memories and all that bleak speculation get in her way. She closed the bathroom door behind her and draped her dress over the back of one of the wooden kitchen chairs. 

 

She still wasn't sure what she was going to wear home, but it didn't matter; the two of them were now safe in Makoto's bed. She couldn't help but wonder if Rei had fallen asleep already. 

 

Even though the sun was up, the hall light had been intentionally left on, though by now she knew that that was just to be expected. She had never liked coming back home to a dark, empty house either.

 

Those thoughts aside, her mind raced, still reeling from all that had happened. Mina couldn't help but let out a giggle, "You guys are nuts for scaring that guy, but," she pretended to be choked up, "I'm -- I'm just so proud? Even my little Ami was fucking with civilians tonight." She wiped her tearless eye, still acting as though she was overcome with emotion.

 

Mako's mood fell further. She sighed. "Yeah. I guess."

 

Minako nudged her. "Did you hear her though? Ahem." She cleared her throat and did her best impression of their blue-haired friend. "Your move, creep. But if I were you, I'd run." Boom! Classic. "God, that girl loves Robocop." Ami had once shared with her that the Robocop prime directives were actually the lock screen on her Mercury super computer. She chuckled to herself. Normally, this felt like the kind of story that they would still be telling for a long time, but Mako hadn't even cracked a smile. 

 

Mina wondered if maybe Mako was just overtired, but something seemed wrong; the girl was clearly feeling inadequate about, well, something. She knew her enough to give her a second to compose her thoughts before really putting the screws to her. 

 

Heh. Screws. 

 

She shook her head. This was no time for jokes. She forced herself to focus on the girl in front of her, who seemed to be looking down at nothing in particular.

 

Finally, Mako spoke, "Sorry I'm not better." 

 

'That's all we need,' Mina sighed, 'an emotionally compromised electrical storm.' She didn't care for the way that their heavy hitter had become so instantly apologetic, but before she could even ask what she meant she was interrupted--

 

"L-Look," Mako stammered. "Um, sorry, I'm sorry... I know I didn't do enough. Tonight, I mean."

 

"Huh?" Mina thought Mako had been fine, better than fine. She had saved their drunk asses, for one thing, and given her ten minutes alone with Rei for another. "With the youma?" Mina had been so relaxed all night, maybe even too relaxed. She hadn't really been worried about any of it: monsters, dates, breaking and entering, but this was the kind of thing that made her question herself about the kind of leader she was. How long had whatever this was been going on, and why hadn't she noticed? She still blamed herself for everything that had happened with Dark Mercury.

 

She closed her eyes tightly for a few seconds. By now it was nearly six-thirty a.m. and really not the time of day that she wanted to have a heart to heart with her soldiers, but she offered her ear. After all she had always promised that they had her at their disposal twenty-four hours a day. So, maybe it was better she was here. 

 

She pictured Makoto staring back and forth between the clock in her kitchen and her shiny green communicator, wondering when a good time to call would be, not wanting to wake her comrades while getting no sleep herself. 

 

"Look, whatever it is, I promise it's fine," Mina gently prodded. She knew that there were times when Makoto would deflect or get angry and defensive. Waiting would only give her time to let it build up. She did have a tendency to catastrophize. Plus, one on one might be easier, Mina decided. If Mako was feeling inadequate and vulnerable, she'd hate it more with the whole group listening. At least right now no one could be a jerk about it. Not everyone would be weighing in with their unsolicited advice, so it should be easy.

 

Mina was relieved to remember that this wasn't Rei, or even Ami; this was Mako-chan, a girl who would talk and actually seemed ready to talk. She hadn't even been caught off guard or cornered. She wouldn't have brought it up otherwise. So why wasn't she talking?

 

Minako was used to helping to de-escalate problems. Spending so much time with Rei had her used to defusing explosives; Mars could be a walking fire bomb -- no, what did Katarina call them? Incendiary grenades. 

 

Mako shook her head. "No, with the guy."

 

Puzzled Mina could only ask with a laugh, "What are you even talking about, Mako? You made the lamp flicker and that started the whole thing! Ten out of ten! I would definitely pick you to be the girl to run the flickering lights in a haunted house." She grinned. "Ooh! Thaaat's when he knew he was in trou-ble." 

 

Makoto didn't stop sulking. 

 

Mina continued on enthusiastically, "I was just kinda like, hur hur hur, my girls gon' fuck you up!" She didn't know whether it would be helpful or not to bring up that she hadn't quite gotten the hang of her own powers. Stupid garbage sand.

 

Mako sighed. "I know you guys are sort of keeping things from me."

 

Mina cringed. "What things?" 

 

"All that next level senshi stuff. Look, I dunno why my awakened powers are so weak. I mean, I shoot the odd spark off my hand every now and then, but mostly I can only alter, I dunno, um, already existing sources of electricity, I guess. I can't, like, make my own. I dunno. I suck. I-I dunno. I'm not as strong as the others." Her voice and hands were shakey. She hung her head sadly. She still had a hard time talking about her short-comings. "I'm trying my hardest, Mina, but it's just not enough. It's never enough." 

 

Mina never questioned Mako's strength. If she had hit the lamp any harder, she could have had sparks shower down, but she knew that Makoto had been really trying to harness her powers since Ami had recently lectured them on being more careful with their destruction of public property. The girl had gone on a rant about tax-payers dollars being used to fix the damage that their carelessness caused when some of the more epic battles got out of hand. Just to pacify Ami's moaning about the most ethical ways to handle these hypothetical situations, Kaioh Industries had donated a very charitable sum to the city towards rebuilding any schools or hospitals that took collateral damage. When the others asked whether or not Ami had been in the right, Michiru had just handwaved the whole thing and mumbled something about an easy tax write-off, and that as the company's figurehead, it was good public relations.

 

A short while later, Haruka had announced out of the blue that it would probably be too suspicious for any businesses linked to the Kaiohs to start selling 'monster insurance' for the supernatural-superhero related battles that nearly levelled city blocks. Though, Michiru had applauded her partner's ingenuity. It wasn't just immoral, but diabolical, even if it certainly would have put more money in their bank. Still, she'd considered bringing it up at the next quarterly meeting.

 

Makoto kept on, "I dunno what I'm supposed to do? I mean, sometimes I am a little staticky, and sometimes I make lights flicker. One time I sneezed and I shot sparks across the room, which was kind of gross and kind of cool. My, uh, new fleece blanket pretty much crackles nonstop, just like Rice Krispies. One time I, uh, scared the crap outta Usagi at our lockers, just a bad day and the metal-- I--" She gestured with her fingers, her hands half-heartedly miming her own attack.

 

"Oh my god, you zapped her!" Mina's sudden burst of laughter startled them both, but Mina couldn't help herself. Usagi had probably jumped three feet, and it was likely the most exercise she'd got all week.

 

"I didn't mean to!" Makoto defended. "Ami said, it's because the air had been drier or something, but I dunno."

 

Mina had to play it cool while she internally pieced all of this together. 'Wait...' Her eyes grew wide. Suddenly it hit her, and she began to understand. 'MAKO'S POWERS AREN'T AWAKENED AT ALL???' She clapped a hand over her mouth, hoping to hide the slack-jawed expression she knew she was wearing. 'She just thinks her powers are awakened and that they suck? And meanwhile, she is just doing this shit day in and day out because this is what being a living electrical current would be like?'

 

Nervously, Mako asked, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed, "Do you think my powers will get any stronger?"

 

"Of course." Minako grinned. "I'd say you'll definitely get the hang of things." 

 

"Promise?" Mako asked with a pout, her big green eyes desperately seeking validation. 

 

"I promise. I mean, I dunno when exactly, but I know you're gonna blow us all away. Uh, hopefully not literally."

 

"Yeah?" She stifled back a small laugh.

 

'Honey, you have no idea.' She nodded. "Yeah. "

 

"So, uh." She shrugged awkwardly. "This is where you tell me I'm tough as nails or something, right?"

 

"No." Mina had nearly misspoken and could hardly stand to see Makoto right then, like the rug had been pulled out from under her. "Tougher than nails. Tougher than hammers. Tougher than, uh, I dunno, an electric drill or a jackhammer or something. I think nails would just pass out if they saw you coming." She nudged her in the ribs.

 

She watched Makoto for a moment. Clearly, the chef was cooking something up in that head of hers.

 

"So, they'd be dead as doornails?" 

 

"Ohh, you've been hanging around me too long."

 

"Guess all this is pretty stupid, huh?" 

 

"Nah, it was uh," she paused, "kinda my bad, I wasn't sure how you had picked up on-- but if you already knew, then I can tell you, right?"

 

"Yeah, tell me." She braced.

 

"Well, the cats kinda decided it would be best if we let things happen naturally? I didn't tell anyone else anything about anyone else. Besides, awakened or not, you know we couldn't do this without you, right?"

 

Mina was torn between letting Makoto think she was weak, or at least mediocre, and having her stress out, or telling her it hadn't actually happened yet and letting that stress her out. 

 

She didn't want extra stress on her or the team, so she said what a good leader would say, "Yeah, you don't worry about this anymore, okay? I'm the leader; I'm the only one supposed to worry around here, and I'm not worried. It'll be fine, better than fine. You're great." 

 

"You sure?"

 

She smiled her most convincing smile. "Yep. Don't you worry your pretty head about it and I'll make a deal with you. How about we talk about this again in like six months just to see where you're at, okay?" 

 

She nodded.

 

"It's fine, I promise. Don't worry about it. As your leader, I say it's cool. And, well, if Luna gets in your face about it then I'll get her with a water balloon." She and Mako both smiled.

 

Of course, Minako had no real intention of doing that, because things were so not wrong that there was a need for a Plan C, D or E. Plan A was things happening. Plan B was waiting for things to happen, but not a problem.

 

She could tell that Makoto instantly felt better. Meanwhile, Mina mused, 'This is going to go one of two ways: it'll either be fucking amazing when they actually awaken, or be a hilarious disaster when it hits. God help us all.'

 

As they were drifting off to sleep, Mako began tossing and turning. Mina braced hoping it wasn't the night terrors again, but instead of those pained yelps, she heard her voice, strong and even. "So, I think I might know how to fix everything."

 

Mina was still half asleep, even if she was relieved that she wasn't going to be sharing a bed with a sobbing, kicking mess tonight. She went through all of her best leadership speeches. She could make something up while she was awake, but she wasn't really. "Mm, thas great 'koto," she slurred, half asleep. "Jus tell me what I can do to help, and I'll do my best 'kay?" 

 

"Okay." 

 

"BUT let's talk about this tomorrow, hm?"

 

Makoto nodded. 

 

"Love you, you know."

 

"I, uh, you too."

 

Through closed eyes, she went on, "Of course you do, I'm spectacular. What's not to love?"


End file.
